Losing a part of me

Category: Weight Management

  • Day 1287

    Phew! My weight dropped this morning… even though my bowels did not. Okay scratch that – for the third day in a row, I was able to move my bowels… but only after starting this paragraph. My weight dropped from yesterday, but it did not change pre- to post-movement. Nonetheless, it is down this morning… and down is good. I am now only three pounds heavier than I was the day my world started to fall apart. That was April 1.

    My sleep score last night was way down – a 67, which is still classified as Fair by my fitness watch. I suppose my 5:45am alarm clock had something to do with that. I am glad that I got an early start, and hope to sleep better tonight.

    When I got into the car to drive down to Grimsby yesterday, I realized I still had some peanuts left from the previous day. It was not a lot, and I nibbled on them as I drove. My other cheat for the day was as good a cheat as I can think of… after our meeting at the café (where I had a cup of decaf coffee and a glass of water), the guys insisted we go to the pub – we were not quite done speaking, and the café was closing. As everyone else was ordering their food, I had what I think was a funny dialogue with the waitress. I asked her if they served chicken wings. They do. I asked if they served them with crudités (celery and carrots) on the side. They do. I asked for a plate of that… hold the chicken. She laughed, asked if I wanted the ranch dressing, and then when she brought the food she brought me a plate of celery and carrots. Perfect. drizzled some white vinegar on them and munched down as my table mates ate French fries and whatever other wonderful yet forbidden foods they ordered.

    Today is the first day of a three day class that I am sitting through so that I can teach it starting next week. It should be three easy days for me, as I am intimately familiar with the subject matter. Nonetheless, I am going to pay attention and do my best! 🙂 I believe the last classes I sat through as a student were for two of the three ISC2 certifications – one of which I have, the other I am still waiting for final approval… but I passed the exam, and that was the hard part.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1273

    I slept two nights since yesterday. I’ll explain.

    After the debacle that was yesterday I knew that I would not be going to the Grand Lodge event in Toronto today, but I had promised someone that I would give him something there. I arranged for a brother to drop by to pick them up on his way. I did not fall asleep until nearly 1am, so when my doorbell rang before 6:00am I was not nearly well rested, but I got up and dressed and did my thing… which is to say that I took Her Floofness for her walk, and when we came home I fed her, brewed a half pot of coffee (I realized I did not have sufficient coffee to brew a full pot) and mixed my meal replacement shake. I sat down at the computer and did my email thing and even opened up my blog page to write… but did not write a word. My sleep score was 56 – plenty of deep but not nearly enough overall.

    At 8:30am I realized how exhausted I was and decided to lie down for a bit. Princess Sophie jumped at the opportunity to join me. I am not sure that it was as deep as the overnight inadequate sleep, but it was actually longer – I woke up around 2:30pm! I prepared my meal replacement shake, I actually had a bowel movement (only my second one in nearly a week), and brushed my teeth again. While I would normally never do this, I weighed myself again, and was pleased to see that I had dropped another pound and a half since this morning. With that said, I have not decided if I will keep it… weighing myself at 7am versus 3pm? Yeah… it will depend on what the bathroom scale says tomorrow morning. If it is down from this afternoon then I will keep it, but if it is up then I will wipe it. Anyhow, I then sat down at my computer to pay some bills.

    I am trying to think more positively today than I did yesterday afternoon. Yes, the exam cancellation completely screwed me for the next several weeks, but nobody is shooting at me. I will try to be patient and wait to hear back about rescheduling the exam. In the meantime, I am going to drive to the supermarket – I am out of coffee, and I have some dry cleaning to drop off. Once that is done, if the rain has abated then I will take Her Floofness for another walk before sitting on the balcony with my book – an author that I love releases a new book in his series every July 15, and I downloaded it that day planning to read it after my exam. Since that did not happen I will try to read it today.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1162

    When I saw the numbers on the bathroom scale yesterday morning I wanted to vomit. Despite all of the stress and anxiety, and not to mention the travel, I could not believe that I had gained nine pounds in four days. I was not back to where I had started… I was a couple of paces behind that. So when I stepped onto that horrible device this morning I was hoping to see a significant drop… but would I? I was not exactly perfect with my program yesterday. The drop of more than five pounds was a relief. I was back below 310 lbs., and honestly I was about where I thought I would be after the Montreal trip.

    I am going to do my best to curb my eating today, but I was not able to make it through the day yesterday, so I picked up some pasta (I had to go to the supermarket to get milk, so I made a slight detour down that aisle).

    Today is a short work day… which is to say I am only working from 8:30am to 5:00pm, and will not have to teach in the evening as well. That is tomorrow. I was also booked last-minute for another class next week, which means that I’ll have the crazy Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule again. How fun.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1106

    My weight dropped a bit from yesterday, but I am still a bit more than five pounds over the terrible mark. I really need to get below that. The stress and anxiety that is my life for the next few weeks may not kill me, but it is certainly not doing my weight management any favours.

    My sleep score from last night was a respectable 80, but I know that I woke up too many times for it to have been great. I finally gave up trying to get back to sleep again a little before 5:00am. It is not often that I can actually dawdle a little in the morning before working.

    There was a news article a couple of days ago that really shook me about people in Colombia who showed up at the U.S. Embassy in Bogota for their immigration interviews only to find their appointments had been cancelled. My appointment is in a week, and while I do not let on about it very often, I know that the rest of my life hinges on the results of that meeting. Leslie and I have been married nearly three years, and the process has been a very long and trying one… not only is it miserable to live in a different country from my wife, but it has nearly bankrupted me from all of the travel and other expenses. I really need for this to be over so that I can live with her at long last.

    I will try to eat well today. As I had so much time to spare this morning, I prepared my lunch. I am marinating a piece of salmon with some vegetables, and I will serve it over a bed of rice. For dinner I will likely have the same chicken I would normally have prepared for both lunch and dinner.

    While I really cannot afford it, I decided to book a haircut appointment for tomorrow. My hair really is too long to keep under control, so I bit the bullet. A couple of days after I booked the appointment, my barber told me that the shop she was working at closed its doors, and so she is coming to cut my hair at my apartment. That will definitely be a first for me. At least I will be able to look at myself without wretching.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1095

    For the first time since December 22 my weight was back below the terrible mark this morning. I was relieved, mostly because I knew that I hardly ate yesterday; in fact, after my usual breakfast I had precisely two protein bars… and that’s it. I did not starve myself; in fact, I was not overly hungry at any point during the day. I was busy, and did not feel like going shopping to pick up chicken to make a meal. I will eat today.

    My sleep score was almost exactly what it was the previous night, which means I am still not sleeping very well. It is frustrating. I am hoping that tonight will be better.

    I will likely spend the afternoon with a couple of buddies down in Grimsby. I have been mostly off grid these last few days and while I am not feeling any better, it would be nice to try to force myself out of my emotional rut.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1039

    I am two pounds closer to the terrible mark this morning than I was yesterday. I was disgusted with myself that I weighed over 305 the last three days, and am really glad that starting tomorrow I am going back to eating breakfast and then meal replacements only.

    I am still not sleeping very well… I took the pill last night but it still took a while to fall asleep. Once I did, I had very weird and disturbing dreams. I will likely be tired today, but I will do my best to not nap so that I will be able to fall asleep at night without medicinal help.

  • Day 1030

    My weight was not up to what it was at a couple of days ago, but I gained back nearly two of the three pounds I had lost yesterday. Boo.

    My sleep score from last night was 73… much better than the previous night, and about on a par of what it normally is. I’d like to get it up above 80 on a regular basis, but I had a meeting to help a friend with his computer at midnight, and I wouldn’t think any night that I get into bed after 2am it would be much better than what it was.

    I was wrong, I did not have the time to go to the pharmacy yesterday. My day got much busier than I had expected. I will go today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1029

    I was glad to see that my weight dropped to almost what it was at Monday morning – that is, before the emotional miserable stress-eating day – despite my inability to move my bowels again this morning. I did move them successfully yesterday mid-morning, so at least there’s that. I hate being even this smidgen above the terrible mark, and hope that in a day or two I will be able to get back below it. I wish I could be more active. More on that in a few minutes.

    I slept horribly last night. I could not fall asleep until after 3:15am, and I still roused out of bed around the same time as usual. As a result I am feeling sluggish, but I will survive.

    My knee has still been bothering me, but I got a notice from the pharmacy that my meds have been refilled, so I will go to pick them up today. Hopefully after a few days on that med I will be able to get active again. I have some work to do on a computer I am preparing for my son the younger, and then I am meeting a couple of people before Lodge, so it will be a pretty busy day. I am not worried; I will get through it all.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1022

    I was not happy to see my weight jumped back nearly two pounds from yesterday morning. I was not able to void my system again this morning, so that is probably a big contributing factor to it. While it is possible that the three slices of dried mango that I ate last night (yes, only three) might have played a small part… but not likely that substantial.

    I have not been working out, but at least I am getting 6500+ steps in every day, and I am eating right. Over the weekend I am hoping to get in my first good walk – this week did not go nearly as planned.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1021

    According to the bathroom scale I dropped about 3.5 lbs. from yesterday morning. This was not merely the result of my cutting my toenails last night. This morning, after several futile days, let’s just say that the fibre did its job. To say ‘what a relief!’ would not begin to do it justice!

    My food intake yesterday was nearly identical to the previous day. Owing to the fact that I miscalculated my timing this morning (because I slept in) I will have to make some changes… I do not have the fixings for a salad with my lunch and dinner, so I will probably prepare rice with my lunch, and will run to the supermarket immediately after class is over.

    With regard to class, we decided to shift by an hour. Instead of going from 11:30am until 8:30pm we are beginning at 10:30am and finishing at 7:30pm. That will make life somewhat easier for my eating… I do not like sitting down to eat that late at night.

    My sleep score was back up into the 80s last night. I am happy about that, and definitely felt well rested when I jumped out of bed. I did get up to pee around 5:45am and was hoping I would be able to get back to sleep… little did I know that I would sleep another 3;5 hours!

    The American election is now over and as much as I have hated the lead-up to it, I am not looking forward to the arrogance that will follow. I am tempted to turn off social media for the next three months.

    Have a great day folks!