Losing a part of me

Shana Tova uMevurechet! May you be inscribed in the Book of Life. Last night as I lit the candles with my wife (over video unfortunately) I said prayers for so many people as I do every Sabbath. I wonder then why I do not say prayers to give Leslie and me strength to continue to succeed with our weight loss journeys. I know that this week I really could use all the help I can get.

I wrote yesterday that I had a terrible day the previous day. The stress and anxiety of the root cause of it was nearly overwhelming yesterday. I cannot remember any day in my professional life where I felt more anxious, and it took a terrible toll. At the end of my class, after I took Her Floofness out for her walk, I was still shaking. I spoke with Leslie and told her that I was going to do one of two things: I was going to eat, or I was going to drink. I knew that if I started to drink that it would have been very bad… I would not have stopped until I passed out. She agreed that knowing the day that I had I should probably eat.

I went to the supermarket and bought chicken, broccoli, and (stupidly) a bag of mini crisps. I came home and I prepared my meal (freezing half of the chicken so that I was not tempted to eat it again tonight). I steamed the broccoli. I enjoyed my meal; while I did feel guilty about it afterwards, I also feel that it was a necessary step.

My body must have agreed… once again, while I did not lose weight this morning, I also did not gain any weight.

My body and mind are exhausted from the week, even after what I think was a pretty decent night sleep. I am on the fence about going out for a long walk today, but it is probably what I should do. When my diet buddy asked me how I was going to make up for cheating on Thursday I told her that is what I would do. I did not tell her that I would be cheating on Friday as well.

I do not know why but I walked away from this article for a few minutes… six hours ago. I did not go for a walk, but I also did not spend the entire day watching TV and smoking cigars on the balcony. I have been working on something at my desk. I have not eaten, although I realized that I put the remaining chicken into the Fridge and not the freezer, so I am going to cook it for dinner, so it does not go to waste. I have some broccoli left that I will steam to go with it. For some reason I have gotten to this point (5:45pm) only eating my omelette this morning, so the chicken will be taking the place of all three meal replacements. I can live with that without feeling guilty. I am also glad I realized this early enough so that dinner will be by 6:30pm, and not later.

Have a great day folks!