I gained two pounds this morning. Part of it is because of the turkey, most of it is probably because I had the stuffing and the sweet potatoes… and the apple pie. Stupid.
I brought some turkey home with me… none of the rest.
Category: Holidays
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Day 26: FAILED
I fell off the wagon yesterday.
I went to a Lodge and… well, it would be so easy to say that I succumbed to peer pressure, that I was encouraged or urged to eat. In truth, I just fell into old habits and did not pay attention. I asked to make sure the chili had no pork, I made sure to add onions but not cheese… but I had two large helpings of turkey chili which is extremely not on my program. The result? I gained 2.0 lbs. from yesterday. F&ck.
Today might have become another difficult cheat day because I am going to another Lodge this evening, and I will be encouraged to eat there. With that said, I think someone mentioned they are serving pizza, and while I love pizza, most of it will not be kosher. It they have a cheese or veggie pie then I might allow myself a single slice… not two, one.
I am already looking and feeling better than I did less than a month ago when I embarked upon this journey, and I am not going to fall off the wagon. I am, however, going to allow myself to recognize that I am not a machine, and eating only the same meal replacements for months on end will be hard. Coming into this holiday season, I am going to have a couple of turkey dinners where I can splurge. I will not go overboard, but I do love turkey. I am dating a lovely lady and I will take her out… and eat salads. I will try to separate the ‘cheat meals’ with several days of staying on my program.
I had an interaction at my bar last night that left me a bit floored. There is a woman there that I went on a date with a couple of months ago. We kissed but nothing more. She seemed to really like me, but succumbed to peer pressure from some of her other friends at the bar who convinced her that dating me was a bad idea. The words ‘Fucking Jew’ were mentioned among the only solid reasons for this. For the most part, I did not really care. I moved on. I would say hello to her at the bar, but that was about it. Before I decided to not pursue her any further, she broke her word to me several times. She stood me up on two occasions when we were supposed to meet, she promised she would text me so that we could talk but never did, and she promised to pay me back for something (less than $20).
Last night she was there with the guy who convinced her I was an FJ and bad news. I did not feel any need to interact. I’m sure you will agree that was the best strategy. I enjoyed my cigar, I sang a few karaoke songs, and I was getting ready to go home when she got me to come over and to speak with her and a friend of hers (not the guy). She told me that her friend had nowhere to go, and she was wanted me to bring the friend home with me. For some context, the friend is quite attractive. I am reasonably sure that had I agreed, I would be quite a bit more tired this morning than I am. The woman told me ‘She is very safe and trustworthy. I can vouch for her.’
I said no. I did it politely, and told them both that it was out of the question. The woman asked me why not, if she vouches for her? I told her she did not want to know the answer. She insisted.
I told her that she had no credibility with me, and that her vouching for the woman actually worked against her, rather than in her favour.
She tried to turn it around on me that I don’t want to help her because she never slept with me, and then focused on that I don’t like that she hangs around with Kevin.
I told her that I did not know who Kevin was. (I was telling the truth, although it was safe to assume that Kevin was the guy who called me an FJ. He was also the guy she was hanging out with that evening, and who she seemed to make out with a few times although I can’t be sure) I told her truthfully that I could not trust her because she had lied to me a number of times, and because of the decisions she makes.
In short, this woman is going to start talking trash about me at the bar. She has no real ammunition, but lies are plentiful.
I told the girl I am dating the whole story. I did not want her hearing it from anyone else. I think she agrees that I handled it properly. Phew!
Okay, it is time for me to have my lunch. My new order of meal replacements arrived yesterday so I have the beef stew readying. It is not quite mouth watering, but it is tasty.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1339
I have not been in a very good way emotionally these last few weeks and it shows. These last two days have been particularly difficult for reasons that I cannot put my finger on. As such, yesterday’s entry was a bit more morbid than it might have been. To be clear for those who are still reading: I am not suicidal. I am just doing badly emotionally.
I slept reasonably well last night, but I ate extremely poorly. I hope that this week I can get back on track. The Jewish New Year begins Monday at sundown. As such I wish I had not taken on the class that I will be teaching this week, but there is nothing that I can do about that now. I hope though that I can use the New Year as a reset for the terrible place I am in.
Have a great day folks.
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Day 1179
Last night’s Passover Seder was a delight. I was invited by a group of friends who were all kicked out of a community group because they are Zionists. Not all of them were Jewish, but they were all my people. It was a delight. The company was wonderful, the food was delicious; Passover is truly my favourite of the Jewish holidays.
I was worried about my weight following last night’s meal, but I actually dropped back down to what I weighed before I went to Toronto. Phew.
While I slept marvelously Friday night, last night was not as good. It was not horrible, but it could have been better.
As I write this, I am also making chicken soup. Once I press save I will add the matzah balls into the mix. I cheated a bit this year – I asked my buddy Lyle, a gourmet chef, to prepare the chicken stock. Actually, last weekend I asked him for advice, and he told me that he was already making it this week, and did not mind making extra for me. Now I have it on the stove with carrots, onions, and dill. I am cooking chicken in the air fryer, and in a few minutes that will go into the pot as well. It will be a good few days of soup. Hopefully it will help to get me out of my funk. As the old saying goes… if it doesn’t help, at least it doesn’t hurt. I miss my wife.
Have a great day folks.
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Day 1172
Over a two-week period, I gained ten pounds. I have now lost that weight again, but I have a very long way to go. After four straight days of weight loss, this morning I was expecting to see a bad number on the bathroom scale; instead, my streak extended to five days. It was a relief indeed, but I hope that I can keep it up.
I did not sleep well again last night. Friday night I slept marvelously, and my sleep score was 89. Last night my sleep was quite fitful, and my score was down to 65. How lovely would it be to have a long streak of great sleep? I am not holding my breath. Hopefully when I am able to start exercising again, I will be able to see some improvement.
It was nice to sit with my lodge brother last night for dinner and a cigar. He is a mental health care advocate, and he knows a lot of what I am going through. While he cannot actively help me, at least he can listen. I know that he cares. He told me last night that I am not alone. If I were always among friends then it might feel that way, but as I lie in bed at night, awake, with only my wonderful doggie to keep me company, it is hard to remember that there is anyone in the world who really cares.
Nobody knows what the future will bring, but I am hoping that things will be better. It is hard to see it from where I am… but I must hope.
With Passover starting a week from today, and with the first Passover Seder next Saturday, I am tempted to make a pot of chicken soup with matzah balls for the week. I will decide shortly, but the idea of not having chicken soup with matzah balls during Passover is completely anathema to me. Even last year, when I was helping Leslie with an untenable situation that had us staying in a hotel for safety concerns, I found some to keep things normal. This year… well, I might drive into Hamilton to see if there is a Jewish deli that sells it and if not? Yes, I will make a pot. I suppose that will be one of my tasks for the day. Tracking down soup for Pesach. While it is not terribly fattening, it is very salty, so I will be retaining water for a few days.
Also in advance of the holiday I am having my cleaning lady come in tomorrow to clean the place up. I do a decent job of keeping it neat, but I am woefully inadequate with certain aspects that she just does better. It will be nice to have a clean house for the holiday… even though from Tuesday through Saturday I will be away.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1078
It was a relief to see my weight drop a little this morning. Actually, it dropped quite a bit… but because of the terrible increases over the past week, it is still way over the terrible mark. Add to that my hip is still in agony, so there will not be any exercise today (or likely for the next few days).
I am still unsure if we are going today or tomorrow, but it is likely that my buddy and I will be driving down to the USA tomorrow to pick up our packages. As long as I do not get tempted by junk food this should not be a problem. Additionally, this evening I have a meeting at the Lodge, but we are not serving dinner (that is next week) so I should be able to get through today without too much trouble.
While my hip is still in agony, I finally got a good night sleep last night, with my fitness watch registering 7h59 minutes, and an excellent sleep score of 93. At long last I got some much-needed rest. Phew! Also, Chanukah is officially ending at sundown, but other than the Lodge dinner I did not overdo the holiday. I am just grateful that the holiday invites for Christmas and such are behind me. Now it is time to try to get back on track.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1077
Happy New Years! 2025… may I be more successful this year than in previous years. May my wife and I finally be able to live together in the same country/state/city/house! And of course… let us all know peace.
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Day 1076
New Years Eve. I am really looking forward to the holidays being behind us and my getting back onto a schedule…
I did something to my hip (or upper leg) yesterday… or the previous evening. I did not realize yesterday how much pain I was in, but it is really hurting. Frankly, the most painful thing I had to do today was putting my right sock on. Ouch! I hope that a couple of days of rest is all I need. I suspect that I slept poorly the previous night – possibly owing to the inconvenient comforts of a little princess. I am thinking of soaking in the bathtub for an hour… something that I have not done in recent memory. If I was living in Los Angeles I would head to Koreatown to the spa… but I am not, and I do not know of any Korean (or Asian) spas anywhere near me… at least, not one that is not really an erotic massage parlour, which is certainly not what I am looking for!
Have a great day folks… and Happy New Year!
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Day 1073
Yesterday was my big event. A few weeks ago, at Lodge a couple of the brethren expressed interest in the Jewish festival Chanukah, and I got the idea of inviting a few of them to light candles together. When I discussed the idea with the other Jewish member of the Lodge, the idea blossomed into an evening at his house. With twenty-five people in attendance, I was excited to deliver the presentation that I put together, which turned into a seven page, fifteen-minute talk. It was very well received, and a good time was had by all.
The host is an East-Indian Jew, and so that was the theme of the food. Before everyone else arrived, he showed me which dishes I would be able to eat (butter chicken made with cashew butter so that it was kosher), some of which came home with me as leftovers. Everything was absolutely delicious, and I felt like I was bursting at the seams. The only concession I made to being cognizant of my diet was opting to cut a sufganiya (traditional jelly doughnut) in half rather than eating a whole one.
I was convinced that this morning I would not see any progress on the bathroom scale, despite the disastrous number I saw yesterday. No, I was quite pleased by the drop. I did not lose all of the four pounds I had gained the previous day, but I did shed most of it. I am still above the terrible mark, but not nearly as badly as it could have been… or was yesterday.
My original plan was to resume my program on the first of January. This morning my friends who had invited me for New Years Eve informed me they had to cancel, and so I will be staying home and enjoying a cigar date with my wife to ring in 2025. This means that with regards to food overindulgence, my holidays are over. Well, almost… tomorrow evening I will spend with my sons, and I expect they will have some goodies to share. But that’s it. I have some leftovers in the fridge, but that’s it. I can breathe a sigh of relief, and hopefully get back on track a bit earlier.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1072
This morning I gained an obscene amount of weight. I am going to take it very carefully this weekend.
