Losing a part of me

Category: Weight Loss

  • Day 1285

    From time to time I write an entry and forget to press Publish… or rather, sometimes I press it once, but not the twice that is needed. That happened yesterday, so when I opened WordPress to write this entry I back-dated yesterday’s entry. Oops!

    When we last left our hero, he was a bit upset with the 1.6 lbs. that he had gained from the previous day, but he was aware that because he had not slept, and because he was weighing himself at a ridiculous hour owing to his overnight classes, he likely had not really gained weight, it was just the normal fluctuations throughout the course of the day. Now he will stop writing of himself in the third person.

    I once again weighed myself at a ridiculous hour this morning (3:15am), but at least I had gotten some sleep. My weight was not back to what it was on Tuesday morning, but it was down .6 lbs. from yesterday. I will accept the progress. As this morning marks the completion of four weeks since I started, I am glad that my weight is down 30.8 lbs. in that time. I have a long way to go before I am satisfied with my weight, but I can definitely be satisfied with my progress.

    After my class yesterday, I changed out of the shirt and tie into shorts and a golf shirt before I drove out to Oakville to see my son. It really has been great spending time with him this past week, and I am sorry that the enforced daily check-ins are over. I will be seeing him more often going forward. I took him for lunch, and while he ordered a pound of wings and a pretzel bread dip (which looked as wicked and tasty as it sounds) with a root beer, I ordered a plate of carrots and celery. I assure you that he enjoyed his food a lot more than I enjoyed mine.

    I came home, finished up a few emails, and then dropped off to sleep for a few hours. I likely slept four hours in the afternoon which were much needed. I woke up, took Her Floofness for her walk, and when we came home I settled onto the balcony for a cigar. We came in around 10:30, and I was able to get nearly another four hours of sleep. Yes, I got eight hours between the afternoon and the evening, but they are not connected. My sleep score was an abysmal 44, but that is irrelevant as I feel (five hours after waking up) that between the afternoon and overnight I am pretty well rested.

    I just came in from my morning walk with Her Floofness, and I am ready to lecture the rest of the class. I only have 3.5 hours left to go, and I am going to sail through it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1294

    **NOTE: This post was written August 6, 2025… I just noticed that it did not publish. I am backdating it for that reason. -MDG

    I was shocked when I saw the numbers on the bathroom scale this morning. Remember that nearly-1.5lbs. drop from yesterday? I put back 1.6 lbs. this morning. I was furious… until I realized two things: Firstly, it was 1:30am. I am teaching in Europe for the rest of the week, and I had to be at the computer and online for 3am. Secondly, I had not slept a wink. Try as I might, I did not fall asleep for even a minute. My alarm was set for 2:15am but I turned it off and got out of bed and showered long before that. Those two factors make this morning’s (sic) weigh-in completely meaningless.

    I passed my exam! For the second time in two weeks, I passed a very high-level cybersecurity exam. I was comfortable with most of it… until they gave me a Linux virtual machine and told me to do something that I have not done in a very long time. For the life of me I could not remember any of the necessary commands, and eventually I did what I could and then closed the VM. I was convinced that would have ended my chances of passing. Nope! I then took care of a bit of work, and then enjoyed a fine celebratory cigar on the balcony.

    I am sure there is more to write, but I am looking at the clock and my class break is nearly over. I will try to do as well with my eating today as I did yesterday… which will be more of a challenge because I will be taking my son the younger for lunch again. I am looking forward to spending time with him… but not to sitting in a restaurant and not eating.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1283

    I did not expect to see another huge drop this morning, so imagine my surprise when the numbers on the bathroom scale were another 1.4 lbs. down from yesterday!? That puts my loss-to-date at 31.8 lbs. on Day 27 of my latest attempt. I am thrilled with that! As well, after dropping only 3.2 lbs. last week, So far this week I have dropped 5 lbs.! What I am not thrilled with is that I am still well above the terrible mark. I hate that I let myself get so out of hand this calendar year.

    Analyzing the past data, while my weight first crept above the terrible mark at the end of September, in October it was higher than that for fifteen days, and then November it was fourteen days. In December I was doing better for a while… only seven days above that terrible mark. And then there was January… where I dropped below the terrible mark only once – and not since that day have I been there.

    If all goes well then by the middle to end of August I should drop below it once more. I will breathe a sigh of relief when I do.

    As it stands, the clothes that I ordered in June are a bit loose on me. I am wearing them comfortably, but you can tell I have lost a pound or two… or rather 18.4 lbs. to be precise! I am still disgusted that I cannot even button up the biggest of my sports jackets (although I am more comfortably able to wear my suits), and have reluctantly made a decision. Each time I have lost all of the weight, I have said ‘I will never gain it back again!’ and I have given away all of my fat clothes… which is why I had to get a new sports jacket and three new shirts made for me in June. When I can finally wear my slimmer clothes again I am going to take these new shirts and jacket and put them in a garment bag marked ‘If I am ever Fat and Ashamed again.’ I will not throw them out… but I will put them away in my storage locker.

    (I should mention that while I gave away the largest of my sports jackets, I am currently wearing a shirt that I had made in 2022, when I was first losing the weight. I have several shirts that do not fit yet, but I now have several from the down swing that do. They did not fit a month ago.)

    I mentioned yesterday that I had not moved my bowels in the morning… well in the afternoon I had what was probably the best movement since I stopped eating solid foods. I would not be surprised if that was a big contributing factor to this morning’s significant weight loss. What a relief! This morning I have thus far been unsuccessful, but there is still hope for the afternoon.

    My sleep score was up to an 87! I was surprised because of a number of factors:

    1. Even though I was in bed at a reasonable hour, I had a lot of trouble falling asleep.
    2. There was an Amazon delivery driver who decided to phone me at 6:30am to let me know he was leaving a package at my door. That is really my fault for disabling Sleep Mode on my phone… but I did not think I was going to get back to sleep after that. I did (phew!)

    I cannot think of the last time I had three nights in a row with a sleep score in excess of 80… Saturday night through Tuesday morning I registered 86-84-87. Woohoo! This, in addition to the nap I took yesterday afternoon.

    Yes, I took a nap. I spent most of the day trying to record a video for the course I am writing, and there was not one minute when I was not holding back a yawn. I could not figure it out, and finally I decided to walk away from the computer. I took Her Floofness out for a walk (she did not really feel like being out, so we only walked the perimeter of the building before coming back inside). She ran to Sue’s (the neighbour) for a visit, and I sat on the balcony with a cigar and a book. I thought that just maybe a break from not only sitting at my computer but also from studying computers would be beneficial. After my cigar was done I was feeling no more awake, and gave in to the temptation. I slept for an hour.

    While the nap certainly did my body good, I was still yawning all evening. On something like take 87 I was finally able to submit my video. (There was one take, maybe twenty or so takes earlier, that was definitely good enough… only for me to realize that while the screen and the mic were working, my camera was not. ARGH!) Video work is a lot more frustrating than teaching a live class… when I stumble over my words in class I can make light of it. That would not work for a recorded class.

    I did have a handful of peanuts yesterday…and I will again today. I am, as I said a few days ago, eating them in lieu of my fourth meal replacement. Three shakes and a handful of peanuts is not a bad compromise. I also suspect (with no scientific basis for it) that the peanut oil is helping the fibre in easing that last part of the digestive process. Maybe yes, maybe no… but I had the peanuts yesterday and recorded a huge weight drop, so maybe in moderation even if it doesn’t help… it doesn’t hurt.

    I do have some more video work to do today, but I also have an exam to prepare for this afternoon. As such, my plan is:

    • Head out after publishing this journal entry to visit with my son, stopping for a handful of peanuts along the way.
    • Come home, study for my exam for a few hours.
    • Clean off my kitchen table so that it will be completely clear for my exam.
    • Set up the exam computer.
    • At 4:45 I will either drop Her Floofness at Sue’s, or if she is not home I will put her in my bedroom so that I can take my exam.
    • After the exam, I will try to record the next video in the series.
    • After the sun goes down I will sit on the balcony with a cigar… if I pass my exam it will be a celebratory cigar (yes, it is a pretty advanced certification); if I do not pass then it will be an everyday pedestrian cigar. Let’s hope!

    Okay, it’s time to get moving. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1278

    It was going to happen eventually, so why not this morning? I stepped onto the bathroom scale to discover that my weight was up a couple of ounces from yesterday. I am still slightly better than 20 lbs. down… but only by a very slim margin.

    I am teaching today and plan to stick to the plan. At the end of the day I will continue to study for my exam which is Wednesday. After the exam is behind me then it will be time to think about an exercise regimen. I know how important that is for not only my weight loss, but also for improving my overall mental well-being.

    I did not sleep well last night. I studied and prepared for my class until 10:15pm on the balcony, after which I decided to watch an episode of a show that I am watching to wind down. While I was in bed with the lights out by 11:30pm, I did not get comfortable until after 1:15am when I finally decided to turn the air conditioner on. That’s all well and good… until you factor in the 5:45am alarm that I had set. There is no way to call 4.5 hours of sleep ‘sufficient.’ I’ll get more rest tonight, but certainly after I sit the exam.

    By the by, I am still drinking huge amounts of water but the internal chill has not manifested. I suppose the effects of the program are slightly different each time.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1155

    I briefly considered reweighing myself after I had a second (and more productive) bowel movement after Princess Sophie and I came in from our walk. I decided not to simply because I had a large glass of water, and I am trying to stay focused on the downward trend and not the individual plots on the weight loss graph. As such, we weight this morning remained constant with what it was yesterday. Tomorrow morning it will be lower than it is today… as long as I stay true to my program.

    I have been feeling hunger in the afternoon and evening, and am trying to remind myself that there is a difference between actual hunger and my stomach reminding me that I am not giving it as much food as it is accustomed to. I am having a small plate of pasta with olive oil and some cheese at lunch, but in the morning, and then after my class I am only having shakes. I knew yesterday that if I did not prepare a meal replacement shake during my mid-evening break I would likely not have been able to make it through the class, and that would not be good for anyone.

    I know I am impatient and that the weight will continue to come off, but I am really hoping it happens sooner rather than later. I am sick of wearing the one vest that fits me and I am tired of having to select the shirts that are not too tight. I realize that if I am going to continue eating pasta in the afternoon I will not experience extreme drops every day, but I need to make it through this week and next… and the boxes of spaghetti that were in my pantry are not cheating on the no groceries plan. I remember every truism that I have told myself over the last three years and am going to continue to try… and I will get there. Eventually.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1154

    I did better yesterday than I had the previous day, but I still have work to do before I am in top form on my program. My weight, which was up a pound yesterday, is now down two pounds this morning. I am reminded that it is not the points on the graph, but rather the trend that matters. With that said, I have to keep the trend going or else it is a huge failure.

    The meal replacements that I ordered Monday are due to arrive today, and I am stocked up to hit the ground running upon my return from Montreal Tuesday afternoon. While I am still planning to work at it until I leave, I know that on my trip (Saturday through Tuesday) I will be a giant ball of anxiety and stress, and expecting to stay true to the program is not reasonable. I set that expectation before I posted my ‘No Groceries’ calendar on the inside of my door. While I am not going to go crazy with eating and snacking, I am also not going to try to consume only meal replacements. Yes, I will take some with me. No, I am not planning on sticking to the program. That will begin in earnest Wednesday.

    Spring is in the air, and my walk with Her Floofness this morning was quite pleasant. That being said, every year Canadians experience their first warm days in March and are then shocked to find out that we are not quite done with winter weather until mid-April. With today’s forecast high temperatures of 18°, some may think that it is time to store their coats in the cellar and to change out their winter tyres. They do not notice that tomorrow’s forecast low is the freezing point, and by Saturday and Sunday that drops further to -6°. The forecast for Montreal for the duration of my stay predicts a maximum high of 7° and a low of -9°. I am not even making the appointment to change my tyres until that is in my rearview mirror.

    With all that, it was still nice to walk through the park this morning unmolested by ice and snow and slush. What were extremely hazardous walking paths a few short days ago are now mostly dry with the occasional puddle or wet patch. It is a relief to not worry about injuring oneself due to slipping and falling as a price for walking my dog through the park. While I am sad that I will be stuck behind my computer for most of the day and evening, I do plan to spend my lunch break on the balcony… and that door will be open to allow Princess Sophie to sit out and bask in the sun as she watches over her subjects walking through her realm.

    My weight is still way too far above the terrible mark, but I have a plan. That is important. My first short-term goals are to drop below that permanently, and to hopefully drop below 290 lbs. by April 11th – the night of my Lodge’s banquet.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1045

    Yesterday was not an easy day for me. It was the thirty-year anniversary of the day I was conscripted into the Army. There are so many memories, so many friends, so many regrets. Everything came right into my consciousness shortly after I woke up, and there I was right until I fell asleep.

    I actually tried to sleep a few times yesterday. I lay down for a nap at 10:45am, but did not manage to get to sleep. I rested for a while but eventually decided to get up and try to go about my day. I tried a few hours later, once again abandoning hope because sleep just would not come. I did get some rest, as well as cuddle time with a doggie… but no sleep. My sleep last night, following the new element that I added to my evening routine, was a little better… I slept a bit over seven hours, and my sleep score was 78. My body battery was up to 73 this morning, and a few hours after waking up it is back down to 58. Reasonable considering the walk with my dog.

    I am going to spend an hour on the treadmill once this article goes live, and then I have to head out to Grimsby for a meeting. Without traffic that will be about a 30-minute drive. I am excited about what I will be doing, but it is not for publication. My only goal with regard to my plan is to stick with it… I have been doing pretty well this week, and I need to stick to it.

    I told Leslie last night that I had decided that this morning my weight would drop below the terrible mark. Of course, this is a silly thing to say; even when I do everything right in a day, it is impossible to be sure that my weight would drop… let alone so significantly (my weight yesterday morning was 301.4). As I got ready to step onto the bathroom scale, I was silently hoping to see a success… and I did. Of course, the fact that my weight had dropped below the horrible mark does not mean that it will stay there… I have to stay on track today, and even if I do that does not mean that the fluctuations will not bring the numbers up again. I have to remember that weight loss has to be about the downward trend, and not about the individual points on the graph.

    Today is the first cold day. When I was getting dressed to take HRF Princess Sophie out this morning, the weather app on my phone read -3° (Feels like: -13°). Knowing that such a difference between actual temperature and ‘feels like’ means that it is very windy, I eschewed my regular sleeveless vest in lieu of my actual winter jacket. I was pleased that it kept me warm… although my extremities (mostly my hands) were still feeling it; yes, I have a great pair of gloves… but I have to remove them to pick up after doggie, as well as to pause my audio book every time another dog-parent approaches. As for the Princess, she still looks at me some days as if to say ‘Yeah, when we met in California and I agreed to be your doggie… this is not what I signed up for!’ Of course, she still does not like wearing her coat. It is interesting that none of my kids particularly like coats either.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1018

    There is nothing impressive or noteworthy about a .2 lb. drop… except that did absolutely no activity yesterday, I did not eat particularly well (although I also did not eat particularly badly), and have still not been able to move my bowels these last three days. Down is better than up.

    Yesterday morning I ate a bowl of breakfast cereal instead of my usual omelette. For lunch we ordered sandwiches from Panera; I was good and ordered a vegetarian sandwich and opted for the side of fruit instead of the bag of chips. For dinner Leslie made an angel hair pasta with non-meatballs in a tomato sauce. The pasta she explained were chickpea noodles which I had never heard of, but which tasted just like regular pasta. Other than all of that, the only snacking that I did was I ate half of an apple (a very large apple). The result is that down by .2 is better than up.

    I had another good night’s sleep last night, although (according to my fitness watch) nowhere near as good as the previous night. Anytime I wake up and see a sleep score over 80 I am thrilled… this morning it was 86. My body battery only crept up to a 73, but that is still better than it could have been.

    Today is a travel day, but not until this evening. Yes, my flight only leaves at 6:30pm, which means I have the entire day with my wife and stepson . I will just have to watch what I eat until I get onto the airplane. Well, I suppose I have to be careful on the airplane as well. I bought some almonds and some cashews to snack on if I get hungry. I hope that once I get through security at the airport I can sit down and have a salad for dinner, but I do not know what the timing will be like.

    It is currently 25° in Dallas… and 9° in Burlington. Fortunately the weather will be good to me the next few days, but I am resigned to the fact that we are well into autumn, and that the temperatures in Canada will be dropping substantially. What can you do, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1017

    For the second time I messed up when I tried to download my data from my bathroom scale app. Drat. Oh well, I’ll live. At least I know that my weight was down one pound this morning from yesterday, despite not successfully moving my bowels. I am happy with the weight drop, although somewhat less pleased that my system is stopped up again.

    I set out yesterday to top 40km walking since Sunday, which meant that I needed to walk about 7.2km. I did not start out smart, only realizing after I was a kilometre from home that I had not brought a water bottle with me. Doh! Fortunately I am able to use my mobile phone as a credit card, and so at around the halfway point of my journey (along the DNT, where I would be turning back) I stopped off and picked up a couple of bottles of water. The 7.32km walk brought my total for the week to 40.15km. I will call that a definite success.

    Speaking of successes: I cannot find where I had written it, or maybe I just thought it and did not write it in my journal, but I did write that I was disappointed in myself for not dropping below the terrible 300 lbs. mark before this trip, and I remember thinking that I would love to drop at least a couple of pounds while I was here. The trip is not over, but as of this morning I am happy with my progress these last couple of weeks. Yes, after the first few days I had gained several pounds. Since the worst of it (Wednesday last week) I have recovered very nicely, and from my worst weight in a very long time I have now dropped over 8 lbs., bringing me comfortably under 300 lbs. (and for these past several days) for the first time since the first week of October. I have to continue to lose weight which means eating sensibly and continuing to walk. It is far too easy to regain the weight… history has proven that true too many times.

    I was shocked this morning to see the numbers on my fitness watch. My sleep score was an almost unheard of 94. It is rare for that to be above 90, and I feel it. Yes, I feel relaxed this morning after getting 8.5 hours of balanced sleep! My body batter was actually up to a 99 this morning, which I am not sure I have ever seen. I obviously did something right the last couple of days! Hopefully I can keep that up… but I would not count on these being consistent numbers.

    With regard to food: Yesterday morning I had my usual omelette. For lunch we were planning to eat leftovers, and I was relieved when Leslie asked if I minded if she ate the pizza. Mind? MIND? I was thrilled for her to eat it, and to leave me the grilled chicken and salad! We put the leftover falafel and hummus in the middle so I could dip my chicken in the hummus and Leslie could sop it up with her pizza crusts. It was delicious! For dinner we ordered fast food. The main was grilled chicken bites, and yes, I cheated a bit by enjoying the waffle fries that came with it. Sorry… not sorry. Late in the evening I was hungry again… and with so many bad choices that I could have made, I opted for a protein bar. All was well in the world, and I did not go to bed on an empty stomach.

    I do not know what our plans are for today, but I assume they will involve entertaining a nine-year-old boy, so it is doubtful that we will be eating smartly. It is my job to stay within reason on any foods we eat. We have three main meals (I take care of my own breakfasts) before they drop me off at the airport, and then the airport food court. If I can get back to Canada weighing under the terrible mark Monday morning, then this trip will have been (with regards to my weight loss) an overall success. Yes, I cheated several times, but I made up for it.

    When I get back to Canada, I have to remember the simple rules… eat less (and eat smart), and exercise. I know the exercise often falls by the wayside for time reasons… and this week coming I see a big issue right away in that I am taking a class from noon until 8:30pm every day. My plan is to get up, take Her Floofness for her walk, and then after breakfast I will get onto the treadmill. If I need any enticement, then I will remember that there is a lot of TV to catch up on. I know, most of what I watch is trash… we are all entitled to our minor harmless vices, right?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1013

    I told Leslie last night that I was happy with both my eating and my activity of the day yesterday, and that I was hoping to see a significant drop on the bathroom scale this morning. I expected to lose at least a full pound from yesterday. When I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning I was shocked… and disbelieving. I was hoping to drop below 302. When I stepped off the scale I allowed it to clear and stepped on again. I could not believe that I had dropped over six pounds. While I am excited to see my weight drop (significantly) below the 300 pounds mark, I am skeptical that the drop is more than a blip. Do not misunderstand me… I am thrilled and grateful, but I am not expecting to even maintain that level tomorrow and Thursday. We will see.

    With all of that said, yesterday was a good day for my program. Breakfast was my usual omelette. I went to the supermarket in the morning to pick up food for dinner, and decided to also pick up a couple of salads for Leslie and I to enjoy for lunch. For dinner I prepared seared tuna steaks with white rice. After lunch I went for a 6.5km walk which made me feel great, although it also reminded me of the importance of throwing out socks when they have holes in the heels. Not only did that slow my overall pace a little, but I also came home with blisters on my heel. For that reason, as well as because of what my schedule looks like today, I am taking the day off from walking. With that said, yesterday I decided to power-walk at least 24km over the rest of my stay in Dallas, and I knocked out more than 25% of that goal yesterday.

    When I returned home, I felt my tummy talking to me, but not of hunger. I knew that I had not been moving my bowels very well the last few days and I thought I was probably a little backed up. I tried to move them before I showered but had very little to show for the attempt. When I was all clean, I decided to lie down for a nap. Five minutes into the nap I felt the urge and was finally able to void my system. I felt somewhat better, but not completely. Thirty minutes later I found myself running back to the loo and repeated my previous success. I was finally feeling better. I know you are asking so the answer is yes, those combined successes certainly contributed to this morning’s weight loss. I do not know if it really accounts for a 6+ pound drop, but it certainly helped.

    With all of that, my sleep score last night dropped to 72, which is the lowest in three or four days. I woke up reasonably well rested, but I know I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night. Hopefully it will be better tonight.

    In my entry yesterday I enumerated four points that I need to follow in order to resume my successful weight loss. One of those points was to not eat food that is bad for my weight loss. Leslie had asked me if I know that I should not be eating something then why do I have it in the house? She is right. I need to stop buying food I know will be detrimental to my weight loss goals. As an example, a few weeks ago I bought a box of breakfast cereal. I know that breakfast cereal is, as a category, all terrible for weight loss. With that said, I like it, and it is not difficult to convince myself that if I buy it then I will eat it in moderation, and that it will not have a terrible effect on my body. The flaw in that logic is that I am still terrible at the moderation part, and so seldom will a box of breakfast cereal brought into my kitchen last three days. Leslie is so right about this… I have to stop buying it. So many people do not understand why I am doing my grocery shopping three or four times per week. It is because I know that if I have more in my kitchen I will be tempted to eat more. I need to work on this, but until I have mastered it I have to:

    1. Continue doing my grocery shopping several times per week; and
    2. Not allow myself to purchase anything that I can easily overeat.

    I have written in this journal times that losing weight is simple, but it is not easy. As a cybersecurity guy I continue to tell my students that we can implement every security tool available, but the weak link of the chain is always the human factor. Likewise, my weak link is my willpower which is something that I really have to continue to work on. It will come.

    In the meantime, I am hoping to fit into at least a couple of my tailored sports coats next week, and I will continue to powerwalk… either outside or, if the weather is not cooperative, on my treadmill.

    Have a great day folks!