Losing a part of me

Blog

  • Another Day 30

    I do not know how many times I have started over again since I started this blog and journal. I know that I have restarted several times and not gotten through the first month, but I have also gotten through the first thirty days several times before. The hard part of this attempt is behind me; the real work is ahead of me and has no end date.

    As of this morning I am down thirty-five pounds!!! You better believe that I am happy with that. I am especially happy knowing that I had dinner at a restaurant last night with my date, and while I ordered healthy, I did take one piece of garlic bread from her. I should not have done that.

    This evening I am having a turkey dinner at a Lodge, and I have to be aware of myself and careful of what (and how much) I put in my mouth. I was not careful last night, not because of the bread but because I accidentally broke my religious dietary laws. I have to atone for that, which I will do by giving to charity.

    I thought I had a good night sleep, but I would not have minded an extra hour. Every pet parent knows that when doggie asks to go out, you listen. She made it up to me a bit later though… we lay down for a nap later in the morning.

    By the way: after writing about certification exams yesterday, I decided to sit an exam right then. I was not sure what the exam would entail because while it is a topic I am pretty knowledgeable on, I had not looked at the study material; not one bit. The questions were asked in a convoluted manner – the grammar was terrible! I was worried, especially knowing that the passing score was 80%. When I pressed the Submit Answers button I was relieved that I passed. I got the minimum passing score, but that is as good as a perfect score. I have now passed 8 exams this calendar year… and probably 9 but I will only get the results of my beta exam in January. I am hoping to knock out two or three more exams this year, but we will see.

    Okay, I have to get things done. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 29: Week 5 Begins!

    I am not sure if the term ‘hit on’ is entirely correct, but it is fair to say that four women expressed possible interest in me over the last week! Of the three, one was extremely intoxicated and another was just batshit crazy. The other two seemed reasonable, sane, and attractive. This is a huge leap from where I was at a month ago. I am a gentleman, and because I am still seeing where things are going with the woman I have now been on two dates with I did not even exchange contact information with these women… but it is nice to know that they were interested.

    The beginning of Week 5 has me down 34.6 lbs. from my starting weight, and that makes me happy. I also notice that my clothes are fitting better.

    This week is going to be harder for me, and I will be satisfied with a one- or two-pound drop because I know that the two turkey dinners I will enjoy will take their toll. Realistically, even sticking with my meal replacements during the day, I might just break even on the week. I would like to do better than that.

    After my lunch (a meal replacement beef stew) I am going to run a couple of errands in the afternoon, and then I plan to study for an exam that I want to take in the next few weeks. Aside from the fact that the company I do most of my business with has asked me to get this certification, there is another reason:

    Last year (2025) I sat eleven exams and passed then of them. While that is by far the best year I have had for exams so far, I have an opportunity to beat it in 2026. If I do not take another exam then the seven that I have passed so far (probably eight, but I will not get the results of the last one until January) then I will have a 100% pass rate for the year, it will still be for fewer exams. If, on the other hand, I can get that number up to ten or eleven, then I can have a perfect year and meet or even beat the numbers from last year. Yes, I compete with myself and with nobody else. I have actually had eight years with 100% pass rates… but the most exams I took per perfect year was seven, and the next highest count was four. There were four years when I sat and passed a single exam. So far this year I am reasonably sure I have passed eight… but if I could get that number up to ten or eleven I will be thrilled 🙂

    Okay, my plans changed a bit. After I run my errands, I am going to meet a friend at the lounge for a cigar. Also, I have a date this evening. Wish me luck!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 28 – The end of Week 4

    With another half-pound drop this morning, the last day of my fourth week on the program has me down thirty-four pounds. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself! Would there have been more of a drop had I not cheated a few times? Absolutely… but I would rather the majority of my program be successful with a few minor cheats than have a couple of successful days in an otherwise failed attempt.

    I thought seriously about going out for breakfast this morning. I decided against it. There is a decent chance that I might have another salad with grilled chicken later today, which is fine as long as it is the only meal. Allowing myself multiple meals in a day is a true path to falling off the program, and I do not want that.

    I believe I am having two turkey dinners this week. I wrote about them in a recent entry.

    I had a chicken salad at the bar last night, and still lost weight today. I think I am going to continue including one salad per day in my program; I had decided at the very beginning of my journey that I would do that after about a month, which is almost exactly where we are now. I’m not disappointed!

    I have been working on a couple of new-to-me computers this morning, but it is almost time for me to stop working for this Sunday. I am going to have a hot bowl of stew for lunch before heading over to the cigar lounge to meet a friend in about an hour.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 27: Back on track (ish…)

    As I wrote in this journal yesterday, it was my intention to eat a slice of pizza at Lodge. That did not happen as all of the pizza had meat on it, primarily pork I would assume. My diet is a convenient with myself which I can break and only break my word to myself. Breaking my word with G-d is another story. When the Lodge sat down to eat I took my leave and went home to enjoy a bowl of soup. It worked out.

    I got hungry later in the evening while I was at the bar, and I did not think I had another meal replacement in the car. I decided to order a salad which grilled chicken, and asked them to go light on the dressing. I think I did pretty well, considering it was absolutely a cheat.

    My weight this morning dropped back to where it was Thursday. I am relieved that additional salad did not hurt my progress. In order to hit my goal of fifty pounds by the end of November, I have to drop another seventeen pounds, and I have twenty-three days to achieve it. Unfortunately, there are two turkey dinners in there – one for a Lodge that I am visiting on Tuesday, another for a Friendsgiving dinner for my Jewish group. I will do my absolute best to eat in moderation, but assuming that I gain three pounds (combined) from those two cheat days, I have 23 days to lose 20 lbs. which is not going to be easy… but as I said, I set lofty goals, and if I lose 47 and not 50 then I will absolutely consider it a success.

    I have a few things going on today, but nothing that should involve eating. If I decide to have another salad for dinner this evening then I will not feel guilty about it. We will see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 26: FAILED

    I fell off the wagon yesterday.

    I went to a Lodge and… well, it would be so easy to say that I succumbed to peer pressure, that I was encouraged or urged to eat. In truth, I just fell into old habits and did not pay attention. I asked to make sure the chili had no pork, I made sure to add onions but not cheese… but I had two large helpings of turkey chili which is extremely not on my program. The result? I gained 2.0 lbs. from yesterday. F&ck.

    Today might have become another difficult cheat day because I am going to another Lodge this evening, and I will be encouraged to eat there. With that said, I think someone mentioned they are serving pizza, and while I love pizza, most of it will not be kosher. It they have a cheese or veggie pie then I might allow myself a single slice… not two, one.

    I am already looking and feeling better than I did less than a month ago when I embarked upon this journey, and I am not going to fall off the wagon. I am, however, going to allow myself to recognize that I am not a machine, and eating only the same meal replacements for months on end will be hard. Coming into this holiday season, I am going to have a couple of turkey dinners where I can splurge. I will not go overboard, but I do love turkey. I am dating a lovely lady and I will take her out… and eat salads. I will try to separate the ‘cheat meals’ with several days of staying on my program.

    I had an interaction at my bar last night that left me a bit floored. There is a woman there that I went on a date with a couple of months ago. We kissed but nothing more. She seemed to really like me, but succumbed to peer pressure from some of her other friends at the bar who convinced her that dating me was a bad idea. The words ‘Fucking Jew’ were mentioned among the only solid reasons for this. For the most part, I did not really care. I moved on. I would say hello to her at the bar, but that was about it. Before I decided to not pursue her any further, she broke her word to me several times. She stood me up on two occasions when we were supposed to meet, she promised she would text me so that we could talk but never did, and she promised to pay me back for something (less than $20).

    Last night she was there with the guy who convinced her I was an FJ and bad news. I did not feel any need to interact. I’m sure you will agree that was the best strategy. I enjoyed my cigar, I sang a few karaoke songs, and I was getting ready to go home when she got me to come over and to speak with her and a friend of hers (not the guy). She told me that her friend had nowhere to go, and she was wanted me to bring the friend home with me. For some context, the friend is quite attractive. I am reasonably sure that had I agreed, I would be quite a bit more tired this morning than I am. The woman told me ‘She is very safe and trustworthy. I can vouch for her.’

    I said no. I did it politely, and told them both that it was out of the question. The woman asked me why not, if she vouches for her? I told her she did not want to know the answer. She insisted.

    I told her that she had no credibility with me, and that her vouching for the woman actually worked against her, rather than in her favour.

    She tried to turn it around on me that I don’t want to help her because she never slept with me, and then focused on that I don’t like that she hangs around with Kevin.

    I told her that I did not know who Kevin was. (I was telling the truth, although it was safe to assume that Kevin was the guy who called me an FJ. He was also the guy she was hanging out with that evening, and who she seemed to make out with a few times although I can’t be sure) I told her truthfully that I could not trust her because she had lied to me a number of times, and because of the decisions she makes.

    In short, this woman is going to start talking trash about me at the bar. She has no real ammunition, but lies are plentiful.

    I told the girl I am dating the whole story. I did not want her hearing it from anyone else. I think she agrees that I handled it properly. Phew!

    Okay, it is time for me to have my lunch. My new order of meal replacements arrived yesterday so I have the beef stew readying. It is not quite mouth watering, but it is tasty.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 25 – Lucky or not?

    I picked up my date last night and we drove to the restaurant which had me worried because of my diet. I am glad that I planned ahead, but in fact there were not a lot of opportunities for me to fall off my diet.

    We had dinner at a seafood restaurant. To be clear, this was not surf and turf… this was sink or swim. My date ordered something very not kosher, with an appetizer of something else VERY not kosher. Nothing to tempt me. I ordered the salad with grilled salmon with balsamic vinaigrette. Perhaps they were a bit heavy on the dressing, but it was fine.

    After dinner we went to another spot to enjoy a cigar, and she had another drink. At some point she ordered a piece of pecan pie. I was not at all tempted by it, even though she bragged about how delicious it was.

    On my way home I was hungry so I decided to stop in at the supermarket to get some almonds. My hand slipped and instead of dispensing a handful of nuts, I got something like two pounds worth in the bag. I picked up a different bag and dispensed the right amount. I tried to give the huge bag to the cashier, but she told me that they couldn’t resell them, so I was free to take them. I now have a huge bag of almonds in the pantry… which I do not particularly want. I’ll rephrase: I want… but shouldn’t have. Almonds in moderation are a good occasional snack, but they should not be a regular part of my diet.

    My weight was still down this morning… but only by a couple of ounces.

    This evening I am going to a Lodge meeting and will try to not eat.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 24 Worries

    Firstly, I want to say that the hockey game last night was the absolute worst loss I have ever witnessed in any sport. I was pissed off.

    My weight is down nearly 1.5 lbs. from yesterday which made me feel great. I had another 800 calorie day yesterday which is exactly what I needed. The fact that I did not either eat or drink after watching the disgusting final minutes of the game is a testament to my willpower.

    Today will be different. It is our second date, and she picked a seafood restaurant that does not look very diet (not to mention kosher) friendly. I reviewed their menu online and have decided that I will order the Green Salad with Balsamic Vinaigrette with salmon. I know that the smartest way to avoid diet landmines when eating out is to plan ahead, and to know before you go. Had I looked at the menu and decided there was nothing that I would be able to eat, then I would have asked my date to pick another restaurant. When you fail to plan, you plan to fail. I plan to succeed!

    It is a lovely day out, although it was also the first time since we arrived in Texas that the temperatures when I stepped outside in the morning were in the fifties. People around here are freezing their patooties off. My Canadian patootie is just fine, but since I am teaching (and then going on a date) I am still wearing a suit.

    Okay, my class is just about done with their lab. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 23… Yawn

    I had what I thought of as an attempted cheat yesterday. I was sitting at my cigar lounge and got peckish. I went to the fridge to grab a couple of pieces of cheese that I’d been snacking on the previous days and was denied! The tray from Friday evening’s event was gone. While that may have been disappointing in the moment, it worked out well for my program.

    As I sat in the bar with my friends, they ordered chicken wings which was not a great temptation for me. I did, however, gratefully accept the celery (including the extra celery) that they got with their order, as well as one carrot stick. They were tasty, they were crunchy, and as far as satiety they were almost but not quite entirely useless. Fortunately, I had a meal replacement bar in my car which I got, and had my fifth and final meal replacement of the day.

    I should mention that as I was lying in bed late last night, I was quite hungry. I thought about doing something about it… I did not. I tossed and turned for a couple of hours before finally getting up and taking a shower and a melatonin gummy. I watched television for an hour, and then I finally nodded off. I slept well for the four hours I had left before my alarm kicked me out of bed. Yes, I am tired today. No, I am not falling asleep.

    I will not consider the celery and the one carrot stick as a cheat. I got lucky with the cheese. All in all, yesterday was a successful day. My weight did drop this morning, albeit not very much… a couple of ounces at best. a little drop is better no drop. I’ll take it!

    Tomorrow evening is going to be another date night, and I will have to be careful about what I order. She is picking the restaurant, and I will have to stay adamant on my ordering. As for this evening, there is a Montreal Canadiens hockey game, so you know I’ll be watching that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 22… Week Four begins!

    While I wish I had stepped onto the bathroom scale the morning of Day 1, that does not even crack the top 100 things I would change if I had a time machine. That afternoon I know what I weighed because I checked at 1:30pm, and that will be my ‘official starting weight.’ I might one day, but I am certainly not ready today to share what that was. What I am ready to share is that this morning I weigh 31.2 lbs. less than I did on that day, and by no means am I upset with that progress!

    Yesterday morning I did not sit down to write as I usually do. After I came in from walking Her Floofness I fed her, made coffee and my morning shake, and I had two more hours to study before my exam. I do not know if those two hours made the difference or not, but I passed and was elated – if surprised – by that. I have another exam to take today, but I am not nearly as stressed about this exam than yesterday’s. For one thing, it was a much higher level exam. More pressing than that though is the fact that I am teaching the class for yesterday’s exam starting tomorrow, and while I have certainly taught classes for which I was not certified before, I was told in no uncertain terms by the training provider that I should have this certification prior to the class starting. Mission accomplished.

    Today’s exam is for a new certification and the exam is still in the beta stages, which means that I will not get a score result when I walk out of the exam. Yes, I said walk out of… because it is a beta exam, I cannot sit the exam remotely from home. The testing centre is a twenty minute drive from me, but I will leave very early in case of traffic.

    It seems like I am not the only one who had a nice time Friday night; we have a second date scheduled for Wednesday, and I am looking forward to it. This time I am leaving the restaurant choice up to her, and I will either eat something that is not too bad… or I will not eat. Hopefully I can just order a salad wherever she opts to go. As I have lamented before, both in these pages and to the few friends with whom I share my thoughts and emotions of my weight loss journey… dating and extreme dieting can make for a difficult tightrope to walk.

    I did have cheese and crackers at the lounge yesterday… and a handful of nuts. That I still dropped half a pound this morning is a good sign that I can eat occasionally… but I am going to try to not make a habit of it. I suspect I would have done slightly better had I had the cheese without the crackers. Yes, probably; but I still did better than I would have had I had one of the doughnuts or cookies that was offered. I might be able to do better, but I could definitely have done much worse.

    It’s another lovely autumn day here in Addison and I am going to enjoy my drive to the testing centre. I will take my cigar kit with me so that when I finish the exam I can go to the lounge directly from there. Oh, and I will pack my miniature cooler with some ice and a couple of meal replacements… so I don’t have to change my plans to come home early.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 21… Phew!

    Let me put a few ideas down here before I lose them. It will be a short entry.

    I noticed that I have been able to run up the stairs to my third floor apartment. That is an improvement!

    Despite cheating yesterday with some cheese and crackers that were out at the cigar lounge, my weight dropped nevertheless… to below Friday’s weight, which means that both yesterday’s cheat and Friday’s date night are now out of my system as it were. My total weight loss is back at thirty pounds. Yay!

    I was extremely nervous about the exam I had to take this morning, and was thoroughly relieved when, after clicking past the post-exam questionnaire they ask you, the results page showed that I passed. Yay!

    I don’t think I slept very well last night, but since I have not been wearing my fitness watch, I have no confirmation of that. Yes, that is facetious.

    I spent much of the afternoon at my cigar lounge studying, and most of the evening at my bar last night watching my Montreal Canadiens beat Pittsburgh (in a bit of a nail-biter). I was ready to come home after the game when a buddy texted and told me he was on his way to meet me. I still managed to get home by 11:15pm.

    I might see my friend (from Friday evening) again this afternoon if she decides she wants to have a cigar with me, but that is up in the air. We shall see.

    It is now 1:20pm. and my body is a little confused because we set the clocks back last night. I’ll have my lunch meal replacement shortly, and then I’ll head to the cigar lounge. If she and I do not get together this afternoon then I will be studying for another exam that I am writing tomorrow.

    Have a great day folks!