Losing a part of me

Category: Fatigue

  • Day 9 – Not Good

    I wasn’t doing great yesterday, but I got through it. I was also thrilled to get the best night sleep in a very long time! And then…

    I couldn’t believe how tired I was this morning. I almost got back into bed after my morning ritual. I had to work, so it was not an option. With that said… wow I was tired.

    I have not been on my program today because I did not think I was going to make it through the day. I had granola for breakfast and lunch. That’s not where it ended… I devoured several ropes of licorice. I am disgusted with myself. Tomorrow will be another day.

    I am not actually waiting for tomorrow. I am going to try to resume the program this evening, with my late-afternoon and evening meal replacements. Honestly, while the granola wasn’t a great idea for the weight loss program (it was probably necessary to have enough energy to teach my class without falling asleep), I hate myself for the licorice. No fat… pure sugar. I cannot imagine that there is any redeeming property to licorice, and I am certain that when I step onto the scale tomorrow morning, my weight will be up a bit. F&ck.

    I ordered two weeks worth of meal replacements yesterday, and there is an interesting variety that includes chocolate shakes, candy bars, and soups. I am hoping it is all palatable. When it arrives I will know.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1332

    I love what I do… but I cannot lie – I am relieved that I am now officially done with the overnight classes for the next little while. After a really weird Friday (which reminded me that there are some activities that I was really hoping I was done with) I got a luxuriant night sleep… which would have been slightly longer if I did not share my bed with a floof. It is my responsibility as a fur daddy to take her out when she asks nicely, and so I probably slept a little bit less than I would have. I will have another night to catch up tonight.

    My new order of meal replacements arrived yesterday. I think Monday I am going to start a new routine with them. I am not sure what that will be, but I will think of something.

    My plans for Saturday include seeing a friend in the afternoon. It will be a fun time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1267 – Afternoon

    I was afraid this was going to happen. I had my meal replacement shake at lunchtime as I was planning to, and I have been drinking water. Right after lunch I realized I had a headache so I took a couple of Aspirin. They didn’t help. Why? My headache – and now my sluggishness – are my body telling me that I am hungry. I have two hours to go until the end of class and I will be able to rest, but I am not happy with how I am feeling. I hope this only lasts a couple of days at most because I really need to spend the weekend studying for my CISSP exam which is Tuesday, and I need to be able to focus on it with zero distractions. In the meantime I am sticking to the plan… I will have another meal replacement after class, and another one some time during the evening, and that will be it… aside from a lot of water.

    I was planning on eating my last three eggs tomorrow morning for breakfast (as I did this morning) but I think I am going to give them to a neighbour. I want to get on the program completely… although I suspect there will be an exception for alcoholic beverages.

    I am feeling like shit but that doesn’t matter… I need to lose the weight. I need to get back on track. I need to stop hating myself.

  • Day 1130

    Yesterday should have been a day of positive emotions. I spent much of it helping others, which is good for the soul. I spent a lot of time forgetting my issues, and the day would have been perfect… had I not dropped my phone in someone’s car and had to spend 10 hours tracking it and eventually getting it back. Yes, I got it back, no, there was no foul play involved. It was actually a good day, but one with an asterisk. **

    After several days of gaining weight, it dropped yesterday, if only by a fraction. This morning I was pleased to see a drop of 2.6 lbs., which brought it back down below 310. That does not change that I need to get back on track. I promised my wife that if I do not get back on track and seriously over the next few weeks then I am going to reevaluate my strategies. That is probably a good idea anyways.

    I may be exhausted, but I have an old friend coming over for a cigar shortly. It will be good to see him.

    Have a great day folks!

    ** It is a little embarrassing that having grown up in Quebec and studying French from an early age, I occasionally type the * character as Asterix (the name of a French comic book character) and then have to look up the proper spelling as asterisk when my spell-check marks it as wrong. This usually happens when I do not get enough sleep.

  • Day 739

    My weight was the same this morning as it was yesterday morning. This was likely owing to a combination of two factors:

    1) The friend whose house I was at yesterday made an amazing beef sandwich on fresh Italian bread; and

    2) Princess Sophie got me up before I really wanted to get up because she was frantically asking to go outside. When a doggie tells you it is important, you should listen. I did not really feel the need to move my bowels (although I likely would have been able to) so I cut that corner in the rush to take her outside… thus weighing myself without doing so.

    I hardly slept at all last night. Aside from the sandwich, my buddy also made us an espresso. This was just an all-around bad idea at 7:00pm, but I was thinking more about the football game we were watching. I will try to not make that mistake again. The consequence of that is that I am working on about four hours of sleep… after two great nights, last night was the pits. Oh well. Tonight will be better.

    I took Her Floofness to the doctor today, and she was such a good girl (as she always is). When I brought her home she insisted on going to the neighbour’s apartment… even though after her vaccinations she will likely be asleep all afternoon. I wish I was! I had to go shopping, and then came home to make lunch. I have a lot of work to do, and I am going to shower and then sit on the balcony reading (to prepare for my upcoming classes.

    See you tomorrow.