Day 1… partial. Realizing I had six eggs left in the house, I had three for breakfast this morning and will do the same tomorrow. That will be the only food I eat that is off my program. It starts today.
Category: Resolve
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Day 1255
I made a decision that I hope I can stick to. The day after my birthday (a week tomorrow) I am starting back on the full program. I have to get hold of myself, stress and anxiety and depression and despair be damned.
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Day 847
I did something yesterday evening that I do not remember doing in a very long time: I ate half of an apple. It was a very large apple, and while I could easily have finished it I thought that would be ill-advised. I accomplished this by cutting it in half before biting into it, and I immediately put the other half into the fridge. I was not sure that I would have the willpower to not go back to it later in the evening, but I made it.Woohoo! I also did not eat all of the French fries, opting to prepare a reasonably sized portion, and then putting the rest of them back in the freezer.
I reached out to my diet buddy, as I promised I would. She is going to be unavailable this weekend, but we are planning to connect the following weekend. I hope she has been doing well, and look forward to catching up with her.
Yesterday was my last 12-hour teaching day of the week. Today I am teaching from 10am to 5:30pm, and Friday I am teaching from 5:30pm to 9:00pm. It is a relief to get back to a more reasonable schedule, and I hope that I can use that to get some exercise in. These last couple of days I have looked out the window during the day and wished I could change into my running kit and go out for a walk or a jog or some combination of the two. Tomorrow I know I have to take Her Royal Floofness for an appointment, but that is the only daytime commitment that I have. If it is a nice day then I am going to try to push myself to get out for a walk.
Despite eating pretty well yesterday I was shocked with a two pound gain on the bathroom scale, and I was not pleased about it. If a couple of yogurts and half an apple are going to kill me like that then I should probably just give up. No, I am not giving up… but I will try to eat better today than I might.
I got very busy after writing the previous paragraphs, and did not get around to finishing… or publishing the article until the following day. Oops.
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Day 843
I forgot to post yesterday. I just had one of those days when I vegged all day and did not do much of anything. If I had posted, then I would have written that I was extremely upset with myself because I bought four rolls on Friday and ended up eating all of them. It was no surprise that my weight was up yesterday morning to my highest weight since January of 2023. I weighed 289.2, and it was small wonder that my weight stayed below 290 lbs. I kicked myself, and then I ate properly yesterday. I dropped two pounds this morning, and will continue to eat properly.
I have to go to the store today because I have an extremely busy week ahead, which was not supposed to be the case. Friday afternoon I was given a daytime class to teach this week, which means that with my evening classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I will be teaching tomorrow and Wednesday from 10am to 9pm. Long days indeed. I have enough food for today, but as I will likely not have the time to go to the supermarket tomorrow I will be doing my grocery shopping today. I will bypassing the bakery for sure, and will only be buying chicken, vegetables, and eggs… along with some cleaning supplies that I need. I have been saying all along that I need to get back on track, and that means getting my mindset back into it. Mindfulness and focus and resolve have to be my focus. That means that I will not be buying eggrolls or bread or any of the other little cheats that I like to pretend are things that I can only have a reasonable portion of. I will not buy peanuts. There will be no snacking this week. A buddy might be coming over Tuesday evening to barbecue, and he would be bringing steaks and potatoes. If he does, then that will be the only starch that I allow myself this week. I have no Lodge meetings this week so that wouldn’t be an issue (I ate poorly at the dinner Thursday evening as well), so I will not be tempted.
I hate that my pants are so tight that I have to suck my belly in to close the few pair that actually fit… and that my beautiful jackets mostly do not close. I hate that I have lost my way. The only solution is to get back on track. Fortunately I have the support of my friends and my beautiful wife to fall back on if I feel weak.
This evening into tomorrow is Yom Hazikaron… Israel’s Remembrance Day. For the first time I will light two candles… one for my friends and brothers, and one for the hostages in Gaza. May they all return home soon.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 537
Today is the day I tell my wife that I need her kicking my ass again. I am just under 275 lbs., which means that since my lowest point (May 27) I have gained nearly twenty-five pounds. That has to stop. I have to stop the slide, and I know what I have done wrong. I have been buying snacks and justifying the purchases by saying that they are on sale, that I can open the bag and just have a reasonable portion, that I am not the same addict that I used to be. In a moment of resolve, right after I typed the last sentence, I went into the kitchen and threw out half a bag of Goldfish and most of a bag of mini crisps. I actually made sure to ruin them – I filled the bags with water so I would not be tempted. I have wasted money and I have thrown away too much progress. Today is the day that I get back on track.
Today is going to be another hot day, with the temperatures hovering around 30 degrees until it starts to rain around 5:00pm. That should last through 9:00pm, which is perfect because that is exactly when I need to be teaching. In the meantime, it is nearly 11:00am, it is sunny and hot. I am not going to try to jog today… but I am going for a walk. I am going to pick a new audio book (I finished my last one a couple of days ago and have been catching up on podcasts since then). I will then go for a walk and will do at least 5km but will try for more. It is time for me to get my butt back on track.
When I started speaking with my wife a few minutes ago she asked me very difficult questions. Why am I off track? Stress, anxiety, and such. Why am I stressed? Why am I anxious? I hate thinking about these things… let along sharing them out loud. That does not mean that I do not need to do it. By admitting to them I can start to deal with them. I really appreciate how she is able to support me.
Alright, it is time to pick my book and then heads out. Have a great day folks!
