Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 1303

    I tried to sleep right after class, but interruptions plagued me. I finally gave up because I knew that I had an engagement at 2:15pm. My cleaning lady was coming over. The long and the short of it is that I finally got to sleep at 7:00pm and slept uninterrupted until 1:05am or so. While that is certainly not a good nights sleep, I slept deep and should now be able to make it through my class without nearly falling asleep on camera.

    I tried to order my meal replacements yesterday and discovered that the supplier (the manufacturer) has them listed as ‘sold out.’ I am not sure if that is due to a supply shortage, or if they are discontinued. I am going to do some research, but it is entirely possible I will need to find something else. That product is the only thing that has really helped me to lose weight… and if it is discontinued I am going to find the next thing that will help. I am not going to make this an excuse.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1302

    I realized yesterday that I made a mistake. I thought I had two full boxes of meal replacements (which is enough for a week). It turns out that I only have half a box left. I am hoping that by this afternoon my credit card payment will have gone through and that I can order more today, but even if I did I would not get the delivery in two days. I am until I get more stock on a partial program. I had some chicken yesterday, and this morning I had my first meal replacement after coming in from walking the Floof… 7:00am. I have chicken and vegetables for salad later today.

    I did not sleep at all last night. I got perhaps two hours of sleep in the afternoon, but could not manage any more in the evening. As a result, I have been extremely tired through the first half of my class. I have four hours left of my day, and then I will be able to get three hours of sleep before my cleaning lady comes. Scheduling her for today was a bad idea, but how could I have known?

    By the way… I do not think I have moved my bowels once this week. I am starting to think about proactive measures in case that extreme pain situation comes back.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Dat 1301

    Wow did I sleep! Yesterday after class I slept at least five hours. It was very nice. I got up and did whatever I needed to do, and then sat on the balcony with a cigar. When I realized how tired I was I decided to go in and try to sleep again. I slept another four and a half hours. In fact, I slept so deep that I overslept. When I opened my eyes and saw that it was 1:40am I jumped out of bed and scrambled to be online with three minutes to spare… not for the ‘I’ll be online thirty minutes early in case you have any questions’ but three minutes until class started. I will not make a habit of that.

    My weight was up significantly this morning. It is partly because in my rush I did not position the scale properly, but also because my system has been out of whack. I am not going to beat myself up over it.

    I have to wait one or two days more before I can reorder my meal replacements, but it is nearly that time. I am about to open my last box of 14 shakes… that is 3.5 day. If I cannot order them in time to get them by the weekend then I am going to be short. In anticipation of that I am going to cut down to three per day, plus one meal. That will start this afternoon, but will end when I receive my new shipment.

    With that said, I have a weight in mind at which I am going to make that transition to three plus one – three shakes and one meal. The meal will be much smaller than it was the last time I tried this, but I have to start eating responsibly. I expect that by mid-September I will be there.

    Because I was so late getting up, I did not have my meal replacement until my morning break – three hours later than normal. I was not feeling hunger pangs, but I do expect that had I waited much longer, I would not have been operating on all cylinders. That was not intentional, and will not be repeated.

    It is time for me to get back to class. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1300

    Oh look – a butterfly! Yes, I get distracted easily. I started to write this journal entry twice and got distracted by minutia. Let’s try it again.

    Okay, now it’s three times.

    My weight is down another 1.4 lbs. this (sic) morning. I am now less than a pound off what I weighed five days ago. Phew.

    After class yesterday I relaxed for a bit, and then went to the store to buy coffee… and yes, some peanuts and four dried peaches. I know, I should lay off that stuff. At least I am not going to the store special for it. I then came home and was able to sleep for a few hours. I was supposed to have a meeting at 6:00pm with the gentleman who I am delivering this course through, but that did not happen. He knew my schedule and understood, and we spoke at 10:30pm instead.

    When I woke up I took the Princess for a walk, and when we came home I had my meal replacement, and then a cigar on the balcony. That was interrupted by the meeting, after which I returned to it. I am now midway through the morning part of my class. My students are working on labs so I have some time to write… but not much.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1299

    As I lay in bed unable to sleep from 5:30pm until I did something about it around 8:00pm, I believe I learned an important lesson. While it is not good for my weight loss progress to overeat, it is also bad for me to undereat. Yesterday I was thinking about other things, and by the time I got into bed I had only eaten two meal replacements. For all of the people who have told me that my usual 900 calories per day is unhealthy (despite what the medical professionals have told me), I know that 450 calories is a bad idea. I tell my student all the time that good and bad are subjective. Objectively, without judgement, undereating prevents me from falling asleep. Last night was the second night in the last week that I consumed significantly fewer than my normal 900 calories, and it was the second time that I could not fall asleep. Eventually I got out of bed and had another meal replacement, bringing my daily total to 675 calories. I still had difficulties falling asleep, but I got back into bed and rested until I did. I might have gotten two hours of sleep… but I doubt it. I will take a nap this afternoon.

    I am back to teaching ridiculous hours, which means that my weigh-ins are going to be at crazy hours. Well, that is not fair… I will be working from 1:30am until noon, which means that I will be weighing myself around 1:00am every weekday for the next two weeks. That began this morning, and my weight was exactly what it was yesterday morning at my regular time. Considering the lack of sleep and no bowel movements, I am not displeased with that. For the next ten weekdays I will weigh myself at the same time, and will hopefully continue to see my weight drop.

    I have written about this before, but I was reminded of it today. I hate food commercials. When I am trying to lose weight and to maintain my discipline it is just evil to show me wonderful tasty and extremely unhealthy foods which I love, crave, and absolutely cannot eat. It is not only TV commercials, it is also billboards, TV shows and movies, TikTok and Facebook reels… you get the picture. I want it all! I am also aware just how guilty I felt yesterday morning when I realized that the ground I had lost was because of those stupid onion rings. However tempting it is, it is a temporary satisfaction followed by days of guilt and self-loathing. That does not mean that I like the temptation. Seeing those ads is not easier for knowing that I would hate myself if I succumbed to temptation. I am not saying that anyone is guilty – freedom of expression extends to ads – I am just saying that when I am trying to lose weight I hate it.

    So far I have stuck to the plan for the day… at 1:00am I had my first meal replacement, and while I am starting to feel hungry (itis currently 5:15am) I will be able to make it through to my lunchtime – after I walk Princess Sophie. By my calculations that should have me enjoying that second shake in 90 minutes. I am drooling with anticipation!

    Okay, it is time for me to get back to work. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1298

    I wrote yesterday that when I fell off the wagon on Friday, I bought enough chicken and vegetables for two days, in addition to a challah. What I forgot to mention (and this was a complete blank on my part – that’s what sleep deprivation can do) is that I also bought from the prepared food counter (never a good destination for a dieter) a container of onion rings. It was because I had forgotten about this major transgression that I had a bit of trouble accepting that my weight jumped two pounds day-over-day. Worse, I had gained 3.6 lbs. in four days. As soon as I remembered that, it all made sense.

    I weighed myself twice this morning – once before taking Princess Sophie for her walk, and once after we got home; I had made coffee, I had prepared my meal replacement shake, I had sat down at the computer, and I had even typed in the first couple of sentences of this article before the urge hit. A productive bowel movement was just what the doctor ordered. Not only do I feel better, but instead of the .2 lb. drop from my first encounter with the bathroom scale, the drop from yesterday is now 1.4 lbs.; that is a good start, but I still have 2.2 lbs. from what I weighed five days ago.

    Yesterday was the first day in a month that I did not have a single meal replacement. For breakfast, I had challah with margarine. When I was finished eating, I removed the remaining challah from the bag… and threw it in the garbage. Just having it around would be too tempting. Around 2:30 I prepared the remaining chicken and salad. After running an errand, I picked up a handful of peanuts, and four dried peaches. That was it. I am done.

    This morning is not a new Day 1. Rather, it is Day 32… knowing that I fell off for two of those days.

    In addition to being able to void my system, I can also brag this morning of a wonderful night sleep. According to my fitness watch, my sleep score of 92 is the result of 8h55m of balanced and optimal sleep stages. After the last week, as well as knowing what is ahead of me, I am relieved. It was very much needed!

    It is going to be a beautiful day today… hot and sunny, with a high of 32°. I will spend most of the day at my computer preparing for my class which starts tomorrow… or should I say because of the time zone shift… at 2:00am tonight. That means that for Day 1 (which is tonight) I need to be online at 1:00am. Yes, I have now set my alarm for 12:30am for tomorrow, and 1:00am for the rest of the week… and the next week. Oh what fun we will have! I have friends who work the night shift on a regular basis, so I have nothing to complain about. I actually enjoy it to a degree… but the transition can be less than fun.

    The course that I am teaching is a very advanced cybersecurity class, and I am really looking forward to it. This will be the first time I have taught the course, thus why I will spend the day going over the material and the labs. It will be exhilarating to be sure… but every time I teach a new course – especially one at this level – I get a bit nervous. Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance, right? That’s my plan.

    My plan for the week is to stay on my program… and to try to shift my circadian rhythm for the fortnight. In other words: When I wake up at 12:30am it will be my early morning. After getting dressed I will have my breakfast shake… let’s call that 1:15am. When my class breaks for lunch I will take Princess Sophie for her walk, and on my return I will have my midday meal replacement… we should get back from that walk at around 6:45am. Class ends at 11:00am, and I will spend the next 30 minutes reading and answering emails. I will probably need until noon to deal with everything else that is on my plate. At that point I will have meal replacement number three. I have a few things to deal with in the afternoon, but by 4:30pm I should be able to have my fourth and final meal replacement. I will take Princess Sophie out for our second walk of the day, and when we get home it will be time to go to sleep so that I can hopefully get seven good hours of it.

    That is the goal. Will I be able to stick to it? I do not know. I always underestimate the challenges posed by the transition from a diurnal to a nocturnal lifestyle. All I know is that I will do my best.

    Speaking of doing my best… it’s time to hit the books. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1287

    I made a huge miscalculation which led to my falling off the wagon yesterday. In my state of exhaustion I waited too long… and a meal replacement was not going to cut it. I went to the grocery store and bought two meals worth of chicken and vegies… and a bread. I have thrown the rest of the bread away, but I am going to prepare lunch with the rest… and then I am going back on the program. I hate having fallen off, but it is more important that I get back on.

  • Day 1286

    This morning’s weight was worse than the last couple of days, and it is infuriating… even though I know it does not really mean anything. What I might weigh at 2:30am is always going to be different from what I would weigh at 8am. I also know that it had been three days since I had any sort of bowel movement, and when I was finally able to do that later in the morning I was quite relieved… and expect that will impact my weight tomorrow morning.

    Today is my last day of teaching overnight… until Monday, when I start a two-week class doing the same thing. In short, my sleep schedule is going to be quite horked through to August 22, and there is very little I can do about it. I am not about to turn down huge amounts of work so that I can get a good night sleep. I am excited to begin that class, and once I get into a rhythm I should be able to manage the six hour offset quite well. The hardest part of it will be the following weekend, when I am meant to be back on a normal (Eastern Daylight Time) for two days and then immediately pop back to Central European Standard Time. I’ll survive!

    Since I will be doing it for two straight weeks, I am going to establish my 1:00am weight as my normal through the fortnight. At that point I will not be worried about the hour because it will be consistent. Hopefully I will still be losing weight; hopefully I will be able to follow a reasonable routine.

    I wrote the previous paragraphs earlier. It is now my lunch hour (that is, 7:15-8:15am). I just came in from walking Her Floofness, and I prepared my first meal replacement shake. I have a few more minutes to enjoy it before my lecture starts up again, so I will do that and wish you all well.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1285

    From time to time I write an entry and forget to press Publish… or rather, sometimes I press it once, but not the twice that is needed. That happened yesterday, so when I opened WordPress to write this entry I back-dated yesterday’s entry. Oops!

    When we last left our hero, he was a bit upset with the 1.6 lbs. that he had gained from the previous day, but he was aware that because he had not slept, and because he was weighing himself at a ridiculous hour owing to his overnight classes, he likely had not really gained weight, it was just the normal fluctuations throughout the course of the day. Now he will stop writing of himself in the third person.

    I once again weighed myself at a ridiculous hour this morning (3:15am), but at least I had gotten some sleep. My weight was not back to what it was on Tuesday morning, but it was down .6 lbs. from yesterday. I will accept the progress. As this morning marks the completion of four weeks since I started, I am glad that my weight is down 30.8 lbs. in that time. I have a long way to go before I am satisfied with my weight, but I can definitely be satisfied with my progress.

    After my class yesterday, I changed out of the shirt and tie into shorts and a golf shirt before I drove out to Oakville to see my son. It really has been great spending time with him this past week, and I am sorry that the enforced daily check-ins are over. I will be seeing him more often going forward. I took him for lunch, and while he ordered a pound of wings and a pretzel bread dip (which looked as wicked and tasty as it sounds) with a root beer, I ordered a plate of carrots and celery. I assure you that he enjoyed his food a lot more than I enjoyed mine.

    I came home, finished up a few emails, and then dropped off to sleep for a few hours. I likely slept four hours in the afternoon which were much needed. I woke up, took Her Floofness for her walk, and when we came home I settled onto the balcony for a cigar. We came in around 10:30, and I was able to get nearly another four hours of sleep. Yes, I got eight hours between the afternoon and the evening, but they are not connected. My sleep score was an abysmal 44, but that is irrelevant as I feel (five hours after waking up) that between the afternoon and overnight I am pretty well rested.

    I just came in from my morning walk with Her Floofness, and I am ready to lecture the rest of the class. I only have 3.5 hours left to go, and I am going to sail through it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1294

    **NOTE: This post was written August 6, 2025… I just noticed that it did not publish. I am backdating it for that reason. -MDG

    I was shocked when I saw the numbers on the bathroom scale this morning. Remember that nearly-1.5lbs. drop from yesterday? I put back 1.6 lbs. this morning. I was furious… until I realized two things: Firstly, it was 1:30am. I am teaching in Europe for the rest of the week, and I had to be at the computer and online for 3am. Secondly, I had not slept a wink. Try as I might, I did not fall asleep for even a minute. My alarm was set for 2:15am but I turned it off and got out of bed and showered long before that. Those two factors make this morning’s (sic) weigh-in completely meaningless.

    I passed my exam! For the second time in two weeks, I passed a very high-level cybersecurity exam. I was comfortable with most of it… until they gave me a Linux virtual machine and told me to do something that I have not done in a very long time. For the life of me I could not remember any of the necessary commands, and eventually I did what I could and then closed the VM. I was convinced that would have ended my chances of passing. Nope! I then took care of a bit of work, and then enjoyed a fine celebratory cigar on the balcony.

    I am sure there is more to write, but I am looking at the clock and my class break is nearly over. I will try to do as well with my eating today as I did yesterday… which will be more of a challenge because I will be taking my son the younger for lunch again. I am looking forward to spending time with him… but not to sitting in a restaurant and not eating.

    Have a great day folks!