Losing a part of me

Category: Plateau

  • Day 561

    I was horrified last night when, before getting into bed, I stepped onto the bathroom scale. I was three pounds heavier than I had been in the morning. It is not uncommon for me to be a bit over my morning weight late at night. It is usually a safe bet that by morning I will weigh 2-3 pounds less than my nighttime weight. Unless something drastic happened, I would weigh over (or near) 270 pounds in the morning. It was not fair! I had a normal breakfast and lunch, but I finished the day with a meal replacement shake around 5pm, and then another one around 10:30. How could I actually gain weight after a day like that?

    What I had not taken into account was that the water I had drunk, combined with the fact that I suspect the shakes are a diuretic. I was up to pee three times before my morning rituals; combined with the very successful bowel movement, I ended up down from last night an incredible 5.4 lbs., and 2.4 lbs. from yesterday morning. All is well, I did not have to get disheartened that when I work at it I really can continue to lose weight.

    My wife has decided to use the meal replacement program to lose weight. While I do not care if she loses weight or not, I am happy to support her through it. Over the last few days we have discussed it a great deal. Today is her second full day on the program, and she is experiencing a lot of the side effects that are so normal for anyone who has started the program as often as I have. She seems relieved that I am able to reassure her that the headache, the weakness, the thirst, and all are all perfectly normal. I will continue to be her support system, and her biggest cheerleader.

    I had actually thought to start the full program with her but realized that I had quite a few dollars worth of perishable groceries in the refrigerator and did not want to throw it all out. I have, however, decided to go back onto the partial program. Today I had my breakfast, and after my jog/walk I will prepare my lunch. In the late afternoon/evening I will have a meal replacement shake (or two). The chicken I have in the fridge will then be done, and I will go down to one meal (breakfast) in the morning, and then three meal replacements. I will do that for another week or so, and then I will decide if I want to stick with that program, or if I might be ready to try another month or so on the full program.

    I am not making this decision solely to do it with my wife. I know that I might never get back down below 200 lbs., I know that I still have a substantial amount of weight I would like to lose. In my post-Army life I have never weighed less than 250 pounds. When I reached that milestone on May 27, I was thrilled… and then I started to lose ground. I know I can get back there, and then I can go further. If I can get down to 220 lbs., for example, then I will be completely clear of the Obese Class I category, and I can think about being normal. As I wrote sometime over the last few days, if I can get to a good place then I can make sure that I stay within a range… and not letting myself go again. If I realize that 250 is as good as I can do, then maybe that’s where I will be… but I am not giving up on getting lower unless I really try. If I have done everything I can but still cannot get below that then I will accept it. I will not settle unless I know that I have tried my best.

    This morning Leslie and I had a lovely cigar date on the balcony. I lost track of time, so here I sit writing my daily entry at 12:30pm. It is time for me to suit up and head out. Realizing I was hungry (and that jogging hungry is not the smartest thing to do) I had a yogurt. I should be showered and ready for lunch by 2:15pm or so. That is, unless I keep procrastinating… which I will not do.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 515

    We departed Niagara on the Lake yesterday afternoon after another delicious meal in the old town. I had fish and chips (again), and Leslie had a roast beef sandwich. We diverted from the direct path back to our parking spot to find the candy shop where we had discovered some rare Japanese sweeties that Leslie loved when she was living in Japan, and to the wine shop to pick up a couple of bottles to take back as tokens of appreciation for the ladies who care for Her Floofness when I am out of town. I say the wine shop but should really say a wine shop. Niagara is wine country, and there is no shortage of them along the main street.

    We arrived home around 4:00pm. After getting settled we went out to the supermarket. When I asked if she might like a baked potato with dinner, she replied that she could make baked potatoes for dinner, which I had never done before. Trusting her, we collected the necessary staples and did just that. Her concoction of baked potato, baked beans, non-beef burgers with onions, and everything topped with cheese was delicious! We agreed that it would be a great winter comfort-food meal, but it was still amazing in the middle of June.

    I was not sure what to expect from the bathroom scale this morning but was hoping that I did not gain more than a pound (as I speculated yesterday morning). I was pleasantly surprised to see that my weight actually dropped 1.4 lbs. over the weekend! I guess it goes to show that when I eat smart and am mindful that I can lose weight and still have a good time… including drinks. That is not to say that I will not continue to diet; I would still like to drop another thirty to forty pounds before I am truly satisfied. I am just under 30 lbs. from dropping out of the obesity classification, which will be nice. Yes, I will still be overweight; I think after twenty-five years of obesity I could be happy with that. Everyone talks about ‘the Dad Bod.’ Well, I have been a father for many years, and I have been obese for all of them. Just having a dad bod would not be so bad.

    I am somewhat disappointed by one thing. I looked back in this document (over 700 pages and 485,000 words) to see where that point is – dropping out of obesity – and I saw that with my weight drop this morning I now weigh one pound more than I did when I wrote about that nearly three months ago. These last months have been an emotional rollercoaster and a whirlwind of activity. There have been trips and more trips, a wedding, too many classes to count (including two weeks of 13-hour days that precluded me from jogging), and a lot of excuses. With that said, I am less than ten pounds up from my lowest weight. In 2020 when I got to my best weight, I started to slip… and three months later I was forty pounds heavier. I am okay with being on a plateau; I can recover from plateaus, as I have several times during the last year and a half. Falling off the program completely is a sign of giving up, or maybe denial. I do not know if those would be equally bad, but I refuse to give up and I will not be in denial. I have written in this journal so many times about my need to remain aware and mindful of my weight and what I eat. I will continue to be that, and I will continue to focus, and I will continue to lose weight… although I suppose the last forty pounds will likely drop off more gradually than the last ones, even if I did decide to resume the full-fast, meal-replacements only diet.

    Leslie was a great support for me this weekend, and I will continue to push ahead knowing that I do not want to disappoint her. I know that is a fallacy, but it is one that works for me. Leslie loved me at my heaviest weight, and if I were to remain at my current weight, she would continue to love me. She knows that I want to be mindful, so her encouragement has been for my own sake much more than for her own. When, for example, she was finished with her fish and chips at the pub the other night she offered me the rest of her fish… but doused the French fries with malt vinegar (which she knows I cannot stomach). When she saw that I was picking at the dregs of my meal (a long-time habit of mine) she would stop me. Some might think that she was nitpicking, but I asked her to do it and it is quite helpful. I do not know if I would have made it this far without her love, support, and encouragement.

    It is a beautiful day out and I have plans for the day. I am going to go for a jog (my first in weeks), and I am going to do some studying for my next certification. I also have some calls to make regarding services (I already spoke with my credit card company; next up is my Internet provider). I am going to call a few friends with whom I have not spoken in a few days or longer. I am going to prepare a delicious dinner for us of portobello mushrooms. Lunch will be a hodgepodge of leftovers of last week’s spaghetti and last night’s potato. From 6:00pm I will be on the patio for my cigar sommelier class. All in all it will be a busy day… but very different from how my days were last week when I was teaching from morning until night.

    Have a great day folks!