Losing a part of me

Category: Body Battery

  • Day 1283

    After yesterday’s gain of 1.2 lbs., I was relieved to see than I dropped all of that this morning. I would have liked to drop more, but I have to be satisfied with what I have. I have to continue on this track and not veer from the path. I will continue to ingest the meal replacement shakes only, and will not reintroduce solid foods for at least a few more weeks.

    While not quite what it was yesterday, my sleep score was 85, which is definitely good… and much higher than my average. My body battery this morning was a 94 – truly amazing. If these two things are telling me anything, it is that going to bed earlier results in better sleep and better recovery. I am going to try, but that will not always work. We will see.

    I am in the middle of a contract to write and record a course. This morning I read an email from the company asking if I could record the remaining videos for the first modules. I told the woman I am speaking with that one of the reasons I have been putting it off is my self-image, but now that I am on track with my diet I told her that I would be recording them next Monday. As it happens, I am otherwise engaged most of this week… but I would also love to drop another 5 lbs. before going on camera. The fact that I am ashamed of what I looked like is only part of it… on Day 1 of my new effort, I did not have a sports jacket that fit me… and even my largest dress shirts were pretty tight. Not only do I now have the new jacket and shirts, but I also just checked, and one of my vests fits again. I expect while they would be tight, my suits will fit too. I am still a couple of inches from being able to wear my other sports jackets, but that will come in time. In the meantime, at least I can go on camera wearing a comfortably fitting shirt and jacket.

    I am heading down to St. Catharines today to see a couple of friends. I do not expect I will have too many food temptations, but to make my life easier, I will not leave home until after I have had my second meal replacement of the day, and I will be sure to have another meal replacement with me just in case I am there longer than expected.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1282

    I was not at all impressed this morning to see that my weight was up more than a pound from yesterday. I have to assume that was mostly related to the extremely salted peanuts I had eaten the previous day, but also the (unsalted) peanuts I ate yesterday. Other factors would include not moving my bowels (which I did quite successfully some time after weighing myself)… and the fact that weight loss is about the downward trend and not individual plots on a graph. Yes, I ate a handful of peanuts yesterday… a conservative estimate of my total intake yesterday would be 1050 calories which is by no measure excessive, and there was no significant sodium or carbohydrates or starch added to my usual four-per-day meal replacements. There is only one measure by which yesterday was a dietary failure, which is only the strict interpretation of the strict rules of the medically supervised program that I am on. I am not going to feel guilty about that.

    By the by… a clear indicator that my weight issues are likely related to the previous day’s salted peanuts is that my ring, of which I wrote just three days ago, is much tighter than it was. Fingers swell from water retention which is caused by sodium. I expect it to once again fit much better tomorrow or the next day than it does this morning.

    What I do feel guilty about is that I gave serious thought yesterday to switching to a partial program – two or three meal replacements plus an actual meal. I did not do anything about it, but I gave it thought. Why should I feel guilty? Maybe guilt is the wrong word, but I know it is, for the moment, a bad idea. I set out on this renewed journey only two weeks ago (today is essentially Day 16) and I have done very well so far… I have lost 22.4 lbs. so far, which is great… until we factor in that from my best weight ever (October, 2023) until my worst day ever (Day 1 of this new effort) I had regained 106 lbs., at which point we have to recognize that I have only scratched the surface of what I want to – what I need to do. I am still 83.6 lbs. heavier than I was when I was at my best, and that will not just melt away in a heartbeat. It will take much longer if I start compromising now on what is working. Yes, I see images of food and I am tempted. I should by no means give in to that temptation, and there is currently no justification for my doing so. All of the times since the beginning of the year that I have tried to start on a modified program were failures. Why? Because I negotiated with myself. ‘This works… but if I just put in some of the effort instead of all of the effort, then it should still work.’ No. I am not saying never, but for the time being I have no intention of compromising.

    My sleep score this morning was the best that it has been since January 2 of this year. I suspect that it has been over 90 only a handful of times in all of the years that my fitness watch has been tracking it. When I saw the tremendous score of 93 this morning I was relieved, knowing that a good night sleep is crucial for health in general, but it also helps weight loss in particular. My body battery was an unprecedented 97. Hoorah!

    I just did something that I should have done on Day 1. I went onto Facebook looking for the support group that I was a member of previously. In fact, I am still a member, but because I had not participated in quite some time it was not prioritized in my feed. I posted my first message there in a very long time. The group does not seem to be very active – beyond being a buy and sell group – but hopefully I will get some response, and some support.

    Today is a rainy Friday, and in a sense that is a good thing. I have been delinquent on a project that I need to work on, and I will put in a lot of work on it today. I am also going to try to get help with that other issue that I have been dealing with, which will involve a support session with Microsoft. I am not looking forward to that, but I am hoping that it can get resolved satisfactorily.

    I just got off the phone with my son the elder who is off to university next weekend. He wants to see me this weekend (which is great). He also respects the fact that I am back on my diet, and that because of that I would rather he come over for a drink than go out for a meal. I look forward to seeing him and having a nice chat.

    With that, I am going to try to get some work done. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1089

    Another day in front of the computer, another pound dropped. Yes, as I am eating less frequently it stands to reason that I am losing weight.

    I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon to get a vaccine for a disease that I am pretty sure I will never get, but it is a requirement. Okay, fine. Aside from that, I have a lot of studying to do and will be at my computer most of the day.

    I slept much better last night… at least, according to my fitness watch. A sleep score of 88 and it really did feel good. My body battery only got up to a 60 which means that I likely need a couple more days of good sleep, as well as some exercise, to get that up. My knee and back are still aching, but both seem to be on the upswing. Hopefully by the end of the week I’ll be able to get onto the treadmill.

  • Day 1058

    Despite all of my eager gung-ho attitudes yesterday morning, I did not have the energy to attack the day as I had planned. With that said, I was not about to break my streak. Yes, I took Her Floofness for her two very cold walks during the day, and I went out to pick up and then drop off my cleaning lady at the train station… but with all that, I still did my very best to stay inside.

    The problem was that I did not have the energy. I got onto the treadmill after Sophie and I came back in, and I just could not run. This was partly because I did not have the energy, but also partly because I felt a bit of pain in my ankle. It was not injured, but it felt like it had the capacity to be hurt. I did my best to keep a decent pace, but the instant I hit my steps-goal for the day I shut it down. I completed 4.87km I shut it down and got into the shower. The steps-goal for the day was 11,050. I went to sleep with 11,140 steps recorded (and only because I got up to transfer my laundry into the dryer). Today’s goal is 11,070 steps, and my streak is up to 13 days.

    I have mentioned before that I have been strategically metering my steps so that the daily goal does not jump too high. I am three days short of my best streak (since switching from Fitbit to the Garmin fitness watch), and I do not want to set the bar too high which might force me to fall short. It will be easy to regulate my steps today because I will be home for most of it (not only because it is extremely cold outside, but that is part of it). If I achieve my steps-goal for today that will extend the streak to 14 days… and will bring us to Saturday, the only day where the strategic metering might be difficult. I will definitely make sure to exercise before, but in the evening, I am going to a holiday party for a Lodge, and I do not know what to expect. I doubt that it will be a sit-down meal, and do not know how many steps to expect while milling about. Because of that, I expect that assuming I do extend the goal streak until then, Sunday (the potential Day 16 of the streak) might be the hardest day. I will do whatever I can to beat the streak… even if that means a longer and more arduous Sunday.

    Both my sleep score and body battery were tremendous this morning. My sleep score was 91, and my body battery was an almost unprecedented 99. That means I should be able to jog the full 5km today, depending on a few factors. I still have not decided whether or not to drive down to New York State (I have to decide very shortly) but if I do not then I will make lunch and then hit the treadmill.

    The weather is slowly warming. That is to say that the windchill, which was -20° when Sophie and I went out, is up to -8°. It is by no means warm or comfortable, but at least it is closer to reasonable than it was. It is sunny out as well which makes it pleasant to look out the window. I will try to keep that in mind throughout the day… especially if I decide to stay home.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1055

    At long last I had a productive bowel movement this morning. While it did not completely clear out my system, it certainly had a negative affect on another one… but nothing that a little plunging could not fix.

    I decided to buy a package of rice cakes yesterday. I will not be doing that again. I have disposed of what is left.

    I was relieved that the lodge that I visited yesterday ordered pizza… and that the only ones that did not have meat on it had olives. The former I cannot eat for religious reasons, the latter because I just do not like olives. As such the only cheating I did after the lodge meeting was a dram of whisky proffered by one of the lodge officers. They also invited me to their holiday party this Saturday evening which is being held at a local brewery. I am seldom tempted by beer, but I will go for the camaraderie.

    Yesterday did not go as planned (mostly owing to the rice cakes I would think), but I managed to eke out one small victory. It was 10:30pm before we left the lodge, and I had not yet hit the 6,500 steps mark on my fitness watch. I wrote yesterday that I wanted to extend my steps-goal streak, but when I got home, I still needed to take Her Floofness out for a walk (which would never amount to the 4,500 steps needed to hit the goal. By the time she and I got back in (around 11:15pm) I was still below 7,500 steps. With very little time to spare I changed into my workout kit and got onto the treadmill. I knew that my workout would not be a good steady one, but I wanted to hit my steps-goal. I did the first kilometre at the same 4mph pace I had done my previous jogs at. For the second kilometre I kicked it up to 4.5 mph, and actually felt like I could have gone farther at that speed… or faster. For the last 1.3 kilometres I dropped the pace to a brisk walk. The daily goal was 11,000; I got off the treadmill at 11:45pm with 11,018 steps registered and finished the day with 11,027 (I take my fitness watch off when I get into the shower of course).

    The steps-goal of my fitness watch is a progressive goal. I am not entirely clear on how it works, but apparently Garmin calculates the steps-goal based on the value of the previous week (about) achievements. As such, were I to stay in and do nothing then my steps goal would drop tomorrow, but if I had blown my steps-goal away then it would jump. As an example, there was one day in February when my steps-goal was 8,700, and I took 14,700 steps. My steps-goal the following day was 9,910, and I took 17,742 steps. My steps-goal the day after that was up to 11,480, but I only took 10,900 steps. That would have been enough to crush the steps-goal from any previous day, but because of the huge surplus on Days 1 & 2, it was below the actual goal for Day 3. I am currently on a 10-day streak, but I have been somewhat practical about it, in that I have not vastly exceeded my steps-goal on any given day. On November 30 the goal was 9,740. While there have been a couple of days during the streak when I ‘crushed’ it, most days I have only slightly beaten the calculated goal, so while the goal for yesterday was 11,000, today’s goal is 11,010. I will definitely need to hit the treadmill (or go out for a jog… it’s pretty nice out today), but I will not need to up my game to a new level to extend my streak to eleven days.

    My sleep score was 79, the best it has been in quite a few days. This despite the late-night workout. My body battery peaked at 66, although that is now down to 54. I am sure that before the day is done it will get all the way down again… but hopefully I will have a good night sleep and will be able to recover completely.

    A lodge brother is coming over for a coffee in a little bit, but aside from that and a Zoom meeting I have to attend this evening it should be a quiet and relaxing day. I will certainly hit the treadmill, but I do not think I have too much else going on. With the weather I might even sit outside with a cigar.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1053

    I am not sure if today is Day 3 or Day 4 without even a half-decent bowel movement, and I suspect that is having at least some effect on my weight. Yes, I ate the rest of the chicken and salad (that I had purchased on Friday) yesterday, but it was not an unreasonable amount. I also jogged five kilometres on the treadmill. All this to say that I am reasonably sure that if my system was not backed up then I would have dropped more than a couple of ounces from yesterday morning. I am still 3.2 lbs. heavier than I was Wednesday morning.

    Today is going to be a challenge. We are having a holiday get together at a buddy’s place. We will mostly be smoking cigars, but the host asked about our pizza preferences. I told him to not account for me in his pizza planning. He then posted this morning that he is going to pick up special doughnuts. I am going to have to avoid those as well. I have packed three protein bars to take with me and will try to stick to eating only two of them. Whatever I do, when I get home this evening I will be hitting the treadmill.

    Speaking of the treadmill, I did a strong 5km jog yesterday evening. The difference between my quick-walking and actually jogging is the difference between setting the speed to 3.6 to 4.0. It feels good to be able to jog and not tire out as I would have a couple of months ago. I actually feel that the factor that stopped me from a longer jog yesterday was the time constraints – I had a meeting I needed to get to, so I had to cut it short when I did. I will see if I can go longer this evening.

    Over the course of the last couple of hours I have gone to the washroom a couple of times, trying to produce… something. It is hard and painful, but slowly over time I am getting some of that blockage out. It feels as if I have not had any fibre whatsoever. I am thinking that this evening I might consider a laxative to see if that helps.

    My sleep score last night was fair – a 76, which is mostly because I woke up earlier than I might have (especially for a Sunday morning). My body battery was up to 48. While I certainly slept better last night than the previous night, it would seem my body did not recover as well. Hopefully that will get better tomorrow. We will see.

    Speaking of tomorrow, I am teaching for the day. It is an intro course so nothing too deep, but I am looking forward to it. It is my only day teaching this month… yikes. I am glad to have not wasted my downtime… I sat a class, passed two certifications, and next week I am sitting another class to hopefully earn another cert. These two certifications will really increase my value as a trainer and as a consultant. I have gone through slow periods before and truly wasted them. Between November and December, I will have had two days of actual work… but I have definitely not wasted the downtime. Professional advancement is crucial in my line of work, and I have done a lot of that in this period.

    The plan for today is to NOT fall off the wagon, right? Okay… let’s try to make that happen.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1050

    For a few months I was one of those people who had a piece of exercise equipment that was used mostly for hanging clothes on. I never wanted to be one of those people. When I first bought the treadmill (which I brought home January 1 of this year) I used it quite a bit… and then stopped. For part of the time that I was not using it I was walking outside because the weather was warmer, but for a lot of the time I was just not walking. While I do miss the warmer weather, I am glad that I am back on track with my treadmill. I will continue to walk until I feel that I am able to jog, and then I will continue to jog. I suspect that by that point the winter will be ebbing, but we shall see. It will be nice to be able to walk or even jog outside. I have currently logged about 145km on the treadmill and have found it to be a good way to stay on track when it would be so easy to fall off. Yes, I have plenty of ways to fall without the treadmill… I took advantage (sic!) of several of those ways yesterday.

    (By the way… welcome to Page 1000 of my journal! It took nearly three years to do, and I am not nearly at my goal… but I will keep at it until I am.)

    I am not sure what put the idea of canned salmon into my head, but I had it for a few days. I had told Leslie that while I might do it, I would rather do it for lunch so that I would have the opportunity to burn it off before bed. Yesterday I made the salmon salad that I had been craving. It was delicious, but I vowed that I would not eat anything else (except meal replacements) for the rest of the day. I then went to meet my friend and her girlfriend for dinner… and how much harm could a poke bowl do, right? Of course, while we are sitting to watch her show, I would never buy a bag of chips… but when the girlfriend offers me some of hers, well that’s not such a bad thing, right?

    Everything I did in that previous paragraph was wrong.

    I had done a very short treadmill walk yesterday. I did not have the energy, but I still did a 2km quick walk in the afternoon. I knew when I got home in the evening that I was still short of my steps-goal for the day. I had to take The Floof out for her walk, but that still left me about 1500 steps short of the daily goal. I had failed in so many other things yesterday, but I wanted to at least accomplish that. I got onto the treadmill at 10:00pm and walked the 1300 steps that I was still short… and then called it a night. My streak is up to 5 days. I will extend that today.

    Let’s take an inventory here. I hit my steps-goal, but in a pretty lackluster fashion. I ate horribly. I slept very well (my Sleep Score was 86, and my body battery actually hit 90 this morning). Some good, some bad. The number that matters – that on the bathroom scale – was very bad. I gained three pounds. Ouch. I have to do better today… and tomorrow, and the following day as well.

    As of this moment I am 1.7km short of reaching the 2024 goal for the MapMyFitness challenge. Had I logged my walk with Her Floofness this morning (as I usually do) then I would have surpassed that goal already. It was not really a decision to hit the goal with exercise as much as it was that I forgot to end the walk, which meant that by the time I realized it, the 1.5km walk was in its third hour. I decided to just discard it and will reach the goal on the treadmill this afternoon.

    Speaking of this afternoon… I will do at least 5km on the treadmill, and then after I am cleaned up, I have an appointment for a haircut. Once that is done, I am heading down to Grimsby where I will meet up with a buddy for a cigar. There is a Lodge meeting this evening, and a bunch of guys wanted to meet for dinner. I am not joining them because I really want to stick to my program… especially after the disaster that was yesterday.

    I fell. I am getting back up.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1046

    After two days of missing it, I hit my steps goal yesterday. I walked four kilometres on the treadmill, in addition to being out and about quite a bit. I was rewarded with:

    • A sleep score of 80, based on 7h20m of sleep
    • A Body Battery of 56 when I woke up… not great.
    • Another drop on the bathroom scale… down 1.2 lbs.

    My sleep score is still not where I would like for it to be, but it has started to get better this week since I am exercising… as well as the new ‘supplement’ that I am taking to help me fall asleep. Yes, I am still waking up with a slight headache, but it is not nearly as bad today as it was a couple of days ago.

    In speaking with Leslie yesterday, she berated me for stopping in to buy almonds. She is right of course. I have to stop supplementing what I am supposed to be eating. It is not just about losing weight… it is about changing my habits. Staying away from the store is a good step toward doing that.

    My plans for today are to stay on track. In a few minutes I will press ‘Save’ on this journal entry, and I will log off the computer. I will change into my jogging kit and get onto the treadmill. After that, I will shower and enjoy a meal replacement. In the afternoon I am meeting with my diet buddy in Yukon; we have not connected in way too long, and it is time… especially since both of us are trying to get back on track.

    The weather is still too windy for me to walk outside, but the forecast is for the wind to die down somewhat by late afternoon, which means I might actually sit out to enjoy a cigar with my wife on a video chat. We will see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1044

    Weight loss is not linear. Weight loss is not linear. I have to keep repeating that to myself on mornings like these, when I mostly stuck to the program the previous day, and yet the bathroom scale has me up by nearly a pound. What does mostly stuck mean? I had my usual breakfast, then after walking 3km on the treadmill I had a meal replacement shake. Later in the day I had one of the protein bars that I took with me, but I added a small handful of almonds because I was not fully sated. When I got home (after 9:15pm) I had another meal replacement shake.

    There are two ways of looking at my short treadmill walk from yesterday. Yes, I only walked 3km. On the other hand, on a day when I did not want to walk at all, I walked 3km. I did not extend my steps-goal streak as I hoped to, but I still did something.

    I added a new element into my evening routine last night that I am hoping will help me to fall asleep on nights when I cannot. I know that I fell asleep very quickly last night, but I wonder about the long-term efficacy of this new element. I was up twice to pee (that is not unheard of) and I had a bit of a headache from it. Also, according to my fitness watch, my sleep score was only 67… not very good. My body batter did not get higher than a 37 and is now down to 29 (four hours after waking up). I am not blaming this new element for any of this… it could all be a coincidence. I will try it a few more times before deciding if falling asleep faster is worth the down sides.

    I have to pick up a few things from the supermarket today, as well as collecting my dry cleaning. Other than that, I do not have much planned for the day. I will exercise – most likely on the treadmill, as the high temperature is forecast to be around 2°… a bit chilly. With that said, if it is not too windy then I will have a cigar on the balcony later on… hopefully with my wife on video.

    I have been getting very stressed lately when people ask me about my immigration process. People do not seem to understand that I will tell them when there is news, but until there is then every single time they ask me is like stabbing at me, and I am no longer staying calm and patient about it. I am swearing at them and am going to start cutting people out of my life. Unfriending them on Facebook is easy… I am also going to stop seeing people in real life who don’t stop asking. From now on they will get one warning and that’s it.

    Oh, and I also plan to do some studying for the exam that I am taking on Monday. I am stressed about that as well, but I am starting to feel more confident that I might pass.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1040

    I was a bit surprised to see that my weight was up slightly this morning, but not terribly so. Today I will be eating the last of the chicken that I have in the house, and starting tomorrow I will be eating breakfast and then only meal replacements for the rest of the day. If my knee holds out I will also start walking. In fact, It looks to be a pretty nice day out today (albeit chilly), so I may go for a walk after my appointment.

    I do not know if this is the time that I will start and get all the way to my goal weight, but I am going to try. To that end, I printed a new fridge chart to encourage me. I have to do more than print papers though; I need to redouble my efforts and make it happen. I have to stop eating but more than that I need to stop cheating. I need to change my attitude toward food, and I need to once and for all break the unhealthy relationship that I have with food.

    While I am planning to walk outside today (with high temperatures of 7°C (41°F), I just went into my bedroom and cleaned everything off the treadmill. If it is my intention to use it this winter to keep active, then I have to as of right now stop using it to hang clothes. Yes, that stereotype is real… except in my case it will be temporary.

    Yes, I went to the supermarket yesterday. Knowing that I have a meal or two left, I purchased vegetables so that I can have a salad with them. I also bought a handful of trail mix which I should not have done… but I also thought about buying breakfast cereal and stopped myself. A smaller transgression is better than a larger one.

    I finally got a good night’s sleep. I woke up feeling refreshed, and while my body battery was low from the time I woke up, the 80 on my sleep score was a relief to see. I will try to sleep well again tonight and am hoping that if I do exercise then it will contribute to that.

    When I picked up my prescription meds yesterday, I also took the opportunity to get my Covid-19 and Flu vaccines. I have still had no ill effects and hope this proactive measure will help to keep me healthy.

    Have a great day folks!