Losing a part of me

Category: Encouragement

  • Day 874

    The combination of (mostly) sticking to the program and the addition of fibre to three meal replacements yesterday paid off this morning. I had a very productive (and comfortable) bowel movement, and the bathroom scale showed me down three pounds from yesterday morning. Woohoo! Of course, I should not discount the fact that I also exercised yesterday – forty-five minutes on the treadmill would have contributed to that. It also justified (read: gave me an excuse) to eat a protein bar (before) and some almonds (after). Hopefully in a few days I will be able to get through the day with the exercise, and without eating. I should also mention that I had the rest of my chicken for lunch… but of course, that was planned.

    On June 1 I was down to 276.6 lbs., and then (after a day of gaining weight for no reason) I had that scary day of lethargy which prompted me to step back from the program for the week that I was working… followed by a few other excuses to extend that ‘step back.’ Gaining eight pounds in nine days felt horrible, but I was never going to let it continue. Today I am five pounds up from that weight, and by this time next week I will be under that weight. I know I can do it, as long as I stay true to the program.

    My diet buddy texted me this morning. We are going to have a call in a few minutes.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 515

    We departed Niagara on the Lake yesterday afternoon after another delicious meal in the old town. I had fish and chips (again), and Leslie had a roast beef sandwich. We diverted from the direct path back to our parking spot to find the candy shop where we had discovered some rare Japanese sweeties that Leslie loved when she was living in Japan, and to the wine shop to pick up a couple of bottles to take back as tokens of appreciation for the ladies who care for Her Floofness when I am out of town. I say the wine shop but should really say a wine shop. Niagara is wine country, and there is no shortage of them along the main street.

    We arrived home around 4:00pm. After getting settled we went out to the supermarket. When I asked if she might like a baked potato with dinner, she replied that she could make baked potatoes for dinner, which I had never done before. Trusting her, we collected the necessary staples and did just that. Her concoction of baked potato, baked beans, non-beef burgers with onions, and everything topped with cheese was delicious! We agreed that it would be a great winter comfort-food meal, but it was still amazing in the middle of June.

    I was not sure what to expect from the bathroom scale this morning but was hoping that I did not gain more than a pound (as I speculated yesterday morning). I was pleasantly surprised to see that my weight actually dropped 1.4 lbs. over the weekend! I guess it goes to show that when I eat smart and am mindful that I can lose weight and still have a good time… including drinks. That is not to say that I will not continue to diet; I would still like to drop another thirty to forty pounds before I am truly satisfied. I am just under 30 lbs. from dropping out of the obesity classification, which will be nice. Yes, I will still be overweight; I think after twenty-five years of obesity I could be happy with that. Everyone talks about ‘the Dad Bod.’ Well, I have been a father for many years, and I have been obese for all of them. Just having a dad bod would not be so bad.

    I am somewhat disappointed by one thing. I looked back in this document (over 700 pages and 485,000 words) to see where that point is – dropping out of obesity – and I saw that with my weight drop this morning I now weigh one pound more than I did when I wrote about that nearly three months ago. These last months have been an emotional rollercoaster and a whirlwind of activity. There have been trips and more trips, a wedding, too many classes to count (including two weeks of 13-hour days that precluded me from jogging), and a lot of excuses. With that said, I am less than ten pounds up from my lowest weight. In 2020 when I got to my best weight, I started to slip… and three months later I was forty pounds heavier. I am okay with being on a plateau; I can recover from plateaus, as I have several times during the last year and a half. Falling off the program completely is a sign of giving up, or maybe denial. I do not know if those would be equally bad, but I refuse to give up and I will not be in denial. I have written in this journal so many times about my need to remain aware and mindful of my weight and what I eat. I will continue to be that, and I will continue to focus, and I will continue to lose weight… although I suppose the last forty pounds will likely drop off more gradually than the last ones, even if I did decide to resume the full-fast, meal-replacements only diet.

    Leslie was a great support for me this weekend, and I will continue to push ahead knowing that I do not want to disappoint her. I know that is a fallacy, but it is one that works for me. Leslie loved me at my heaviest weight, and if I were to remain at my current weight, she would continue to love me. She knows that I want to be mindful, so her encouragement has been for my own sake much more than for her own. When, for example, she was finished with her fish and chips at the pub the other night she offered me the rest of her fish… but doused the French fries with malt vinegar (which she knows I cannot stomach). When she saw that I was picking at the dregs of my meal (a long-time habit of mine) she would stop me. Some might think that she was nitpicking, but I asked her to do it and it is quite helpful. I do not know if I would have made it this far without her love, support, and encouragement.

    It is a beautiful day out and I have plans for the day. I am going to go for a jog (my first in weeks), and I am going to do some studying for my next certification. I also have some calls to make regarding services (I already spoke with my credit card company; next up is my Internet provider). I am going to call a few friends with whom I have not spoken in a few days or longer. I am going to prepare a delicious dinner for us of portobello mushrooms. Lunch will be a hodgepodge of leftovers of last week’s spaghetti and last night’s potato. From 6:00pm I will be on the patio for my cigar sommelier class. All in all it will be a busy day… but very different from how my days were last week when I was teaching from morning until night.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Know Where To Stick Your Comments

    **This is another article that I wrote during a previous weight loss attempt. It is funny how little editing I needed to do in order to make it apply perfectly to this week, nearly three years later. –MDG

    Has anyone else had it up to here (gesturing just above my head) with people telling you what to do with regard to your weight loss? Is there someone in your life who thinks they know better than you? I suspect we all try to be polite to them, but sometimes it can be too much.

    There was one person that I met recently who fed into my stress. As I said, I have very little patience for people who try to tell me what I should be doing to lose weight… no matter what their intentions are. Yes, they mean well… but do me a favour and keep your opinions to yourself.

    “Mitch, you know that the extra weight you are carrying around is not healthy, right? If you were to do X, you would continue to lose even more weight. You will be so much happier when you do!”

    I usually do not respond when someone opens their mouth like this, but I suppose was having a bad day, and this was just too far. ‘Hey, Fred (not his real name) … thanks for your concern. One of us has lost about 115lbs in the last year, and the other one of us should shut up and save his advice for when I ask for it. Would you care to guess which one of us is which?’

    Yeah, ‘Fred’ was more than a little surprised that I would say that… but really, at this point I think I’ve done pretty well, and that the method I am using is pretty good, wouldn’t you say? If I did not want your advice when I was at my heaviest, what makes you think I would want it now? If you want to offer support, offer words of encouragement. Things that friends have said over the past few weeks:

    • Oh my G-d, Mitch… I cannot believe how well you are doing! Keep it up!
    • Mitch, you look amazing! Keep up the good work!
    • Wow… you are a shadow of your former self!
    • You are a true inspiration to me!
    • Mitch, you look hot!

    All of these are perfectly acceptable (and welcome!) comments. Keep them coming folks!

    The following, on the other hand, are neither helpful nor welcome, and if it is what you were thinking of saying, then just say nothing:

    • You are doing well, but you still have a lot of weight to lose.
    • Mitch, how much more weight do you think you need to lose?
    • If you’d like, I know a doctor with an amazing weight-loss plan that would help you lose the weight even faster!
    • You’ve lost so much weight and still wear a Size 38 pants?
    • You should do X to lose more weight.
    • The program you are following is not healthy, so be careful.
    • If you do not change your habits, you are just going to gain the weight back again.

    Do you see that most of these comments sound like they are meant to encourage me? Some of them are from people who want to help, who think they are helping. Do you know what they all have in common? They are all unsolicited. I can almost guarantee at this point that I know more about weight-loss, but certainly about my own body and weight loss, than you do. I have also spent more time morbidly obese than you have. Please, keep it to yourself.

    I welcome, I love hearing, I love getting words of encouragement. Positive reinforcement is wonderful, and when people tell me how great I look it makes me well with joy. I have figured out what works for me, and that is why I look the way I look now, rather than what I looked like a year (or even three months) ago. Let me keep at it… I assure you I have no desire to ever gain another ounce again. But I have figured out a way to do it without your help, and I am my own harshest critic.

    When I was married to my second wife, I went on a weight-loss program. I asked Theresa (my now ex-wife) to be my Diet Sergeant. For a couple of months, she was… and with her help I did pretty well… until I did not. When I tried to get back on track, I asked her to resume her duties. She told me that it was unfair of me to put that responsibility on her… when no matter how strict she was, I could always circumvent her ‘authority.’ She was right… My diet is just that… mine. The responsibility is mine, and the success or failure of it is mine.

    I am my own harshest critic… in all things, not just the diet program. I beat myself up over it all the time, and nothing that you say will be harsher than what I say to myself. The difference is that I have the right… you do not. My mother used to say that if you have nothing good to say, say nothing. She was the worst offender of this advice that I have encountered in my fifty years on the planet. That does not make it bad advice, it just makes her a hypocrite. If you want to encourage me, say something nice… and completely nice. Be prepared with a follow-up should I be self-deprecating. I’ll give you an example:

    (You) Wow, Mitch… you look like you have lost a ton of weight!

    (Me) Thanks, but it’s just a drop, and I have so much more to go.

    (You) Well you are doing great… whatever it is you are doing, keep it up!

    Do you see how easy that was? On the other hand, the following would be a terrible way to follow up:

    (You) Wow, Mitch… I can’t believe how much slimmer you are than the last time I saw you!

    (Me) Thanks, but I hope the next time you see me I will be even slimmer still.

    (You) Make sure you have the occasional cheat meal, so you do not give up completely. Want to join us for pizza?

    I cheat enough, and I do not need your encouragement or permission. If I tell you I want to lose more weight, just follow up with ‘Well, you are doing great!’ or ‘Whatever you have been doing, keep doing it!’ That’s all I want. That’s all I need. If you cannot say something 100% positive, then don’t say anything.

  • Day 377

    Responding to a Facebook post

    I find it amazing that I am finding myself the voice of reason and good advice for people trying to lose weight. How can someone who has failed so many times be that? It is because we learn from our failures, and experience is what you get right after you needed it… while wisdom is what comes after spending hours, days, or weeks analyzing those experiences.

    This morning before I even opened my Weight Loss Journal I checked Facebook, and I saw the following post from someone in one of my support groups.

    So last year I did <program> and Saxenda diet/lifestyle change. Then the opportunity came up to do a round of IVF. I had to stop the Saxenda which in turn fell off the shakes and back to all carb diet. (Sadly it didn’t work) From September 1st to yesterday (January 30) I gained 53 pounds. Back on everything 1 day and 7 pounds of water gone. And my foot is still swollen. The part that gets me and all doctors just ignore it, but from Dec 12 to Yesterday was 30 pounds. That works out to 10 pounds every 2 weeks. Is this normal for others? Am I the only one? And no I don’t eat a lot of food just the wrong kinds. I should add not the first time that has happened to me either. I just don’t get it.

    I gave it a little thought, realizing immediately her huge mistake… I then took my time to draft the following response. (Note that in both the original post and in my response I have redacted the name of the program, but I have left the name of her medication in)

    Hi Jessica. I cannot speak for anyone but myself, but I have learned from experience that the minute I reintroduce carbs into my diet, I will gain weight in a big hurry if it goes unchecked. I do not know how old you are, but if you are trying to get pregnant then you are younger that I am. When I was growing up, we were always taught that FAT IS BAD. Well guess what? The experts have changed their tune completely over the past few decades. The real enemies to weight loss are carbohydrates, starches, and sugars. That is why we <on this program> see such tremendous success on the program… initially. When you drop from 100-200g of carbs per meal to 75.2g per day, your body reacts by looking for other sources of energy… namely, our body fat. Our bodies LOVE carbs and starches… and that is a really easy source of energy for them when it is available. When you write that you switched back to an all-carb diet, your body was having a field day! I am visiting with my wife this week and have taken a break from the program. I am cooking most nights, but we also planned for a couple of meals out. The first night we had sushi, and I went nuts… and I paid for it the following morning by gaining 2lbs in one day. For our Friday evening out, we were going for Chinese food. What I would have liked to eat (I checked) had 2100 calories and 220g of carbs. What I DID eat was 950 calories and 47g of carbs. Had I eaten what I wanted to, I would have gained another 2-3lbs the next morning. Instead, I was down .6lbs. IN SHORT: Yes, it is perfectly normal and dare I say REALLY EASY to gain 5lbs per week on an all-carb diet. I HATE it… I hate the fact that I have lost over 100lbs 3 times and gained it all back twice (and each time in less than 15 months). If you read my blog, you will see what I go through… I write about my triumphs and failures every day, as well as all of the emotions that go with them.

    These are lessons that have taken a long time to learn, and I can only hope that I will not only remember them when times are good, but when I need to. I have to remember that my number one goal once I have lost the weight is mindfulness. If I can remember these (and the myriad other lessons that I have learned about losing weight and keeping it off) then I can live a happy and slim life… once I get there. No, I am not there yet.

    I did not eat properly yesterday, but it was one of those weird days when it went the other way. I had my meal replacement in the morning, a Thai salad with tofu from Salad and Go for lunch, and I made a scrumptious dinner of salmon (essentially the same recipe as Saturday, except I marinated the salmon all afternoon) and an air-fried cauliflower that I cut up, drizzled with oil, and seasoned with Tony Chachere’s Creole Seasoning. That’s all I ate. On a normal day, I would have had a protein bar in the afternoon, and possibly another one in the evening. When I say I did not eat properly, I mean I did not eat enough. Whether I am following the Canadian or the American program, I am supposed to be eating either four or five times per day. The theory is that when we eat smaller meals more frequently, our body continues to burn the calories throughout the day. I am not disappointed, but I will try to not do it again.

    Yesterday morning I dropped off a couple of packages at the post office, then I spent a couple of hours at my cigar lounge with a cigar and a cup of coffee. I wrote (or started to write) a technical article for my professional blog which I have been meaning to do for a few days. I left the lounge precisely on schedule. As per the plan, I picked up salads for Leslie and I for lunch. She asked me to pick up a couple of things at the grocery store, but when I went to check out, there was a 45-minute wait. I left my order on the side and walked right out. When I got home, Leslie told me that it would be crazy all day for a couple of days because of the weather. I told her that whatever chaos there might be, I would go back after we ate. I did just that and was relieved to find out that the reason the store was such a madhouse before was only partly due to the weather, but also due to a computer issue that had shut down most of the self-checkout kiosks. By the time I went back, the issue had been resolved. The store was still a madhouse, but the lines were more reasonable. I was out the door in under twenty minutes.

    I worked on my article in the afternoon as Leslie worked, and then I made our dinner. It was too cold to sit outside with a cigar, but we were still surprised that the schools, city services, and essentially all of Dallas was closing today! I was laughing then, but not now… the precipitation started around 8:30am, and while the weather report says it is snowing, from my perch across the room from the window it looks more like freezing rain. In Canada we would not think twice about it… but we are not only used to it, we are also prepared for it. There would be trucks salting the roads, and everyone has winter tyres. I had originally thought I might spend a couple of hours at the lounge today, but I think the farthest I will venture out is to pick up salads for our lunch.

    I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning to a real shock. I was disappointed yesterday morning when I gained 1.4 lbs. from the previous day. Today I was completely floored to see a 2.6 lbs. drop from yesterday. That not only puts me below my pre-trip weight, but it also puts me squarely into best-weight-yet territory. This was a complete and total shocker that had both Leslie and me slack-jawed but happy about it. To solidify that, I am teaching this evening so my plans for solid foods are to have a salad for lunch, but meal replacements for the rest of the day.

    Okay, my plans just got waylaid. Salad and Go is closed today (along with most of the city) due to the weather. Leslie and I will have chicken burgers for lunch, and I will make a salad to eat with it. That change is not going to affect my plans greatly – even if I put my burger between two slices of bread, that will be my only significant carbs for the day, and I can still lose weight tomorrow morning. It is very exciting to know that if I lose just .4 lb. more, I will have crossed into the next decade… this morning’s reading was 290.2 lbs.! I would be thrilled if I could celebrate that milestone with Leslie. Of course, I know that today’s massive drop means that there is a very good chance that no matter how good I am on the program today, I will be in for a rude correction tomorrow. My hopes then are that eating right today will balance out that correction, and I can stay the same. We will see what tomorrow brings… I just know that I have to be good every day, so that the downward trend continues. I have to remind myself every day and with every meal that being mindful is the key to my success. Being cognizant of what I choose to eat – and how much of it – is how I will continue to lose weight.

    The snow continues to fall, and all of Dallas is closed down. There will be no cigars today (although that was never really a certainty anyways) and it is unlikely that either of us will leave the house. In the evening I will teach, but before that I will sadly pack my suitcase. Unless the weather dictates otherwise, tomorrow morning Leslie will drive me to the airport and I will fly back to Canada. I hate leaving her. I hope we can at least have a nice evening together once my class is over.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Ow

    It is likely that if you were to ask Leslie right now, before she reads this entry, she would say that she pushed me to go out to walk today. She did, of course… but it was not solely her encouragement that got me out of the house. It is certainly not her fault that I pushed myself, despite setting out in the wrong shoes to begin with.

    I wanted to turn back before I hit the first kilometre, my feet were in pain before the second, and I knew that my pace was terrible from the outset, with only one (the second) of eight kilometres clocking under 11m10s. Whereas yesterday I broke all sorts of records, today’s walk included some of my worst statistics in months.

    • Distance: 8.0 km (9.2 km)
    • Duration: 1:29:42 (1:30:55)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 11:12 (9:53)
    • Best Split-Pace Kilometre: 10m55s (9m24s)
    • Steps: 10.2k (11.5k)
    • Calories burned: 933 (1,250)
    • Elevation gain: 27.7 (26)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 112 (126)

    Of course, there are two ways to look at this abysmal performance. Yes, it was nowhere near the performance I turned in yesterday. But I turned in a performance. Despite the exhaustion, the fact that I just did not feel like going out for my walk, despite the pain from nearly the very beginning of my walk, I still walked eight kilometres. I simply wanted to crawl into bed… or sit on the balcony with a cigar. I can think of myriad activities I would have rather done than gone for a walk.

    With my wife’s encouragement, with the knowledge that if I did not go, I would not be giving it my all to lose as much weight as possible by next Wednesday, with the understanding that I am trying to form a positive habit, I went. When I realized I had chosen the wrong shoes (I believe last month I walked in these, and decided their limit was 5km), I kept going… knowing that the soles of my feet would be hurting.

    Not for nothing, I took yet another new route today… only this is one that I will not be revisiting. I decided to walk down Walker’s Line to North Service Road, and then east to Appleby Line. Knew when I decided on the route that the service road is adjacent the highway, and there would be noise and all. What I did not realize was that not only is there no sidewalk (on either side of the street), there is also not enough space on the road to walk safely in a lot of parts, and I had to walk on either grass (not a problem) or gravel (more of a problem). Thanks all, but the service road is not going to be a repeat route.

    I need to shower, make my evening meal replacement, and light a cigar. If I thought I would sleep through the night, I might go right to sleep… but I do not want to wake up at 4:30am… especially knowing that with my feet the way they are, I could not simply go for a walk before class. I will have a nice chat with my wife, and I will be in bed at a decent hour.

    If my feet are not in too much pain, tomorrow should be a Taekwondo night. Wish me luck!