Losing a part of me

Category: Car

  • 2026 Day 14

    I fell head-first off the wagon yesterday. To begin with, and as a very minor issue, I finished the peanuts that were in my car as I drove it to the mechanic. I then came home and slept as much as five hours before my gorgeous bedmate woke me up and told me that she needed to go out for a walk. According to my fitness watch I actually slept from 1:45pm until 6:35pm, most of the time quite deeply.

    Even as I was driven home from the mechanic’s (more on that in a minute) I was thinking about cheating on my diet. I would need to order something in though if I did… I would not have a car, and it was far too cold to even walk to the supermarket or pub on the corner. I came into the house and essentially got right into bed… although I would not sleep for another hour or so. With one brief phone call disturbance I slept until I woke up.

    I did not realize I was in trouble until 8:00pm when I stood up from what I was doing; I felt dizzy and light-headed. and nearly fell. I knew I needed sustenance, and I did something really stupid – I ordered Chinese food. What an utterly stupid thing to do. A large soup, a vegetarian egg roll, and General Tao chicken. Deep fried, fattening as hell, and replete with sodium. Ugh. I did not weigh myself before I got dressed to teach, but I will get back on the scale tonight or tomorrow.

    I took my car in yesterday. He had told me that the diagnosis might take 30 or 90 minutes. As soon as I got there I asked the owner if I could leave it there and he could call me with the diagnosis. He drove me home and promised he would call. I was in bed five minutes after getting in. I tried to stay awake because I thought he would call, but I couldn’t stay awake. He called a few hours later, we spoke, and I went back to sleep. Before I go to sleep today, I will call to see if the car will be ready today. I do not need it, and if he wants to keep it until tomorrow that would be fine. If he wants me to pick it up this afternoon, then I will ask if I can come right before he closes. Yes, I would have to contend with traffic… but as I write this paragraph I know I have four more hours of work, and I would love to go to sleep in four hours and five minutes.

    Fall down seven times, get up eight. My goal for today is to make it through the rest of my class without falling asleep… and then getting back on my diet.

    Have a great day folks.

  • 2026 Day 6

    I did not sleep as well last night as I did the previous two nights, but that is par for the course. I am not used to sleeping well, so when I do I appreciate it. I also know that the evenings that I work until 9:00pm (and in fact last night it was until 9:45pm) I am not going to get to sleep much before midnight, so the fact that my sleep score was still 71 (with 6h31m of actual sleep) is actually pretty good. I will not enumerate all of the specific measures today as I have the last previous days.

    My weight continues to drop nicely. I am not surprised that, following the program almost completely since Day One, to be on track to lose as much as fifteen pounds in the first week. Were it only possible to maintain that rate, I would be at my goal by mid-March! Alas, that is not going to happen. Yes, the first week is always extreme… and I know that the rate of loss will taper severely by the middle of Week Two. With that said, it is satisfying to see nearly another pound drop off from yesterday.

    I only had my three meal replacements yesterday. From the time I sat down at my computer (around 8:30am) until the time I finished my evening class (a little over thirteen hours later) I was on camera and lecturing nearly the whole time with very little break. Today will be easier, as I do not have an evening class. I was going to say that I was happy that the weather forecast predicted temperatures above 0° through the evening, but only now realized that the wind has picked up since Princess Sophie and I came in from our walk. Depending on how that continues, I might or might not be able to enjoy a cigar on the balcony this evening. Otherwise, I will likely not smoke. Although my friends do have a cigar night this evening, until I have had my car checked out (which will be Thursday) I do not feel like driving too much if I do not have to. That means I am likely not going anywhere today, and tomorrow morning I will drive Her Floofness to her spa appointment (and then will pick her up a bit later). I cannot think of any other reason I would need to drive until Thursday morning.

    Day Six of the program, and I should be beyond the hardest mental roadblocks for now. As for physical roadblocks, I decided from the beginning to proactively add fibre to my morning shakes because I remember the painful stoppages I have experienced in previous attempts. As such, I am still having somewhat successful bowel movements every morning… although they are not quite so easy as they were before Day 1.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 723

    Good morning readers! I am neither at the airport nor in Dallas, as yesterday’s sign-off promised. I woke up at 2:20am to get ready for my ride (which was scheduled to arrive at 3:00am) to find a message on my phone that my flight had been cancelled. It took me a few minutes to confirm that I was rebooked on a later flight this afternoon, check in for that flight, and send Leslie a text letting her know that she need not rush in the morning. I was back in bed at 2:42am, and asleep within five minutes. The unexpected upside to the flight cancelation is that I am well rested today and will not be arriving in Dallas in need of a nap. The downside is that the line at US Customs & Immigration is much shorter at 4:00am than it will be at 3:00pm… especially with flight cancelations. Oh well. Another downside is that I got the message less than an hour from my scheduled Uber pickup, so canceling cost me $20 plus tax. I really hope that goes to the driver, and not to the corporation.

    My weight dropped slightly this morning. After my weight peaked this week Wednesday morning at 269 lbs., it is now down to 264.4. While I am still about 26 lbs. heavier than my best weight ever, I am relieved to have been able to recover nearly five pounds in three days. I am also at my lowest weight since New Year’s Eve. These last two weeks have been emotional to say the least, and my work schedule has not given me time to exercise at all – at least, not since last Friday. I have taken Her Floofness out for a couple of walks every day, but that has been the extent of it.

    As I mentioned yesterday morning, my car battery died. At least I have jumper cables, right? Like most people who have them, my cables are in the trunk; while there is a keyhole to open the trunk, the key will not turn. Online forums are suggesting I spray silicon in it. If any of my neighbours have a can then I will try that. If not, then I will deal with it when I get back from Dallas. I do not really need my car today (although I had briefly considered driving to the airport and parking my car there), but if I can easily get into my trunk then I will boost the battery today. If not, then I might as well deal with it when I am back from my trip. Even if I did boost the battery, I would not drive to the airport now. The thought of getting to my car near midnight Wednesday in the cold, only to find that the battery was dead again does not appeal to me.

    As I had not car, I decided to walk to the supermarket this morning. I did not buy much, but as I was not eating breakfast at the airport as planned my options were to either buy breakfast food or go out for breakfast. I did the prudent thing and bought eggs. Having to walk would not have been a deciding factor – I would have had to walk either to the supermarket or to the restaurant. I know that eating out is almost always bad for my diet, and that I will be eating badly enough at the airport… even if I eat well in Dallas.

    So here I sit, waiting for my laundry to dry, writing my morning missive. I took advantage of the time at home to do a load of sheets and towels – I had already washed the rest of my clothes in advance of packing for the trip – and will make my bed so that when I get home late at night on Wednesday (more likely early morning Thursday) I will at least get into a bed made with fresh linen. I just reserved my Uber to pick me up at 1:00pm, which will give me over 3.5 hours at the airport. Yes, that is a long time to wait. Knowing that the terminal (and especially US Clearance) might be a mob scene, I have no problem with that. If I get through it all quickly then I will spend the time relaxing in the First-Class Lounge; if it is a long wait to get through, then at least I will still make my flight. In the meantime, I am going to knock on my neighbour’s door to see if she has any WD-40 to get into my trunk. I will also take that opportunity to see my favourite puppy who is spending a few days with her.

    See you tomorrow!

  • Day 722

    My weight was down another couple of pounds this morning. While it is not what I was hoping to be at for my trip to Dallas (which begins tomorrow morning), it is now four pounds down over the last couple of days. While I was on the brink of hitting the dreaded 270 lbs. mark, I am back to 265… terrible for where I was a couple of months ago, but better than where I was just a few days ago.

    Tomorrow morning I am getting up ridiculously early to head to the airport. I was on the fence about whether I should take an Uber or drive. When I went down to my car this morning to drive to the store before class started, I discovered my battery was dead, which means that unless I get a boost today that decision has been made for me. We’ll see… I might try to get a boost, and still take the Uber. With the luggage it is easier to be dropped at (and then picked up from) the terminal, rather than having to schlep.

    See you tomorrow… either from the airport or from Dallas.

  • Day 685

    You would think that days when I teach until 11pm I would be getting to bed reasonably soon after that. The last few nights I have lay in bed tossing and turning with difficult and depressing thoughts keeping me awake, so last night I decided to shake things up a little. After class I had a cigar on the balcony as I watched TV. I fell asleep at around the same time (maybe 3am), but at least I did not spend three hours in depressive misery leading up to that.

    My weight stayed the same this morning. I’m okay with that. I do not want to gain any more, but my diet it still not the most pressing thing on my mind. I am still above 250, but if I can stay put for a few days I’ll be happy.

    I picked my car up from the mechanic this morning. I left it with him yesterday because my brakes needed to be replaced, so this morning I drove home feeling just a little bit safer. He and I were talking yesterday about how so many people wait until the last minute to put their winter tires on. I always make a point of doing that around the middle of November, so with winter wheels and new brakes I am as safe as I can be.

    See you tomorrow.

  • Day 432

    Yesterday was one of those days where very little went as planned, and almost everything worked out great. I had lunch with my son the younger at Lone Star Texas Grill, where I did eat four tortilla chips but only four. When the waiter told us he would be right back with the chips and salsa I told him not to bring them, unless he could bring celery sticks in place of the chips. He did not. The four chips that I took were off my son’s plate of chips and queso. He tried to ask the waiter to refill the queso at one point, not understanding that he was asking for another order. I explained to him that what he had eaten, combined with the chicken wings that he would be bringing home with him, was enough. He demurred. I ate my fajita bowl with grilled chicken, but I forgot to ask him to leave out the cheese. This was bad because I cannot mix cheese with chicken, but good because they were not mixed. I simply cut the food around the cheese and left that – along with most of the rice. All in all, I don’t think I ate too badly.

    When I was dropping him off, I asked him to bring the present in for his brother. As I sat in the car answering a text, he ran back up to the car and told me I was invited in. His brother was thrilled with the bottle that I had selected for him and invited me to sit down for a wee taste of it… and insisted his mother (read: my ex-wife) join us. Theresa and I get along just fine, but I have known her for seventeen years and I have never seen her enjoy even the smallest drop of whisky or whiskey, but our son insisted and poured for her the smallest portion, just to taste it. The look on her face was exactly what I would have expected, and while it was mildly entertaining to watch, I felt bad for her having to drink something that she really does not like. The rest of the conversation (which lasted more than two hours) was extremely pleasant (Theresa did not stay for most of it) and my son and I caught up. It was absolutely delightful… and extremely interesting in ways that I will not share in public. I am so happy for him though!

    Had I devoured an entire plate of tortilla chips, or even a full dram of whiskey (I did have half an ounce, and he was right insofar as it is absolutely the best Irish whiskey I’ve had), I might have come home and felt so guilty that I would have immediately suited up and gone for a jog. I did not feel guilty about what I ate yesterday (although I do feel bad about the previous day), but it was such a gorgeous day that I felt I needed to hit the road. Julie had canceled our meeting, and my buddy Eduardo was going to come over after 6:00pm for a cigar, so I suited up and did just that. I had no expectations, I just wanted to get a workout in.

    Jogging

    • pb Distance: 11km (13.45 km) **
    • pb Duration: 1:27:32 (1:18:45)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m57s (6m00s)
    • pb Steps: 13,750 (11,350)
    • Calories burned: 1,400 (1,626)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

    ** While I know I have recorded a higher distance on the treadmill, due to calibration issues I have little faith in the accuracy of that activity. This distance was measured by GPS and I believe it to be accurate.

    I killed it. I jogged a full 11km with fewer stops than I have done do far, and one of those stops was because I needed to take a chat. I would have gone farther if it was not for Eduardo, but I know that he would be arriving around 6:00pm, and I did not want him to wait too long for me. Had he not been coming over I would have tried to finish the 15km that would earn me the badge for the month of March. While I still have a few days to try to achieve that, I am not sure that I will… I was surprised that I was able to do 11km without falling down! I did, in the meantime, crack the top 22% for the yearlong challenge on the other app that I mentioned. While it is somewhat disconcerting to see that I am in something like 28,000th place, knowing that there are 132,500 participants in the challenge (and that more than 100,000 of those are behind me) does feel good. Also, I know that the point of the challenge is not to win, but to complete it. The prizes will be raffled off to those who complete the challenge, and not awarded to the winners.

    I am still very upset that I lost my Black Belt. There are still two places where it might be, but I am resigned to the fact that I will almost certainly be buying a new one this week. While the money does not bother me as much (it will cost about $50 to replace), there is an emotional attachment to such an item. Unlike my previous belts which were tied on to me by my GrandMaster, this one I purchased myself (I was promoted officially after I had moved to California), but I am still attached to it. There are still two places where it might be – one is at the Taekwondo school where I will be training, so I will be able to drop in today to ask, and the other is in Dallas (which is much less likely) – but I am not holding out hope. I will check… but when I get to the dojang today and they tell me it is not there, I will bite the bullet and order a new one. It is sad, but it is necessary. In the meantime, I have a second belt with the appropriate rank. When I had my belt made, they accidentally confused inches with centimetres, so I have an embroidered belt that is five sizes too small. I will not be able to wear it properly, but at least I will be able to wear it.

    Yesterday was a day filled with huge positives. I already mentioned that I spent some great quality time with each of my sons in turn, which was great. I also had a nice and positive conversation with my ex-wife about the progress of my son the younger and our struggles with getting him the appropriate help for him and his issues. Seeing a number of my friends who are divorced parents who have horrible relationships with their ex-partners, I am always so grateful that Theresa and I have always been able to maintain a civil relationship. We will never be friends, but there is no animosity. I thank G-d for that. I digress. My son the elder commented that he noticed that I have lost a lot of weight and that I am looking great. I showed him the most recent before/after picture that I took a couple of weeks ago, and he was so amazed that he called his mother downstairs to come look at it. Later in the evening I realized that while I had a milestone a few months back for dropping below the weight I was when Leslie first saw me, I am also now at the lowest weight that Theresa has ever seen me. When I lose five more pounds, I will weigh less than I did when any of my three wives knew me. That blows my mind… not only the weight, but the fact that I have been married three times. I never thought I would be one of those statistics. Hopefully with all of the work I have done to improve myself – both mentally and emotionally but also physically – Leslie and I will be able to live happily ever after together.

    The next great feeling was when my neighbour – Charlie’s mom – commented yesterday that I have lost a lot of weight. It always makes me smile! She asked how much, and I told her. She was floored, and asked how I did it. I told her that it was a lot of hard work… and the realization that the pace at which Princess Sophie walks is not exercise. It did not hurt that I said this as I was coming in from my jog

    I just had a conversation with my mechanic. The car has to go in to check the transmission. The first step will be to check the transmission fluid. If it is not that, this is going to be a very expensive week. I am truly hoping it is the fluid. MY appointment is an hour from now, so I should know more by lunchtime. I will bring my eBook reader with me to the appointment in case it is going to take a while… and a cigar. Yes, it is a bit chilly out, but if this exercise might cost me anywhere from $100 to $3000, I think a cigar to keep me relaxed would not be the worst idea!

    After three days of gaining weight (2.8 lbs.) I was happy to drop 1.2 lbs. this morning on the bathroom scale, despite my cheat eating. I have to assume that the jogging really helps. I was still above 260, but only very minimally. I am now 1.6 lbs. heavier than my best weight yet, and 5.2 lbs. from my best post-Army weight ever. Knowing that, my plan for the day is to stay on track and to stay mindful. After my trip to the mechanic, assuming that my car is drivable, I will go to the gym for a good run, to be followed by a good hydro massage and a shvitz. I am teaching this evening, so I have to be back here by 5:00pm, which is not a problem. I am truly hoping that my car is still drivable, because if it is not then I will not be going to the gym, instead taking an Uber to come back home. I suppose I could take the Uber to the gym… I will consider that when the time comes. I should also plan to take my meal replacement with me to the mechanic. My appointment is at 11:30, and I am due for the meal replacement between 1:00p and 1:30pm. In the best-case scenario, I will be drinking it as I drive to the gym.

    Have a great day folks!