Losing a part of me

It felt good to see my weight drop a couple of pounds after the last few days of ‘up, up, and stay same.’ If I can repeat everything that I did yesterday, then I should be able to shed a few more pounds this week. It was just a few days ago that I wrote that I hoped to get back to the weight I was when I came back from Dallas in November for my upcoming trip. That is no longer realistic, as I am 20 lbs. up from when I got home, and I am flying out in nine days. I have to stay on track, keep exercising, and stop cheating. That is what I did yesterday; I will try to do that again today.

Last night I took a sleeping pill for the first time. I told my doctor that I had been having a lot of trouble sleeping and she suggested an antidepressant, but until they kicked in she also gave me sleeping pills. It was a relief to put my head down and fall asleep… and stay asleep all night. I might have even slept longer had I not forgotten to disable my alarm, but I suppose Her Royal Floofness wanted to go out, and it is a bad idea to stay in bed all day anyways… especially when I know that I am fighting depression, and that it would be so easy to wallow in it. No, I will not let the sadness encroach on my life!

Today is a cold day indeed. I took The Princess out for her walk this morning wearing a sweater under my new winter jacket (and not the sleeveless vest I have been wearing most of the last couple of months. Even with that I was still cold – mostly owing to my not thinking to wear a scarf. I’ll pay closer attention to that on our next outing.

I am teaching this evening but unless the wind dies down, I do not think I’ll be sitting on the balcony today. If it does abate then I will change that plan because my heater can protect me from the cold, it is just the wind that makes it unpleasant. I will also make a point to spend some time on the treadmill… I did a 5km workout yesterday and would like to improve on that today. It will give me the chance to finish the movie I started watching yesterday.

I still cannot believe that I am now struggling to drop my weight below 265 lbs.; It was October 15 (less than three months ago) that I registered on my fridge that I had dropped below 240 lbs. and then… well, when I came home from Dallas at the beginning of November my world fell apart. All of a sudden the last two days I was 29 lbs. higher than that weight. I am glad I was able to rein that in this morning, but I really do hate knowing how easy it was to fall off. I have done that before. I have to stay strong because there is a difference between falling off and picking myself back up again… and falling off and six months from now realizing I weigh what I weighed 713 days ago. I cannot let myself fall like that!

See you all tomorrow.