Losing a part of me

I just do not want to be here. I am not going to do anything to hurt myself, but I am just so completely lost that I cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel. It is not about my weight, but trying to keep my weight in check during this emotional crisis is hard.

Someone asked me what I am doing to occupy my mind when I am not working. Last week that was not really an issue because I was working those ridiculous hours. Over the weekend I spent some time with various friends, and smoked a lot of cigars. I will probably be smoking more cigars than usual during my downtime this week. Fortunately, there will not be a lot of downtime, because while I am not teaching overseas, I am still teaching all day every day… and three evenings.

I have to get a hold of myself… I have to find a way to get back on track. For once I mean more with my mental health than with my weight (which is of course connected, but right now secondary). Life sucks and I don’t see it getting better.

I did not get a good night sleep last night despite being in bed at a reasonable hour. I just have too much on my mind. Today will therefore be a long day, and I just hope that I can make it through to the end.