Losing a part of me

Category: Treadmill

  • Day 853… Day 1

    Weight: 291.8 lbs. (up 53.2 lbs from Best Weight Ever)

    Last time I weighed this much: January 22, 2023

    I woke up this morning with dread and hope and excitement and fear and trepidation. That’s a lot of emotion to experience before your first cup of coffee, don’t you think? Today is the day that Leslie and I decided we were starting our extreme program together. Last night I took out the first of my boxes that I placed on the stove to remind me in the morning that I would be starting again… not that I would have gotten very far had I forgotten, as I planned it well and have no real food in the house. While that is not technically true, I do not have any eggs, which would have made preparing my regular breakfast of a large omelette quite challenging. I took Her Royal Floofness for her walk, and then prepared a pot of coffee and my first shake in many months. It is time.

    Leslie and I had a cigar date this morning and we discussed how w are feeling about it, as well as what each of our goals are. I made her a promise… the day I reach my best weight ever I will shave my goatee. While she has seen pictures of it from before we met, Leslie has never actually seen me without facial hair. She has often joked that should would love to see me with what she calls my ‘baby face’ and I am not setting that as a milestone for myself. I know that she will encourage me to get there… and that she will insist I keep my promise!

    (To be clear, once I have done that she will almost certainly encourage me to grow it back again, which I will gladly do. I like the goatee, and I know that she does as well. This is a one-time thing!)

    It is now 12:40pm, and I am sitting out on the balcony with my laptop. I have a lot of work to do, but it is a beautiful day and I am sitting out topless enjoying the weather. The work I have to do today can as easily be done on my laptop as at my desk, so why shouldn’t I enjoy the weather?

    My plans for the first week at least are to have my first shake when I get back from walking the Floof. The second shake will be at 1:00pm, the third at 5:00pm, and the final one at 9:00pm. My rationale is that I am teaching three days a week from 5:30-9:00pm, which means that I will have one right before class, and then immediately after it. There is a good chance though that I will have to delay the final shake some nights until I have walked the Floof again, but we will see. I am greatly encouraged that I am neither tired nor hungry right now, and that I am ready for that next shake. What does worry me a little is that I woke up late this morning, and by the time I finished my first meal replacement it was already 10:00am. I might push today’s second shake to 2:00pm to see how I feel with four hours between my first and my second shake. I am sure I will be able to make it, but I am curious to see how hungry I get. I am starting to feel the pangs now, but they are faint and I am not concerned. If they get worse then I will go down to 1:30pm, but I am sure I’ll be okay.

    I have not felt week yet, but the day is still relatively young. I also have all of the excess caloric energy from yesterday still floating around my system. Hopefully I will get through the first few days without too much difficulty. I really want to make it with the program again, although as of right now I am not sure what ‘making it’ really means.

    In my discussion with Leslie this morning she mentioned that she wants to shrink her stomach because she has been overeating. I agreed, and told her that one of my goals for my post-program changes is to reduce my meal size. Over the last few months I have been eating a four-egg omelette in the morning, followed by a whole chicken (plus salads and various other side dishes) throughout the day. The omelette should be reduced to three eggs, and the whole chicken should last me two days. I will make smaller portions of rice (or whatever side dish I choose), and I will only buy side dishes like egg rolls as a special treat. I will not completely cut out bread, but I will reduce the frequency back to once or twice per week… and reasonable portions when I do.

    It is time for me to start exercising again, and to that end I am not sure if I am going to go out for a walk this afternoon, or if I will get onto my treadmill. I am leaning toward the treadmill even though it is such a beautiful day outside because that will not only force me to stop using it as a clothes hanger (as so many people do), but it will also give me the opportunity to catch up on last night’s TV shows. While walking outside forces me to a certain distance (once I have walked three kilometres, I must then necessarily turn around and walk back another three kilometres), it has been a while since I have gone for a good walk, and I do not want to find myself completely out of steam and still a couple of kilometres from home. Today is my first day back on the severely reduced caloric program, and I do not know at what point I will run out of steam. It is too bad I cannot bring the treadmill out onto the balcony… but that would just be silly (not to mention extremely heavy and potentially dangerous).

    I have written so often about the need to be mindful in my eating. The good part of this program is that I do not have to worry or even think about what I am going to eat, as each meal replacement is pre-planned and measured. What I do have to be mindful of is my energy. I need to make sure that I can get through the day (including my evening class) without falling off. I also need to be mindful of my emotions and attitude, as those can be greatly affected by caloric deficiency. I think that Leslie and I will have to keep an eye on each other for that these next few days.

    Okay then… it is settled. As soon as I have finished my second meal replacement I will change into exercise shorts and a t-shirt and I will get the treadmill cleared off. I am excited to be getting back on track! I am not saying that I am back on track yet… I am five hours into Day 1, so until I have a week of successes under my belt I am not going to consider the necessary habits formed.

    One more thing… I have on several occasions in the past decided to go down to three meal replacements and a single full meal during my program. While I have definitely seen success with that, I am not going to do it for at least the first month. When my weight is back below 250 lbs. then I will think about it, but I want to see huge weight loss before I do that.

    There are a couple of things I need to do in order to make this work: The first: I am going to make an appointment to see my doctor. I have not seen her in a few months, and aside from my weight loss, I also need to discuss a few other things with her – my meds, as well as a mole on my face that I might want to have removed. I will make that call immediately, although I know I will need to leave a message and her staff will call me back.

    Wow! That was the first time ever that I called and got someone to speak to since I have been seeing this doctor. I have an appointment for June 10, and have made notes in my calendar appointment to hopefully remember some of what I need to speak with her about. Great! That is one thing off my plate.

    The second: I am going to make a new chart to put on my fridge. The last one was for the competition that Leslie and I had for a prize of a meal at our favourite steakhouse and cigar lounge in Addison. That is not coming down… I am leaving it up to remind me of how far I have fallen. The new one will be to track my progress on paper. Yes, I have the chart on my computer, and I have a spreadsheet that I keep… that is not in my face like the fridge chart was and will be. I will print that out now.

    Okay… I have made the chart, although it is not yet printed (this computer is not on the same subnet as my printer… long story). I put the increments at 2 lbs., and I will hopefully be able to start ticking those off tomorrow or Friday. We’ll see.

    It is now 1:50pm and it is time for me to head inside and prepare my meal replacement. I will then clean off the treadmill for a good workout. I am hungry now.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 749

    I seem to be a day behind in my thinking… or I lost a day along the way somewhere. I have been thinking today was Wednesday, so when my countdown timer to my trip showed that I was just under three-days away I was confused. Did I accidentally input Saturday instead of Sunday? No… it turns out I am just a bit skewed. Yes, in sixty-five hours I will be catching my ride to the airport, and by just past noon three days from now I will be in Havana. I can hardly wait!

    I cheated again last night, but apparently not as bad as I had the previous days. My weight dropped all of what I gained yesterday morning, pulling me away from the precipice of that 270 lbs. mark. Still and all, I have to find a way to stop cheating!

    My doctor asked me yesterday if I had considered speaking with a professional about my emotional problems. I told her that I do not feel that I am ready for that. I also assured her that I have a good support system around who I speak to, and who are looking out for me. She also told me that my tests came back clear (although one is still pending), and that she is happy that I am exercising.

    Speaking of exercise: I did a full 5km on the treadmill yesterday, and I did the whole thing at the higher pace of 4.2 mph. My ankle did not hurt, but it did remind me that it was there. Now that I have properly calibrated my fitness watch, it is reporting a pace of 8m50s per kilometre which seems slow to me. I know that when I was running outside last summer, I was doing a kilometre in under 8m, and I am not sure that I was running much harder than I did yesterday. I know that I am just ramping up again, and that I am probably not going quite as fast as I was… but I also suspect it is possible that the treadmill’s calibration might not be exactly right. Oh well… I ran for just under 45 minutes, and that is a win for me by any measure.

    Once I finish this article, I am going to go to run a couple of errands… including the trip to Costco that I have been putting off. I have already taken my gift card and an item I’ve been meaning to return and placed them by the door. I also want to stop at the bank to pick up some US dollars (although I will have to make another trip to the bank to pick up my Euros, but I have my reasons). I will come home and make a reasonable lunch. In the afternoon my friend Eduardo is coming over for a cigar. Hopefully I will have time between these to run on the treadmill, but if not then I will be able to do it this evening. I am serious about getting back into the habit of running, and not just forcing myself to do it. To that end, I need to make sure that I do it when I am in Cuba as well… which means I will be jogging in the streets. That sounds like fun!

    See you tomorrow folks.

  • Day 746

    I am usually very good at doing quick calculations such as miles to kilometres in my head, so I am not sure why I thought that when I hit three miles on the treadmill that would be 5km, but that is when I stopped my run yesterday. It was silly because I then had to calculate that 3mi is 4.83km so that I could properly calibrate my fitness watch. I will do another jog today to confirm that it worked – which would mean that if I ran 3.11mi I would hit my 5km. It is worth noting that according to my Garmin Connect page on my computer, despite my effort to calibrate the watch, yesterday’s treadmill run is still marked as a 5.83km run. I suppose maybe the calibration only takes effect after that run? It does not make any sense, but okay… I’ll see what it records today.

    I ate well yesterday, and my weight dropped nearly another half-pound this morning. While I am disappointed that it was not more of a drop, I should not be surprised. Yes, my horrible cheat-day a few days ago resulted in a nearly three-pound jump. No, I should not expect a couple of good days to reverse that completely. Yes, that has happened often enough… but I am a fifty-one-year-old man and I have to be realistic that my body will not always rebound as I would like it to.

    Speaking of my body rebounding: I was walking with Her Floofness this morning and felt an almost unnoticeable something in my knees. I should not be surprised… or maybe I should be surprised that it was so small. I will keep an eye on them over the next little while; I assume it is just my body reminding me that I am exercising again, and that it is normal to feel aches when working out.

    I have to go to have a test done today. I am going to do it after lunch but before I pick my housekeeper up from the train station. After that, she will be here for a few hours… and then the apartment will be tidy again.

    I guess that means I should think about eating an early lunch… or at least, early enough so that I can be at the clinic by 1pm. I made an appointment to see my doctor on Wednesday, and I should have had this test done last week. Hopefully she will get the results in time. If not? Well, that’s life.

    I am trying to decide if You should bring my bathroom scale to Cuba or not. I will make that decision later… depending on how heavy my suitcase already is. I will not need as much space for my clothes as I once would have, but I am taking a lot of clothes to give to friends, and that will likely completely cram my suitcase. We’ll see when I am packed.

    Speaking of suitcases and Cuba… I remember the last time I left Cuba that one of my cigar tools was confiscated ‘for security reasons.’ In truth, it was because the kid scanning my carryon luggage wanted it for himself. (look up ‘Xikar 011 Twist Punch’ and you’ll see why I am so sure) In any event, I had best remember that when leaving the country, I pack anything even remotely possibly interesting in my checked luggage. I do not want a repeat performance!

    Okay, my lunch is in the air fryer. I would never eat this early, but when there are timing factors as there are today, I do what needs to be done. I do not want to eat later because I want my cleaning lady to completely clean the kitchen.

    Oh wow… it just occurred to me that I won’t have time to get on the treadmill until after she is gone. I guess I could do it while she is here, but then I will have to make sure I am decent both on my way to and from the shower. I’ll think about it.

    That is another thing I have been thinking about… I want to run when I am in Havana. I don’t know how much or how far, and I also know I plan to do a lot of walking while I am there. With that said, if I can do 5-10km jogging a couple of times then I will be a very happy man. We’ll see…

    See you tomorrow folks.

  • Day 745

    I booked my airfare yesterday and it is confirmed. One week from today I am waking up at way before the sun does and I am heading to the airport. I have never flown to Cuba through the US before and I do not know what to expect (what with them pulling me aside for in-depth inspection every time I fly into the country) but I do know that barring unforeseen changes or delays, I will be landing in Havana shortly after noon, and will be spending the next ten days in that wonderful city. I have been there dozens of times, but I do not know what to expect. I have heard so many terrible things about Cuba’s current situation, and I am worried about what I am going to find when I get there. I am hoping it is not as bad as some people are saying.

    While I was not great with my food intake yesterday, I was very good with my activity. I jogged 5km on the treadmill – my first full 5km jog without stopping or slowing to a walk in quite some time. I am going to try to do the same (or better) again today. I am not sure about the exact distance because of a discrepancy between my fitness watch and the treadmill, so I am going to figure out how to calibrate the two as well. However far I jogged, I spent 39 minutes running on the treadmill. The settings I use are a 3% incline and a pace of 4mph, so simple math tells me that I would be about 2.62 miles, which is only 4.22km. I guess I am not running as far as I thought. Today’s calibration should take care of that.

    After the massive gain from a couple of days ago, I am now down nearly a pound from Friday. If I can be disciplined today, then I should be able to lose another few ounces tomorrow morning. This may sound strange but knowing that I am planning to calibrate my watch will incentivize me to make sure I get in a good run this morning! Who knows? Maybe I will go longer than I have been going. I stopped running yesterday because my watch read 5km, but I probably could have gone another few minutes easily.

    Eduardo is coming over for a cigar in the afternoon. I am looking forward to seeing him. After that? I am thinking of doing some work on my computer… It has been acting weird, and I am thinking that wiping it and starting from scratch might be a fun project to get rid of gremlins and take my mind off things at the same time.

    Okay, I am going to change my outfit, then pull the treadmill down and hit the virtual trails. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 732

    I was pleased to record another significant drop in my weight from yesterday morning, extending my streak to five days in a row. I do not know if I should be celebrating that I am back below the 260 lbs. mark just yet, knowing that I achieved that in August, and then fell off the wagon in October. I am still 21 lbs. heavier than I was on my best day, and that is a lot of lost ground that I need to recover. I will get there… but I know it will take time. Looking at my charts, it took me a little more than two months to drop from 262 lbs. to 238 lbs. the last time. If I can stick with my program, I should be able to get back there by mid-March or so. I can live with that. It is just a shame that I let myself fall off the way I did. While I know that psychological trauma and depression are the reasons, I do not like making excuses for myself. I failed, and now it is time to get back on track.

    Yesterday was a better day than it should have been, owing to the fact that I was not in a convenient place to eat dinner. I did my 5km jaunt on the treadmill before lunch, and then cleaned up, ate, and did some work before heading out to Cambridge to see my friends. The dinner they were serving was not kosher, and having eaten a very late lunch I was not hungry anyways. On my way home I stopped for gas, and I bought a small package of almonds. I could have done worse!

    I am teaching today but will have the evening off. I am preparing fish and rice for dinner, and will then have a relaxing evening on the balcony.

    I’ll see you all tomorrow.

  • Day 715

    Once again, the day is almost over and I am only now sitting down to write in my journal. It was a mostly productive day though, so I am not upset about it. I took Her Floofness for her morning walk and then went about my day, eating mostly normally. I had a cigar date on the balcony, and then ate a late lunch. After lunch I got onto the treadmill for a very quick-paced 5km walk, which I felt really good for doing. I think it is time for me to cancel my gym membership once and for all. Okay, I might hit the sauna once more before I do that.

  • Day 713

    I did not lose any weight this morning. I also did not gain any, which is a good thing. I know that I went overboard on food yesterday. Today I did not, and I am hopeful that my weight will be down at least slightly tomorrow morning.

    This is another ‘near the end of the day’ post – in fact, it is already 10:15 as I sat down to write, and my students are working on their labs for an hour. I’ll be lecturing again soon. With that said, I think the eating portion of my day is behind me. I would probably snack if there was something in the house, but there is not. At least, there is nothing that I can think of. It is better that way… snacking is bad for my program, right?

    Today was a reasonably good day. Not only did I mostly stick to my eating regimen, but I also took my new (to me) treadmill out for its inaugural spin. I Walked at a very quick pace and did a strong five miles. I was very pleased with myself. I would have gone longer, but my wife called me with some very exciting news. No, I am not going to share. Live with it

    The treadmill came into the house Sunday afternoon and was assembled thanks to my buddy (we worked on it together and it was NOT as easy as we hoped). It was heavier than I expected… but then, I wanted a heavy-duty treadmill that would not feel like a toy… and that would support my weight. Even at my current weight that is an issue with a lot of models – I saw a few with limits of 250 lbs., and while I will be under that again soon… I expect that if my weight is at or near their recommended limit then I will not enjoy the experience.

    Princess Sophie went to the neighbour’s for a playdate this morning. That gave me the opportunity to rearrange the furniture in my bedroom. I went through seven arrangements before settling on the one I liked best… or at least the one I dislike the least. If the bedroom was one foot bigger each way I would have had a lot more options… but alas, we play the cards we are dealt, right? I did want to make sure that however I laid things out that I would be able to watch my television from the treadmill, and that worked very well. I watched the first half of a movie that I quite enjoyed.

    My buddy Eduardo came over for a cigar in the afternoon. It was good to see him, and chat about this and that. He is a great guy to chat with… although I know that he is going to discuss both Israeli and South American politics with me every time. It doesn’t bother me… Just predictable.

    Okay, it’s time for me to go back to work. See you all tomorrow.