I am not going to lie… with all of the crap and garbage I hear from people and online, it is nice when from time to time one of my neighbours – usually fellow dog-parents, tell me how sick they are of all of the attacks and lies against Israel and against Jews. There is still some hope left in this world.
Blog
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Day 1247
I was not in much of a mood to write yesterday, which is almost a shame, seeing as I had my second straight night of good sleep with a >80 sleep score. It is a pity that the streak could not be extended to three days, but despite registering over eight hours of sleep, the score was down to a 68… probably owing to the two or three periods of my lying awake and unable to drift back into dreamland. I was in my head about so many things… but none of them would surprise either me or anyone who has been privy to my thoughts and despair and anxieties these last three months.
I had a dream last night that one of the issues that has been weighing on me was resolved. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and almost everything else started to fall into place. After I woke up needing to visit the little boys’ room, I got back into bed luxuriating in the feeling… which unfortunately I did while awake. Sigh.
A buddy was supposed to come over for brunch, but that is now up in the air until he confirms if his honey-do list is complete. It seems a kitchen appliance might need to be replaced making the list one complicated item longer than he thought. No worries, no stress.
In the meantime I also have a meeting in a few minutes, after which I will decide what the rest of my day will look like. I will probably spend most of the day working.
Have a great day folks.
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Day 1245
It is interesting to me that I can get jetlagged without leaving home. Every time I teach a remote class in Europe it hits me. Of course, yesterday it might have hit me a bit harder because try as I might I could not sleep at all Monday afternoon. I rested for a few hours, but sleep just would not come.
I made it through class without too much fatigue, and then after taking Princess Sophie for a walk I slept for a couple of hours. I went out to do a couple of errands, and then after a nice dinner (at 4:30pm) I slept again for two or three hours. As cockeyed as that may sound, it meant I was able to get into bed at my usual time and sleep through the night. My sleep score was unequalled in two weeks, and it was really needed.
I have some work I need to get on to today, so aside from walking Her Floofness I have no plans to go out. That might change if my phone rings, but for now I am not at all upset that my dance card is open.
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Day 1244
These overnight classes are tough but today’s class was an easy one. It is much easier on my system to deliver a foundational class for one night than a architect-level class for a week. Still, it would have been nice if I could have gotten some sleep yesterday. I lay in bed for three hours after my son left but it was no use – my eyes just would not shut. I called it a wash and got up to prepare for my class around 9:15pm… I know my body, and there are times when I just will not get to sleep. Of course, shortly before my class was due to start I realized I could have easily closed my eyes for eight hours of shuteye. Sigh.
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Day 1243
My plans for yesterday were simple. If I heard from either of my children I would have dropped everything, but I did not expect to. After breakfast I was going to sit on the balcony to study for an exam that I needed to take later in the day. Following the exam I was going to drink myself into a stupor.
As it happens, I did hear from my son the elder! It does not happen often, but when I went out onto the balcony to study I left my phone in the house, and so I missed his call. I phoned him back and he gave me some terrific news – he was accepted to an amazing school to do his Master’s Degree! He had to work soon but I told him I would come to see him at his job – he works at the LCBO, so if I was going to drink it worked out perfectly. He was working the cash so he did not have a lot of time to talk, but he asked if I wanted to do something when his shift was over. I invited him to come over for a drink and a cigar to celebrate.
I went home and made dinner – a piece of rainbow trout that I bought (I actually only prepared half of it) and a side dish of white rice. I finished up a few things and then prepared for his arrival. We had a very lovely visit and while I drank a lot more than he did (I did not have to drive) I think we both enjoyed our conversation.
Oh… and yes, I passed the exam… but some exams are not worth bragging about. This exam took me about sixteen minutes from start to finish.
While I got nearly eight hours of sleep last night, my fitness watch still gave me an abysmal sleep score… a 44. I am sure the alcohol had something to do with it. I will make sure to get a few hours of sleep this afternoon before I have to teach tonight.
I will spend the day today preparing for the class I am teaching this evening – yes, it is another overnight class, but it is a single-day class and I am not as worried about the recovery as I am when it is the entire week.
Life still sucks… but at least I got to spend a very pleasant evening with one of my sons.
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Day 1242
As planned, I spent the afternoon with one friend, then the evening with a group of buddies and brothers from my Lodge (and some of their families). It was a cross between a nice distraction and a horrible reminder of what I am going through. I need to get past the worst of my issues before I can move forward. My weight is the least of my concerns. The complete absence of joy and happiness from my life is what I need to address.
While my sleep score was down below 70 again last night (to a 69) I was nonetheless able to get 7.5 hours of sleep, which is important because while I might need more, I had been getting much less. I likely would have snuck another thirty minutes in had Princess Sophie not insisted on going out again last night when I came home… but she was good enough to make it clear that she wanted to go out, and I try to be a good enough doggie daddy to listen.
Speaking of being a daddy, there is another reason I am in the dumps. I have not heard from my children today… some Father’s Day.
Have a great day folks… I likely won’t.
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Day 1241
I actually slept nine straight hours last night. Well, straight… broken up only by a trip to the latrine. My sleep score was over 80 for the first time in 11 days, and although according to my fitness watch last night’s 81 only rated as ‘good,’ after the week I’ve had it was simply luxuriant.
I am going to spend the afternoon with friends, and then in the evening I have an event with some Lodge members that I am going to. I hope I can keep something like a positive mask on my face. I really do not want anyone to think that I am having a terrible time of it because of them. Well… one person would be right… but I am not seeing that person today. Okay… two people. All I have to do to not see the other one is avoid mirrors.
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Day 1240
Yesterday after class I was walking with my dog and stopped to speak with a neighbour in the next building who is usually quite nice. He commented on my recent obvious weight loss. It was all I could do to not lash out at him and yell about all of the crap that is going on in my life and how dare he have the nerve to criticize my weight. I beat myself up enough over it but I have the right. Who the hell does he think he is?
My sleep score last night was 70… generally not very good, but compared to the last week it is a great leap. I am desperately hoping to get some decent rest over the weekend. I do know that had my alarm not gone off this morning I could easily have slept another hour or two.
