Losing a part of me

Category: Shopping

  • Day 669

    Recording a three-pound drop from yesterday morning was a good way to start my morning. When there is little good in one’s life it is helpful when even the most minor successes are achieved.

    My new clothes are on a truck out for delivery, which means that sometime today I will get my new shirts and sports jacket. That would have been so exciting just a few weeks ago. Now? Well, at least I will have new shirts to wear next week when I am teaching. I am not nearly as excited as I would have been.

    Speaking of clothes, I went shopping yesterday. I am likely going to return most of what I bought, but it was so exciting to be able to purchase a ski jacket in size XL. The one I purchased two years ago was a 4XL, and the one I was wearing since 2005 (which did not fit when I was at my most extreme weight) is a 3XL. I will be taking both of those to the charity donation bin later this week, even though I will not be wearing either the ski jacket or the coat that I bought (yes, I bought a jacket and a coat… don’t ask). I will take them both back and go looking for a proper long jacket that will serve both purposes. Yes, it will cost a little more, but it will still likely cost less than the two items combined. I am keeping the sweater I bought… it is a size L, in contrast to the size XXL that I purchased two years ago. Actually, Leslie bought it for me. Maybe that’s why I needed a new sweater.

    I noticed something on my body a few nights ago that is a bit worrisome. If I did not have an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow morning, I would have made one. I have a weird sensitivity and a lump in my pelvic area. I am not one for Doctor Google but from everything I know, I suspect it is a hernia. I will not self-diagnose and will ask my doctor in the morning.

    Speaking of my doctor’s visit, my weight this morning was within .2 lb. of what I weighed the morning of my last appointment with her. With a bit of luck (and a lot of effort) I might drop another pound tomorrow morning, but even if I do not, I am both relieved that I do not weigh more, and disappointed that I have not lost more. Of course, that is ignoring the fact that three weeks after that appointment I was down nearly 8 lbs., and that just three days ago I was 3 lbs. up from that. The last month has been a maelstrom of travel, emotion, and some wonderful and some terrible things… all of this putting aside the fact that my country is still at war and that the lies of public opinion make Hamas look like the heroes of the story while my people are seen as the forces of pure evil.

    It is nearly 1:00pm and I have had a slightly productive morning. I also realized that I did not defrost chicken, which means that I can either put it in the microwave, or I can go to the supermarket to pick up a defrosted package. I think that is the option I am going to take, as the packages are too large to rotate in my microwave oven… and I do not have the ‘stay put’ tray for it. In the afternoon I will be studying for the exam that I need to take within the next couple of weeks. Hopefully I will be able to focus and remember what is in my head. I am not placing any bets on that. The exam is paid for and it expires in two weeks so I am going to take it whether or not I am fully prepared… but I really do not want to fail.

  • Day 668

    I fell off badly yesterday. I went grocery shopping (I had no food in the house) and thought ‘what’s the harm in buying a box of breakfast cereal? Oh, I also bought a bag of mini crisps. Here’s the harm: I ate all of the crisps and most of the breakfast cereal last night and finished it off this morning. The result (nothing to do with the bowl of cereal that polished off the box this morning) was a two-pound jump in my weight. I deserve it. Today I will do better. I will also remember that when I am no accountable to anyone but myself it is best to not buy large portions of cheat foods… coupled with my current emotional state I will just not have the willpower to make the right decisions. This means that I have to make those right decisions when I am in the store. If I do not have the temptations in the house, then I will not succumb to them.

    The plan for today is to take Her Floofness to the spa. She will be there for a few hours, and so I will probably check to see if the cigar lounge near Chez PetSmart has a smoking area. If it does not, then I will probably just find a park bench and wait there with a cigar and my phone or a book. We’ll see. All I know is that I have to try to be good today. No excessive food. No cheating.

    I woke up this morning to find a message from a friend who reads my blog daily. She was worried that I had not published yesterday, and what’s worse, the last entry was from Day 666. Yes, even in my current emotional state I noticed the 666, and yes, I know that it is the number of the beast (although I swear I never understood what that was about), but no… there was no connection. As a fairly religious Jew I would never use a reference from the New Testament with regard to my dismay. In fact, I had written yesterday’s article, but I somehow got distracted and never published it. I fixed that this morning. With that said, I truly appreciate the love and support from my friends… many of whom I do not see or speak to nearly as often as I would like.

    Anyhow, it is time to get moving. Take care folks.

  • Day 628

    I was not perfect yesterday on my program by any means. In addition to my morning omelette I had another omelette and a turkey drumstick throughout the day. I also had a bag of chips. Yes, I fell that hard after my class last night. I was just not thinking right. The story:

    Realizing that I had finished the eggs I had in the fridge, at the end of my evening class I looked online to see if any of the supermarkets around might be open until 10:00pm. I knew that three of them closed at 9:00pm, but I decided to take a peek. It turns out that the website for one of them (Longo’s lists them as open until 10:00pm, so after taking Her Royal Floofness for her walk I got into the car to drive up there. The parking lot was empty and the sign on the door let me know that the website (or whatever site I checked) was wrong. 9:00pm closing. Okay, all was not lost. I was only a quick 2km drive to Walmart, so I headed out there. I was nearly at the store when it dawned on me… it’s Thanksgiving Day, and none of the stores will be open. Damn. On the way home I realized that one of the small convenience stores might sell what I was looking for. For maybe the second time since I moved into the apartment (over two years ago) I stepped into one of the smaller mom and pop stores in the neighbourhood. The other time or times I have gone in would have been during a walk/jog when I needed either water or Gatorade. They had eggs… and a bag of chips which I did not need. At least I only bought the one smaller bag, and not the two bags that I indulged in twice over the weekend.

    Despite the chips my weight was way down this morning. From Saturday morning to yesterday my weight jumped a disgusting seven pounds. As I mentioned yesterday, I ate badly and made poor choices… but even with that I knew that a lot of the weight was from salty foods and would fall right off after a day. Sure enough it was down 4.2 lbs. from yesterday. On the one hand, I am 2.6 lbs. up from Saturday morning. On the other hand, that is nowhere near as bad as it was yesterday. I will do my best to stay on track today, and maybe even go out for some exercise in the evening.

    I slept absolutely terribly last night. It was past 1:30am when I realized there was little chance of it happening, and so I went to my computer to do a little bit of work. I mostly did some administrative work on a computer that is usually off (and so had not checked in with my mobile device management solution since July) which needed a check-in, as well as some patch management.

    The warm weather is behind us and if I do plan to go for a walk this evening, I know that I will be wearing long pants as well as a long sleeve shirt. I have what I need, I just long for the warmer weather. I will be in Texas with my wife in a week and a half and will enjoy the warmer weather there. Oh, and I ordered three new golf shirts which should arrive there in time for me to wear. They are a Size Large! I am hoping that they fit immediately… I cannot remember the last time I bought a Size Large in anything.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 418

    Leslie and I spent a lovely day together yesterday, and I picked up some new workout gear at the outlet mall. I really only had one long-sleeve shirt for jogging, as well as one pair of sweatpants… and in Canada I have at least another two and a half months of needing them before the mostly guaranteed warm weather of June. We also walked about 5,000 steps at the mall, which was good because I knew I would not be jogging.

    Before we headed out, we had a similar lunch to the previous day. Veggie burgers on a Canadian roll, with the rest of the salad I had made for dinner Friday. For dinner we had our second planned indulgence – dim sum. Both meals were delicious, planned, and well-deserved. Having read my article from yesterday, Leslie mentioned that she was sorry that I had gained weight since arriving. I told her that I was/am not sorry… I know I have been working so hard to lose weight for so long, and once in a while I deserve to let myself enjoy a little food. I especially enjoy being able to share the meals with her. For this evening I picked up a very nice piece of tuna which I just put into lemon juice to marinate, and which I will prepare with sesame and soy sauce. Leslie will prepare the rice. Dinner will be served after my class (which will end at 8:00pm local time). Weather permitting, we will likely finish the evening with a cigar on the balcony.

    Speaking of the weather… I woke up at about 4:45am this morning and could not fall back asleep. I sat in bed playing on my phone for nearly an hour, then tried, again unsuccessfully, to nod off. Leslie noticed that I was squirming a lot, and I decided rather than disturbing her, I would start my day with a jog… or at least, that was the plan. I decided, once outside (and once I realized that it was 41° outside) to go for a short and very brisk walk. I suppose 2.4km is not really short, but when I set out to exercise it is usually for much longer than that. I will probably go out for a proper jog this afternoon when the temperatures are forecast to rise to the mid-50s, but the morning is cool and rainy, and I am just as happy staying in and getting some paperwork done.

    These last couple of days I had not mentioned anything about my inability to move my bowels, but it was something I was going to write about this morning… especially after I once again sat unproductive on the throne before heading out into the cold. Well as it turns out, shortly after I sat down to write, I got the urge… and was indeed quite productive. I suspect that had I been able to do that earlier, my weight this morning would have been down and not up. Despite my protestations to the contrary, I was a little concerned that it was a lack of fibre in my diet, and that when I finally did, that it would be painful. In the end (no pun intended), it was not painful at all. I suspect that my body simply got confused by my sudden transition back to solid foods these last few days. I did mention to Leslie that I wanted to buy fibre powder while I was here, but that is to bring home to Canada. There is a serious price difference in a lot of things that I simply try to buy in the USA to save money on.

    Leslie and I have decided to stick to our tried-and-true Salad and Go lunch for today. In the afternoon I had planned to pop over to the lounge for an hour or two but knowing that I want to jog and then take a nap in the afternoon will probably put an end to that. I do want to drop in to pick something up, but I will not hang around there. Whether I jog or not is still to be determined; considering what time I woke up this morning, the nap will be non-negotiable.

    I am disappointed that I had to order a new belt in a Size-38. I was all excited that of the eight pair of pants I have in that size, one of them fits, and so I was thinking (wrongly) that meant that I could go down a size on the belt as well. I am not returning the two new belts that I bought, but I did by one more belt in my current size. I also bought a new pair of shoes to match it, and I am looking forward to taking my beautiful bride out for dinner Saturday evening. We dressed up for Mexican food the other night, and we can do it again for whatever we decide to eat this weekend.

    Speaking of clothing, I am frustrated because I know how loose my Size-38 jeans are on me, and yet just a week or two ago when I tried on my Size-36 jeans they were nowhere close to fitting. While it is possible that I have really shrunk down that much since I last tried them on, I doubt it. What is possible is that I was wearing these when they were really tight, and they stretched a little bit. When I am back home next week I will pull out that last bin and see where we are (again), but I am not holding my breath… or at least, I will only hold in my breath while trying to squeeze into the smaller size!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 294

    I am frustrated by my weight-slide this morning, but more so because my floor seems to have gone back to being hinky. I wonder if that just means that the batteries in the scale are dying. I know that there was a 2.5 lbs. weight swing from one spot to another, just inches away. I decided, despite how frustrating it may be, to stick with the highest weight… which means I somehow gained three pounds from yesterday to this morning. I know that I was not able to poop, but three pounds? That is just not right.

    Today is Day 294. How nice would it be if by Day 300 (next Tuesday) I could weigh 300 lbs.? With the way my weight has been going, I don’t know if it is extremely realistic, or a pipe dream. I am going to give it my best to not cheat at all for the next few days, and hopefully get down to that milestone.

    I have prepared a shopping list for today because I know that I am going to forget something if I do not. I need milk, tomatoes, onions, coffee, and lettuce. I am going to the gym in the afternoon, and the shopping can wait until after that. I have just enough lettuce, onion, and tomato left for one salad, so I should be fine. Also, I have enough milk left for one more cup of coffee… if I decide to have one. It is rare that these needs all align so perfectly! Imagine if I also only had enough chicken left for one day? Nah, I could go through to the weekend without buying more if I had to.

    I asked my son the elder if he wants to go to Costco today, but I have not heard back from him. I assume that is a big NO, so Costco is not in the cards… nor is seeing my son the elder today.

    I am really feeling blasé this week and know that I need to head to the gym in order to try to kick myself out of that. I am not down or depressed… but I do feel that before I can sit on my balcony this afternoon with a cigar, I should go to the gym and try to accomplish… something. Lord knows, I have not gotten anything done this week. Who knows? If I stick with my program and have a good workout today (it will mostly be cardio, maybe an hour on the treadmill) then maybe tomorrow morning I will feel better about myself when I step off the scale.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 280

    I was hoping that despite some minor cheating yesterday, I would have recovered at least some of the weight that I gained after my Covid-19 vaccine cheat day. No joy. My weight is actually up by .2lbs, which means that I am still under 310lbs… but any weight gain tomorrow will blow that. I have to be good today.

    Something else that I have to do today is go to the supermarket. I finished the last of my coffee this morning, which means that if I do not want to be in a really bad mood tomorrow, a trip to the store is in the cards. Additionally, I have had shirts, pants, and a sports jacket that I have been meaning to drop off at the dry cleaners since I got back from Texas, and the drycleaner is adjacent to the supermarket. Two birds, one stone.

    Princess Sophie went to Sue’s for a playdate today. I do not know how long she will be there, but I am happy that she is enjoying her play date with Charlie. I suspect that I will be able to enjoy my lunch unmolested… although in truth, she does not bother me and she eats all of my chicken cartilage… from her dish, not from the table.

    I am going to have a relaxing day, but today might be the day I finally join the gym. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 272

    I have to stop cheating! Get back into the habit of sticking to the program… not a little, not mostly, but completely. I can do it; I have to do it! I lost weight on the scale this morning, taking me back to my best weight ever… tied for last Wednesday. That is a success despite failing. I am hoping that today I will be able to succeed completely, and tomorrow my weight on the scale will be lower.

    I went shopping yesterday evening, picking up the right chicken for today. I am not sure why I did not think to buy lettuce, which means another trip to the supermarket this evening after class. That’s okay, I do not seem to get as tempted at the store as I used to. If I go today, my next trip will be Friday afternoon, when I can pick up more vegetables, probably more chicken, and a challah roll and small bottle of wine for Shabbat. In my efforts to be truer to my faith, I made that commitment, and Leslie has been very supportive. She and I have been lighting the Sabbath candles together every week for nearly a year. She understands that getting more in touch with my faith is important to me and has concerns that it might become all-encompassing. I assured her that while my faith will always be a part of me, it will never be a very time-consuming part of me. For example, I just put on my tefillin and said my morning prayers, and it took me about ten minutes. I do not think that she would consider that an unreasonable amount of time to reconnect with G-d once per day! However, as she has no previous experience with Jews, it is a fair concern.

    I took Princess Sophie for her walk this morning, and the temperatures are certainly cooler than I have gotten used to over the summer! Today’s forecast high is 8° Celsius, with rain predicted throughout the day. Fortunately, it was not raining when we were out, and she was very cooperative. It is much easier to walk one dog than two. I say that because my neighbour asked me yesterday to take care of Charlie during the day, and he will be with us all week. I could hardly say no after all she and our other neighbour do for me when I am away! I expect he will be coming over soon, and if they can keep their voices down, they mostly entertain each other during the day. Of course, Charlie tries to convince me that his Mommy never feeds him and that he is a poor, starving, neglected puppy. I can assure you, he is not! He will get a couple of treats though… because he is a very good boy!

    I have another day of teaching ahead of me, which is good. I am enjoying it as always, although I think a few of my stories yesterday put us a bit behind schedule. I will hit the gas today and make sure I can catch us up. This is not the first time I have had to do that for a class. I do, however, have to be more cognizant of which screen I am sharing. Yesterday, for about five minutes at the end of the day, I was sharing the wrong screen. I do not think there was anything overly inappropriate on it, but I hate doing it anyways!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 199

    Tomorrow will mark the two hundredth day since I made the decision to lose a lot of weight. It was and is a daunting challenge that cannot be taken lightly. When someone is twenty-pounds overweight, they can cut out alcohol and bread for a few weeks, or cut out desserts, or whatever it is that someone who has a relatively minor amount to lose will do.

    My intention – what I needed to do in order to be healthy again – was to lose roughly half my body weight. To put that in terms that will show how unrealistic that felt at the time, I needed to lose the equivalent of a UFC Light-Heavyweight. Look up the current champion, Glover Teixeira, and then think about what it means to lose his entire body weight.

    While I am nowhere near that goal, this morning I hit a milestone; I have given myself more short-term milestones by measuring at home in pounds but at the doctor’s office in kilograms. This morning’s milestones are both in imperial weights – I am both seventy pounds down, and at the quarter milestone of 325.0-lbs. It was an exciting number to see on the bathroom scale readout this morning.

    My friend Eduardo is coming over for a cigar today, and I am going to ask him to take a picture of me in the exact same spot and pose I took my before pictures. I look forward to seeing myself side by side with what I looked like in mid-January. He is coming around 2pm, which means that despite it being a weekend, if I am able to go for a walk, my schedule will not be too different from my working weekdays, in that he will be here until around 5pm, and then I will have a meal replacement shake, and then I should be able to go out around 5:30pm.

    I say in the previous paragraph ‘…if I am able to go for a walk.’ The if is because this morning I am feeling my legs. I have pains in my shins, and no they are not shin splints. They are simply my legs telling me that I am exercising much harder than I have in a couple of years, and that I am doing so while carrying 110-pounds of excess weight (according to the body fat scale app I use, my lean body mass is actually 116-pounds less than my current weight). They are not telling me that I am overdoing it… but that I am approaching that threshold and I should be aware of it.

    While I had set my goal yesterday for a fifty-five-kilometre week, I gave it a bit of thought last night, and again this morning. Fitness walking every day without respite might be overdoing it. I might try to walk 10-kilometres today (making for fifty-kilometres in the past six days), and then taking a day off tomorrow. I am not making any decisions… it will depend on how I feel if I am able to go out for my walk this afternoon, and then how I feel afterwards.

    I will say that over the last couple of evenings, I have noticed muscular definition in my legs that I have not noticed in a long time. It is great to see and feel the progress which results from the combination of eating less and exercising hard. Even on a day with great scale-related victories, those non-scale victories are huge for me.

    Numbers are great; I know numbers, I trust numbers. My emotions need to see progress though… what do those numbers mean where the rubber meets the road. It is nice to know that I have lost the equivalent of a tweenager, but actually seeing the muscular definition was a great boost for me. If I was tempted to succumb to temptations this weekend, that put an end to it. If I am on the fence this afternoon about going out for my fitness walk or not, that will help me to make my final decision.

    I am looking forward to the day because my friend is coming over. Leslie was worried about me when I was shutting myself in and not seeing or speaking with any of my friends. While my state of mind is greatly improved, I am coming out of my self-imposed isolation at a more comfortable pace than could have been. I saw Lyle and Dorothy last weekend; I will see Eduardo today. I am not looking to have a seemingly endless string of get-togethers, and I have not initiated any phone calls or message threads (although I have started accepting calls).

    Tomorrow my son or sons and I are going to Costco, which should be fun. I asked my son the elder last weekend if he wanted to, and when he agreed, my son the younger asked if he could come. That does not mean that he will, but I hope he does. I love seeing them, and watching them grow. Of course, it will usually be an expensive outing for me. I am happy to pay for their groceries on top of my child support, but it can be pricey. No matter, they are worth it. I will also take the opportunity to pick up vegetables, and anything else I might need for the house. Nothing comes immediately to mind, but if I see something, I’ll pick it up.

    The weather forecast for today is sunny and hot. It will not be nearly Texas-hot, but that does not prevent Environment Canada from issuing a heat advisory. As such, if and when I do go out, I will make sure to stay well hydrated along the way.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Two Birds, One Stone

    I had two errands that needed to get done today. I had a prescription to pick up from the pharmacy, and I wanted to buy some tomatoes for my salad. I mentioned earlier that I was planning a shorter walk, so I decided to combine the two. I planned out a route that had both my pharmacy and a supermarket along it, and set out.

    One thing I should mention is that I never realized what a difference a pair of socks can make. I put on a pair of gym socks that I dug up (and which looked like they had never been worn), and put them on. I then went to put on my new Adidas running shoes, only to realize that they do not fit! Yes, I have worn them comfortably a couple of times already, so either my feet are very badly swollen, or the socks make that much of a difference. Rather than switching out the socks, I picked a different pair of shoes that I know are a bit looser.

    • Distance: 6.5 km (8.0 km)
    • Duration: 1:10:13 (1:26:40 minutes)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 10:47 (10:50)
    • Steps: 8k (9.8k)
    • Calories burned: 375 (460)
    • Elevation gain: 19m (29.8)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 114 (114)

    I did find the walking/biking trail I was looking for, and it was nice to have a couple of kilometres without the hustle and bustle of traffic around me.

    Okay… now it is time for me to take a really nice shower, and then start preparing my lunch

  • Day 143

    I was convinced that today’s weight would be bad. I cheated yesterday with peanuts (although a reasonable amount), and some very dark chocolate, which has been in the house for months. With that said, I did not have my evening meal replacement, so it must have balanced out. I lost 1.6 lbs from yesterday. Remember yesterday? When I complained that what weight was gained in a day might take a week to lose? Well, I am happy to be redeemed on that front. I will cross my fingers that I stay on track.

    Yesterday morning I booked my Covid-19 test for my flight to see Leslie. An hour later, the USA announced that they would no longer require pre-departure testing effective Sunday, which means that I will not need the test. I am hoping that I will receive my refund (which, after a lot of searching, I discovered how to request). If I do not, I will still save the two hours that would have been required to sit in traffic getting there Wednesday afternoon. Yay.

    After a reasonable lunch, I am planning to head to see Ryan and enjoy a cigar or two. With gas prices being what they are, I might not have rushed to drive out there… but I left my hat there, and I definitely want to take it with me to Dallas, and so I have to pick it up. Princess Sophie likes the people out there as well, so it will be a nice change from sitting on my own patio smoking cigars.

    Before that, however, I will have to go do some shopping. I am completely out of every vegetable save onions and carrots, and if I want a salad with lunch, I gotta head to the supermarket. If my back was not bothering me, I might consider walking. As it is, no… my back has been tight for weeks now, and Leslie has been urging me to get a massage. I finally booked one, but it is for Monday. At least it will be in time for my flight!

    I am thinking that I might do something different with my chicken than I usually do. So often I simply spice it before throwing it into the air fryer. Today I might add the mango lime salsa to it, just to shake it up a bit. Yesterday I almost added salsa to my salmon, but instead I opted to prepare my Buffalo sauce. It is tasty and not terribly unhealthy, but it does have a lot of sugar in it. Other than that, I would be making Buffalo chicken for sure!

    I had a great chat with Leslie yesterday evening, and I did not want it to end. It is hard to believe that in five and a half days, we will be together again. It feels like forever, but it will pass and Thursday evening we will be together!

    The weather is currently gorgeous and sunny, but by 2pm there is an 80% chance of rain. Okay, I suppose the farmers need it. As I am not a farmer, I suppose it is just one more thing I’ll have to deal with. Dress appropriate and don’t roll the windows down in the car!

    Have a great day folks. I’m off to the supermarket.