My weight-drop from yesterday rebounded this morning. Not all the way, but a lot. I know why it happened. I have to snap out of my funk. When I finally start working, I will hopefully feel a little better. Also, the cold snap is mostly behind us… which is to say that it is going back to normal cold winter temperatures rather than the extreme that we have been enjoying.
I am still not sleeping well. Grrr.
My weight dropped over two pounds from yesterday, but I am still above the terrible mark. The fact that my mental health smacked me down this week took its toll, but at least I did not let the slip go more than a day is good… but it is hard.
I did not sleep very well last night… again. I got to bed early, and I was sleeping soundly until my eyes popped open. There was a noise outside that woke me up, but since it felt like I’d slept six hours I readied myself to get out of bed. I turned over and saw the clock and realized it was 12:15am, and I’d been asleep for an hour. Groan. I did get back to sleep, but by 5:15am I had stirred several times, and I couldn’t nod off again.
I typed that out but did not press Publish. Doh!
I do not know if today is the coldest day of the year or not, but when I woke up the weather app on my phone read -18°C but feels like -30°C. It is not the coldest I have lived through, but it has been a while. Occasionally people ask me why I want to move to Texas and I tell them that I need to live with my wife, and that is the absolute beginning and the end of it. With that said, on mornings like these (when Princess Sophie walks around the building and then says ‘Dad, pick me up… you can put me down near the front door so that I can poop, but there’s no way I am walking anymore than I have to in this) I am looking forward to living 1400 miles south of here. Yes, it is still very cold down in Dallas (-5°C) but still much warmer than here.
I was truly angry at my bathroom scale this morning. I did not eat badly yesterday, and yet my weight was still up most of a pound. Argh! At least I slept better; my sleep score was 82, even though I seem to recall waking up several times and thinking that there was no way my sleep would be good. I am glad that I was able to get back to sleep each time.
It is a new day, and I am going to try to get through it with a positive attitude. I am not sure how that will go.
Have a great day.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) sucks.
Yesterday was the first day of the cease fire in Gaza, and the first innocent hostages were traded for 30x their numbers in violent terrorist murdering scum. We do everything we have to in order to bring our people home… at almost any cost.
That was what was mostly on my mind as I walked up to the bakery counter at Fortino’s yesterday afternoon. It just so happens that as I approached the counter, the kid serving (probably in his mid-teens) was talking about the bagpipes. I made a funny quip about ear plugs. He looked at me and started telling me how they are the only musical instrument specifically designed to be used in war (which I knew). He then started saying: “Can you imagine being in a war, and going into battle to face the enemy…’ I stopped him and said that I really could, but that he couldn’t and hopefully never would.
I walked away with my bread but felt the need to go back and tell him that I was sorry for being rude. He told me I wasn’t and that he shouldn’t speak about certain things. I told him that he did nothing wrong and that he should not change at all.
The fact that he did nothing wrong does not change the fact that I freaked out. I pictured it, and I was right back there. My heart was racing and there was nothing I could do to calm it down… none of my usual techniques worked. I sat in my car for fifteen minutes until my phone buzzed reminding me that someone I was meant to meet so that I could give him something was at my door. I told him I was on my way, and I was home in four minutes.
I overate last night. I also drank. I felt bad doing it, but I did not know what else to do. I was shaking all evening until I finally got to sleep. Yes, I had nightmares. It was not a good night.
I knew that my weight would be up this morning… I never expected that it would be up slightly over three pounds. I kicked myself for the transgression… but at the same time I know that it was literally a ‘mental health falling off the cliff’ occurrence. I hope to do better today.
Well somehow I forgot to post this, but it was almost done. Have a great day folks!
For the first time since December 22 my weight was back below the terrible mark this morning. I was relieved, mostly because I knew that I hardly ate yesterday; in fact, after my usual breakfast I had precisely two protein bars… and that’s it. I did not starve myself; in fact, I was not overly hungry at any point during the day. I was busy, and did not feel like going shopping to pick up chicken to make a meal. I will eat today.
My sleep score was almost exactly what it was the previous night, which means I am still not sleeping very well. It is frustrating. I am hoping that tonight will be better.
I will likely spend the afternoon with a couple of buddies down in Grimsby. I have been mostly off grid these last few days and while I am not feeling any better, it would be nice to try to force myself out of my emotional rut.
Have a great day folks.
My weight did not drop below the terrible mark this morning, but it is closer than it has been since before Christmas. Another really good day and I just might hit it. More likely, if I am good for another couple of days, then I should drop below the mark.
I have been in a rut these last few days. I wouldn’t say that I am actually depressed, but I am certainly feeling the blues. I don’t know what is causing it, but it could be in part due to my finances… and of course in part because of the fact that my wife and I live in different countries and sometimes it makes me feel like I am a terrible husband. I am really hoping that I get my visa soon because this is really hurting me. I know that work is picking up – not this week but the following I teach my first class in nearly two months – and that my finances will pick up. As for the visa issue… It has been a very long time and while there are days that I am optimistic, there are also days (like the last few) when I wonder if it might never happen, and I am doomed to never live with my wife. It is disheartening and it really brings me down. How I have managed to not binge-eat all week and gain ten pounds… I just don’t know.
My sleep score last night was lousy again… or at least it was below 65. I really do need to try to get more consistent sleep. Sigh.
My knee seems to be better today. I am going to take a slow turn on the treadmill and see how it feels. I am not going to overdo it… Maybe I will walk 2-3 kilometres. We will see. Today is the last reasonably warm day before the temperatures drop to the minus double-digits for the week. That means the following:
With that said… how amazing would it be to drop back below the terrible mark in the next few days?
I am going to try to relax this weekend. I was asked to go to a Lodge event (for another lodge) but decided to stay home. We will see about this evening.
Have a great day folks.
I had a busy day and nearly forgot to post. Here I am. I started the day upset because I ate well yesterday but still gained a pound this morning. I have to remember… it’s the trend and not points on a graph.
Despite munching on some peanuts last night, I am happy that my weight this morning was down to within a couple of pounds of the terrible mark… and lower than it has been since the day before Christmas. I have spent the last few weeks in a 5.5-pound range between 302 and 307.5 and I am hoping that tomorrow I can finally drop below 302.
Another day, another bad sleep score. Sigh.
I have a lot going on but nothing that I can easily put my finger on. It’s really weird. For the moment, I am going to reboot my computer (updates require it) and make some lunch.
Have a great day!
I should not have eaten those crackers late at night. I was trying to get my stomach settled, and I blew it. My weight was up this morning. With that said, It was the third day in a row that I was unable to have a successful bowel movement this morning, and I am a bit surprised that my weight hasn’t been more up these last couple of days. Fortunately, shortly after breakfast I was able to ‘go’ and that blockage might be behind me.
I am feeling mostly better today, only a bit nauseous. I hope I will be able to meet my friend later in the evening.
(Later)
I realized as I lay in bed that I had not finished my entry for the day so I made sure to get up and do so.
I lost another small fraction of a pound this morning. I am hoping it will be easier for me to lose more this morning, seeing as I am nauseous from the vaccines I got yesterday. No, it was not a Covid-19 vaccine or flu… I have never had any adverse reaction to either of those.
Despite not feeling well and getting to bed early, I did not fall asleep until 5:00am. I spent a lot of the day in bed trying to rest, but did not shut my eyes. I truly hope I sleep better this evening. I know, vaccinations can knock you on your butt for a day or two… but I don’t have to like it!
I went out for fifteen minutes, but other than that I am staying close to home today. Feeling yucky.
