Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 940

    I do not know why I was so hungry last night. Once again, I ate more thank I should have… but still within the parameters of what I had been doing the whole week. I was again afraid that my weight would be up this morning… especially since it is now a few days since I have had a half-decent bowel movement. In fact, my weight dropped another .4 lbs., bringing my weight loss since Sunday to nine pounds. That is nothing to sneeze at indeed, but I have to find a way to keep it going. The mental and emotional side of weight loss is the hardest part.

    Last night I was out after my class to pick up dog food and treats for Her Royal Floofness, and I briefly considered stopping into Fortinos to pick up a challah roll for Shabbat. I decided not to, and I think that is the reason my weight was down this morning. It is bad enough that I am not able to stick to only eating meal replacements in the evening, but if I were to add carbs and starches into my diet I know the results would be disastrous.

    Will I be able to get out to exercise today? I might try. The afternoon forecast is rain, so I would have to get out earlier. I have a couple of errands I need to run, so maybe I will go out in a few minutes and then do some work in the afternoon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 939

    When I set out on my last challenge to myself in May, I weighed 291.8 lbs. and would lose just over twenty pounds before my downward slide began. This morning, having dropped 8.6 lbs. Since Sunday, I am one pound over that number. I am going to stay on track this time… I am going to keep losing weight no matter what comes my way. 

    I cheated again last night… in much the same manner as I had the previous few nights. I will try to do better today. 

    One thing that is better this morning is that I was able to walk up the stairs when coming in from my walk with Princess Sophie. I have been walking (or limping) down the stairs, but I believe today is the first time in several weeks that I was able to walk/jog up them. It felt good! Hopefully this weekend I will be able to do some exercise; we will see how I am feeling. 

    After a completely gorgeous week (during which I was stuck inside during the days), the weekend forecast is for rain beginning this evening and going right through Monday… when I will once again be stuck inside working the whole week. I cannot complain though; I have had the freedom to spend a lot of time outside in the sun this summer. Now it is time for me to earn some money. 

    I might have a couple of errands to run over the weekend, but overall I am going to be preparing for next week’s class. Additionally, I am hoping that I will be able to do some exercise… whether that is outside or on my treadmill. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 938

    Yesterday evening was somewhat similar to the previous one, insofar as I veered from the program… but not very far. Following my class, I went to the store and bought the provisions I had planned for (minus the coffee, which means I will have to go back today). I came home and prepared my early-evening meal replacement. I was still hungry, so I made myself an omelette, and then had a protein bar. That is a very large aberration from the norm but was offset by my not eating anything else (including my late meal replacement) until bed. Nevertheless, I was worried that I would not lose weight – or even gain a little – this morning. Fortunately, that was not the case. My weight is now down 8.4 lbs. Since Sunday morning. I feel I did a little better yesterday than I did the previous day; I will try to do a little better today than I did yesterday. 

    My knee is hardly bothering me at all this morning! I am not completely out of the woods yet, but I am still much better than I have been in the last couple of weeks. I am not going to stop taking the anti-inflammatories just yet, but I am relieved for the improvement. Hopefully by this weekend I will be able to get some exercise in. 

    It is another sunny and beautiful day in Burlington, but I have the air conditioner going and the balcony door closed yet again because there is a very loud road crew working outside. Hopefully this afternoon I’ll be able to open the door and enjoy some fresh air as I teach. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 937

    I was weak last evening. I felt weak, and I gave in to a little temptation. I did not go overboard, but I did break from the program; I made myself a small (2-egg) omelette, and then I ate a protein bar (which is equivalent to drinking an extra meal replacement). I told my wife about the omelette but I think that by the time we spoke, I had forgotten about the protein bar. It was not meant to be dishonest. In any event, I was worried that I would gain weight from these. Fortunately, I did not. Indeed, my weight dropped again this morning. According to the bathroom scale, I dropped another 1.2 lbs., which brings me below the 295 mark for the first time since July 30. I have to keep going though… two days of progress does not a success make. 

    I told Leslie last night that my next goal is to drop to 280 lbs. By the time she visits. That means I have to stay true to the program for the next 3.5 weeks. It means that I am going to have to decline a number of social invitations over the weekend which will be sad, but necessary. I want to get back on track, and the last few weeks have proven to me that I cannot do that if I am going to make an exception for every occasion. 

    We also discussed my failure to maintain a reasonable weight. I have not even been able to type into this journal that horrible number that my weight exceeded four times over the past few weeks. I must be strong and get back on track, which means getting my weight as far below that number as I can. I know that she will love me whatever my weight, but it is not so easy to love myself when I am that morbidly obese. Without going into detail, there was a marked improvement to certain parts of our relationship as I dropped the weight… and if for no other reason than that, then being back above that number is somewhere I never want to be again! Of course, there are also all of the nice clothes that I have that I want to be able to continue to wear more comfortably, and those that I have that do not currently fit at all. Two of my suits fit and two of my sports jackets fit (but tightly), and the rest do not. As for shirts… I know that some of them are tight, and others are not wearable. I will get back into all of them… and soon. 

    It is a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, but I will be teaching until nearly 5:00pm. No problem… once I am off I will shed my jacket and tie, and I will put on a pair of shorts and a golf shirt. After I have my second meal replacement of the day I will go shopping for coffee and eggs and the vegetables I need for my omelettes, and then I will take Princess Sophie for a nice walk. I will follow that up with a cigar on the balcony. Leslie’s son is coming home to her this afternoon, so I do not know if we will be able to have a video date. If we can, then yay! If not, then I will read. 

    Yesterday after class I took Her Floofness for her walk, and then I took a nap. That allowed me to have a cigar date with my wife in the evening. Monday evening, I was so tired that I could not, and I thought I might be sick until Leslie reminded me that my body was rebelling against the severely reduced caloric intake. I am hoping that either today or tomorrow my body will be in ketosis and that will be behind me. If not, then I will take more naps. I will not sabotage my progress by eating (as I did yesterday). At least when I ate yesterday, was not carbs or starches, so I did mostly stay with the program. Hopefully today I can do better. 

    Can I get down under 290 lbs. By the weekend? That would be great. I will not veer from my program which would sabotage myself. Let’s see if I can do it. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 936

    I am not going to lie and say that yesterday was easy… but it was worth it. I found myself without energy much earlier than I normally would. Of course I got through my class without any issues, but by the time I signed off I was quite hungry for that second meal replacement. I then sat on the balcony with a cigar and relaxed. Around 8:30pm I took Her Floofness out for a walk, again realizing that I was quite hungry. We got home around 9:15pm and I immediately prepared my final meal replacement of the day. My plan was to finish that, and then pick another cigar and sit out on the balcony and wait for Leslie to come home from her evening activity and join me on a video call. Realizing how tired I was, I decided instead to get ready for bed. Leslie and I did have our video date, but it was not a cigar on the balcony date. 

    It was hard to get through yesterday, but when I got onto the bathroom scale this morning I was glad the effort had paid off. My weight dropped a full three pounds, bringing me back down to 295 lbs. Even. It is the first time this month that I have dropped to that number. Now I want to try to keep the streak going and lose more weight every day this week. 

    I hate the fact that so many of my clothes do not fit, and I hate the fact that I have to plan my daily wardrobe based on what will and what will not. My first major goal is to get back down to 265 lbs. Which is what I weighed the last time my tailor was in town. I do not know if I will be going back to him when he is here at the end of September, but whether or not I do, I still want to make sure that my clothes from my last fitting fit and fit well. 

    My next major goal after that remains to get my weight back to 240 lbs., which is when I will shave my beard for Leslie. It also means that I will be back to within a couple of pounds of my best weight ever. 

    In the meantime, I am renewing my minor goals of the five- and ten-pound milestones and am going to resume tracking my progress on the chart on my fridge door. I hate the fact that nearly three months later, I weigh more today than I did when I first drew up that chart (on May 22). I am a few days away from getting back down to that weight (291.8 lbs.) and will use the same chart to track it. My goal is to get myself back in shape. It was only ten months ago that I was at my best weight of this millenium and I want to get back to that… And I do not want to take ten months to do it. I am hoping that before the spring of 2025 I will be able to shave my beard at 240 lbs. 

    I should mention that my knee is not yet completely healed, but it is feeling better than it was. I hope that by the weekend I can get out for a nice long walk without aggravating it any further. I am still taking the anti-inflammatory meds, but I am down to a single pill, three times per day. I expect that by the end of the week I will not need them at all.

    Okay, I’m going to go back to my class now… we are on a break, but I also want to check my email. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 935

    I told my wife last night that as of this morning I would be eating breakfast, and then I would only be eating meal replacements. It is now 1:10pm and I have had my first meal replacement and while I am a bit hungry still, I am going to see this through. 

    When I stepped onto the bathroom scale yesterday morning, I was disgusted with myself. I expected to see the same this morning, but possibly a minor drop. No sir, the bathroom scale had me a full 3.4 lbs. Down from yesterday, and back below that terrible number. That does not mean that I am changing my plan. I will lose ten pounds this week! Okay, that is a bit ambitious… but I do want to get below two or three numbers that I had said were terrible before I got to the last terrible one… and I am going to stick to it. I realized last night that there is no chicken and no vegetables for salad in the house. I will go shopping this evening, but only to buy onions (for my breakfast omelette) and coffee beans (which I am running low on). That is is. 

    I am teaching this week, so my days are going to be busy. As for my evenings, I will spend a great deal of time on the balcony with a cigar. I will get back on track this week… I promise me! 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 934

    I am not sure if my adrenaline high from yesterday has quite abated yet. What a day.

    As I wrote yesterday, I was awake at 4:15am yesterday, after getting less than three hours of real sleep. Why? Well, I was awake at that ungodly hour to pick my buddy up from the airport. Why did I sleep poorly? Mostly from the excitement and anticipation of what Saturday held. Jay had flown into town for one day to support me as I was raised to the rank of Master Mason. The ceremony was built up to me as one that I will remember for the rest of my life. There was a lot of preparation involved, and it would all culminate with the rites at the Lodge meeting. Everything involved lived up to (or exceeded) all expectations, and I was riding high until I forced myself to go to bed around 10:00pm… knowing that this morning would be another very early morning.

    My alarm sounded at 4:00am so that I could get up and get Jay to the airport in time for his very early flight. While he kept telling me he felt guilty for making me get up so early, I assured him that I could come home and go back to sleep. That has not happened so far, but Jay did get to the airport on time; I came home and took Her Royal Floofness for a very early walk; occasionally in the winter months we go out and come back in the dark, but I cannot remember the last time that happened in the summer… I suspect it would have been when we were living in California, and I had to teach an early class in another time zone. In any event, we had a good turn of it, and then came home to enjoy our breakfast.

    It is little surprise that my weight was a bit up this morning. I was pretty moderate in my eating yesterday, but there were some small cheats that were excessive, if not in the quality consumed then in the density of the fat and sugar. Yes, I had a butter tart, a desert treat for which Canada is known (and which were purchased to share with the numerous foreigners who attended my ceremony). This, after a breakfast of French toast, sandwiches for lunch, and sushi for dinner. Not a good choice in the lot… but it was a special day.

    There is nothing special about today, and I will go back to eating much smarter than I did these last two days. I had my regular omelette for breakfast. I will enjoy the sushi leftovers for lunch, but my evening will be a piece of chicken and a salad. That’s it.

    I am glad that my doctor renewed my prescriptions on Friday, but I did not manage my meds properly yesterday. Despite leaving the house before 5:00am and knowing that I would not be returning home until late afternoon or early evening, I should have brought a dose of the anti-inflammatories with me. I did not, and by 1:30pm I was in discomfort and then pain. I was quite relieved to arrive home and take the meds after 6:30pm. I have no idea why I broke my routine this morning, but I did not take any of my meds before leaving for the airport. Of course, I was home by 5:30am, and still took my pills earlier than I would normally. It is now 8:30am and I am feeling much more comfortable than I did three hours ago.

    It is a lovely day, but we can see that the summer is ebbing. I do not mind too much… it will still be a comfortable warm and sunny day, even though I did need a sweater for Floof’s walk. I am sure I will have plenty of time to enjoy the balcony in my regular shorts and golf shirt.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 933

    I did not realize that my ‘joining people for meals to celebrate’ obligations were starting last night. We went to the pub and I had fish and chips… a bad choice, but certainly not the worst thing I could have ordered. I paid for it this morning… but not as bad as it could have been. Without being able to move my bowels, my weight was back up to exactly that terrible number. This weekend will be difficult but hopefully tomorrow afternoon I’ll be able to get back on track.

    My doctor confirmed the pain in my knee is indeed caused by gout, and we adjusted my meds accordingly. I am crossing my fingers that by next week my knee will be fully healed and I will be able to do some exercise. In the meantime, yesterday was the first day in a few weeks that my step count exceeded 9,500.

    I knew that I would not sleep well or much last night. My sleep score is an abysmal 33. I was both too excited to sleep well, and also kept waking up afraid I might oversleep. I left the house before 5:00am today, already in a suit and tie. As I type this I am at the airport waiting for my friend. It will be great to see him!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 932

    I did not expect it, but my weight dropped nearly three pounds from yesterday. I did not expect it because around 10:45pm last night my knee was in so much pain that I needed to take a double dose of the anti-inflammatory meds, which meant that I had to eat. I had a challah roll and two yoghurts. I always assume that no matter how well I did the rest of the day, when I eat bread after 9:00pm then the following morning’s weight will not be a good one. I was worried that my weight would be above that dreadful number for a second day in a row. Fortunately, it was not. I might not be breathing easy about that if I cannot keep myself on the right track going forward.

    Tomorrow is going to be an incredible day for me, but it is going to start very early. I am picking my buddy up at the airport at 5:15am, which means that my alarm is set for 4:00am. I have to shower and shave, and I have to be dressed in a suit and tie for the morning. It is exciting… and nerve wracking. I won’t go into detail, but tomorrow should be a day that I will not soon forget. There will be a celebration in my honour after all is said and done, and I just have to remember to keep my eating in check.

    I have an appointment with my doctor in a little while. It is for a yearly checkup, which means that she will have checked my blood and EKG results from last week. I am not worried about anything, but I do want to discuss my knee with her. I am hoping that it is just a flareup of gout, but we will see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 931

    I increased my meds again yesterday. The upside is that I do not seem to be in as much pain, and I am seeing improvements in my knee. The downside is the constipation. Owing to that, my weight peeked back above that dreaded and disgusting number again this morning. Grr.

    I am teaching a class today that I have been stressing over these last few days. I am not looking forward to it. I am, however, looking forward to the end of the day.