Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 1060

    I was not nearly as disciplined as I needed to be last night, and because of that I am much closer to that horrible mark than I should be. Why is it that after doing well for just a few days I fall off the cliff and cannot stay disciplined?

    Tomorrow is the first day of the week-long class that I am sitting for my next certification that I hope to earn. I will have to be at my computer from 8:30-5:30 every day, so if I do not go shopping and buy any cheats then the only opportunity I will have to cheat badly is at the Lodge’s holiday party Tuesday evening. I will get through it. In the meantime, today’s challenge will begin with taking my son the younger for lunch… most likely to his favourite Lone Star Texas Grill, which means that I will either not eat, or I will be very careful. It is easy to do there because I know that the slightest misstep will cost me. After that, I am going back to their house to work on his computer. It is amusing for me to see my fourteen-year-old son hacking his way through a computer that I am monitoring.

    (Six hours later)

    I am back from lunch, and a lengthy conversation with my ex-wife. We had some issues regarding both of our sons to discuss. Additionally, it seems that some time ago she had DNA profiling done on her and our son the younger. I assume she had it done for our son the elder as well, but as he and I do not share DNA it was not discussed. It came as no surprise that Gilad was just short of 50% Ashkenazi Jew… although there was also a trace (on his father’s side) of Mizrachi, Sephardi, and Georgian Jewish as well. While I cannot say for certain that this is proof that my ancestors were all faithful, it shows that if they did stray then they did so with other Jews.

    The conversation about our son’s computer was interesting. I let her know that children are able to circumvent just about any security that we put on their computers. Knowing that, it is no different than the adversarial side: if the easiest way to hack a system is through social engineering, then that can also be the best way to defend against misuse. During our lunch I let my son know that I can see everything that he does on the computer, and his level of embarrassment shot up to a nine. He promised that he would stop doing what he had been doing while he is supposed to be studying (or when he is in class). As for my ex-wife’s concerns about ‘what is becoming of our little boy’ I reassured her that everything he is doing is perfectly normal and is the 2024 equivalent of when we would sneak out as teens. At least with what he is doing online I can monitor it and keep him safe.

    I may have gotten out of Lone Star Texas Grill without cheating, but when my ex offered me a cookie that she and our son the elder made (and was quite insistent) I could hardly say no. Fortunately I was able to stick to a single cookie. I came home and prepared chicken and salad for lunch. I am letting it digest for a bit, but in the next thirty-minutes (or so) I will be getting onto the treadmill. My current step-count is just shy of 4,000, and yes today is Day 16… I need to hit 11,140 steps before midnight to extend my steps-goal streak to sixteen days which will tie my streak from April last year. If I tie it today, then I can beat it tomorrow… but if I do not then I would have to start over at the beginning.

    On the subject of the steps-goal, I cheated yesterday. No, I did not put my fitness watch into the clothes dryer. What I did was this: I hit my steps-goal before going to the party… and I took my fitness watch off for the evening. I did not want to record 15,000 steps yesterday… that would have adjusted my steps-goal for today way up. As it stands, my daily goal is 11,140 steps, and that is doable… but not easy. I have been having trouble keeping my pace these last few days, so I have slowed to a walk. I do not want to do that today… but I am currently a bit over 7,000 steps from hitting my goal (about 7km) and I would rather reach that goal at a slower pace than miss it at a faster one.

    My body battery was up to a 75 this morning after a sleep score of 83. Neither of those is bad, but I wish I could consistently do better. I might have to research how to do that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1059

    It was a much earlier morning than I would usually experience on a Saturday. I got up to pee at 5:30am and could not fall back asleep. I had a couple of things on my mind, one of which was the welfare of a friend who is quite elderly who I usually get a response from pretty quickly but who failed to reply to my messages yesterday. When I finally decided that I was going to get out of bed, I found a message from him on my phone which was a relief. That did not change the fact that I was up and at ‘em much earlier than I necessarily needed to be. I took this as a sign that I should go down to the USA this morning to mail my stuff… and I am going to try to meet a couple of friends for breakfast in Grimsby.

    My steps-goal streak was extended to fourteen days yesterday. I hopped onto the treadmill mid-afternoon and jogged 3km then slowed to a brisk walk for another 3km. There were a few distractions I was facing – all in my head – that had me stop between kilometres, but never for more than 30 seconds or so. I would prefer to be able to go right through (as I did earlier in the week) but 6km with a few short breaks is better than nothing. After I came in to get ready for bed, I realized that I was still short about 1200 steps for the day, and so I got onto the treadmill and walked at a reasonable non-exercise pace and knocked off the last bit. With my strategic planning I knew I needed to hit 11,070 steps on the day. As I ended up getting up to check on something before I fell asleep, I ended the day with 11,132 steps. The goal for today is 11,090. When I get back from my daytrip I will get onto the treadmill and get as near to that goal as possible so that when I go out to the brewery this evening I will not be pressured.

    My sleep score was lower than it likely would have been had I fallen back asleep, but knowing that I only slept six hours I am pleased with the 76. My body battery was up to 93 this morning which is also quite a success. My weight, after two days up (a combined 1.6 lbs.), is down again this morning (by 1.2 lbs.) so I am still under the terrible mark, but I have to be vigilant to put more distance between me and that point before the Christmas dinners start. Of course, I do not know what is on the menu for this evening – whether it is finger foods or an actual meal – so I will plan for it by bringing a meal replacement bar… just in case whatever is served should be incompatible with either my weight loss or religious dietary needs.

    It is another very cold morning in Burlington, Ontario. While the temperature should rise briefly to 0° this afternoon, when I took Princess Sophie out this morning the mercury read -12°… not taking the dreaded windchill into account. Looking at the long-range forecast, today is the last bone-chillingly cold day for the week, with high temperatures ranging from 1° to 9° until it finally drops back below freezing next Saturday. Keeping in mind that it is mid-December in Canada, I am not going to complain!

    I guess I should hit the road so that I can get there and back in a reasonable timeframe. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1058

    Despite all of my eager gung-ho attitudes yesterday morning, I did not have the energy to attack the day as I had planned. With that said, I was not about to break my streak. Yes, I took Her Floofness for her two very cold walks during the day, and I went out to pick up and then drop off my cleaning lady at the train station… but with all that, I still did my very best to stay inside.

    The problem was that I did not have the energy. I got onto the treadmill after Sophie and I came back in, and I just could not run. This was partly because I did not have the energy, but also partly because I felt a bit of pain in my ankle. It was not injured, but it felt like it had the capacity to be hurt. I did my best to keep a decent pace, but the instant I hit my steps-goal for the day I shut it down. I completed 4.87km I shut it down and got into the shower. The steps-goal for the day was 11,050. I went to sleep with 11,140 steps recorded (and only because I got up to transfer my laundry into the dryer). Today’s goal is 11,070 steps, and my streak is up to 13 days.

    I have mentioned before that I have been strategically metering my steps so that the daily goal does not jump too high. I am three days short of my best streak (since switching from Fitbit to the Garmin fitness watch), and I do not want to set the bar too high which might force me to fall short. It will be easy to regulate my steps today because I will be home for most of it (not only because it is extremely cold outside, but that is part of it). If I achieve my steps-goal for today that will extend the streak to 14 days… and will bring us to Saturday, the only day where the strategic metering might be difficult. I will definitely make sure to exercise before, but in the evening, I am going to a holiday party for a Lodge, and I do not know what to expect. I doubt that it will be a sit-down meal, and do not know how many steps to expect while milling about. Because of that, I expect that assuming I do extend the goal streak until then, Sunday (the potential Day 16 of the streak) might be the hardest day. I will do whatever I can to beat the streak… even if that means a longer and more arduous Sunday.

    Both my sleep score and body battery were tremendous this morning. My sleep score was 91, and my body battery was an almost unprecedented 99. That means I should be able to jog the full 5km today, depending on a few factors. I still have not decided whether or not to drive down to New York State (I have to decide very shortly) but if I do not then I will make lunch and then hit the treadmill.

    The weather is slowly warming. That is to say that the windchill, which was -20° when Sophie and I went out, is up to -8°. It is by no means warm or comfortable, but at least it is closer to reasonable than it was. It is sunny out as well which makes it pleasant to look out the window. I will try to keep that in mind throughout the day… especially if I decide to stay home.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1057

    My weight rebounded a bit following a bit of a cheat day yesterday, but I am not terribly upset about it. I had a piece of veal for lunch with some eggrolls and salad. In the evening, I had another salad (even though I should not have). Despite running 4km on the treadmill (and walking one more kilometre) my weight was up by about a pound.

    My steps-goal streak is now at 12 days, and once again I strategically hit my goal yesterday and then STOPPED. Garmin had set my goal for the day at 11,030 and I ended the day with 11,100. Today’s goal is 11,050 steps, and I will work to reach that but to not surpass it by too much… again. The aim is to hit the goal without increasing tomorrow’s goal by too much. It is freezing cold out today (the windchill when I walked Princess Sophie this morning was -19° and the wind was cutting into the exposed skin of my face like glass shards. If only I could walk Her Floofness on the treadmill, life would be a little more comfortable the next few days. Alas, that is not an option… but that is where most of my steps will come from!

    Let’s see… my sleep score was 82, and when I woke up my body battery was 77. That is a good sign that what I have been doing is working. I will keep at it. I do want to lose more weight, but for the month of December (that most awful of months for those trying to lose weight) I am relieved that I have gotten below the 300 lbs. mark and will fight to stay below that horrible mark for the entire month. That means I will be turning down some invitations, and others I will accept but will not indulge. I believe I wrote the other day that I was going to eat pizza at Ryan’s but owing to the fact that the delivery took two hours I escaped without that particular cheat. There are some foods I can eat in moderation… pizza and wings are probably two that I should not even try.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1056

    I did pretty well yesterday, not cheating at all. I had my regular breakfast, then a buddy from the Lodge came over for a cup of coffee. When he left I hit the treadmill, and while I did complete five kilometres, I only jogged the first three of them, slowing my pace for the last two clicks to a brisk walk.

    After I got off the treadmill and showered I had a meal replacement shake, and then I took Her Floofness out for her walk. I was about 2,000 steps shy of my steps goal for the day, and a good walk with her would finish that off. The flaw in that plan was that it was raining, and Princess Sophie does not enjoy walking in the rain. Yes, she did her business… but I was not able to coax her more than a hundred feet from the door we walked out of. The neighbour who lives right there came home as I was ‘arguing’ with the pup, and welcomed us to come into the building through her apartment (rather than having to walk all the way to the front of the building in the rain). Okay, that issue was solved… but I was still short nearly 1,500 steps! Solution: I got back onto the treadmill for a short walk. It was not strenuous exercise, I was not pushing myself, and while I did get a little warm, I did not break a sweat. With a steps-goal of 11,010, I went to bed with 11,092 steps on the tracker. That increased today’s goal to… 11,030. Don’t hold me to it, but I think I might be able to make it.

    I have to go shopping today… and not for the usual provisions. I decided a couple of months ago that I was going to make homemade doggie treats for Chanukah, and I bought the cookie cutter shapes back in September. As I am planning on driving down to the USA later this week to mail some things to my wife, I am going to make them today so that I can ship some to her for Duchess. We also agreed that while Duchess and Sophie would devour them, I found a recipe without peanut butter so that I could give some to Charlie (our next door neighdog) as well. He is the only dog I have ever met who does not eat peanut butter. There’s always one weirdo in the group, right?

    Knowing that I have very little planned for today, I will probably extend my treadmill workout to six kilometres. I want to make sure I extend my streak (currently at 11 days), but I do not want to overdo it and find out that tomorrow’s steps goal would be 12,500. I am thinking strategically to give myself the best chance to beat my current streak record of sixteen days. For the record, this streak is only accounting for the time since I switched from Fitbit to Garmin, so probably five years now.

    I fell asleep without much trouble last night… and then at 3:15am I woke up and could not get back to it. I finally picked up my phone and spent an hour watching TikTok and doing whatever else until my eyes were exhausted, and I dozed off again. My sleep score was 70, which considering the hour-long interruption is not too bad. My body battery was up to 79… also pretty good. My weight was down nearly two pounds from yesterday and is now the lowest it has been in a week; it is still 2 lbs. higher than my best weight eight days ago, but that is what falling off the wagon will do. Fortunately, I am mostly back on the wagon. I will probably eat today… but I will do so smartly (both with regard to portion and choices.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1055

    At long last I had a productive bowel movement this morning. While it did not completely clear out my system, it certainly had a negative affect on another one… but nothing that a little plunging could not fix.

    I decided to buy a package of rice cakes yesterday. I will not be doing that again. I have disposed of what is left.

    I was relieved that the lodge that I visited yesterday ordered pizza… and that the only ones that did not have meat on it had olives. The former I cannot eat for religious reasons, the latter because I just do not like olives. As such the only cheating I did after the lodge meeting was a dram of whisky proffered by one of the lodge officers. They also invited me to their holiday party this Saturday evening which is being held at a local brewery. I am seldom tempted by beer, but I will go for the camaraderie.

    Yesterday did not go as planned (mostly owing to the rice cakes I would think), but I managed to eke out one small victory. It was 10:30pm before we left the lodge, and I had not yet hit the 6,500 steps mark on my fitness watch. I wrote yesterday that I wanted to extend my steps-goal streak, but when I got home, I still needed to take Her Floofness out for a walk (which would never amount to the 4,500 steps needed to hit the goal. By the time she and I got back in (around 11:15pm) I was still below 7,500 steps. With very little time to spare I changed into my workout kit and got onto the treadmill. I knew that my workout would not be a good steady one, but I wanted to hit my steps-goal. I did the first kilometre at the same 4mph pace I had done my previous jogs at. For the second kilometre I kicked it up to 4.5 mph, and actually felt like I could have gone farther at that speed… or faster. For the last 1.3 kilometres I dropped the pace to a brisk walk. The daily goal was 11,000; I got off the treadmill at 11:45pm with 11,018 steps registered and finished the day with 11,027 (I take my fitness watch off when I get into the shower of course).

    The steps-goal of my fitness watch is a progressive goal. I am not entirely clear on how it works, but apparently Garmin calculates the steps-goal based on the value of the previous week (about) achievements. As such, were I to stay in and do nothing then my steps goal would drop tomorrow, but if I had blown my steps-goal away then it would jump. As an example, there was one day in February when my steps-goal was 8,700, and I took 14,700 steps. My steps-goal the following day was 9,910, and I took 17,742 steps. My steps-goal the day after that was up to 11,480, but I only took 10,900 steps. That would have been enough to crush the steps-goal from any previous day, but because of the huge surplus on Days 1 & 2, it was below the actual goal for Day 3. I am currently on a 10-day streak, but I have been somewhat practical about it, in that I have not vastly exceeded my steps-goal on any given day. On November 30 the goal was 9,740. While there have been a couple of days during the streak when I ‘crushed’ it, most days I have only slightly beaten the calculated goal, so while the goal for yesterday was 11,000, today’s goal is 11,010. I will definitely need to hit the treadmill (or go out for a jog… it’s pretty nice out today), but I will not need to up my game to a new level to extend my streak to eleven days.

    My sleep score was 79, the best it has been in quite a few days. This despite the late-night workout. My body battery peaked at 66, although that is now down to 54. I am sure that before the day is done it will get all the way down again… but hopefully I will have a good night sleep and will be able to recover completely.

    A lodge brother is coming over for a coffee in a little bit, but aside from that and a Zoom meeting I have to attend this evening it should be a quiet and relaxing day. I will certainly hit the treadmill, but I do not think I have too much else going on. With the weather I might even sit outside with a cigar.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1054

    By all rights my weight should have been up this morning, and not down .6 lb. From yesterday morning. But for a very late delivery guy I would have gained two pounds. I was weak, and when Ryan ordered the pizza, I was really looking forward to having a slice… or two. Fortunately, ninety minutes after he ordered them, they had not yet arrived, and I decided to take my leave. I enjoyed a protein bar in the car, and an omelette when I got home. Yes, I ate some peanuts and even a little popcorn throughout the day, and that was bad. Pizza would have been a disaster. 

    Following my dinner, I got onto the treadmill and jogged 5km. It was the third day in a row that I jogged, and the second that I completed 5km. I am quite happy with that and will try to continue to do that. My next goal is to start increasing the speed and distance… although not necessarily at the same time. I did kick up the pace for the last .2km, but that is not the same. I want to increase my maintained speed, rather than just ‘sprinting’ the last few metres. It will not be a quick increase, but if I do it gradually over time then I will be happy with my results. At my current pace of 4mph I would need over 6.5 hours to run a marathon. By increasing my pace to 5mph that would drop to 5.24 hours. I would still not qualify for the Boston Marathon, but I would be thrilled with myself if I could do that. 

    I am teaching today until 4:30pm, and then I have to go to the supermarket to pick up eggs, milk, and one or two other provisions. I will try to be good and not buy any cheats. At 7:00pm I am visiting a lodge in Burlington with a friend. I have never been to this lodge, but it is much closer to me than my own. By all rights that is where I probably should have joined, but I had my friends at my lodge and here we are. It should be a fun evening. I just have to remember to not eat! 

    My current steps-goal streak is nine days. I am not sure when I will be able to get onto the treadmill, but I will do my best to do so either before or after my lodge visit. I would love to extend the streak to ten days. Actually, according to my fitness watch my longest streak is sixteen days, and I would love to be able to beat that… but I am going to do it one day at a time, which means for today extending my current streak to ten days… and then tomorrow will be tomorrow’s problem. 

    I spoke with a buddy yesterday and we decided that later this week (probably Friday) we are going to drive down to Niagara Falls, NY for the day. We both have a few parcels to ship, and as Canada Post is on strike, there is no inexpensive way to ship anything to the USA. Maybe we will make a day of it (and not just run across and back like our last trip), but if we do then I had better plan ahead. To that end, I now have three protein bars in the armrest of my car so that if I do get hungry, I do not have to settle for foods that are incompatible with my weight loss goals. 

    I started this entry at 8:15am. It is now 12:30pm and we broke for lunch. It has been a pretty easy morning – I am teaching a very high-level overview of a technology that I know, and we will not be getting deep into anything. I just finished my afternoon meal replacement shake and so far, I am feeling satisfied. I hope that continues for the next few hours. If I could get through to the end of class before needing another meal replacement, and then when I get home from the Burlington lodge, I can hit the treadmill for 5km and then have my final mean replacement, then I will have succeeded 100% in my goals for the day… which is to say that I will not have cheated, and I will have had the necessary nutrition, and I will meet my steps/exercise goal. That is the plan. 

    We know, of course, that the best laid plans of mice and men do not always work out… but I am going to try. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 1053

    I am not sure if today is Day 3 or Day 4 without even a half-decent bowel movement, and I suspect that is having at least some effect on my weight. Yes, I ate the rest of the chicken and salad (that I had purchased on Friday) yesterday, but it was not an unreasonable amount. I also jogged five kilometres on the treadmill. All this to say that I am reasonably sure that if my system was not backed up then I would have dropped more than a couple of ounces from yesterday morning. I am still 3.2 lbs. heavier than I was Wednesday morning.

    Today is going to be a challenge. We are having a holiday get together at a buddy’s place. We will mostly be smoking cigars, but the host asked about our pizza preferences. I told him to not account for me in his pizza planning. He then posted this morning that he is going to pick up special doughnuts. I am going to have to avoid those as well. I have packed three protein bars to take with me and will try to stick to eating only two of them. Whatever I do, when I get home this evening I will be hitting the treadmill.

    Speaking of the treadmill, I did a strong 5km jog yesterday evening. The difference between my quick-walking and actually jogging is the difference between setting the speed to 3.6 to 4.0. It feels good to be able to jog and not tire out as I would have a couple of months ago. I actually feel that the factor that stopped me from a longer jog yesterday was the time constraints – I had a meeting I needed to get to, so I had to cut it short when I did. I will see if I can go longer this evening.

    Over the course of the last couple of hours I have gone to the washroom a couple of times, trying to produce… something. It is hard and painful, but slowly over time I am getting some of that blockage out. It feels as if I have not had any fibre whatsoever. I am thinking that this evening I might consider a laxative to see if that helps.

    My sleep score last night was fair – a 76, which is mostly because I woke up earlier than I might have (especially for a Sunday morning). My body battery was up to 48. While I certainly slept better last night than the previous night, it would seem my body did not recover as well. Hopefully that will get better tomorrow. We will see.

    Speaking of tomorrow, I am teaching for the day. It is an intro course so nothing too deep, but I am looking forward to it. It is my only day teaching this month… yikes. I am glad to have not wasted my downtime… I sat a class, passed two certifications, and next week I am sitting another class to hopefully earn another cert. These two certifications will really increase my value as a trainer and as a consultant. I have gone through slow periods before and truly wasted them. Between November and December, I will have had two days of actual work… but I have definitely not wasted the downtime. Professional advancement is crucial in my line of work, and I have done a lot of that in this period.

    The plan for today is to NOT fall off the wagon, right? Okay… let’s try to make that happen.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1052

    I had a very difficult day yesterday. I broke down and bought chicken and vegetables and ate a late lunch (or early dinner). To be clear, I do not believe that I overate. I am also proud of myself that despite my intense desire to do so, I did not buy any bread. As bad as the day was, it could have been a lot worse. I also ran on the treadmill for 3.5km – the first run in nearly a year. I slept poorly, and did gain a bit of weight this morning. Stress and anxiety are real killers for weight loss.

    This morning I am going for breakfast with some of the people from the lodge. As the lodge is currently the primary source of my stress and anxiety, I am not sure how breakfast will go. We will see. After breakfast I will be meeting a couple of friends for cigars, and then I will come home. Eduardo is coming over in the afternoon.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1051

    The 5.5km treadmill workout I did yesterday put me over the top. I have officially completed the MapMyFitness.com ‘You vs. the Year 2024’ challenge. I am in the top 12.16% of participants (186,000 participants). Completing the challenge does not mean I am going to slow down. I am hoping to continue to make progress with my working out and losing weight for the rest of the year, and well into 2025.

    I cheated slightly yesterday but not terribly. I met some of my Lodge brothers at the pub before the official meeting, and I had to order something. I ordered the least cheating (while still within my religious dietary requirements) thing on the Happy Hour menu. Thinking about it, I could have ordered the six-piece chicken wings… but I know that wings are my Achilles heel, and I did not want to risk falling off the wagon because I had to order something.

    My weight did drop slightly this morning, but I would have preferred to see a more substantial drop after yesterday’s tremendous gain. No dice. I will continue to try to do as well as I can so that I can hopefully get back to where I was Wednesday. We’ll see. My sleep score was an amazing 89, and my body battery was up to 83 this morning. While my Body Battery was better yesterday, my sleep score had not been that high in nearly four weeks. I am glad that I got a good night sleep and will try to benefit from the body battery by hitting the treadmill for another good workout later today.

    I was put on the unpopular side of a discussion at our Lodge meeting last night and I felt bad that I was the only opposing voice. I realize that I was the one nay vote, but I am uncomfortable to have been placed in that position. I am going to try to discuss it with the Lodge’s leadership so that it does not happen again. If it is going to happen then I will have to walk away from the Lodge. I am in a very bad headspace over this.

    Have a great day folks!