Losing a part of me

Category: Mindfulness

  • Day 843

    I forgot to post yesterday. I just had one of those days when I vegged all day and did not do much of anything. If I had posted, then I would have written that I was extremely upset with myself because I bought four rolls on Friday and ended up eating all of them. It was no surprise that my weight was up yesterday morning to my highest weight since January of 2023. I weighed 289.2, and it was small wonder that my weight stayed below 290 lbs. I kicked myself, and then I ate properly yesterday. I dropped two pounds this morning, and will continue to eat properly.

    I have to go to the store today because I have an extremely busy week ahead, which was not supposed to be the case. Friday afternoon I was given a daytime class to teach this week, which means that with my evening classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I will be teaching tomorrow and Wednesday from 10am to 9pm. Long days indeed. I have enough food for today, but as I will likely not have the time to go to the supermarket tomorrow I will be doing my grocery shopping today. I will bypassing the bakery for sure, and will only be buying chicken, vegetables, and eggs… along with some cleaning supplies that I need. I have been saying all along that I need to get back on track, and that means getting my mindset back into it. Mindfulness and focus and resolve have to be my focus. That means that I will not be buying eggrolls or bread or any of the other little cheats that I like to pretend are things that I can only have a reasonable portion of. I will not buy peanuts. There will be no snacking this week. A buddy might be coming over Tuesday evening to barbecue, and he would be bringing steaks and potatoes. If he does, then that will be the only starch that I allow myself this week. I have no Lodge meetings this week so that wouldn’t be an issue (I ate poorly at the dinner Thursday evening as well), so I will not be tempted.

    I hate that my pants are so tight that I have to suck my belly in to close the few pair that actually fit… and that my beautiful jackets mostly do not close. I hate that I have lost my way. The only solution is to get back on track. Fortunately I have the support of my friends and my beautiful wife to fall back on if I feel weak.

    This evening into tomorrow is Yom Hazikaron… Israel’s Remembrance Day. For the first time I will light two candles… one for my friends and brothers, and one for the hostages in Gaza. May they all return home soon.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 829

    What a relief! This morning I stepped onto the bathroom scale to see that my weight has dropped below 280 lbs. for the fist time in nearly three weeks. This is my fourth day in a row that my weight is down, and I am happy to be back below that horrible number. I hope to be able to stay there forever… and to keep going.

    Yesterday I ate exactly as planned. I had the matzah brei for breakfast, chicken salad (with another small piece of chicken) for lunch, and for dinner Leslie and I bought a couple of pieces of prepared salmon from Whole Foods with a mango glaze, and a side of garlic hummus. It was delicious. We shared a bottle of wine with our cigars, and all was good in the world.

    I slept. Wow, did I sleep yesterday! Firstly, Leslie and I decided to take a nap in the afternoon. What we thought might be thirty minutes of shut-eye turned into a 3.5 hour deep-sleep nap for both of us. We then got up and enjoyed our evening. When it was time for bed though… wow, did we hit it hard! According to my fitness watch my sleep score was an amazing 88, with 9h35 minutes registered. I cannot remember the last time I slept so well! I really needed it… the stress of the last week really took its toll on me, and despite thinking that I was fine, I knew from my yawning that I really was behind on my shut-eye. I woke up this morning refreshed in a way that I have not felt in quite some time.

    We revisited the matzah brei this morning, and then I went to pick up our lattés from Human Bean. We enjoyed them on the balcony with a brunch cigar – a tradition that Leslie and I have going back a couple of years on weekends when we are together and when her son is with his father. We finished that around 1:15pm, but owing to the late breakfast, neither of us was hungry yet. We went to the Japanese store to pick up a couple of things that we needed, and when we got home around 2:30pm we were both ready for lunch, which was the same as yesterday.

    For dinner this evening Leslie is preparing lamb for us with sauteed mushroom and onion which I am looking forward to. We have another bottle of wine to share with our cigar, and if all goes well that will be the extent of our eating… and tomorrow morning wouldn’t it be nice to see another drop in my weight? We’ll see… I know, hope is not a strategy… but if what I have been doing these last four days has worked, then doing the same today might result in a similar result.

    I might have to delay restarting my intense program by a week. I have an engagement for a day in Ottawa, and I will take that opportunity to visit Montreal as well. I have not been there since September 2022, and that is too long for me to not see my friends… not to mention visiting my father’s grave site. I have tried to do the program while traveling and it is never easy, so I am considering starting after my return. With that said, I will be very mindful of what and how much I eat when I go.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 824

    My wife and I are dealing with a situation that is extremely stressful for us, and it is all that I can do to not dive into all sorts of really bad foods. I am staying strong because she needs me to be strong, and we are getting through it together. In the meantime, there is someone going out of her way to make our lives miserable. It is disgusting that some people just take and take and take some more, and when you are not willing to do everything in their power to make your life difficult. We will get through it, but until it is behind us, we will likely not sleep very well. I have to continue to remind myself that my pants are far too tight as it is, and I do not want to slip any further after the last six months.

    This evening we will have our very small and abridged Passover seder, and I am looking forward to it. We have Chicken soup with matza balls, I made a batch of charoset, and for the main course I will make air-fried chicken breasts. We will tell the story of the exodus from Egypt and I will remember that while we escaped slavery, we have been an oppressed people for most of our existence. We will read the line ‘B’chol dor vador chayav adam lir’ot et atzmo k’ilu hu hatza mimitzrayim. “In all generations it is the duty of man to consider himself as if he had come forth from Egypt.”’ We will also read the line that ‘In every generation, they rise up to destroy us.’ How fitting is it as we are in the seventh month of our war in Gaza we are still fighting the Amalek – the evil enemy hellbent on our destruction. They have realized that they cannot only do it with weapons, so they have engaged in a misinformation campaign of lies that too many people are ready to believe… partly because the deep fake is so good but mostly because so many of them hate Jews… either consciously or not. I have spent the last seven months combatting the lies online but it is like swimming against the tide. I will not give up, and I will remind my wife and my son that we are wonderful people just trying to survive… tonight and always.

    There are so many problems in this world, and it is easy to forget that eating right is my best way to get slim and to stay that way. I have written a thousand times in this journal that I have to remain mindful. I will continue to remind myself.

    Chag Sameach… and have a great day!

  • Day 804

    Houston… what a terrible airport. United… what a terrible airline. I am looking forward to getting home, that’s all I can say.

    I was optimistic in my thinking when I said I would arrive in Houston by 5:30, be check into the hotel at 6:15, and would head to Blend Bar for the evening. It never occurred to me that I would not get out of the airport for over two hours, including a ridiculous ordeal trying to get an Uber. By the time I was settled into my room it was 9:00pm and I was hungry. I headed down to the restaurant, where I was planning to redeem both drink vouchers the manager of the hotel gave me.

    I was almost very bad. I almost ordered Buffalo wings… in fact I did, but immediately changed it to a hamburger. While that is not exactly a healthy meal, it could have been much worse. I cannot have Buffalo wings until I am sure that I can have a reasonable amount of them, and only occasionally. I had a beer with dinner, and a glass of red wine after dinner with a cigar outside. I got back to my room around 10:30. I reorganized my luggage (making sure to pack my Duty Free rum into my checked luggage), and then got into bed to wind down for a bit before sleeping.

    I slept well but not enough – I could have added 90 minutes to my total had I not opted for the cigar, but that was my choice. I was out of bed five minutes prior to my 6:00M alarm, and went about my morning bathroom rituals. Today was the first day in ten that I had Internet while sitting in the loo, and I checked my email and social media before taking a lovely shower. I closed my suitcases and took them down so that I would not need to return to the room after breakfast.

    The hotel itself was very comfortable, and the front desk staff last night (as well as the restaurant) were great. Their shuttle service, on the other hand, was lousy. I emailed the GM (with whom I made friends) and he apologized, telling me that yesterday they turned in their 15-seat van for a much smaller one in anticipation of a slower season… so when I got there in time the driver told me ‘too bad, so sad… o room.’ I had to either pay for my own taxi, or wait until the next one (30 minutes later). Grrr.

    Honestly, the hotel room and restaurant were great; everything else since I got to Houston was a shit show, up to and including the rude and dishonest service on the airplane out. I will not bore my readers with the details, but suffice it to say that I will be glad to be back in Canada. I should also mention that the CBP officers were very polite and efficient, and do not EVERYTHING in the Houston airport sucked… only most things.

    I probably had slightly more breakfast that I normally would, but I don’t think it was a real cheat. The only real cheat in Houston was a bag of chips after my cigar. I am hoping that the disgusting g airline actually lets me purchase food on board, but I am not holding my breath. Judging from Little Miss Sunshine who ‘helped’ me before we took off, I rather suspect that I’ll be lucky to get a warm glass of spit. If they do actually have what is listed in the magazine, I will have a chicken wrap and a can of chips.

    It is presently 10:30am CDT, which means 11:30 in Toronto. We are scheduled to land around 2:15pm, and if all goes well I should be home by 4:15. I’ll run out to pick up a quick bite before class, and will be ready at my computer at 5:30pm. As I said to Leslie earlier, I am not expecting to be able to relax and breathe until a little after 9:00pm tonight. I am really hoping to get a good night sleep in my own bed; with Her Royal Floofness snuggled into my back.

    Tomorrow morning I will step onto the bathroom scale for the first time since March 23. I am hoping for a five-pound drop, but as long as I did not gain weight I will be happy. It is great that I am not expecting to gain weight after a vacation… that is usually when people do. My last weigh-in before leaving Canada was a relief for having dropped back below 280 lbs., and I really want to stay there… and then hopefully get below (and stay below) 270 before my upcoming trip to Dallas. I hope I can make it!

    I got notification yesterday that my new shirts and sports jacket are arriving tomorrow! It usually takes eight weeks from when I order them, and they have never come in 5 weeks. I am excited but also a little scared… on the 23rd I weighed 12 lbs. more than when I was fitted for them. I am hoping they fit well, and that I do not have to lose a few more pounds until I wear them. I am going to do my best.

    With spring coming I might not be using the treadmill very much, only because I want to walk outside. With that said, I have to remember that April in Canada is usually a wet month, and so I have to make sure that if I am not going out then at least I will not be stagnant. I texted my neighbour who is caring for Her Floofness and she told me that it is raining today and tomorrow, so while I might take Floof out for a bit, a power walk is unlikely… not that I would have the time to anyways.

    I will try to do some quick grocery shopping before my class so that I will be have food in the house for tomorrow morning. I think I still have enough eggs and milk, but I do not remember what else I might need. I have spent the last ten days eating in restaurants and i want to get off that cadence starting with dinner tonight. It is unlikely that I will have time to cook, but at least I can pick up something ready to eat from the supermarket deli counter.

    I am wearing long pants for the first time since I checked into my apartment in Havana on the 24th. It feels a bit weird, but in truth I should have put them on before smoking my cigar in Houston. It was a bit nippy out, at least compared to the weather in Havana. I am sure the 51 sunny degrees I experienced this morning will feel like heaven when I land in Toronto, but that’s life. I only wish I had thought to pack a warmer shirt than I did – I do have a long sleeve guayabera that I had I tended to have to change into when I was on the plane, but as I reorganized my bags to lighten my carry-on, I suspect I packed it into one of my suitcases. Oops! I’ll change at the airport in Toronto once I collect my luggage. I do have a sleeveless vest that I packed in my knapsack so even if my luggage is lost I’ll have SOME protection from the elements.

    What else is going on? I have a lot in my mind right now, and am trying to organize my thoughts. When I spoke with the young man from Chabad in Havana he told me they desperately need any Judaica, especially books, and that they do not even have a Torah. I am not sure what I can do about that but I know I am going to look into it and see what I can do to make that right. We will see.

    One week from tomorrow will be a special day for me, and I am looking forward to it. I am not talking about it now, but hopefully after Thursday next I’ll be able to say something. I honestly am not sure what I am getting into with it, but it is all about helping people and charities. How can that be bad, right?

    Okay, it’s 11:00am and I’m going to shut the phone and see if I can get that chicken wrap. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 800

    I had a great day yesterday but for whatever reason I did not sit down to write. Oops.

    I continue to sleep very little but am not at all tired throughout the day. That might have something to do with how much coffee I drink when I am here… or it might just be because of the air. Either way, I am relaxed and happy on four or five hours per night.

    My fitness watch battery is at 5% and I will be happy if it makes it through one more day. If not, then I will have a couple of days without measurements in the app… but I will still be walking and aiming for 15,000 steps per day. I will continue to eat smartly. I am still hoping to be very happy with my weight when I step onto the bathroom scale Wednesday morning. As it is, the Hawaiian shirt that I could not wear Monday seems to be a bit more comfortable today. I promised someone I would send them a picture of myself in it, which I was able to do this morning, so I see that as an indicator that I’m doing well. The scale will tell the numbers, but more importantly the way my shirts and sports jackets fit is more important.

    I am meeting my steps goal every day without a problem. As was the case on my last visit here, the only vehicles I have been in are taxis to and from the Hotel Nacional with friends. To be honest, I did take a cab back alone that night, but it was late and I wanted to see a friend before their shift ended. I made up for it by walking another few thousand steps before turning in.

    It is amazing how many Jews I have met on this trip, which is to say that I have met at least six of them… including one native Cubans who is with the local Chabad house. I confess it never occurred to me that there would be one! Last night at dinner the guys at the next table were from Tel Aviv and we had a great conversation. They asked me why I wear my kippa here instead of a hat. I told them that had I been wearing a hat then I would never have met most of the Jews that I have met. Havana is a very safe city and Cuba is very accepting of all religions (while not condoning any one of them), but if someone does not like the fact that I am Jewish (and Israeli) then I like knowing… and if they confront me then I’ll happily handle that situation. In the meantime, I was able to light my Shabbat candles in my apartment last night. I was alone, but as I lit them I know that I was with all of the people I pray for, and with the whole Jewish nation. There is n irony to being able to do this freely in a country that is so poor and the people are oppressed… just like we have been so many times.

    It is another gorgeous day and I am enjoying my second day cup of coffee at my buddy‘s bistro. In a little while I will head out for my day. I have to stop by my apartment because I took my laptop bag to bring him some things, and do not want to have to carry it all day. I will then set out to enjoy the rest of my day. It is the Sabbath, and I will take it easy… but if that were the only definition of the day then this entire week has been Sabbath!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 639

    I was shocked to see a nearly two-pound gain from yesterday morning! How could that happen? Answer: I was not mindful. I let myself go on a lot of different small fronts that added up to a 1.8 lbs. gain.

    Okay, I had peanuts… no big deal, right? Okay, I know I bought and ate more peanuts than I usually would, but it was not a huge deal, right? Oh… and I did not want to leave one piece of chicken over which would have to go in the garbage because I was spending the afternoon away from the house on Saturday and flying out Sunday morning; it only made sense for me to prepare it as a third meal… which of course needed a salad to go with it. Then the woman I met in the jewelry store was so excited to meet another Jew in Burlington that she insisted on giving me a fresh-baked cookie from her store for the Sabbath… and of course I had to eat it.

    Small little bottles equal one big bottle.

    Alright, I am back above the 240 lbs. mark which I have been flirting with. I will do my best to get back below it before Leslie and I drive to Houston on Wednesday. I will have to be very careful.

    I will be spending the rest of the day with buddies in Cambridge which will include dinner. I hope the dinner is early enough that I can be done eating by 6:30pm or so. In anticipation of the steak that I will be enjoying there, my lunch will be a meal replacement – my first in probably a week. I will be good today. Tomorrow morning I wake up at 3:00am to catch a very early flight, and travel days are never good for the weight loss program.

    More important than all the petty stuff: I am checked in for my flight; my suitcase is packed (although my carry-on will be later); my Uber is booked. I am ready to fly. In twenty-three hours I will be with my wife again. WOOHOO!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 598

    I stepped onto the bathroom scale this morning with trepidation. I knew that I had not cheated at all yesterday, and that I had gone for a very good walk. I knew all that yesterday morning as well so when the numbers on the scale were up, I was disheartened. After that measure I knew that if I did drop slightly then I would still be at or even above 250 lbs., and that I would need to lose at least .6 lb. to drop below that milestone. It did not help at all that I was not able to move my bowels this morning. I did yesterday after I wrote my article, but that doesn’t mean anything. I looked at the scale and stepped up as if I was taking that last step out of the helicopter. Just like that zipline drop, I waited there unable to move or do anything for several seconds. I then looked down to see where I was.

    249.4 lbs.

    I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought it would be a celebration, an exultation of some sort. There was nothing like that. In fact, I realized a minute later that I needed to repeat the process – not to check that I had not dreamed it, rather to take a picture of the numbers on the scale so that I could send them to my diet buddy who, at that moment, was I am sure lying comfortably in her bed three time zones away. I did not want to send it to my wife – I want to tell her personally so we can celebrate together. Julie has been a wonderful friend and she will be thrilled for me, but Leslie is the woman I want to share my triumph with. Maybe her absence is why I did not jump up and down or pump my fist in the air. I don’t know. Please do not misunderstand me; I am thrilled, elated, overjoyed… I am just toned down about it.

    Next milestone: down 150 lbs… and if I stay on track then that will be in the next ten days or less. I am less than five pounds from that one.

    I am picking up my son the younger at 11:30am and taking him for lunch. I have no doubt that we will be going back to Lone Star Texas Grill, where he will order the queso with chips, and a pound of breaded Buffalo wings with barbecue sauce. I will gird myself to resist the temptation of the free chips with salsa that the waiter will bring before he even takes our orders. I will order nothing but water or possibly coffee. I will sit and watch my thirteen-year-old boy devour his food that will look and smell so delicious and tempting. Now that I think of it, I might order a plate of celery and carrots. My boy always gives me his carrots, and a plate of carrot sticks would not hurt me. I don’t know… it will depend on how I feel when we sit down. If I feel that I am strong enough to make it through his meal, then I will simply eat the ones off his plate. If I am feeling weak, then I will ask for my own. I will not cheat.

    After I drop him off, I will come home and have my first shake of the day. It will be slightly later than usual, but not terribly so. I will see if I have the energy to go for a long walk, but I know that my body should get some recovery in from time to time. On the other hand, I am teaching this week (Monday and Wednesday from 9am to 9pm) so today is my last opportunity to exercise this year.

    Yes, Friday evening the Jewish People will welcome the New Year. Rosh Hashana is a time of reflection just as New Year’s Eve is on the Gregorian Calendar. This has been a wonderful year of change for me; I married my lovely wife (yes, we were married in a courthouse the previous year, but this year it was under the eyes of G-d). I lost a tremendous amount of weight this year; I actually lost more weight from January 20-December 31 2022 than I have this calendar year, or even from January 20-September 10 2022 than I have this year… but I still started and finished that year morbidly obese (Obese Class 3), whereas today I am 16 lbs. from dropping from Obese Class 1 to Overweight. I have written before about my thoughts about the BMI Scale, but absent more accurate yard sticks, I will take this one. What other changes have I made? I have been exercising (although not as regularly as I should, still pretty well). I have been more conscious of my appearance, and Leslie and I are that much closer to being able to live together. I have helped Leslie to learn more about our beautiful religion, and I have maintained my faith to a level that I am satisfied with… although I know that I can still do better, and I will endeavour to do so going forward.

    I was sitting and talking with a neighbour yesterday. He doggie is old but he’s a good boy and Princess Sophie wanted to spend some time on his patio with him, so his mom and I were talking. I told her how much weight I had lost, and she was absolutely shocked. I pulled out a picture of what I looked like on the day I started this journey, and she was flabbergasted. She started by saying that it had mainly been in my stomach. She then said ‘actually, I guess it was everywhere. You can see a real difference even in your face.’ This is a woman who only sees me fully clothed so she cannot see that my legs, my hips, my chest, my shoulders… every part of me is smaller, more toned, and less flabby. I still have a long way to go, but I am thrilled by the progress I have made so far.

    Here we are again. These last few days I have been writing about how many days I had weighed in lighter… well today that number is zero. I am at my best weight ever. My diet buddy said that there is nowhere to go but down, but when we talk next, I will remind her that thinking like that can lead to disaster. Down is where I want to keep going… but it would not take much for the trend to turn and for my weight to start going up. I cannot do that. Best Weight Ever is a great place to be… and I hope to keep moving that number downward over the next few weeks and months. I might take a pause for my week in California, but I am still not going to go overboard. I am going to do my best to come home on Tuesday, and on Wednesday morning step onto my doctor’s scale and weigh less than 110kg. This morning I weigh 113kg. Later that day I will be measured by the Hong Kong tailor, and I will be smaller than I have been since the Army. I will keep going because I know how easy it would be to lose focus and end up gaining the weight back again. I can never let that happen.

    Okay, it is time to get moving. I am going to sit outside with a very short cigar and my coffee, and in 25 minutes I will go to pick up my son.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 572

    Yesterday was a better day than the previous day. I only hope that I can keep up my spirits today. For some reason I am not feeling confident of that as I sit here writing my peace. I am going to try to stay productive today and stay focused on my goal of not eating.

    I was able to stay true to the program yesterday and was rewarded with another drop in weight from the bathroom scale. It was not quite enough to enable me to cross off another number on my refrigerator, but down is always better than up… at least when it comes to weight loss. If I can stay on track today, then any further drop tomorrow morning will give me that short-term success.

    It seems that following a single success earlier this week I am in a new bathroom dry spell. To say that it is frustrating is putting it mildly because I know that excreting solid waste would help with my weight loss. I increased the amount of fibre I add to my meal replacements yesterday and I hope that will eventually lead to success. In the meantime, all of those who have over the years accused me of being full of it… well, for the moment they are correct.

    My son the elder just sent me marvelous news. Out of respect for his sensitivities I do not discuss him in this journal, but I love him and only want the best for him. He has been working hard and I am proud of his accomplishment. I wonder though if it is our relationship that has been bringing me down these last few days. I will discuss that with Leslie when we talk, and I will try to gain some insight into my feelings.

    Today is the fifteenth of August, and it is the first time since May that I put on long pants this morning for my day off. Temperature is forecast to peak at 22° which if it were sunny then shorts would be fine, but a cloudy day at that calls for long pants. That is not to say that I will not try to spend a lot of my day on the balcony studying, only that I will not need my sunglasses to do so.

    I have to stay focused and mindful today. I do not have the benefit of teaching this evening, so I have an extra four hours of potential time to fall off. I will not do so. I want to lose this weight and I want to be slim and trim and sexy for my wife. I also want to be happy in my own clothes… which I hope will soon hang too loose on me, necessitating another trip to the tailors!

    My friends were not able to come by yesterday and we rescheduled for tomorrow afternoon. That should give me a full day to study. How about that!?

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 569

    Yesterday was the third day that I stuck to the plan, and this morning was the second day in a row that I dropped 1.4 lbs. from the previous day. For the second time in just three days I have been able to walk to my fridge and cross a number off my list. I am quite elated by that!

    It took a few days, but I suspect I am now used to having breakfast, and then three meal replacements spaced out properly throughout the day. I would not say that I am not a bit peckish when it comes time for the next shake, but I have also not been so ravenous that I have waited eagerly watching the clock, and I have not once felt the need to move my shake up an hour because of hunger. In fact, yesterday Leslie and I were having a video cigar date and I was happy to put off my meal replacement until I was finished with my cigar, which meant it was probably 30 minutes later than usual.

    I am back on track. I am on a mission to lose enough weight by the High Holidays that I will need to get my suit altered in order to wear it comfortably to synagogue. Rosh Hashana starts in 35 days, but I do not have a shul to go to in Canada. Yom Kippur starts in 43 days, and if I can lose 30 pounds in that time then I will be absolutely over the moon. It is an ambitious goal, but if I try my best then what would be the result? I will have tried to lose 30 pounds and only lost 22 pounds; I can live with that as a failure! As they say, shoot for the stars… if you miss then you will hit the moon.

    There is a flash storm going through Burlington right now with thunder and lightning as the rain pours down. It is predicted to last less than an hour, after which the sky will clear up for the rest of the day (save a 50% chance of rain for another 30-60 minutes later in the afternoon). As such I am going to bide my time and stay inside, and when the rain abates, I will go out for a cigar. This evening I am invited to a cigar party in Georgetown which should be fun. I am amused that it is a pool party only because of what I see happening outside my window right now but knowing that it is forecast to clear up shortly I am excited to see the gang of friends.

    My plan for the day is to stay on track! The event this evening is including a barbecue and I told the host that I will not be eating. I am planning to time my meal replacements very strategically: I am going to delay my midday shake to about 1:00 or even 1:30pm, which means I would then be ready for my next one at 5:30pm, and I will literally drink it right before going into the event. I will stay for 3-4 hours maximum and will be ready to have my last shake either on my way home, or at worst when I arrive home… hopefully before 10:00pm. I am going to make sure that I have what I need to make my last shake in the car so that if it turns out that I am having so good a time that I want to stay later then I will just excuse myself to the car for a few minutes and then return to the festivities, cigar in hand.

    I know… today’s plan will require tremendous willpower on my part. I have to remind myself that I had been on a break from weight loss for 2.5 months, and to quote the pilot episode of The West Wing: Break’s over. No, today is not going to be just another excuse to cheat. If I want to come close to my goal of losing 30 lbs. by Yom Kippur, then I cannot falter… today or tomorrow or next week. I have to be mindful, and I need to stay on the program. That’s my goal for today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 543

    I was not very mindful in how I planned my eating yesterday. To be fair, I was… but not with regard to my weight loss. When there are other people involved, including an eight-year-old boy and a restaurant where, if you try to go at the wrong time (which would have been the right time) you might end up waiting two hours for a table… trust me, I made the right decisions. I could have done without the ice cream afterward, but I did compromise by requesting the smaller portion. All in all it was a lovely day with my family.

    The problem with those things arose when at 8:30pm I realized that I had not eaten since 3:00pm, and that if I ate anything substantial at this point then I would be eating too late. I was legitimately hungry, but I decided to take a small snack rather than a full meal.

    The bathroom scale had my weight ever so slightly down this morning, which means that I did not do nearly as bad as I might have. I will take it as a win.

    My plan for today is to have a salad for lunch, and then something small for dinner after I am done teaching. Come to think of it, I might switch that up and have my dinner before class… but I have to be in front of the computer at 4:30pm, so that might not work. I think the smarter move would be to buy some meal replacements for the next couple of nights. After the boy goes to his father’s (Wednesday afternoon) Leslie and I will start eating together right after my class.. but for tonight, tomorrow, then next Wednesday and Friday I should plan for the meal replacements. I am not ordering online; I will go to CVS and look at the nutritional values to see what is best.

    For the daytime? I am going to spend some time with the boy, and then I will spend a couple of hours at the cigar lounge. I promised the boy we would go swimming while his mom works, and that would be a lovely way to spend an hour… except my forecast shows thunderstorms starting in the next hour and lasting until 7:00pm. Not exactly swimming pool weather.

    Have a great day folks!