Losing a part of me

I am going to a Passover Seder this evening. I wish I was feeling more in the holiday spirit but the truth is that my heart is in agony and my spirits are so low that I do not feel like celebrating. Last night at my Lodge gala I plastered a smile on my face and it was all I could do to not cry.

I am back from my three-day stay in Toronto and while I was thrilled to be back in front of a live class, that was only for eight hours per day. The rest of the time I was trying to keep myself out of a deep and dark abyss. The fact that I did not gain more weight – the fact that I did not balloon to my highest weight in two years – was a minor if hollow victory for me.

I hope that as the weather improves, so too will my spirits. Sometimes it is hard to see that things will improve. That’s where I am.