Losing a part of me

Category: Sleep

  • Day 1039

    I am two pounds closer to the terrible mark this morning than I was yesterday. I was disgusted with myself that I weighed over 305 the last three days, and am really glad that starting tomorrow I am going back to eating breakfast and then meal replacements only.

    I am still not sleeping very well… I took the pill last night but it still took a while to fall asleep. Once I did, I had very weird and disturbing dreams. I will likely be tired today, but I will do my best to not nap so that I will be able to fall asleep at night without medicinal help.

  • Day 1038

    I took a nap yesterday afternoon, and paid for it at night… I could not fall asleep. So this afternoon, after I came back from my busy morning, I did the same thing. I know… that was stupid. I told Leslie that I will probably take a sleeping pill this evening (despite how much I hate doing that) in order to try to get back on track.

    I did not write much yesterday, so I did not write about the previous day; on Thursday when I brought my car in to change my tyres I went for a walk. I walked 5km, thinking I was not making very good time. In fact, I was making very good time, despite the lack of athletic shoes. I am not unhappy that I was doing about 9.5 minutes per kilometre wearing my Blundstones!

    I am still not back on track… but I am working on it. Hopefully today was better than the previous few days, and the numbers on the bathroom scale will reflect as much tomorrow. I also mentioned to Leslie earlier today that for the first time in my memory I am getting bored with chicken. While there are a lot of ways I could address that, I decided that once the chicken I have in my fridge is done, I will go back to two meal replacements per day (plus my usual breakfast). I would like to get down not only under the terrible mark, but much lower. I may not be able to do it over the holidays, but if I can get down to 280 lbs. before Hanukkah they I will be quite happy with myself.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1037

    I do not remember a night when I got worse sleep than I did last night. My sleep score was an abysmal 30, and when I got up to pee at 4:15am I was not able to get back to sleep. I have been dragging arse all day but that is to be expected.

    My weight did not improve from yesterday. It did not move at all. Hopefully tomorrow.

    Have a great day.

  • Day 1033

    I was disappointed this morning when there was no drop on the bathroom scale. I suppose that when I cannot move my bowels that is more likely to happen. As usual, I took Princess Sophie for her walk, then as I was preparing breakfast I felt the need to go. I had not eaten yet so I was still within my own self-set guidelines, so I stripped down and weighed myself again. I did not recover all of the weight I had gained yesterday morning, but at least I was down half a pound.

    I did not sleep very well and have a packed day today. I will at least try to eat well.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1030

    My weight was not up to what it was at a couple of days ago, but I gained back nearly two of the three pounds I had lost yesterday. Boo.

    My sleep score from last night was 73… much better than the previous night, and about on a par of what it normally is. I’d like to get it up above 80 on a regular basis, but I had a meeting to help a friend with his computer at midnight, and I wouldn’t think any night that I get into bed after 2am it would be much better than what it was.

    I was wrong, I did not have the time to go to the pharmacy yesterday. My day got much busier than I had expected. I will go today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1029

    I was glad to see that my weight dropped to almost what it was at Monday morning – that is, before the emotional miserable stress-eating day – despite my inability to move my bowels again this morning. I did move them successfully yesterday mid-morning, so at least there’s that. I hate being even this smidgen above the terrible mark, and hope that in a day or two I will be able to get back below it. I wish I could be more active. More on that in a few minutes.

    I slept horribly last night. I could not fall asleep until after 3:15am, and I still roused out of bed around the same time as usual. As a result I am feeling sluggish, but I will survive.

    My knee has still been bothering me, but I got a notice from the pharmacy that my meds have been refilled, so I will go to pick them up today. Hopefully after a few days on that med I will be able to get active again. I have some work to do on a computer I am preparing for my son the younger, and then I am meeting a couple of people before Lodge, so it will be a pretty busy day. I am not worried; I will get through it all.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1028

    Yes, I messed up yesterday. I wrote a three-word post, and yet I still messed up. How? I got the day number wrong. I fixed that this morning.

    My weight is way up. A couple of days ago I had an extremely emotional time of it, and I indulged. I knew I would pay for it. I bought (and ate) a box of breakfast cereal. I ate better yesterday, but because I did not weigh myself yesterday, I do not know if I lost weight from then.

    Why didn’t I weigh myself? It was one of those overnight classes. I was supposed to go to bed early Monday so I could wake up at midnight and teach from 1am until noon. The problem was that I was never able to fall asleep, so I finally got out of bed and readied myself for class early. I did not bother, but I knew I was heavier.

    I somehow made it through my class, and when it was over I took Her Floofness for a walk and then had a light meal, and then went to bed. I slept for 2-3 hours, and while I needed more, I knew I could not do it lest I wake up at midnight. I stayed awake until a reasonable hour, and then I fell asleep and had a wonderful night’s rest. Sleep score? Ninety-one! Yes, I slept very well.

    Today will be a more relaxing day. I am likely going to see a friend, and then will come home in time for dinner. We’ll see.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1026

    Remembrance Day is always one of those days that is a bit difficult for me. As I walked Her Floofness this morning, a woman with her young daughter engaged me in conversation. How’s the weather, cute pup, and so on. She then said to me ‘I see you are wearing a poppy too. Happy Remembrance Day!’ I said to her that no, it is not a happy day, but a solemn one. As she fumbled with a sincere apology I recovered quickly and told her that she had nothing to apologize for, and that our language does not have a phrase that we use to greet each other with on these solemn days. On any other day I might have just smiled and nodded, but I have trouble with that phrase… to a soldier it is like saying ‘Enjoy the funeral!’… it’s just wrong.

    My knee is still in agony, but I think it is getting a bit better… slowly. The anti-inflammatories that I am taking are helping and while I wish I could boost the dosage, I have to be careful to not do so. They can damage other parts of my body, and I do not want to do that. I have asked my pharmacy to send my doctor’s office a request to refill a prescription for the second gout medication that I sometimes take. I will follow up on that today.

    My weight was down this morning, and I am once again at the horrible mark… 300 lbs. even. I will try to eat properly again today so that in the next day or two I will once again drop under it. I slept well – my sleep score was a very respectable 85, which is better than most nights for me. I have also moved my bowels twice today – once earlier, and once just now as I paused to write this entry. How my body can go three days without is a mystery to me. I think I am going to make sure I take fibre every day for a while.

    The next twenty-four hours will be ‘one of those days.’ I am teaching a class for Germany again, which means I’ll be working from 1am-12pm. Fortunately it is only a one-day (night?) class, so while I will be a bit off, I should not experience the disorientation and jetlag I had last time. I need the work… I want the work! I will take it when I can get it

    Autumn is well and truly here. The leaves are on the ground, and I am wearing a sweater and my vest to take Her Floofness on her walks. While it was rainy yesterday, today is just damp but dry. Pretty soon the winter will be upon us, and I know our weather will get worse before it gets better. I will try to keep my attitude positive… some days it is harder than others.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1021

    According to the bathroom scale I dropped about 3.5 lbs. from yesterday morning. This was not merely the result of my cutting my toenails last night. This morning, after several futile days, let’s just say that the fibre did its job. To say ‘what a relief!’ would not begin to do it justice!

    My food intake yesterday was nearly identical to the previous day. Owing to the fact that I miscalculated my timing this morning (because I slept in) I will have to make some changes… I do not have the fixings for a salad with my lunch and dinner, so I will probably prepare rice with my lunch, and will run to the supermarket immediately after class is over.

    With regard to class, we decided to shift by an hour. Instead of going from 11:30am until 8:30pm we are beginning at 10:30am and finishing at 7:30pm. That will make life somewhat easier for my eating… I do not like sitting down to eat that late at night.

    My sleep score was back up into the 80s last night. I am happy about that, and definitely felt well rested when I jumped out of bed. I did get up to pee around 5:45am and was hoping I would be able to get back to sleep… little did I know that I would sleep another 3;5 hours!

    The American election is now over and as much as I have hated the lead-up to it, I am not looking forward to the arrogance that will follow. I am tempted to turn off social media for the next three months.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1019

    My weight was up this morning by more than a pound. As we know, yesterday was a travel day and airports are not conducive to good eating. After Leslie and her son dropped me off I got through the security checkpoint and then found a pub where I could safely get a plate of fish and chips – not great for my diet, but safe for my dietary restrictions. I then boarded the plane with a bag of almonds and cashews which I had picked up earlier in the week. All in all, I did not eat terribly. The problem is that I am still backed up! I am hoping that sometime today that will begin to pass. If not, then I am thinking I might want to take a laxative, or at the very least some fibre. We will see how the day goes.

    My sleep score dropped down to a 67 this morning. I am not surprised because I got into the apartment very late last night, and after greeting Her Royal Floofness I did some unpacking (I wanted to make sure that all of my cigars were properly stored in my humidor), and then did not really get to sleep until 1:30am or so. Despite that I did not sleep in… I was awake around 7:15am as usual, and probably tumbled out of bed around 7:30am. I dove into my usual morning routine, including taking the Princess for her walk, and the day went from there. Hopefully I will sleep better this evening… we’ll see.

    I am auditing a class this week that is set in the Pacific time zone which means I’ll be learning from noon until 8:30pm… a bit of an offset from the norm, but not terrible. I will not be adjusting my wake/sleep schedule at all, but I will adjust my eating as necessary. It is now 1:30pm and I just had my lunch… which for the first time in a long time consisted of a meal replacement shake. Yes, per what I wrote several hours ago in the previous paragraph, I added fibre to it. I will be preparing a full meal for dinner, which I will prepare for the mid-class break (around 3:00pm local time). I will likely have another meal replacement after class (around 8:30pm) but that is all I plan to eat today.

    I went shopping this morning and despite all of the temptations I was true to my plans… I bought milk (despite the expiry date the milk in my fridge had turned), eggs, and vegetables for salad. Nothing more. I was tempted by so many things… and bought none of them. It is a small victory because I will have to do this again and again every time I shop. I know that sometimes I will fail, but I will try to succeed more often. As a simple example, I looked at the bakery section… and walked by. Yes, I like to have a fresh roll with my breakfast, but I was strong and did not buy them… today. I will have to continue to be strong.

    I suppose I should be paying closer attention to my class so I will close here. See you all tomorrow folks!