Last night was my third straight night with a sleep score int he 50s. I did not get to bed nearly when I should have, and that is on me. Hopefully this evening I will do better.
Author: Mitch Garvis
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Day 1235
I am ashamed and embarrassed that I went to see my Hong Kong tailor yesterday to have larger shirts and a larger jacket made. I hate myself. With the emotional garbage that I am going through these days it is little wonder that I am having trouble with my diet, but that does not make me feel any better. It is just one more reason why I hate myself.
My sleep score from last night was up from the previous night… but only marginally. It climbed from 50 to 58. This, despite my being in bed and trying to sleep at a reasonable hour. Sigh.
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Day 1234
I did not have the same kind of headache this morning that I did yesterday, but there was a bit of it in there. Then again, then again my sleep score was in the toilet so I wonder if that might have something to do with it.
Today is her birthday. I will celebrate by being even more down than I have been of late. I cannot even wish her well.
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Day 1233
I woke up with a bit of a headache this morning. I am not sure if that is because of something I drank, or because I spun up the two new rack servers that I bought. They are nowhere near as loud as I thought they might be, but that does not change the fact that they do make noise. When the air conditioner was running I did not even notice them, but when I turned it off I could hear them. There are a number of easy solutions to this problem, ranging from simply closing my bedroom door at night to building an enclosure for them. I suspect that Option #1 is the simplest and cheapest, so if I have the same issue tomorrow then that is what I will do. Princess Sophie won’t mind… once we are in bed she almost never gets up until morning.
Despite the headache, I still had my second consecutive decent night of sleep. My sleep score was lower than yesterday (76, down from 87) but that is still much better than most of the nights over the last couple of months. I’ll take it!
It seems that I forgot to post this yesterday so I’ll do it now… backdated.
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Day 1232
My sleep score last night was the highest it has been since mid-April. It was luxuriant to wake up after eight hours of restful sleep… a real relief. I can only hope that it is the beginning of a trend, and not a single plot on a graph.
I have a lot to do today but I just do not feel like doing any of it. I guess I should bot be surprised about that – my emotions have been in the toilet for over two months. Putting on a happy face for the world is not easy and frankly it exhausts me. If only that exhaustion would lead to a few more good nights sleep that would be great.
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Day 1231
I know I keep saying this but I need to get back on track. What do I need:
- My work life needs to be on track
- My eating and weight loss (somewhat of a joke these last few months) needs to get back on track
- My exercise – nearly nonexistent this last year – needs to get back on track
I am not even going to address my emotional issues… more on that later.
My work life, which had been a disaster for months until February, seems to be back on track. January was still not a great month but things picked up a little at the end, and I got through the first two months of the year by the skin of my teeth. March, April, and May were all banner months, and so far I have courses booked for June, July, and August – traditionally very slow months in my industry, so I am relieved that I will have continuous income throughout the summer – and if it is slightly lower than the last few months then that is still far better than nothing.
My eating and my exercise are probably quite closely tied together, and finding my way back on track with those is also tied to (although not at all related to the cause of) my emotional issues. I know I have to get back on track but I am not sure whether I have the strength right now. There are some days that it is all I can do to get out of bed. At the same time I am extremely upset about my body so I know that I need to get back on track. I have lost so much of the incredible work that I did which took me so long to do. I am hoping that with the warmer weather finally upon us that maybe I will be able to drag myself out of the house for a walk if not a jog quite yet.
My life is the total shite right now and I have to either get out of my funk or I don’t know what is going to happen. For those of you wondering, yes I know how terrible the grammar of that last sentence is… I just do not have the energy to try to fix it.
I slept a lot last night, but I did not feel refreshed in the morning. My fitness watch backed that up. Sigh.
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Day 1229
I got a nearly uninterrupted 8.5 hours of sleep last night, and my sleep score was a whopping 85. Hopefully that will allow me to make it through the day. I have no teaching, but I do have plenty of work that I need to do.
I am starting to try to think about how to talk about what happened that completely shattered me these last two months. I am not ready yet. I doubt that I will write about it here, but I am trying to talk to friends about it.
