I did not have the same kind of headache this morning that I did yesterday, but there was a bit of it in there. Then again, then again my sleep score was in the toilet so I wonder if that might have something to do with it.
Today is her birthday. I will celebrate by being even more down than I have been of late. I cannot even wish her well.
I woke up with a bit of a headache this morning. I am not sure if that is because of something I drank, or because I spun up the two new rack servers that I bought. They are nowhere near as loud as I thought they might be, but that does not change the fact that they do make noise. When the air conditioner was running I did not even notice them, but when I turned it off I could hear them. There are a number of easy solutions to this problem, ranging from simply closing my bedroom door at night to building an enclosure for them. I suspect that Option #1 is the simplest and cheapest, so if I have the same issue tomorrow then that is what I will do. Princess Sophie won’t mind… once we are in bed she almost never gets up until morning.
Despite the headache, I still had my second consecutive decent night of sleep. My sleep score was lower than yesterday (76, down from 87) but that is still much better than most of the nights over the last couple of months. I’ll take it!
It seems that I forgot to post this yesterday so I’ll do it now… backdated.
My sleep score last night was the highest it has been since mid-April. It was luxuriant to wake up after eight hours of restful sleep… a real relief. I can only hope that it is the beginning of a trend, and not a single plot on a graph.
I have a lot to do today but I just do not feel like doing any of it. I guess I should bot be surprised about that – my emotions have been in the toilet for over two months. Putting on a happy face for the world is not easy and frankly it exhausts me. If only that exhaustion would lead to a few more good nights sleep that would be great.
I know I keep saying this but I need to get back on track. What do I need:
I am not even going to address my emotional issues… more on that later.
My work life, which had been a disaster for months until February, seems to be back on track. January was still not a great month but things picked up a little at the end, and I got through the first two months of the year by the skin of my teeth. March, April, and May were all banner months, and so far I have courses booked for June, July, and August – traditionally very slow months in my industry, so I am relieved that I will have continuous income throughout the summer – and if it is slightly lower than the last few months then that is still far better than nothing.
My eating and my exercise are probably quite closely tied together, and finding my way back on track with those is also tied to (although not at all related to the cause of) my emotional issues. I know I have to get back on track but I am not sure whether I have the strength right now. There are some days that it is all I can do to get out of bed. At the same time I am extremely upset about my body so I know that I need to get back on track. I have lost so much of the incredible work that I did which took me so long to do. I am hoping that with the warmer weather finally upon us that maybe I will be able to drag myself out of the house for a walk if not a jog quite yet.
My life is the total shite right now and I have to either get out of my funk or I don’t know what is going to happen. For those of you wondering, yes I know how terrible the grammar of that last sentence is… I just do not have the energy to try to fix it.
I slept a lot last night, but I did not feel refreshed in the morning. My fitness watch backed that up. Sigh.
My sleep yesterday was similar to Tuesday… I slept for about four hours, then I woke up for a couple of hours, and then I went back to sleep for another 4-5 hours. After working on less than three hours of sleep yesterday, I am feeling much better (physically) today. Emotionally… that’s a whole other story.
Unlike the previous day, I did not sleep well at all yesterday. I went right to bed after my class, but could not really sleep. I might have gotten three hours of sleep but they were fitful and interrupted. I did not give up because I knew my body needed the rest so I stayed in bed until I knew I had to get up to teach my evening class.
I am a couple of hours into teaching my class for the day and I am going to get through it as well as I can but I am counting down the hours until I can get some sleep. Unfortunately, as of this moment that countdown is at 7.5 hours, which means I have to find a way to stay awake for that long. It also means that in all likelihood whatever method I use to stay awake will keep me awake long after I can sleep. Grrr.
Have a day folks.
By the time my class ended yesterday I was so tired that I was not sure that I would make it to my bed safely. At the same time, I was worried that I might not get the sleep that I needed. Sure enough, I slept five hours and then was up again. I took Princess Sophie for her walk, and when we came home I made a meal… although I am not quite sure which meal it was. I was up for about four hours, and then at 8:00pm I went back to bed… hopeful that I would get at least one or two more hours of sleep. Sure enough, I woke up after 12:30am. While it was not straight through, I did actually get over nine hours of sleep. I will make it through the day without a problem.
My weight is another story… I have to get back on track!
For only the second time in a month my Sleep Score was an 83 last night. I had trouble falling asleep, but when I did I slept well. I was worried when, around 6:30am, I had to get up to pee. I was worried that Princess Sophie would not let me get back into bed because she wanted to start her day. Fortunately that was not the case, and I was able to sleep another couple of hours, and for the second time in a month I recorded eight hours of sleep.
I spent the day connecting with friends yesterday, and then the evening on the balcony with a cigar and a drink. I suppose that is my pattern these days.
This evening I begin teaching my class in Central Europe Standard Time again… which for local time looks like 1:00am unto 11:30am. Add to that, this evening I begin my last week with my evening classes, so Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I am also teaching from 6:30pm until 10:30pm. It is going to be another disastrous week for my sleeping, but work is good for my soul. Right now it is the only part of my life that is.
Have a great day folks.
As do many adults, I enjoy a drink from time to time. I have for years followed the guidance that when I feel I need a drink then I do not drink. I have never wanted alcohol to be a crutch. That seems to have gone by the wayside these last few weeks (and especially the last two). I am not drinking to excess, but I am pouring myself a double almost every evening. I would like to say that I need to stop… but for the time being, I have more pressing things going on in my life, in my head. If it’s simply a couple of drams of whisky or rum in the evening then it is much better than it might be.
I spent most of the last five days cramming for an exam for which I still felt that I was not fully prepared, but I needed to pass it by yesterday in order to be able to teach the class this week. It paid off, and yesterday evening I passed the Microsoft Cybersecurity Architect exam. Don’t get all excited – while it is certainly a bear of an exam, I do not think of anyone who passes it as an architect or anything close. I actually failed it on Thursday (I started that morning with another crushing email that threw me and my emotions (which had already been in the toilet) completely asunder. I then spent ten hours Friday and eight hours Saturday preparing to retake it, and I was able to eke out the passing score in the evening. I did not ace it, but it was also not a borderline pass. What a relief.
That is the good news, and the fact that the related course seems to be in huge demand all of a sudden means that it was a smart move. The bad news (not really bad, but…) is that this week’s class is another Central Europe Standard Time class – another week (well, four days) of overnights. It will be grueling, but I will make it through; I always do.
It is time for me to start my day… even though I wish I could just crawl back into bed I have commitments. Her Floofness decided that nearly five hours was enough sleep for me, and would not let me stay in bed. Now I have things to do, so I will hit it.
Have a day folks.
Yesterday was worse that most of my recent crappy days. I will not go into detail. No, there is no hope… but I still do not feel ready to share my story. For those of you waiting with bated breath for me to badmouth anyone or air my dirty laundry in these posts then you can stop waiting… it is not going to happen. My pain is my own, and while there is certainly a villain in the story, I am choosing to walk away.
I don’t know why I expected anything different, but after two relatively good nights of sleep, last night was a disaster. I tossed and turned until 4:30am. I have too much on my mind and too much pain in my heart for the streak to continue. As a precaution, I stripped my sheets and washed them this morning. Tonight I will get into a freshly made bed with freshly cleaned sheets and maybe… just maybe things will be different.
If only I could change the dirty sheets of my life as easily.
