Losing a part of me

Author: Mitch Garvis

  • Day 930

    Thank G-d my weight dropped below that horrible number this morning. I will eat as I did yesterday, which is to say that I will have lunch, and then in the evening I will have a meal replacement.

    My knee is feeling somewhat better than it was a couple of days ago. I am still in pain, but not the debilitating pain that I was in a couple of days ago. I have cut the meds to one pill three times per day instead of two pills. I am also using the Voltaren cream pretty liberally, but not as often as it was. I will ice it this evening as well.

    I am stressed about the class I am delivering tomorrow. I think I am as prepared as I am ever going to be… but I really wish I had not agreed to teach it. My goal for today is to not eat my stress and anxiety.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 929

    My knee is feeling somewhat better this morning, which is to say that I was able to get a decent night’s sleep, and I did not need ten minutes to get out of bed. The downside is that my weight has ballooned, and that sucks. I hit a number this morning that I never wanted to see again. It better be only for a single day.

  • Day 928

    I was not pleased this morning to see that I gained a few ounces from yesterday, despite having only eaten two meals and a meal replacement shake. Truth be told, my afternoon meal was large, and I should cut that down today. That is the plan.

    I also know that while I am getting a decent number of steps in every day, owing to the pains in my knee it is not really exercise. For the same reason, I am also not sleeping well. I truly hope that within a day or two the meds finally do their job, and the pain will subside. We will see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 927

    I did slightly better yesterday than I had the previous couple of days, and while I did not lose weight this morning, I also did not gain weight. I will try to do even better today. It might be a bit difficult, as I am taking my son for his favourite lunch today… or at least I assume that is where he will ask to go. I have proven before that I can get through that meal without doing too badly, but I suspect that today I will refrain from eating anything and will prepare a meal when I get home. I make no promises about that, but I will try.

    MY knee felt better during the day yesterday, and I hoped that I would sleep well for it. What I did not account for was that I had eaten early, which meant that I took my last anti-inflammatory meds around 6:15pm. I slept like a log until I woke up at 3:00am to pee… and my knee was in agony again. I decided to take one pill at 3:45am because I had not been able to get back to sleep. I also rubbed some Voltaren into it. Those helped a little… but not much. I am really hoping that after a few days on the meds I will be better, but I will still be speaking with my doctor about it on Friday; if it is a question of upping my gout meds then let’s do that; if it is not, then we need to explore further what the issue is and find a solution.

    Okay, I am off to pick up my son. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 926

    I broke two of my own rules this morning. The first: I ate a handful of peanuts before taking Princess Sophie out for her walk. The new anti-inflammatory meds that I am on need to be taken with food because they can cause stomach problems. I had already weighed myself (and was disgusted by the two-pound gain from yesterday), so I decided the benefits outweighed the importance of the rule. The second: I weighed myself again after the walk, despite the peanuts. I had another very good bowel movement after the walk, and I decided that if there might be a little improvement over the disgusting first weight then I would take it. In fact, I had dropped a full pound from the earlier weigh-in, so while I am still up from yesterday, it is not as bad as I feared. It is still disgusting.

    I stuck to the plan yesterday, except for a roll in the evening. Why did I eat a roll at 9:15pm, you may ask? Remember those anti-inflammatory meds I mentioned a minute ago? My stomach was bothering me. It would be difficult to explain just how much pain my knee was in these last three days, and so the meds were necessary. The doctor warned me that there might be more than slight stomach discomfort if I did not take the meds with food. I was not going to risk it. This afternoon I will stop into the supermarket to pick up some celery to eat if I need food late in the evening.

    I took a break from writing and now I am back at the computer, but only to close it up and post it. I’m heading up to Georgetown to see some friends for a couple of hours.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 925

    I was able to follow my plan yesterday, so when I hopped onto the bathroom scale this morning, I was relieved that my weight dropped to almost Wednesday’s number. I am still above the horrible 295 lbs. mark, but closer to it today than to 300 lbs. (which I was closer to yesterday).

    My knee has been in absolute agony since Wednesday. As there was no obvious reason for it, I suspected it was a gout attack. I have suffered from gout (as did my father before me) for years, and it is truly painful. I did not write about it these last couple of days because my mind was elsewhere, but there was nothing I could do to relieve the pain. I decided yesterday, after speaking with a buddy who suffers from the same affliction (and is on the same meds as I am) that I would see a doctor about it today. I took the opportunity to get my bloodwork done so that it would be done before my yearly checkup next week. The doctor told me that it might be gout, but if I am on the preventive meds as I am then it could either be that (which means I would need to adjust my dosage), or it could be another inflammation (such as arthritis). Either way, the same anti-inflammatory would alleviate the pain, and my bloodwork would determine if it was gout or something else. I am hopeful that by the end of the day (and after a couple of doses of the new meds) that the pain will subside. It has not only prevented me from being able to walk too far, but it also keeps me awake at night.

    Because I was going to the clinic, I did not eat breakfast until I was home. I ate late, which means I will eat my lunch late as well. In the evening I will, once again, only have a meal replacement. I am hopeful that I can drop to below 290 lbs. in the next week so that I can be below that number for my Lodge meeting next Saturday. I am hopeful!

    I want to shout out quickly to the friends and readers who have reached out to me these last few days to see if I am okay. I have been going through a lot of challenges, but I will persevere. Yes, they have caused me to put my weight loss onto the back burner. Yes, they have at times, been overwhelming. No, I do not plan to go back onto the antidepressants that I stopped taking in June. I believe strongly in psychology and those meds are hugely important for helping mental illness. I do not think that my situation is chemical, rather situational. I have to be stronger, and the meds will not change the way the world is. If I am not willing to turn to whisky to make things better, I do not feel that I should be turning to meds either. I want to be clear that this is a personal decision that is best for me and is not advice I would give to anyone else. If you are feeling overwhelmed, then you should speak to your doctor for the proper advice. Do not be ashamed if you need meds.

    I have some work to do, so I am going to close here and go make lunch so that I will then be able to continue my day.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 924

    Welcome to August. My weight was back up this morning, and I am again not happy. With that said, I have made a decision, and I have asked Leslie to hold me to it. I am dropping one meal, and will be eating breakfast and lunch, and then I will have a meal replacement shake. That’s it. I am glad that Leslie confronted me today. I need the support. She pointed out that I am just one bad day away from hitting that dreaded 300 lbs. mark, and I have to get myself back in check.

    I ate my two meals today, and in a few minutes I will have my shake. As I have been telling myself for years: GET WITH IT, TAZ.

  • Day 923

    Yesterday went better than the day before. I went to bed satisfied that I had not strayed too badly on my food. I woke up to see that my weight dropped a little over 1.5 lbs., so while it is still disgustingly high, it is not as bad as it was yesterday. My goal for today is to do a little better than I did yesterday… and keep doing that for the next little while. I only wish my head could be in a better place than it is. I attacked a couple of issues these last couple of days that hopefully will be a step in the right direction.

    A couple of Lodge brothers came over for a cigar last night, and we had a good conversation for several hours. This time was interrupted for a few minutes when a passing dog walker yelled up at us that someone on a scooter had crashed on the sidewalk and was not moving. I ran down and did what I could to help until police and ambulance arrived. I guess there are some instincts that do not change. My first wife used to call me ‘El Justiciero,’ because I would always get involved to try to make things right. She saw it as a flaw. It has been twenty years since she and I were dating, and she coined that nickname… I still do not see it as a negative. If the strong cannot stand up and help the weak then what good is strength?

    It is another beautiful day in Burlington. I have some work to do, but some of it can be done by taking my computer onto the balcony. We’ll see… I might stay at my desk a little longer, and then in the afternoon enjoy a cigar with Leslie.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 922

    I am spiraling out of control with my weight and I have to put a stop to it. I am higher today than I have been… and forget about the dreaded 290 lbs., I am over 295. This must stop!

  • Day 921

    Oops