Losing a part of me

Category: Salt

  • 2026 Day 15

    I lay in bed a few hours ago trying to take a nap before class, and I was thinking about how to open this journal entry. I spent several minutes bandying about the opening sentence of, “I followed some really bad advice yesterday, and because of that I find myself in a bad spot.”

    I was tossing and turning as I thought about that. I do not think I was able to relax and get some sleep until I realized how unfair that statement was. The advice was essentially that with my schedule this week I should not be restricting myself to 900 calories if my body was not reacting well to it, and that I should get some healthy protein to get through the week, and resume on the strict program over the weekend. What I did with that was turn it into ‘Well, I am teaching until after 9:00pm, and then I need to take Sophie for a walk, and the supermarket will already be closed anyways, so I will order food in…and as long as it is somewhat healthier than the Chinese food that I had ordered the night before then I could feel good about myself.’ I knew as I ordered the shawarma plate that it was not as bad for my diet as Chinese food… but there is a gaping chasm between not as bad… and good. That was on me, and not on anyone else.

    By saying that it was bad advice I was trying to pass the blame onto my diet buddy for my not sticking to my program. It was absolutely not her fault, it was mine. Had I followed her advice then I would have gone to the store, picked up a piece of fish or beef or chicken, and cooked it healthily at home. That would have been the smart thing to do, and I will probably do that today. Her advice was good; the way I (mis)interpreted was terrible, and is on me.

    I am definitely having trouble getting through this week, but honestly if I was only working then I would be fine. The fact that I had to take my car to the shop on Tuesday took 2-3 hours of possible sleep away from me (not to mention that Her Floofness got me out of bed early because she needed to go outside). Wednesday afternoon I could have slept right up until it was time for me to start teaching my evening class… except I had to set my alarm to go pick up my car before the shop closed, which deprived me of another 90 minutes of sleep. Between my evening class and my overnight class I should have been able to get three solid hours of sleep… but I had some work I needed to get done for another project before midnight, and I ordered food, and so I ended up getting 45 minutes of sleep. The lesson learned for the next time I have this kind of schedule is to go completely offline for the week except for my teaching.

    I know that I should not be weighing myself at unusual times and expecting good results. I stepped onto the scale at 4:20 (before I went to get my car) and was up by 5 lbs. – partly due to the time of day, but also because I ate extremely salty and fried Chinese food the previous evening. I have nobody to blame but myself.

    It has been a rough week, but I will take the necessary steps today to ease myself back into good habits. I will pick up some healthy proteins so that I do not order in. Saturday I will resume my program and I will get myself back on track.

  • Day 1191

    I am feeling no more cheerier or positive today than I have been; this despite a lot of positive things going on in my life. It is the negative stuff that are so much stronger and harder to cope with. I am going to have to find a way.

    My weight seems to be normalizing, which is to say that after a week of Passover I am back to where I was before the holiday. Really the only bad thing I ate over the holidays was a lot of chicken soup with matzah balls, but the salt content of that is tremendous, and I spent a week and a half flushing it out.

    Now if only I could flush the sadness.

  • Day 1182

    My emotions are not getting any better. I am trying to get through the days, but it is hard. Yesterday I was able to focus on work which was good. Hopefully today will be the same.

    All I ate yesterday after breakfast was soup, but my weight was up this morning. I think the soup was way too salty and I am retaining water.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 726

    Okay, my weight crept up this morning, a little over a pound. I weigh a couple of ounces more than I did the morning I flew out. Although the food we ate yesterday was healthy, Leslie and I went out for dinner and I chose a dish that was extremely high in sodium – according to the site that I checked there might be as much as 4,300mg – which means that today I am retaining water. If I eat properly today, that weight should come off by tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow is another travel day, and we all know that those are never good for me. With that said, my stated goal for the trip was to not gain more than a pound or two. It looks like I will be successful with that.

    In all likelihood, we will be picking up salads for lunch. I do not know what we will do for dinner, but I cannot imagine that either of us will want anything too heavy. It will be our last night together for a while, but that does not mean we have to go crazy. Both of us are trying to keep our weight down, and there are plenty of tasty meals that we can enjoy without killing that.

    My plans for today are to pack, do a little bit of work, and mostly stay close to home. There is not a lot of risk to my weight management routine in that, is there? There is a wind chill advisory for the morning and the temperature is currently 14°F (-10°C), but around noon the wind is forecast to die down, and by 2pm it should be much warmer (27°F, or -3°C). If the sun is out, then it will be perfect conditions to bundle up and sit out on the balcony with a cigar. I did that yesterday, and it felt wonderful until the sun started going down. If I start out a little earlier today (and not at 4:30pm, as was the case yesterday) then I should be in for a nice relaxing time.

  • Day 221

    Following our walk, Leslie and I had a great day. We went to a mall to pick up a couple of things (and to walk around… but at a much more leisurely pace. The original plan had been to go there, then to the Asian stores, and then for dinner. What we ended up doing was going from the mall to Cigars International Superstore (where we had a fabulous time sitting out, drinking, smoking, and watching people), and then at around 8:00pm we decided to go get food.

    We had miscalculated how busy the restaurants were going to be. In the end, our only viable option was P.F. Changs, which is tasty but not great for weight management. We ordered well, we ate smartly, but the restaurant must order MSG by the truckload, because I was feeling it all night. My weight this morning is up, but it is a temporary up; just like the other day with the rotisserie chicken, I know I am retaining water because of the sodium. In a day or two, that will fix itself.

    Leslie made a very valid point yesterday that I need to learn to be able to have a very small piece of something that I like without feeling that I have to gorge myself on it. The example she gave was a piece of a chocolate bar that she was eating. I am afraid that if I have one piece, I will then want two pieces… and it will not take very long before I will be devouring entire chocolate bars. If I am going to break my unhealthy relationship with food (a phrase and a concept that I have repeated over and over along this journey) then I need to be able to have one piece… and be satisfied by that. If I am not satisfied by it, then I need to restrain myself. I need to know that I can have the one… but I cannot have the second piece.

    I should mention that I also had a glass of scotch at the lounge… I mention it because I do not want to leave out any transgressions. I should not have had it, but I did… and I enjoyed it tremendously. Fortunately, I do not have the same addiction to alcohol that I do to food; I was satisfied with the one drink, and was not tempted to order another.

    The forecast for the day is another hot one, with no shelter from the sun. I am going to go out for my walk shortly. Yesterday I wore my new Adidas shoes which were great! Today I will wear my Asics shoes, only because I feel it a good practice to not wear the same pair day after day. I have a quick stop to make along the way to pick something up, but because of the heat I will not be going for records anyways. The temperatures are going to be very hot today; it is already 30° Celsius (85° Fahrenheit), on its way up to 36°/97°. I am going to make sure I drink a lot of water along the way, and pace myself.

    Have a great day folks!