Losing a part of me

Blog

  • Day 962

    Leslie is coming today! Woohoo! She won’t be landing until late tonight, but at least I know that when I next get into bed, she will be next to me.

    The procedure went well yesterday, and when I got home, I was finally able to have my first solid meal since Thursday afternoon. It was a relief to say the least. I was energized, and I thought that when I came in from walking Princess Sophie, I might even walk to the supermarket to pick up some provisions. I was hungry an hour after eating, which I suppose is not much of a surprise… especially knowing that the preparations for the procedure involved laxatives and whatnot. Her Floofness and I went out for her usual walk… and it was not long into the walk that I realized that I would be satisfied with getting home; I would not be walking anywhere after that.

    The problem that I was still hungry was still there. I was not allowed to drive because of the anesthesia, and I did not really have any food in the house. In my weakened state (both body and mind) I ordered Chinese food. It was not as good as it should have been for how much of a cheat meal that it was, but it was still tasty. Because of it, knowing how much sugar and MSG there must have been in it, I did not expect to lose weight this morning. It was a pleasant surprise to see that I dropped over 1.5 lbs. from yesterday. Phew! I am still over 290 lbs., but hopefully over the next couple of days I will be able to drop below that mark… again.

    It is a beautiful but cool day in Burlington. I am going to go out to the supermarket quickly, and then I plan to relax on the balcony with a cigar until it is time to prepare a late lunch. I had invited Eduardo over for a cigar, but he told me this morning that he has a family obligation, so he had to decline. It will not bother me one bit to sit alone with my thoughts… and possibly a book, a cigar, and a cup of coffee.

    Leslie’s flight is not landing until 11:00pm, so I will have a quiet day to myself. I might go for a walk, depending on how I feel. Either way, either after my walk or around 8:30pm I will shave and shower, and then get ready to head out to the airport. It will be so good to see her again… it has been way too long!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 961

    A couple of years ago I would have begun this entry with a dozen curse words. I would have been throwing things and spewing vile and anger. I am trying to be a better man, so I will simply say that I am extremely disappointed that after going all of Friday without solid food, only eating broth and drinking tea, my weight was up four pounds from yesterday. I know the broth is high in salt, but FOUR? That makes a nine pound increase over three days. I want to throw it all away, tell the doctors to shove it, and go out on a food binge that would at least allow me to enjoy my weight gain. I hate myself, and it is all that I can do to not go out and indulge.

    No. Leslie is coming tomorrow. I will fast the rest of the time until my procedure, and then I will come home and I will prepare the chicken and salad which I had planned for.

    Life sucks… today. Tomorrow when Leslie arrives it will be better, but in the meantime I might as well get myself fitted for a tent for all the good my weight loss efforts have done. I am a complete and total f&cking failure and I hate myself.

  • Day 960

    I did not do better yesterday, gaining another two pounds this morning. I was scared last night about today’s fast day – the preparation for my procedure tomorrow started this morning – and so I splurged last night. Today I am limited to clear liquids only. I am feeling weak already, and not happy at all. With that said, tomorrow it will be over and done, and in the late afternoon I can eat again, I am not even allowed to drink my meal replacements until it is over! As such, I will not be walking today.

    Yesterday’s walk was another good one. I walked 9.5km, each split kilometre under 10 min/km. I wish I could go out for a good walk today, but with the limited intake I do not think I would have the energy.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 959

    My body smote me hard this morning! I gave in yesterday afternoon and had an order of French fries because we met at Wendy’s before the meeting… but I never thought that a single order of fries would have me up by three pounds this morning! I hate myself for faltering! I will do better today.

  • Day 958

    I decided I would not be walking today. I had a lovely chat with my wife, I went to do some errands, and then after lunch I took Her Royal Floofness to the salon for her spa treatment. Let me tell you, she looks a lot less floofy now than she did this morning! She is all pretty and done up, and ready for Mommy to come to see her this weekend.

    My weight was down this morning, but only by .2 lb. Remember that down is better than up.

    I have a meeting at my lodge this evening, and I think I am going to drive out to Grimsby early to beat the traffic.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 957

    While I was not pleased to see that my weight was slightly up this morning, I am comforted to know that I did everything right yesterday, and that the slight rise was likely just a blip. How often have I said that it is not about the points on the graph, but rather the downward trend that matters? I had a very good jog/walk yesterday and did the same today. I ate the same thing both days, which is also the same as what I have been eating these last few days. I am not too upset about it and know that tomorrow my weight will be better.

    Yesterday’s workout started with a 1km jog, and then I walked another 7km. I am not sure why my walking time was so slow – over ten minutes per kilometre, except for the first and last two walking kilometres. I am not sure that my choice of footwear is not a factor, and I am not terribly upset by it. This afternoon’s walk (also just over 8km) was walking only, and the slowest kilometre (the first) was the only one slower than 9m30s per kilometre. I was quite pleased with that, and came home, showered, and then made my lunch. It has been cooler these last couple of days than it had been, but I do not think that was a factor because the weather both days was similar.

    I have finally had a successful bowel movement! Ah, the weird things that we share when we are writing about weight loss. It had been several days since I had really succeeded, with minor attempts yesterday morning and today. It was not until nearly 4pm today that I sat down on the potty and really felt good when I got up again. I am hoping that will contribute to a decent number on the bathroom scale tomorrow morning. Here’s hoping!

    I have still not been sleeping wonderfully, but at least I am sleeping. I hope as I continue to exercise and to lose weight that my sleep might improve. We will see. As it stands, at least from Sunday when Leslie arrives, I should be sleeping better for a few nights. I always sleep better when she is next to me.

    My buddy Eduardo came over for a cigar after lunch. We had not seen each other since June, and it was great to catch up with him. I have been remiss in seeing a few of my friends of late. It is not that I do not think about them, but sometimes it is hard, and life just gets in the way. Later this evening another friend is coming over for another cigar. I am glad that I got my exercise in early!

    We are now in the month of September, and you can feel it in the air. While the days are mostly still warm, I have had to don long pants in the morning and the evening. Pretty soon the high temperatures will be in the teens, and autumn will truly be upon us. I will continue to remember that complaining about the weather is not the most effective use of my time… for all the good it will do.

    This Saturday I have to go for a procedure that I am a bit nervous about. As a fifty-two-year-old man, I need to have parts of me checked that I am not looking forward to having checked. I am less excited for all of the preparation that needs to happen, including no solid foods starting Friday morning, plus a regimen of what seems to be to be laxatives… I assume to ensure no unpleasant surprises to the doctor performing the procedure. None of this sounds fun, and I have just made a list of what I need to purchase from the pharmacy this afternoon… including the meds and broth mix (which may take me to a supermarket). Rest assured I will have a proper meal the moment I get home. To make matters worse, I will not be allowed to drive for the rest of the day following the procedure, so I have had to ask a friend to drive me home. I have also been told that I cannot take any more fibre starting today (well, Saturday really… but I only read the instructions this afternoon. I am going to try to reach the clinic to find out if this is a deal breaker requiring me to reschedule, or if we are okay). On the plus side of all of this, I should expect pretty decent weight loss results after not being able to eat solid foods (including my meal replacements) for thirty-six hours.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 956

    Happy Labour Day!

    Another day, another drop! I feel great about being down 17.8 lbs. since I started getting back on track. I have a long way to go, but I am making progress. I am still not moving my bowels, but that is another issue.

    Yesterday’s walk took me 9.38km and was the first one since I got back into it a few weeks ago that every single kilometre was under 10m. It is no surprise that the slowest of them (kilometre #4) was the one that took me uphill. I also stopped only once, at the end of kilometre #7, to stop off at Longo’s and buy another bottle of water and Gatorade. My stamina was better than it had been in a while!

    I am going to head out again in a few minutes. I am going to shorten the walk today because I have plans for the afternoon, but I will make up for that by starting out at a jog for the first kilometre… or possibly for the first two if I can manage it.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 955

    I was really down yesterday… because my weight was really up. I fell off the wagon Friday night, and while the circumstances that led to it happening were brought about by others, they only led me to the water… I drank on my own. No, I did not imbibe; I ate. Here’s the long and the short of it:

    My friend was meant to come over at 3:30pm to play backgammon. At some point during the afternoon, she told me she was running extremely behind, so I told her to just come when she could. At around 6:00pm I told her that if she wanted to eat together then we should do so before we sat out on the balcony. Little did I realize that she would arrive at 8:15pm, and that we would not be sitting down at the pub until after 9:00pm. I should not have eaten. To make matters worse, I stupidly ordered a hamburger. Even stupider, I did not ask for a salad on the side, I asked for the sweet-potato fries. All this to say that the only halfway smart decision I made was to walk to the pub instead of driving.

    I woke up yesterday morning and stepped onto the bathroom scale. To my horror, my weight was up 2.6 lbs. from the previous day. I was shattered. I spent the entire day down in the dumps. I also realized that I needed to eat. Somehow, rather than going nuts, I went to the supermarket and bought chicken and the vegetables I would need for a salad. I could have done much worse in the mental condition that I was in.

    I was hoping that this morning my weight would be down a bit from yesterday, but seeing as I was unable to move my bowels, I was not overly hopeful. To my utter surprise and shock I had dropped all of the weight that I had gained the previous day… and a couple more ounces to boot. Woohoo! While I could not cross off another number on my fridge chart, I at least did make good forward progress. Instead of needing to lose another 3.6 lbs. to get to my best weight from Leslie’s last visit, I am now .6 lbs. from that… and I have another week to achieve that. Woohoo! (I am still 18.6 lbs. heavier than I was when I was measured by my tailor… and I only have 3.5 weeks left before their next visit. I may not make it, and if I do not then I will not be ordering anything.)

    It is a beautiful day in Burlington, and I told Leslie this morning that I promise myself that I will exercise. I do not know if it will be a longer or a shorter walk, but I am going to hit the road. I just looked at the area map and decided what route I am going to take… it is probably going to be on the longer side, so I will make sure to have plenty of water.

    After that, I will come home, eat my chicken lunch/dinner, and then I will relax on the balcony with a cigar. Hopefully my wife will have a few moments to chat, but she has her son with her so that might not work. We’ll see. She will be here in one week, which is really exciting for me!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 954

    Not great but tomorrow will be better.

  • Day 953

    I woke up this morning and went about my routine, thinking all the while that today was Thursday. It was only when I logged onto Facebook and saw a call in one of my groups for a Free-for-all-Friday that I realized… Yes indeed, the long weekend is upon us.

    After the tremendous drop yesterday morning I did not expect great things today, but I was quite pleasantly surprised to see another drop of 1.2 lbs., bringing me below the 285 mark! If I can keep it up, then I will almost certainly be able to achieve that first short-term goal… that of weighing less than I did when Leslie was here for her last visit. I am one pound from my best weight from her last trip; unless I fall off the wagon hard then I will surpass that with room to spare.

    My bowels are still not cooperating with me. I have been adding fibre to my meal replacements, but I wonder if I should be adding more. I am worried that too much will mess with my innards like they did in June. With that thought in mind, I think I will simply stay the course.

    It is another beautiful day in Burlington. I am going to chat with my wife for a bit, and I am going to go out for a long walk. I have to remember to stretch before I begin so that I do not strain my back as I did last week. I have a couple of things I would like to get done, but nothing urgent… except staying on track with my weight loss. My friend who dragged me to the pub the other night is coming over later today to play some backgammon, which is still my favourite board game. Yay!

    Since today is Friday, I might be tempted to pick up a challah for Shabbat. I will not do that. I have been tempted these last few days, but the only real aberration to my progress was the pub meal I had with my friend the other night, and while she is coming over again this afternoon, I will not be tempted to eat like that again. If we do go out for dinner again, I will stick to a salad.

    Have a great day folks!