Losing a part of me

Category: Fibre

  • Day 496

    I stuck to the plan yesterday, except that I accidentally made too much rice with my chicken. I have to remember to measure it out, and for some reason I was not paying attention and I just free poured. It could have been worse… I was probably a quarter of a cup too heavy on my pour.

    I was once again worried as I got into bed last night. Before I lay down, I stepped onto the bathroom scale. Of course the evening reading is discarded, but it usually gives me a good indication of what my weight will be in the morning. I can usually expect a drop of two pounds from 11pm to 7am. When I saw that my weight last night was a full 3.6 lbs. heavier than it had been in the morning, I got concerned that I would be gaining weight today. I might have to rethink my plans if that was the case… even if I did eat too much rice. It turns out that I worried needlessly. This morning I actually dropped .2 lb. from yesterday morning. I suspect the reintroduction of starch into my diet is having an effect on things, and the fluctuations over the course of the day are going to be less predictable. As long as I continue to lose weight from morning to morning then I am less concerned with that than I might have been.

    I am trying to remember if today is the second or third straight day that I have not had a successful bowel movement. While not yet worrying, this is certainly surprising as I have reintroduced a proper meal (and some days two) into my diet. I will have to pay attention to this over the next few days to see when I finally do, and if that becomes regular. I suspect that my next attempt might be painful, and in anticipation of that I decided to take a teaspoon of fibre powder this morning. I do not want to get so backed up that it gets uncomfortable and scary.

    My plans for the day are to do exactly what I have been doing these last few days. I will have lunch after my class, and that will be my only meal of the day. I will probably go shopping in the afternoon because I will be out of chicken, and also need some vegetables. I will not be tempted to cheat, and the best way to make sure I stay on track is to ensure that I have the proper stocks to prepare my meals in a timely fashion. I will not be straying from my path. I also need to return a couple of packages to Amazon, which I will try to do this afternoon as well.

    Today is Her Royal Floofness, Princess Sophie’s birthday! I took her for a very nice walk this morning, and she got to see some of her friends. We have treats that are usually reserved for the Sabbath, but she got one of those (and an extra cookie) this morning. She deserves to celebrate. Over the next few weeks there will be a few occasions that she and I will mark, including the day we met, the day I picked her up from her foster family, and the day I finalized her adoption. She has been my faithful friend these last four years, and I do not begrudge her the extra treats to celebrate. She will be getting a few of those this month.

    I am still reeling over a negative evaluation I got from a student from a course a couple of weeks ago. I finally read the full review this morning. It is clear to me that this student felt I was the worst instructor she has ever experienced… and was saying that the rest of the students felt the same way. On the one hand, I know that I am pretty good at what I do. On the other hand, a single really negative evaluation can cause a company to not hire me again. I am hoping that is not the case here, but I am going to make sure as I go forward that I do what I can to improve on some of the criticism she gave. On the other hand, she said that I said something that I know that I would never say to a class. I have no idea what she heard that makes her think that I said it, or if she heard it from another instructor and projected it onto me. Either way, it might be damaging, and I am hoping that it is a one-off and that the organization does not hold it against me. I am still certain they will keep an eye on me though… sort of like probation. It is a stress that I wish I did not have to worry about.

    In any event, it is time for me to get back to my day. I will stay focused and will not let any of this drag me off course. I need to succeed, and I will succeed.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 492

    There were three reasons I doubted today my mostly consistent weight loss would continue this morning. 1) I cheated yesterday. 2) I have been having trouble moving my bowels these last couple of days. 3) I decided last night very late (11:30pm) to have my last meal replacement, even though the plan had been to skip it because of my cheating. I made this decision because the meal replacement shakes are my best conduit for added fibre, which I decided (after a painful and failed attempt in the bathroom) was necessary. I am going to address each of these issues individually, but first:

    I did it. This morning, despite my expectations that I would not drop, the bathroom scale reported my weight at 250.0 lbs. It is a huge milestone, a threshold on which I have never, in all of my attempts to lose weight these last twenty years, stood. If I am able to stick to the program today, then tomorrow morning’s weigh-in might actually be in the 240s. I do not remember ever being there before. I am almost breathless with anticipation!

    Okay, so now that I have that out of the way, let me address the three points from my first paragraph:

    1. I love teaching. Technical training has been a passion of mine for years, and I truly enjoy it. When training went online and I had to accept that my students were not in front of me, I adjusted and found ways to make the best of it. My daytime class this week (I taught an evening class as well) was a group of military members who try as I might I could not engage. It felt like I spent the entire week speaking to an empty room. Add to that I did not plan my timing as well as I usually do, so the last day (yesterday) was a mad rush to finish. I got through it, but it was extremely stressful. As I drove to Hamilton for my evening plans (cigars with friends) I was hungry, even though I had my third meal replacement of the day less than an hour before. I know now as I knew then that my hunger was emotional, but it did not matter. I broke down and stopped at Bulk Barn to buy peanuts to eat in the car. I feel guilty and ashamed of it, but I doubt I would have made it through the evening had I not done so.
    2. As I have written about previously, one of the effects of a full-fast program with liquid meal replacements is that there will be days when I do not move my bowels. I do not think I had a good poop since Wednesday, and that can affect weight loss in the short term for sure. Unfortunately, read the next point.
    3. Last night I felt the urge to poop, and I tried… hard. It was painful, and I was unable to succeed. I realized that my solid waste was too solid and would need some help. It was past my bedtime, and I never like to eat (or whatever the term for ingesting a meal replacement is) that late, but the shakes are my usual conduit for fibre. I had originally skipped my fourth meal replacement of the day in lieu of the cheat-peanuts, but I needed the fibre… badly.

    I still managed to get to where I wanted to be this morning on the bathroom scale, even though I suppose when I had said I want to hit 250 I probably meant I wanted to be below 250… but I am at the mark, and I am happy with it. I will do well these next couple of days and I will drop below it soon enough.

    The reason I waited so long to take the fibre is because when I was taking it before I started having bowel issues that scared me… two weeks of diarrhea led me to get off the program until I was able to see my doctor and make sure I was safe to resume. My solution then was to do a partial program, where I would have shakes but I would also have enough regular solid food to regulate my system. I am probably 5-10 pounds away from making that decision anyways, so it is something I am going to start thinking about more.

    I am driving out to Strathroy today to see my buddy who has been sick. I also get to see my godchildren while I am there, and I am really excited. I wish I had thought to pick up presents for them, but honestly this week has been a shitshow. I will do my best to stay on track with my program and will make sure I have my meal replacements and my shaker bottle with me. On my way home I will drop in to have a cigar with Ryan in Cambridge. All in all, I will be doing a lot of driving today… but I will also get to see some friends I don’t see as often as I wish I could.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 435

    I was so excited that I was going to break all of my distance records yesterday on the treadmill. I was nearly 2km into my jog when I realized I had not pressed the start button on my fitness tracker. Of course, this should make absolutely no difference to my workout; I am not running primarily to track my run, but to get fit. For some reason, that logic did not help me, and I just never got into the run. I will try again today, but not with the intention of setting records, only to get back up on the horse. My schedule is pretty packed, so I am not going to be able to spend hours at the gym. I will go, I will run for an hour, then I’ll pick up Her Floofness and we will go to Eduardo’s for a couple of hours. It would be slightly easier if my ultrasound appointment was at 10:00am, and not 11:00am.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    · Distance: 8.4km (5.6km)

    · Duration: 1:02:42 (39:09)

    · Average Pace (Min/km): 7m27s (7m01s)

    · Steps: 9,475 (6,075)

    · Calories burned: 1,117 (767)

    · Average cadence (steps per minute): 151 (155)

    I should remember that I should not be pushing myself at the gym today, knowing that I have my Taekwondo class this evening. I did spend ten minutes on the mat stretching before I jogged yesterday, and I will do the same today. In six months, I will be ready to test for my next belt… and I will be in the best shape of my (adult) martial arts life!

    My bowel movement this morning was solid, and there were slight indicators from my body that it is safe and prudent to resume my fibre additive in the mornings. I suppose it was simply something that I ate over the weekend that caused me issues, and that is behind me now. Phew! **Written later and before publishing the entry: No, I am still having loose bowel issues. Hold the fibre once again, thank you!

    I am so close. With two days left before I get up early to head to the airport, the reading on the bathroom scale this morning has me at 255.6 pounds. I am less than one pound away from achieving my best post-Army weight ever. As I woke up this morning, I started thinking that it might be today. That would have been a stretch, as it would literally mean I would have lost four pounds in two days. I also knew that it was possible that I would give back some weight this morning, but that did not happen. I was thrilled to see that I am inside one pound, and also know realistically that I might fall outside of that range tomorrow… but staying on track, staying mindful, and staying focused are how I will figure out how to get there. Over the next few days, I will be on the watch for it though. A few months ago, I would have expected that when I do get there, I would let out a loud ‘whoop!’ but now I expect a big smile, a quiet fist pump, and then I will go about my day. I will not be rewarding myself with a big cheat meal… that would defeat the purpose. I will be going off the full-fast program Saturday for the week that I am away, but I will not be starting out with the same wild cheat night that I usually have when I go to Dallas. When I leave town on Saturday I might or might not be at or under my best weight ever; I promise you, dear reader, that when I return to Canada the following Sunday I will be.

    Yesterday’s extreme winds brought a drop in the temperature (along with a couple of hours of wild snow). When Her Floofness and I went out this morning the thermometer read -8°, which in February is pretty seasonal but the last few days of March might be considered less so. As such, I will not even be thinking about running outside today; I will go to the gym where I can be comfortable. When I am out of town next week, I will likely spend a lot more time jogging outside and exploring my environs as I do. Hopefully by the time I get back to Canada we will be done with the below-zero temperatures, and spring (which supposedly started a week ago) will really be ready to kick in.

    Leslie and I made a very exciting decision on Tuesday; I followed that decision up with a long phone call with my rabbi yesterday afternoon. With that, the path is clear, and the date is set. My wife and I are getting married! That might sound weird, so let me explain. We were married by a judge in the State of Texas. There were no witnesses – there were three people in the courtroom – the bride, the groom, the judge. We have set the date for our religious ceremony, which will be at the synagogue. When I fly to Dallas at the end of the month, she and I will then board a flight to California, and that weekend we will be married under the eyes of G-d… and a few friends who will be gathered to witness our happiness. There are so many things that we have to do between now and then, and I am glad that the rabbi (who is also a friend) is guiding us through it. Last night I ordered the ketubah (the marriage contract, a hand-drawn and calligraphed document that will be signed prior to the ceremony, and then framed and mounted on our wall forever). This morning, I decided to order customized kippot (yarmulkas) – the skullcaps that Jewish men wear, which is so often a tradition that a couple shares with their guests. This afternoon, I will have to speak with a couple of people in California regarding the logistics, food, setup, and everything else. It is a frenzy, and it is exciting! The countdown is officially on.

    Wednesday evening (six days from now) is the beginning of Passover. Not realizing that I would be traveling next week, when I was last in Dallas, I purchased a box of Matzahs. That box will be getting onto yet another international flight, making it a very well-traveled box of unleavened bread! With the expectation that by then I will be safely into best-weight-ever territory, I plan to make a very minor feast, including some of the traditional foods that have always made Pesach one of my favourite Jewish festivals. I will prepare the Pesach plate, I will fill a cup of wine for Elijah the Prophet, and with very few people around the table, I will tell the story of our flight from the bonds of slavery into the dessert, where we wandered for forty years before the descendants of the slaves crossed the Jordan River into Eretz Yisrael. While Matzah is completely not good for my weight loss regimen, I am going to celebrate my holiday… and I will do it weighing less than I have in this millennium.

    Over the last few days, I have been fitting things into my schedule for today, and every time I did, I kept trying to remember what it was that I have scheduled for the evening. I have long said that if it is not in my Outlook, it will not be remembered. This morning, I finally created a recurring event for Tuesdays and Thursdays… my Taekwondo classes! I have a lot of learning to do, or rather relearning. Before I am ready to test for my next belt, I have to relearn every pattern that I had to learn for all of my previous belts… or at least, all of the official patterns. That means I need to relearn eight Taeguk patterns, Koryo, Keumgang, and Taebek. I will also have to learn a pattern called Pyongwon, which I have seen but have never learned. Of course, the patterns are one thing… I also want to vastly improve my form. The major takeaway from my first class on Tuesday is that my kicks are garbage, and I have to work on them… a lot.

    My plans for today are to stay mindful, to stay on track, and to try to stay focused. I have a lot of things I need to get done, starting with my ultrasound. I’ll pack my gym kit so that I can go straight there from the clinic. After that, I will come home, have my meal replacement, and then Princess Sophie and I will head up to see Eduardo and Gladys. I hope to also stop into see Ryan at his job before coming home to teach this evening. Staying on track means that my Saturday I might be there… but I must stay on track!

    Have a great day folks!