Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 292

    I am back from the doctor’s office, where I was pleased to be down 1kg. Oddly, the same scale that converts from kilos to pounds had me down much more in the imperial system… oh well.

    My doctor is extremely pleased with my weight loss progress over the last 10 months and told me as much. He is also impressed by my blood pressure (97/67). I am at no risk of hypertension. He said that the last time we did a blood screen I was okay, so there is no need to do that again ahead of schedule… sometime early next year I would think.

    Something else the doctor discussed with me is a new medication that is a once per week injection that suppresses the appetite and helps with weight loss. He asked if I have medical benefits and I told him I do not. Aside from it being quite pricey, he agrees that I do not currently need it, and that when my progress abated then we can discuss it again. Maybe when I move to the US I could get it… but I am hoping that by then, I will no longer be obese.

    I cheated yesterday. I am embarrassed to say that I gorged on crackers, but I did. I have to do better today!

    Eduardo is feeling better, and will come over later in the afternoon for a cigar and a chat. I was worried about him, and am glad that he is better.

    I really miss my wife. I am counting the days until she comes to see me, which is now eleven days away. Will I meet my goal of weighing under 300 lbs. by then? The potential is there… as long as I do not continue to cheat on a regular basis! I want to put on a suit and take her out on the town all dolled up. That is my current goal!

    After the doctor, I had my winter tyres put onto my car, as well as an oil change. While oil changes will never go away, this should be my last season of winter tyres… unless the US State Department drags their feet. I am crossing my fingers that does not happen, and that a year from now I am living with Leslie. I miss her too much for this to drag on!

    The weather has not quite turned, but under the sunny skies, it is a much cooler day today than it was Saturday. Even yesterday was warmer, but the wind negated that. I can definitely feel the winter coming. In Canada, that means warm weather clothes, turning the heat on (at home and in the car), and switching out trainers for winter boots. Ahh, the joys of Canadian winters are plentiful…

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 291

    While I did take small bits of snacks at Ryan’s place yesterday, it was not nearly on the same level as last weekend. I did, however, forget my meal replacement bars – or at least, I thought I did – which meant that I accepted the proffered dinner of a steak sandwich, which I shared with Princess Sophie. It turns out that the meal replacements were in the car, and I could have avoided all of it had I realized that. Sigh.

    My weight this morning is .2lbs up from yesterday, which is really within the margin of error. I am going to the doctor’s office tomorrow and am praying that I am at least 1kg down from two weeks ago, but if I cheat today, that is unlikely. We all know what that means of course… I cannot cheat today! I forgot that I finished the last of my chicken yesterday, which means that I have to go to the supermarket to pick some up today. While I am there, I also need onions and tomatoes. Lord knows, I have enough carrots and celery to sink a ship… owing to my miscalculation regarding the requirements for my chicken soup.

    Speaking of which, I did what I could to remove the schmaltz from the chicken soup, which is now in a jar in my fridge. All seven containers of chicken soup are now in the freezer, and I am somewhat reminded of my mother’s kitchen. Miriam z”l did not have a lot of fine qualities, but she did make fabulous chicken soup. Seldom could you open one of our freezers without finding frozen containers of chicken soup. I can assure you that her soup was much better than mine… and likely any other that I have ever tasted. Of course, those freezers (yes, there was always a second freezer in the house) were replete with everything you can imagine; the Tetris game that I play with my cigars in the humidors is amateur hour compared to how she would pack a freezer. Of course, anyone who disturbed her methods would feel her wrath, but then I did not ever have to work hard to feel that.

    I was speaking with Leslie about how much we miss one another last night. It really is hard to live separately. We are really looking forward to seeing each other in twelve days time, but we both truly long for the day when we can live together forever. Our generation was instilled with the mantra of ‘Good things come to those who wait.’ This is a concept chiefly foreign to the younger generation, who have been raised with the concept of immediate rewards. I know we both have to wait, and eventually the State Department will issue my visa… but the time predicted for that to happen seems so long to us both. At least we have the means and the ability to visit so that we can spend time together every month… but we both feel that each time we part it is harder and harder on us. I pray for a quick response and a positive outcome!

    My plan for the day: I have to go to the supermarket to pick up some chicken and veggies for lunch (for today and the next few days). After that, I am going to Georgetown to a herf with some of the boys up there. I have to be prepared to hear a lot of racist jokes and far-right opinions. I have not yet decided if I am going to keep my opinions to myself or not; this might be a good opportunity for me to practice my reasonable voice. We’ll see… sometimes it is just less stressful to hold my tongue. If there is food at the herf, I will abstain. That is one of the reasons my lunch is so important! I thought about defrosting a steak, but after having the steak sandwich yesterday, I think that would be ill-advised. My gout has not been bothering me since I started taking the preventative meds daily, but why tempt fate, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • La Plus Ça Change…

    I do not remember what diet I was on six years ago, but according to my Facebook Memories, I must have been doing pretty well. This was, of course, six months before I started on my first medically supervised meal-replacement program at the bariatric clinic in Hamilton. I do know that I posted the following on Facebook six years ago today (November 5, 2016):

    To my friends and acquaintances who have commented on my weight loss:

    1. Thank you for noticing. I am not talking about it, but I am working very hard to lose weight.
    2. How much I have lost is none of your business. If I do not offer it, please don’t ask.
    3. How much I weigh is none of your business. If I do not offer it, please don’t ask.
    4. How much I weighed when I started is REALLY none of your business. I will not offer it, please don’t ask.
    5. If you have noticed that I am losing weight, please do not suggest ways for me to lose weight. What I am doing is apparently working for me, and I am going to continue to do it my way until such time as it stops working for me… at which point I will consult with the people (professionals) who have guided me thus far and will work out other stratagem. If I have not asked your advice, please accept that I do not want it… regardless of how pure and noble your intentions are.

    That is all.

    I see that several things have not changed since then… and a few things have. For one thing, I am talking about it… or at least, I am writing about it. To date, I have written some 240,000 words about it in this journal, which is transferred daily to my blog. I do not know whether that is to inspire others, or just as a cathartic exercise to put my thoughts into some sort of order, or just to keep me on track and accountable. I do know that my blog currently has about 125 subscribers, and it gets between three and thirty hits per day. I am glad that someone is reading it… but I also suspect that I would write it even if nobody ever did.

    My attitudes about other aspects of my progress have not changed much. I do not want anyone’s unsolicited advice. While I have started writing it recently, for the first seven or eight months I did not mention (on the blog) what I weigh. These numbers were, of course, kept in the journal to track progress. Until very recently they were never shared.

    It is amazing that so many people have so much advice to offer about how to lose weight. I wonder how many of those can say that they have lost ninety pounds. Thanks for your advice… I’ll file it with the rest of the unsolicited crap I get in the post.

    For a couple of years before I moved to Israel, I coached high school basketball. I had a lot of fun with that, even though in hindsight I was not very good at it. In my last year of coaching girls, I remember a game which we were winning. We were doing really well. I had the girls playing a zone defense, and we were shutting down the opposition. At halftime, someone told me that we were not supposed to be playing zone but had to switch to man-on-man. I do not remember the details, but I remember in the locker room telling the girls to shift from one to the other. We came out for the second half, and we lost the game by ten points. It was not because man-on-man is better or worse than zone, it was because we changed our strategy mid-game… and we blew it.

    Every winning coach has a different strategy to win, and while some of them are similar, some are quite different. I remember hearing somewhere that the hardest thing to do in sports is to go into the locker room at halftime of the Super Bowl and change the strategy that worked for you all year but is not working anymore. There will come a time I am sure when I am forced to re-evaluate my plan because it stopped working. In fact, that has already happened twice. I had been having two meals per day, and I switched to one meal per day. I was having my meal in the evening, but then shifted to eating it at lunchtime (when my schedule allowed for it).

    My point is this: while I am losing weight, why would I try to change what is working for me? It is not like the people who are spewing advice at me are saying ‘Oh, I am sorry to hear that your weight loss has stalled or plateaued… maybe this will help?’ They are usually saying ‘Hey, you are losing weight? Great… this is a better way to lose weight.’ Really? You don’t say? Thanks for your garbage advice. Have a nice day.

    While my program is working, I am going to keep on it. If you are offended that I am not telling you about it, that is just something you are going to have to learn to live with. I am sure your way of doing things might work… but my way of doing things works too. In fact, it is working, and I will keep at it until I decide to change. I am not going to change my strategy that is obviously working because you feel that your way is better. I am sure your way is better for you. My way is what is best for me for now.

    Just to be clear, the answer is NO. When the time comes when I decide to change my strategy, I will not go looking for the advice of everyone who thinks they know best. You may be surprised by this, but I did not come up with the current strategy off the top of my head. It was not delivered on tablets from Mount Sinai. I came up with it by taking the advice of many medical professionals, at least some of whom know more about weight loss than do my friends the accountants, marketing professionals, bankers, and brokers. Thank you, I will continue to let you all handle my finances, marketing, and banking. I will continue to seek their advice about my health.

    I know that the above paragraph is going to incense somebody who thinks the entire medical field is a giant scam to push pharmaceuticals on their patients. I can assure you that over the past 290 days that I have been on my weight loss journey, no drugs have been involved. Also, I trust my doctor. Also, I think most conspiracy theories are stupid.

    To those of you who might ask what I am doing to lose weight safely? I encourage you to read my blog from the beginning. For those of you who want to give me advice about how to lose weight? I encourage you to pick up a book, turn on the television, or go for a walk. Do anything but give me weight loss advice. Trust me, I’ve heard it all before, and I have picked a strategy that works for me.

  • Day 290

    I am in Facebook Jail. I have to stop telling idiots who instigate cops that they are idiots. Facebook, I’ll see you Friday!

    I finished up with the soup today… almost. I now have seven plastic containers in the fridge filled with Jewish Penicillin, and the kitchen has been completely cleaned. The only step left is to take the congealed fat (chicken schmaltz) off the top of each container before freezing them all. I will do that today. For the most part though, I stayed out of the kitchen.

    As has become my habit these last few weeks, I bought two challah rolls for the Shabbat blessing yesterday; following the blessings, I indulged in them with some peanut butter. I decided that would replace not one but at least two meal replacements. My food intake yesterday was a meal replacement shake in the morning, my regular lunch, a mid-afternoon meal replacement bar, and then around sundown I had the challah. Nothing after that, save for a nice cigar on the balcony. The result? This morning my weight was down .4lbs. I am not back into best-ever territory, but I am back below the ‘When Mitchell Met Leslie’ milestone.

    These last few days have been what we used to call Indian Summer, although I truly hope that term has fallen out of favour. It is not often that on November 4th I have been able to sit on the balcony in Canada wearing short sleeves and be comfortable. For my evening cigar (which accompanied another James Bond movie) I did put on a jacket, although I could have gotten away with a long-sleeved shirt. No matter, it was quite pleasant. Today’s forecast is more of the same, although there is a chance of rain later in the day. Tomorrow is forecast to be warm and sunny, and I have been invited to a herf in Georgetown. That should be fun, although I rather suspect someone will try to get me to eat. I will do my best to abstain, sticking to my program.

    I should be getting together with Eduardo later today for a cigar, and hopefully our friend Sam will join us. He has been rather difficult to pin down of late, but he has a lot of family obligations, and I do not blame him. It will be nice to see him though.

    So much for that. I just got off the phone with Eduardo, who is not feeling well today. He had a bad reaction from a vaccine yesterday (either flu or pneumonia) and is going to take it easy today. To see how easy I can shift, I am going to take Princess Sophie to Cambridge to hang out with Ryan and the gang. Knowing that, the goal is much more important: Do not snack! I have to be able to sit there and resist all of the temptations. To that end, I plan to:

    1. Go after I have had a satisfying lunch.
    2. Bring a couple of good cigars, that are tastier than the chazerei they always have sitting about.
    3. When Glen tries to tempt me, punch him in the face!
    4. Bring a couple of meal replacement bars, in case I do get hungry.

    Okay, Number 3 is exaggerated. I will simply thank him and decline. That might be easier. I have already ruined my relationship with Ryan’s sister (because of her boyfriend who thought it was funny to tell Hitler jokes about gassing Jews to me). I want to stay in the good graces of at least most of the family!

    I want to wake up tomorrow back under 305lbs. The only way I can do that is to stay on track, stay on course, and do not succumb to temptation. No problems, right? Sounds simple, right? Simple… but not easy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 289

    I predicted correctly after I came home and had a second meal – having already eaten a salmon salad sandwich with Lyle and Dorothy – that I would be gaining weight today. It was not the chicken and salad that I ate at home that hurt me though, it was the ridiculously large bun that Lyle served that sandwich on. It was tasty, but it was neither low-calorie nor low carbohydrates. As is always going to be the case, the bread did fill me up, but by the time I arrived home (nearly six hours later) I was famished.

    As a result of that, my weight peaked slightly above my best-since-meeting-Leslie weight, and I am disappointed by that… even if it is only .2lbs. Still, I was hoping that my weight would be dropping slightly, not rising. I have to be good this weekend, or else I am going to pay the price. What exactly is that price, you might ask? I don’t know… but I wanted to be under 300lbs for my weigh-in at the doctor’s office on Monday, and that is unlikely to happen now. I would like to be under 295lbs by the time Leslie comes in two weeks, and that is still possible… as long as I can get off this slide that I’ve been on. Yes, I am only up 1.6lbs from my best weight, but I wrote an article a couple of years ago called One Pound Lost is Three Pounds of Progress. The corollary to that is one pound gained is three pounds of regression. I have to get back on track.

    I had my check-in with my weight loss buddy last night. It will be our last check-in before her surgery, as she is flying to Mexico today for it. Next week, she will be flying home (so no meeting). I am keeping her in my thoughts and prayers, and hope that when we speak in two weeks time, I will be back on track.

    I have no plans for today, but I will go to the supermarket to buy challah for the prayers this evening. My hope is that the challah will be my only cheat of the day. I also hope that tomorrow morning I get on the scale and get a wonderful surprise. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 288

    An entire pound gained? That is just preposterous. I must protest! Okay, there is no protest and no appeals process. My weight is back above 305lbs… but not quite back above the best-since-meeting-Leslie weight.

    I took on a very ambitious endeavour last night. I made chicken soup… from scratch. It probably does not sound so ambitious for people who spend a lot of time in the kitchen; for someone who cooks every day, but almost always the same simple items… yeah, that’s ambitious. I started in an Asian market, where I bought the chickens. I also picked up some vegetables from different sources. My buddy Lyle told me how much to buy – and considering he gave me the pot, boy did he over-estimate that – and I came home, put everything into pots (I had to pull out a couple of extra ones), and started the process.

    I do not know how good the soup will be. I have made chicken soup before, but never from scratch. Also, I followed much more Jewish recipes, which did not involve an Asian market. Anyhow, the three pots simmered overnight, and will cool all day. This evening, I will remove all of the solids from the pots, at which point I will likely be able to consolidate into one pot.

    My plans for today got complicated when Lyle asked if I was still willing to drive him and Dorothy to the airport today. I am happy to do so, but that eats my afternoon… literally. He wants me to come over for lunch at noon, then after lunch enjoy a cigar with him. Around 3:30pm we will drive to the airport (they live in Hamilton, but they are flying out of Toronto Pearson), hoping to avoid traffic on the way there… and on my way back. I am happy to do the favour for my friends and know that the lunch they are going to make will be very tasty.

    What else is going on today? Nothing that I can think of. It is a foggy morning, but the forecast says it will start to clear up around noon. Hopefully, this evening will be a good night to sit on the balcony with a cigar. We’ll see about today… but the next four days are going to be nice, so it should be a good weekend to relax.

    I am still frustrated that my weight went up yesterday. I am no longer less than five pounds from dropping below the 300-pound mark. I hope to be able to do that before my weigh-in at the doctor’s office on Monday, but even if I do not, it is a goal to do that by the time Leslie

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 287

    I gained weight this morning, but it was not a significant amount. .2lbs is what I would call a ‘margin of error’ gain. With that said, I did cheat yesterday. I had peanuts (which is not a daily thing but is not unusual). I also had dried apricots, and a couple of ounces of sharp cheddar cheese. It is a misconception that fruits are good for you. While they are healthy, they are also filled with sugar. Dried fruits are much worse, because the sugar is concentrated. While you might eat two or three fresh apricots, it is not difficult to eat a handful of dried ones (as I did… probably eight or ten of them). In other words, I ate the equivalent of ten apricots worth of sugar. Yes, that was a slip. It will not be a common one, but once in a while, I do like to treat myself to something sweet.

    The cheese was a craving that came out of nowhere. I don’t know why, but while I was sitting with Lyle yesterday, I decided I was really in the mood for a piece. I bought the smallest block of aged cheddar I could find and ate two small strips of it… probably 2-3 ounces… after paying the cheese tax to Princess Sophie… and her house guest, Mr. Charlie.

    I do not think that any one of those cheats would have prevented me losing some weight, but the three together resulted in a slight gain. My bad, and I will do better today! Yes, I still have the cheddar in the fridge, but I will not be devouring it on a regular basis.

    This morning, while I was getting dressed, I grabbed the wrong pair of jeans from my armoire. They were tight… I did not remember them being that tight! Because of my damaged and bandaged middle finger, I was not able to button the top button, so I took them off… only to discover that they are a Size 40. I have two identical pair (Levis 501) in a Size 42 (which I wear on a regular basis), and apparently a Size 40 (which was on the ‘hopefully next month’ shelf). While they were tight, I suspect that if my finger was not bandaged, I would have been able to squeeze into the Size 40 jeans. I am not ready to call that a non-scale victory just yet… but it is a good sign of progress!

    I mentioned over the last few days that I had a few days of constipation, and that yesterday it finally passed. I realized as I was speaking with Leslie last night that I could draw a direct line between not drinking enough water to having a stool too hard to pass. Drinking a lot of water is something that I should be doing every day, but I confess that I am often remiss on that. Saturday and Sunday I did not drink enough, so Sunday and Monday I was constipated. Monday, I drank a lot more, so Tuesday I was finally able to poop.

    I have no real plans for the day, except that I am going to try to pick up a Lego set that I spotted on Facebook Marketplace, which Leslie might like. That would take me to Hamilton, so I reached out to Lyle to see if he would be free. As of now he says he is likely busy, but he will let me know if that changes. Who knows? We might have a cigar three days straight leading up to their trip to Italy.

    I will try to be good today. I will have my regular lunch, and aside from that I will do my best to not veer from the path. Despite having cheese in the fridge, I will refrain. If I am out for a while and end up having a handful of peanuts, then let that be the worst transgression… and let me keep the size of the handful small!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 286

    I was certain that after yesterday’s 2.6lbs drop, my weight would creep up a little bit today. In fact, it dropped. As well, my BMI, that devil of a number that confirms that yes, I am indeed obese, dropped to 39.0. I continue to be excited by my progress, especially as the numbers on the scale continue to creep closer to the magical 300lbs mark.

    I mentioned the last couple of days I was having a bit of a blockage issue. That finally passed this morning, and I had my first healthy bowel movement of the last few days. I expect that was a contributing factor to my day-over-day weight loss, in addition to my mostly sticking to the program yesterday (there were some peanuts, as the evidence was discovered by my sleuthing wife).

    Lyle and I were talking about food yesterday. He is a gourmet chef and has also been losing a lot of weight recently. We discussed the bad rap that fatty food has always gotten, and how the sugar lobby convinced the world (and the US FDA) that fat was the real enemy. All the while, it was simple carbohydrates and sugars that are the real villains. With that said, I am amazed that I got from one end of the Halloween season to the other without being tempted by any candy. I did not buy any to give away (which is good, because nobody knocked on my door), and I did not partake in any of the giveaways that were offered to me over the last few days.

    I remember one Halloween a few years ago when I was living in my apartment in California, the first year of the pandemic. I bought a big bag of miniature chocolate bars, and while my buddy Tam and I sat on the balcony smoking cigars, we would toss them to kids (and adults) passing by. We probably ate a few of them as well… this was in the first month after I fell off my weight management program, and I did not yet realize that I was falling back toward the pit of morbid obesity. Last night, I sat outside on the balcony after 7:30pm with only a cigar… and a video date with my wife. All in all, it was a much healthier Halloween than 2020 was.

    I woke up this morning to the very sad news that my downstairs neighbour passed away last night. She has been very sick for the last couple of months and went into hospice care ten days ago. Her dog Bella was always the mean kid on the block, barking at Princess Sophie like she might intimidate my girl. Still, we know she was a good doggie (if not well behaved). Her mom Wendy welcomed me to the neighbourhood before anyone else, and I will miss our chats when I would be coming in and she was sitting on the patio. Charlie’s mom and I were lamenting how fast it happened, how someone can go from ‘not feeling well’ to ‘riddled with Cancer’ to ‘dead’ in two months. It is another reminder to be grateful for what we have, because G-d can take it away just like that.

    I am going to head back to Lyle’s house this afternoon again. While it is cloudy and a bit foggy now, the sun is forecast to come out around 2pm, which is when I’ll head over there. The forecast for the next few days is sunny and warm for the season, and we Canadians do not take for granted warm weeks in November. Yes, I wish I had a job… but I am going to make the most of this time in the meantime. We will smoke a cigar in Wendy’s memory.

    With Halloween behind us, I am hoping that people respect the next eleven days, and do not start decorating for Christmas until after Remembrance Day. Of course, it would be nice if they could hold off until after American Thanksgiving, but that is a lot to ask for. I am not against Christmas, but I do believe that we should be able to remember our fallen soldiers with dignity and solemnity, and without grinches and santas and whatever else jumping out everywhere. Of course, some will say this makes me a grinch. Fine. Get off my lawn.

    The stitches in my finger are not bothering me. What is bothering me is having to wear the bandage on it. I removed the old bandage yesterday and put on a fresh one; in fact, I went through this exercise twice, because I did a shoddy job the first time… and because there was blood seeping through it. Here’s the weird part though: the blood was on the opposite side of my finger – that is, the side that was not sliced and sewn back up. There was no indication of damaged stitches or bleeding, but there was a bloody bandage. Maybe that was a Halloween thing, who knows? I will continue to keep it wrapped and as dry as possible for the next week and will ask my doctor to look at it when I see him on Monday. I expect that by then I should be mostly healed.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 285

    Based on my cheating yesterday at Ryan’s house (which proves, once again, that I have not yet broken my relationship with food) I suspected I would be writing a very different entry for today’s journal. Instead, here is what I have to say.

    In March 2021 my best weight was 305.6lbs. It was on March 1 that Leslie and I both started training on a team where we would work together… and fall in love. It was March 3 that I weighed my best. By the day that she confessed her feelings for me, some four months later, I had gained 40lbs. By January the next year, I would gain another fifty pounds. Leslie did not fall in love with me because of my body; I have never once doubted the sincerity of her love for who I am. While our relationship has also experienced some highs and lows over the past year, our love for one another has never been a question.

    Several weeks ago, I realized that at some point my weight would drop below what I weighed last March… and that going forward, every best-weight-ever recorded would also be the lowest weight at which my wife has ever known me. I know she loved me (and was attracted to me) at my heaviest weight, although she was as frustrated as I was by my limitations based on my enormous size. It was during her last visit to see me in 2021 when I decided that I was going to start my weight loss program again in January.clip_image002 It took a few weeks longer than I had hoped – I originally planned (as everyone does) to start January 1 – but I did eventually get going. Through the best of times and worst of them, Leslie has supported me, has encouraged me, has loved me. I have felt that every failure was not only me failing, but it was also me disappointing her. Maybe that is why after a bad fight in July, I decided to redouble my efforts to lose the weight.

    As you can see from the graph that I included, my weight loss has not been a straight downward line. Rather, it has a lot of peaks and valleys. It goes up a bit, it goes down a bit. The important thing, as Leslie consistently reminds me, is that the overall trend is significantly downward. What has no ups and downs is Leslie’s love for me. Yes, there have been times when she has been furious with me… she has never stopped loving me. That is one of the reasons I keep going… not only on my weight loss program, but in general.

    Today, for the first time since the week we met, I weigh less than I weighed that fateful week. I am officially the lowest weight I have ever been since the gorgeous woman who is my wife has known me. I see that as a huge milestone, possibly moreso than the upcoming milestone of dropping below 300lbs (for the first time since February 2021). I have been looking forward to this more than that for the simple reason that the 300lbs milestone is just a number; it is a meaningful one to be sure, but it is only that to me. The weight I was when I met Leslie is a shared comparative milestone which symbolizes my willingness to continue improving myself for her, because her love is worth it.

    —

    I spent yesterday at Ryan’s house watching football and smoking cigars. That was expected. I cheated on my weight management program; I cheated way too much. I had peanuts (which are not the worst thing in the world, although these were salted). I also had some bar nuts (which were coated in some sugary something), as well as some pretzels that had peanut butter in them. I was ashamed of myself, and I remember thinking that eating like this will destroy any progress I have made. What I should have been thinking about was my suit. Leslie reminded me yesterday before I went to Ryan’s that I want to fit into my suits… so that I can impress her. Yes, that is what I should have been thinking. I have to get past the not thinking when I put food into my mouth. I have to remember why it is that I am trying to lose weight. I also have to remember how hard it has been to lose this weight… now 90lbs. I never want to have to go through this again, so I cannot slide back into my old ways.

    Some might think that there is a subliminal connection between my punishing myself for cheating and the trip to the emergency room I had to take last night after I sliced open my finger. In truth, that is unlikely. I was distracted by something for a moment while cutting vegetable for my salad and ended up needing five stitches in the middle finger of my right hand. I was not punishing myself but there is no doubt I reminded myself to focus while wielding sharp knives. The upside of the whole debacle is that I did not end up eating my meal (I asked my neighbour, who was also looking after Her Royal Floofness, to take the chicken from the air fryer, as well as the vegetables on my counter, and put them in the fridge). I got home from the hospital around 11:30pm, and I was not going to eat a whole meal that late at night. Instead, I made sure everything was put away properly, and I had a meal replacement bar. Had I eaten the meal, I would not have achieved the two milestones I did this morning (I also dropped below 305lbs).

    My plans for today are to visit with Lyle for a couple of hours. We will have a cigar on the patio, and he wants help moving something to the kerb. When I agreed to help, I had all ten fingers, but I suspect I should still be able to manage with nine and a half. I love my friends, and anything I can do to help is usually my pleasure to do.

    I do not know if my weight will jump tomorrow, but I suspect it will. I do not know if it will go above 305lbs, but I really hope it does not peak above the 305.6lbs mark, which is the Leslie-mark. I know that she won’t be upset about… but I would be. In other words: I have to stay on track today!

    Next stop: the 300-pounds milestone!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 284

    I was hoping to start out today’s entry declaring a huge milestone. Alas, despite not doing too badly on my program yesterday, that will have to wait at least a day, and maybe two or three days. Owing in part I suppose to the minor constipation I am going through these last two days, my weight this morning was up 1.2lbs, taking me once again just out of reach of my next milestone.

    The plan for today is to drive out to Cambridge to visit with my buddy Ryan. We will smoke cigars, shoot the shit, and watch football. Ryan is a huge football fan, and although his favourite team (Buffalo Bills) are not playing until this evening (by which time I am sure we will have left), his father’s favourite team (Dallas Cowboys) are playing at 1:00pm, and I am sure there will be some hooting and hollering during that contest. I don’t care, as long as I can smoke my cigars. I will bring my darts with me, and in case someone wants to play (there are usually a couple of others in the smoking garage aside from Ryan and his dad).

    I will do my best to stick to the program today, although I know there will always be plenty of opportunity to cheat when I am at Ryan’s. I will take a couple of meal replacements with me… just in case I am tempted.

    I do want to mention that once I press the publish button on this article, I will be notified that I am on a 58-day streak posting to the blog. There was one day a couple of months ago when I did not post, but with the exception of that day, I have posted daily every day for 284 days. This includes days when I was in the deepest depression, thinking I was going to lose everything. It includes days when I was so emotionally broken that I knew I was not just falling, but diving head-first off the wagon. It includes days when I was traveling, whether to (or from) Montreal, New York, Ottawa, Dallas, California, or even Cuba. It includes Jewish fast days, and Jewish feast days. There was a time when I wrote daily because I liked seeing those streak numbers get higher (yes, before breaking the streak on September 2, I was on a 225-day streak). In truth, I write every day as a way to stay consistent. On my worst days and on my best days, on days when I do not veer from the program and on days when my program goes completely out the window, I write. It is a habit, something that I do every morning, mostly wedged between taking Princess Sophie for her morning walk and making my first cup of coffee (and breakfast meal replacement), and before I start my day (whether that be working or not).

    The habitual writing provides me a consistency, something that I do every day, and reminds me every day that I am on my weight management program. It is that alarm clock that reminds me that ‘Yes, I am on the path to losing weight, and yes, I will continue to try today to stay on that path.’ I feel that it has kept me on track. Even when there have been days when I have fallen completely off track, the following day is a day to not only reflect on what I did wrong, but it is also my reminder that I am on a long journey. Spending a few minutes writing (my son and stepson would correct me that I am actually typing) in my journal every day gives me an opportunity to start fresh that day. If I have any chance of achieving all of my goals, then that is what I need to do. However well or poorly I might have done the previous day, I have to start fresh today. That’s why I write.

    Have a great day folks!