The Present Is Like the Past…

Fat Charlie the Archangel files for divorce
He says, “Well, this will eat up a year of my life
And then there’s all that weight to be lost”
– Paul Simon (Crazy Love, Vol. II)

I decided this morning to change the template of this blog, and an old piece that I wrote eight years ago came up, starting with this quote from a Paul Simon song. It is ironic to think back on my weight loss journey that started in 2014, shortly after my ex-wife and I separated. Yes, at the time I thought that in order to attract women, to not be lonely, I would have to lose weight.

Over the last eight years, I have lost a lot of weight a few times. Never was it because of a woman. I have come to a lot of realizations over these years, and one of those is that my being happy should not be tied to how attractive I am to women. That I feel better about myself when I am slimmer… that’s another kettle of fish altogether.

If you review the massive successes I have had with weight loss (which I have now done three times, although never to completion), it has never been because of anyone other than myself. It was never because a doctor told me that I need to (although that has been an ongoing theme in my life). It was never because a woman broke up with me. Each time was because I made the decision that I wanted to be happier and more comfortable in my own body.

If you review the massive regressions and failures that I have had with my weight loss – twice over the past five years have I lost nearly or over one hundred pounds, and both times I slipped and failed and found myself back at my heaviest – there are clear psychological reasons for my failures. Please note that I claim them as my failures, and not anyone else’s.

I am now on my third massive weight loss journey. I am 230 days into that journey, about 8.5 months. I have lost nearly eighty pounds. I did not start because of a woman (although there was encouragement from one, she and I were not dating the day I began losing the weight).

One difference in this weight loss journey from my previous ones is that I have the love and support of a wonderful woman. Leslie is now my wife, and she supports me and encourages me, and is my rock when I feel weak. If she were not in my life, I do not know if I would have been so successful. I do not know if without her ongoing support I would be able to maintain my weight loss.

I have a long way to go. I am still fifty pounds heavier than I was two years ago, and a hundred pounds heavier than I was when I was in the Army. It has been a very long time since I have been slim, so I do not know what my ultimate goal will be. I do know that I am going to keep losing the weight, and I am going to fight like Hell to keep it off permanently.

I truly hope that the present is not like the past, because my past attempts have been failures. I hope that I can break that cycle, get slim, and stay healthy for the rest of my natural life.

3 responses to “The Present Is Like the Past…”

  1. It is so hard, because it’s not just one decision “I’m going to lose weight!” it’s every single day, every single meal having to make that choice again, and again. I get it, and I’m living it too. I’m routing for you.


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