Losing a part of me

Category: Sleep

  • 2026 Day 5

    After reading my journal entry yesterday, my diet buddy told me that I should trust my scale, and that I should accept the tremendous weight loss as to be expected in the first week – especially for men. When we spoke later in the day, I explained to her that the reason I did not trust it was not because I did not think it possible that I have lost so much weight in four days, but rather because my floor is not as solid as it could be, coupled with the fact that the bathroom scale (which don’t get me wrong, I have been using since 2020 and I love it) is a cheap one. I have noticed over my weight loss ups and downs that when I weigh over a certain weight (not an exact measure, but a general area) it is less consistent than it will be when I am… say, below 280 lbs.

    As if the scale wanted to prove my point this morning: At 8:01:09 this morning I stepped onto it and it registered my weight at .4 lb. heavier than it was yesterday morning. I stepped off, waited for it to clear, and stepped back onto it. At 8:01:39 it registered my weight at 1.4 lbs. lighter than it was yesterday. I did not move it, I did not nudge it, I did not even stand on it any differently. Two measurements thirty seconds apart were nearly two pounds off. For good measure, I did take a third reading, and that one was consistent with the second (the one that was down). Hence the reason I do not trust my bathroom scale. I will be seeing a doctor next week, and I am sure he will weigh me. Whether he does or does not, the following week I will be seeing my regular doctor, and I know that she will be doing so. Their scales should be much more accurate.

    With that said: down is good!

    Yesterday was the first day since I started the program that I consumed my four meal replacements. The only ‘cheating’ that I did was the two stalks of celery that I ate to abate my hunger throughout the day. If that sounds non-specific, it is because yes… I ate two stalks of celery. However, you may recall that I wrote yesterday that I had cut them up and put them into a not-really-Tupperware container. I cut them into thirds; I ate two pieces three times, totaling two stalks.

    I did not end up using the treadmill yesterday, but I did sit my exam (which I passed). I then decided that maybe it was not quite as windy as the forecast had predicted, so I prepared myself to sit outside with a cigar. I cut it but had not even picked up my torch when a gust blew cold, and I realized that sitting outside was not a good idea. I have always said that I do not mind the cold, but the wind makes it unpleasant. That is true in the summer, but that truth is amplified when the wind chill brings the temperatures down to minus double-digits.

    I have noticed (and not only recently) that despite my old habits of staying up late, my sleep score is consistently higher when I go to sleep earlier. It took me a bit of time to fall asleep last night, but according to the fitness watch, I was asleep at 11:07pm. These nights when I teach until 9:00pm will be difficult, but I am going to endeavour to be ready for sleep earlier than my usual. I would like to get into that habit if indeed I sleep better if I go to sleep earlier.

    My sleep score last night was identical to the previous night, which is not a bad thing. I slept 30 minutes less than the previous night, but most of the measurements were similar – some a bit up, some a bit down.

    • Duration: 7h15m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 20 avg (Fair)
    • Deep: 1h17m (Good)
    • Light: 5h08m (Fair)
    • REM: 51m (Fair)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 13m, 34 Restless Moments (Good)

    Two of the ‘good’ measurements from the previous night were now only fair, and one of the ‘fair’ measurements was now good. Hey, as long as I am able to get through the day without falling asleep in class I will be happy.

    Speaking of class, I got my evaluations from last week’s class this morning. The Overall Instructor score was perfect. Yay! I always strive for this, but there is usually one or two students who give me a 4 out of 5. Not last week. Phew! This week I am teaching two classes… one during the day (advanced cybersecurity), and my evening cohort for basic IT skills begins today as well. I will be delivering that over the next four months every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evening. It is the fifth such cohort that I will have delivered to the same company’s employees since 2023, and while it makes for a lot of long days when I also teach during the day, it is a nice infusion of extra income that will really help.

    Princess Sophie and I went out for our usual walk this morning, and I will not lie… that wind makes it really cold! Someone asked me recently why I would ever have moved back from sunny California to live in this climate. That is a story for another day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 4

    Over the past month I have not really trusted my bathroom scale. I have had a lot of inconsistent readings, and have often had to adjust it on the floor to get it to register at all. As such, the fact that this morning my weight is eleven pounds down from what it was Thursday morning (Day 1) is dubious. I also recognize that as my weight drops the scale will be more accurate and consistent and trustworthy. Am I excited that the number is eleven pounds down? No. Am I encouraged knowing that I have been doing pretty well, and that however accurate or inaccurate the scale may be, I weigh less than I did four days ago? Yes.

    As I discussed in my article yesterday, I did end up buying celery. That will be a good snack for times that I get hungry between meal replacements. Owing to the fact that I (stupidly) went to the store three hours after my previous meal replacement, I also bought peanuts. I made the conscious decision to leave them in the car, which means that I will not sit around the house eating them. They are there, I will snack on them when I drive, but really they are a break-glass option. Peanuts (unsalted) are very healthy, and while I am not going to try to justify them as an acceptable addition to my program, I know that when I am weak and tempted (as I was Friday evening) they are a better alternative than a lot of other options out there. I also know that after the supermarket closes there are a lot of snacks that I could buy at a convenience store… none of which are nearly as good choices as unsalted peanuts. If I am going to cheat, let it be a minor cheat and not a ‘off the wagon’ cheat.

    I have never figured out (nor done any type of research on) how my fitness watch measures and rates my sleep. I do know that it is usually (not always) pretty accurate. For example, if I think I slept really well one night, but the watch give me a low score and says ‘non-restorative’ then I will doubt its veracity… until I realize by mid-morning that I am ready for a nap. When I woke up this morning I checked my score: 80 (Good). The details:

    • Duration: 7h43m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 22 avg (Fair)
    • Deep: 1h51m (Excellent)
    • Light: 4h35m (Good)
    • REM: 1h17m (Good)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 33m, 34 Restless Moments (Fair)

    While I felt like it must have been 6:00am, it was actually about 12:40am when Her Floofness jumped down off the bed. When she does this in the middle of the night, unless she is sick it means that she is thirsty. Owing to the noise coming from my server farm in the office, I keep the bedroom door closed at night, so I knew I had to get up to let her out. I would have had to get up to bring her back onto the bed anyways, so your suggestion that I bring her water dish into the bedroom would have changed nothing. I took the opportunity to use the washroom (remember I am drinking a lot more water), then brought the Floof back up, and then got back into bed. I lay awake for the next 25 minutes wondering if I would ever get back to sleep. Obviously I did… and I know it was 25 minutes because that’s what my watch tells me it was. I do not know sow it all gets measured, but with a sleep score of 80, I suspect that I will not feel like I need a nap today.

    I do not know if it was because I had peanuts and celery, but I do not think I had my fourth meal replacement yesterday… again. As today is going to be a quiet and lazy day, I do not think that is the worst thing in the world. I suspect that starting tomorrow, when I will be teaching from 10am to 9:00pm, I will definitely need every calorie I am allowed on the program. Before you ask, I did not know how many I had, but I know I did not eat nearly as many peanuts yesterday as I had the previous day. That is a bad habit – I should be measuring my food intake and I should be aware of everything that I eat – that I will try to break… but I have tried many times before with no success.

    I do not think I have anywhere I need to drive to today. I plan to stay close to home for a few reasons. The first reason is that I do not feel like seeing people if I do not have to. I also know that the peanuts are in the car. With all of that, I also have a Check Engine light going on my dashboard, and I have a note on my calendar to call the mechanic tomorrow morning. Until I get it checked, I do not plan to drive anywhere that I do not need to drive to. Hopefully the mechanic will be able to look at it Wednesday morning (by the time I speak with him tomorrow, it will be too late… and Tuesday morning I have to take Her Floofness to the spa for her grooming appointment). I do not expect it is anything too serious… but it is better to be safe than sorry. Also… peanuts.

    I did drink at least my two litres of water yesterday, and am already halfway through my first litre of the day for today. I was thinking that I got a late start to the day, but really I did not – according to the fitness watch, I was out of bed at 7:46am – so I really am on track for most of my day. I suppose my shake was later than it could have been. We came in from our walk around 9:30am, which means that I did not make my shake until 9:45am… much later than I would on a work day. I remember in previous attempts at this program, I would space my shakes out at four hours apart – 8am – 12pm – 4pm – 8pm. That may be a good plan for the week, but for today I would either have to condense that, or bring it down to three meal replacements. We will see how I am feeling.

    I am hoping that over the next few days I will see how adding celery to my program affects me. I cannot imagine there would be any negative effects, but I wonder if eating two or three stalks per day might make me feel less hungry, or if I might not even feel the need for the fourth meal replacement. This week will be an experiment.

    On the same topic, I did something I do not think I have ever done before. When I brought the celery home, I immediately washed it, and then cut the stalks into thirds, placing them in a sealed container in the fridge. I hope that will keep it crispy. We will see, but if that works, then I will continue that regimen when buying celery.

    When I saw my doctor on November 27th I made her three promises. The first was that by the time I see her again on February 1st I will have lost 10kg. The second was that I would check my blood pressure at the pharmacy at least once per week. The third promise was that I would start doing some light exercise. It took me a month to get to where I am (with a number of false starts and ups and downs), but I am about halfway to the 10kg promise. As for my blood pressure? No, I have not measured it once. I have to remember to do that the next time I am there, but I keep forgetting. I will try to go this week, but even if I do not, I have another medical appointment next Monday and I know he will take my bp… and I suspect he will do blood work as well. If he does not, then I know that my doctor will order blood work on the 1st. As for the exercise? That one has also been a fail.

    The sun is shining, and it is a lovely day outside. Unfortunately, the wind is blowing pretty hard, so while the temperature is hovering around 0°, according to the weather report the wind chill is -11°. Even when it is hot outside, sitting out with a cigar when it is really windy is not comfortable. I will see if it dies down throughout the day, but if it does not then I will be inside for the duration. Yes, I took Her Floofness for a good walk this morning, and we will go out again in the evening… but if it is too windy then other than that we will be hibernating.

    Seeing as I will be inside all day, I might take the opportunity to dust off the treadmill and start making good on that third promise I made to the doctor. I do not think I am ready to jog, but what is to say that I cannot walk 5km? It is time I get off my duff and start trying to get back into shape. We’ll see… but I think that is a good plan for the afternoon. I am going to wait until my neighbour gets home from Costco… Princess Sophie will be happy to go over there for a visit!

    Speaking of things I should be doing… I might try to take a certification exam this afternoon for a class that I have been putting off. That is a good idea!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1339

    I have not been in a very good way emotionally these last few weeks and it shows. These last two days have been particularly difficult for reasons that I cannot put my finger on. As such, yesterday’s entry was a bit more morbid than it might have been. To be clear for those who are still reading: I am not suicidal. I am just doing badly emotionally.

    I slept reasonably well last night, but I ate extremely poorly. I hope that this week I can get back on track. The Jewish New Year begins Monday at sundown. As such I wish I had not taken on the class that I will be teaching this week, but there is nothing that I can do about that now. I hope though that I can use the New Year as a reset for the terrible place I am in.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1334

    I got to bed at a reasonable hour last night… and tossed and turned for three hours. That is not the recipe for a good night sleep. I will cut out all caffeine after noon today and hope that does something to improve the cycle. For those of you who are going to suggest sleep aids like melatonin or whatever else, I did take a couple of melatonin gummies before bed. For those of you who are going to recommend something that might not be legal in all fifty states, know that I considered it… but I usually wake up not feeling great after that, and I wanted to be in top form for my class.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1333

    Yesterday was not as relaxing a day as it might have been, but it was a good day. I spent it with a friend and we had a great time. I was in bed and asleep by midnight (if not slightly earlier), and my fitness watch registered 8h20m of sleep, which should be amazing, right? So why, I ask, did it decide that my sleep score was a ‘fair’ 66? The portal reads: “You slept long enough, but not well enough to bring your stress levels down overnight. You might feel higher stress or fatigue today.” I am not going to lie, I have felt exhausted all day so it might just know of what it speaks. While I went out for a couple of errands, I spent most of the day relaxing at home. I should also mention that I woke up sneezing and couldn’t stop for a couple of hours (likely until the cocktail of allergy and cold meds kicked in) so while I had planned to take my son the younger for lunch, my ex-wife and I agreed that would be a bad idea.

    I am going to have dinner and then a cigar before trying to get a good night sleep. Tomorrow I begin teaching again, and I want to be refreshed for it. Tomorrow I am also planning to begin cutting down my food intake and substituting meal-substitutes. I will play it by ear, but I am thinking for a few days I will have an omelette for breakfast followed by meal replacement snacks spread throughout the day as needed. I am trying these new ones and we will see how it goes.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1332

    I love what I do… but I cannot lie – I am relieved that I am now officially done with the overnight classes for the next little while. After a really weird Friday (which reminded me that there are some activities that I was really hoping I was done with) I got a luxuriant night sleep… which would have been slightly longer if I did not share my bed with a floof. It is my responsibility as a fur daddy to take her out when she asks nicely, and so I probably slept a little bit less than I would have. I will have another night to catch up tonight.

    My new order of meal replacements arrived yesterday. I think Monday I am going to start a new routine with them. I am not sure what that will be, but I will think of something.

    My plans for Saturday include seeing a friend in the afternoon. It will be a fun time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1330

    I got a lot more sleep yesterday than I did the previous few days; that is to say I got as much as three hours of sleep in the afternoon, and then another 3.5 hours between 9:30pm and 1:00am.

    Once again it looks like I got distracted and forgot to finish this article and then post it. Hmph.

  • Day 1329

    I am really looking forward to getting back to a normal wake-sleep schedule after Friday. I am just over this jet-lag-at-home situation. It is not making my life a whole lot easier, and it is killing my weight management process. Of course, the fact that I cannot get the meal replacements I need will have something to do with that.

    Yes, starting Monday next week I have two straight weeks of classes in my own time zone! How glorious that will be!

    I might have gotten three hours of sleep last night… but I doubt it.

  • Day 1328

    The seasons change. Yesterday was the first day that I took Her Floofness out for her morning walk (during my lunch break, from 6:00am-7:00am) and I was genuinely chilly. Today was the same, and I prepared this morning by putting a vest on under my blazer. I was not frozen, but I recognize that the summer is waning and autumn is nigh.

    I slept yesterday afternoon! I am not sure, but I might have gotten as much as 5 hours of sleep. It was glorious. I was awake at 6:00pm, and stayed awake until midnight when I lay down for a nap. All this to say that I was pretty well rested for my class today, which is just about done.

    When I get paid for a couple of engagements that I did in August I am going to place an order for some more of those meal replacements. I am not out of them, but my first order confirmed which I like better than the others. Some of them I enjoyed immensely, which some of them I am forcing myself to choke down.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1327

    The weekend was too short, but it allowed me to catch up on sleep. Friday night I clocked nearly eight hours of sleep; I woke up Saturday morning with a feeling that I did not need to be awake. I went about my morning, and then took a four hour nap. I then slept nearly seven hours Saturday night.

    Of course, that streak came to an end today, as I am back at it for another week of working in the wrong time zone. I am now looking forward to Friday, when I can sleep properly again. Next week I will be working in the North American time zone, and I am truly looking forward to it.

    Have a great day folks!