Losing a part of me

Category: Strategy

  • 2026 Day 31

    What a relief it is to get a good night sleep… especially after the previous night of lousy and short sleep. Yesterday morning my sleep score was an abysmal 50 (based on 3h59m of sleep). Despite my best efforts I was unable to nap in the afternoon. This morning my sleep score was a delightful 94, based on 7h41m of optimally balanced sleep.

    • Sleep score: 94 (Excellent)
    • Duration: 7h41m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 15 avg (Good)
    • Deep: 3h02m (Excellent)
    • Light: 2h29m (Good)
    • REM: 2h10m (Excellent)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 6m, 26 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    I woke up refreshed and ready to take on the day… until I looked at the temperatures outside and saw that the mercury reading was -20°. For those who are unclear on this, let me give you a very brief synopsis. The mercury reading is the actual temperature. The Wind Chill factor will take that temperature down, either slightly or severely based on the wind, to what it feels like on our skin and in our bones. This morning’s wind chill was -28° when I took Her Floofness out for a blessedly short walk. She quickly and efficiently took care of the business that she needed to do, and then looked at me and said ‘Pick me up right now Daddy!‘ I feel terrible for her, knowing how cold her bare paws are on the snow and ice and concrete… but she has always refused to wear boots, so I take her out and let her walk until she asks me to pick her up… and then while I walk her into the building I try to wipe the snow and salt off of her tootsies.

    I was not expecting to be happy with the reading on my bathroom scale this morning… certainly not after two days of eating pretty badly. To be fair, yesterday I ate a lot of chicken, but that was the extent of it. Thursday, in anticipation of the extremely tough exam I was preparing to sit Friday morning I was much worse. As I prepared to step onto the scale I said to myself that I would be satisfied (or maybe relieved is a better word) with a weight gain of no more than three pounds or so from two days ago (I did not weigh myself yesterday morning before my early morning exam). I was certainly relieved if not elated to see a weight loss of one pound. Sometimes weight loss can be hard to predict.

    When I do eat during my program, I try to not consume anything after 6:00pm. Despite being hungry last night after my class was over, I knew that I had eaten a lot of chicken throughout the day, but at least I had two things in my favour. Firstly I had not had any carbs, and secondly I had finished the chicken at 5:45pm or so. I could have prepared a meal replacement shake, but decided against it. Going to bed slightly hungry is not the worst thing in the world for me. Waking up fatter may not be… but it is pretty bad.

    I have to go run a couple of errands today so I will bundle up and try to be back home as quickly as possible. I have some work that I want to get done this weekend, and with the weather being what it is I do not see myself being tempted by anything that involves my leaving the house, so this might just end up being a productive day! I have a few follow-up items to deliver based on a meeting I had with someone from one of the training organizations with; I have two upcoming classes to prepare for (although the course I am delivering this week requires no real prep, I will still spend a few minutes reviewing the material and labs; the class I am scheduled to deliver at the end of the month… that’s a whole different story, and I need to do a lot of preparation for that one). I am also hoping to do some work on the course that I am writing; while really I am waiting for feedback on the work I have already submitted, that should not stop me from doing more writing.

    All in all, this could be a pretty productive weekend… but if I do not remember to buy more coffee then I will be shooting myself in the foot!

    Have a great day folks… and try to stay warm!

  • Day 1304

    I nearly opened this article with the word DISASTER… but then I realized that with everything that is going on in the world in general and my world in particular this does not rank very high. The vendor of the meal replacements that I rely on is out of stock, and there are supply chain issues so they do not know when they will have them again. I am, for the next few days, off the program. I have ordered a different type of meal replacement from a different vendor, and they should arrive by Thursday. In the meantime, I am going to try to eat smart.

    After a week of terrible sleep and difficult if any bowel movements I closed my eyes last night at 5:00pm, and with the exception of of getting up to pee a couple of times I slept thirteen straight hours, with a sleep score of 89. I then had a great bowel movement. I started my day as well as I have in quite some time.

    My weight shot up this week, but I will try to keep it steady where it is at now until I get the new meal replacements. It will be a challenge, but I am not going to go nuts eating. The overnight classes make it harder to stay true to the program, but I hope that since I am back eating it might be a bit easier this week. We will see.

    I am off to see some friends this afternoon. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1303

    I tried to sleep right after class, but interruptions plagued me. I finally gave up because I knew that I had an engagement at 2:15pm. My cleaning lady was coming over. The long and the short of it is that I finally got to sleep at 7:00pm and slept uninterrupted until 1:05am or so. While that is certainly not a good nights sleep, I slept deep and should now be able to make it through my class without nearly falling asleep on camera.

    I tried to order my meal replacements yesterday and discovered that the supplier (the manufacturer) has them listed as ‘sold out.’ I am not sure if that is due to a supply shortage, or if they are discontinued. I am going to do some research, but it is entirely possible I will need to find something else. That product is the only thing that has really helped me to lose weight… and if it is discontinued I am going to find the next thing that will help. I am not going to make this an excuse.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1149

    I am invited to an Orthodox Sabbath dinner this evening and while I am looking forward to the evening and traditions, I wish my weight was in a better place where I would not feel guilty about the foods.

    This morning I printed a one-month calendar that I taped to the inside of my door. It reads (in bit bold letters): NO GROCERIES. I have decided to finish the food that I have on hand, but go back onto protein shakes for much of the next month. Yes, there are going to be times when that will not work – a four-day trip to Montreal starting next Saturday, and then a banquet I am obligated to attend April 11. Other than that, I am easing myself back onto my full extreme program as the food on hand runs out.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 829

    What a relief! This morning I stepped onto the bathroom scale to see that my weight has dropped below 280 lbs. for the fist time in nearly three weeks. This is my fourth day in a row that my weight is down, and I am happy to be back below that horrible number. I hope to be able to stay there forever… and to keep going.

    Yesterday I ate exactly as planned. I had the matzah brei for breakfast, chicken salad (with another small piece of chicken) for lunch, and for dinner Leslie and I bought a couple of pieces of prepared salmon from Whole Foods with a mango glaze, and a side of garlic hummus. It was delicious. We shared a bottle of wine with our cigars, and all was good in the world.

    I slept. Wow, did I sleep yesterday! Firstly, Leslie and I decided to take a nap in the afternoon. What we thought might be thirty minutes of shut-eye turned into a 3.5 hour deep-sleep nap for both of us. We then got up and enjoyed our evening. When it was time for bed though… wow, did we hit it hard! According to my fitness watch my sleep score was an amazing 88, with 9h35 minutes registered. I cannot remember the last time I slept so well! I really needed it… the stress of the last week really took its toll on me, and despite thinking that I was fine, I knew from my yawning that I really was behind on my shut-eye. I woke up this morning refreshed in a way that I have not felt in quite some time.

    We revisited the matzah brei this morning, and then I went to pick up our lattés from Human Bean. We enjoyed them on the balcony with a brunch cigar – a tradition that Leslie and I have going back a couple of years on weekends when we are together and when her son is with his father. We finished that around 1:15pm, but owing to the late breakfast, neither of us was hungry yet. We went to the Japanese store to pick up a couple of things that we needed, and when we got home around 2:30pm we were both ready for lunch, which was the same as yesterday.

    For dinner this evening Leslie is preparing lamb for us with sauteed mushroom and onion which I am looking forward to. We have another bottle of wine to share with our cigar, and if all goes well that will be the extent of our eating… and tomorrow morning wouldn’t it be nice to see another drop in my weight? We’ll see… I know, hope is not a strategy… but if what I have been doing these last four days has worked, then doing the same today might result in a similar result.

    I might have to delay restarting my intense program by a week. I have an engagement for a day in Ottawa, and I will take that opportunity to visit Montreal as well. I have not been there since September 2022, and that is too long for me to not see my friends… not to mention visiting my father’s grave site. I have tried to do the program while traveling and it is never easy, so I am considering starting after my return. With that said, I will be very mindful of what and how much I eat when I go.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 796

    Yesterday was a wonderful day from beginning to end. IY”H every day should be as good.

    After the ridiculously long, stressful, and expensive two-day span that was Saturday into Sunday, I landed in Cuba only one hour later than I had originally planned for, and was at my apartment by 4:30pm. I did not unpack, but I did go into my suitcase to find a pair of shorts and my sandals (I had changed into a short-sleeve shirt on the plane from Toronto to Houston) and I went out to meet my buddy only a few minutes later than expected. He and I spent the evening together, enjoying a coffee and then dinner… followed by another snack a little later. I was back in my apartment by 11:00pm, and while I was quickly running out of juice, I had to unpack and organize my kit before turning in. I turned on the water heater so that I would be able to shower before getting into bed, which I was finally able to do by 12:30am. I slept like the dead.

    I seldom eat well on travel days, and what with all of the stress and anxiety of the entire ordeal Sunday was no exception. After everything, I should have turned it off… but as we sat in the cafe-bar toward the end of the evening, as Johnny devoured his desert I compounded it by indulging in a plate of French fries. I knew it was wrong… and I did not and do not and will not feel bad or apologize for it. My step count for the day was 14,000, and my stress count was through the roof. I deserved every morsel and every calorie that I ate Sunday.

    Yesterday would have to be better… and it was. I did not eat breakfast, partially because the restaurant I had planned to eat at was not open yet, but also because I met a few guys from Kentucky at my buddy’s cafe and nibbled on a piece of their toast. For lunch I had a plate of pasta (which in Cuba is a reasonable size, and not what one might get in a restaurant in North America). Dinner was a plate of fried plantains and a chicken dish that likely had the nutritional value (or lack thereof) of an order of General Tao’s chicken… but again it was a reasonable size. I walked 17,000 steps throughout the day, enjoyed many cigars and cups of coffee, and the company of a few friends I always see when I’m here. In the balance, yesterday was a weight-plan success.

    After dinner I went back to Johnny’s bistro for another cigar and a video call, and I ran into the guys from Kentucky who joined me for a cigar… and pulled out a bottle of very fine bourbon. I relaxed until closing and then walked with Johnny as far as my apartment, where I picked up another cigar and then went to see my friend Gloria at her work. She and I chatted until nearly 3:00am, at which point I headed back to my place and had a very good (if short) sleep.

    This morning I ordered a plate of fried eggs and toast, and a couple of cups of coffee. Depending on whether or not people I met show up or not, I will either be leading a tour today, or I will just do my own thing in Habana Viella. While it would be great if they do show up, my day will likely be no better or worse if they do or not… it will just be different.

    My goal is to register 15,000 steps or more every day in Havana. That should not be a difficult goal to achieve, and will likely do much more than that some days. The only thing I need to be aware of is the state of my feet, remembering the problems I had with them on my last trip. Those problems started with a lot of steps in a pair of sandals that were probably well past their expected lifespan (measured in steps, not in age). I gave that pair away, and am wearing another pair that I had… which are older, but not nearly as well worn. After a day and a half in them (and over 30,000 steps) my feet seem fine, so I am optimistic. I brought running shoes just in case, but so far so good. If I need to then I will switch out for runners, but if I can manage it then my other goal is to return to Canada without having worn a single pair of socks the whole trip. We’ll see…

    If the group does not show up then I am planning to have a pizza for either lunch or dinner. The other meal will likely be fish or pasta. We’ll see. I did not feel the need to snack yesterday and while I was peckish by about 12:30am, I did nothing about it and went to bed a little hungry. I would have had to be much hungrier to decide to eat after 11pm. If I can make it through today without snacking then it will absolutely be another good food day.

    It has been some time since I wrote about my bowel movements, but this morning was so good that I feel I should mention that my system is working well, and I suspect that it was ridding my body of all the garbage I ate Sunday. As I walked toward my buddy’s bistro for breakfast I felt five pounds lighter.

    On the negative side, I was extremely disappointed with myself yesterday morning when I put on one of my new shirts and it was tight. I could have gotten away with it, but decided against it and changed into something looser. Hopefully within a few days I will try it on again with better results. While I am well aware that hope is not a strategy, I am truly hoping I can make that happen.

    It is now approaching 10:00am and my group is not here. As I said, either they will show up… or they will not. Either way…

    …have a great day!

  • Day 648

    I was relieved (and quite surprised) to step onto the bathroom scale this morning and be up one pound. Of course, I always want my weight to be down, but after our long weekend in Houston – during which I essentially took four days off of my diet – I expected the jump would be closer to five pounds. No, I was only 1 lb. up from Wednesday. I call that a win.

    I am going to try to be back on track today. It is my only long day of work – that is to say I am teaching from 8:00am to 8:00pm – of the week, and of this trip. I would be relieved that from tomorrow on I will be able to just relax, but a friend of mine asked me to go look at his mother-in-law’s computer while I am in Dallas… while neglecting to mention (until I happily agreed) that she actually lives in Fort Worth. Okay, I have one more long day of work! I’ll survive. Wednesday through Sunday I will be able to spend time during the day relaxing, catching up, and doing whatever it is that I want to do – including smoking a cigar or two – while only teaching for a few hours in the evening Wednesday and Friday. My wife and I will be able to spend time between her meetings. Ahh, the simple pleasures of life!

    If I am to get back on track, I am going to try to eat well. I will likely prepare a chicken breast for lunch, and I might just skip dinner, opting for a light snack instead. We will see how the day goes. What is certain is that I will not be letting myself go as far off the program as I did these last four days. While I am relieved that I did not gain more weight than I did, I also know that if I continue this way then I will continue to lose ground… slowly, but that’s how it always starts. I am getting back on track! I may only have gained a pound in Houston, but I have to remember that I am up nearly six pounds these last ten days and am a full 6.8 lbs. up from my best weight ever… less than two weeks ago. It is time to stop the slide and to get back on track. Hopefully that starts today. I hope that by the time I fly back to Canada on Sunday I am less than five pounds from my best weight ever.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 643

    After speaking with my wife last night I made a decision. I have adjusted my weight goal on the app that ties to my scale. I am feeling so much better about myself than I have in so many years, and while I think I still have a little way to go, I also recognize that I want to be slim, but not sickly thin. With that, my new weight loss goal is 210 lbs., both for my well-being and for a number of other reasons.

    I had a stressful day yesterday and I did eat (and snack) a little more than I should have. I was a bit concerned about the numbers, but sure enough (after a half decent bowel movement) I had lost .6 lb. from yesterday morning. I am not back to where I was before my stumble began, but I have always said that down is better than up. I will call it a win!

    I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that now that I am wearing my pants around my waist and not around my belly there is a significant difference in the length. For decades I have bought pants in a 30” length. Since changing to the waist I have been showing off a lot more sock than I used to. Late last week I ordered my first pair of pants that were a 36×32… the smaller waist and the longer leg. They arrived at Leslie’s mailbox on Friday and were here when I arrived. I was afraid to try them on – not because of the length, but because of the 36” waist. I know I have a couple of pair in that waist that do fit, but I have several others that do not. This morning I tried them on. Lo and behold… they fit perfectly! I was (and am) so excited about that!

    One more thing that I realized a while ago was that my underwear has been much looser than it could be. I ordered several new pair, some of which arrived Monday. For the first time in I don’t know how long I am wearing Size Large! It has been so many years since I have worn anything that was not XL (or XXL or XXXL…) and it really feels great to be able to order some things in regular sizes. I am not going to say that I am over the moon about underwear, but it is a nice feeling to know that I can wear normal sizes.

    Today will be a very long day. I am teaching from 8:00am to 8:00pm, and then we are driving to Houston (probably a 4-hour drive). When we get to the hotel, I am sure we will both be ready to collapse into bed immediately! My workday tomorrow begins at 8:00am again, although it is mercifully much shorter. In the evening we are going to the Davidoff event at the Blend Bar – the entire purpose for our trip to Houston, and the reason behind the timing of this trip. Yes, there will be fatigue, and the anxiety of working from a hotel room, but it will be worth it. We will look like a million bucks together as we enjoy our event… and our weekend away together.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 606

    I wrote yesterday that it had taken nine days from crossing off 250 lbs. to crossing off the next number (248.0) on the sheet on my fridge. Even with the amazing exercise I did yesterday I did not expect that I would be taking another triumphant walk to that sheet again before I returned from California. Knowing that I did not stick to the program yesterday I was doubtful I would see any progress on the bathroom scale… although thanks to the exercise I did not expect to lose any ground either. How thrilled was I then to step onto that appliance with which I have a longstanding love/hate relationship and see a drop? It was no minor drop either… I weigh 2.2 lbs. less this morning than I did yesterday! While it will be impossible to know for sure, another half-decent (and not even extreme) drop from today to tomorrow will mean that I am actually going to fly to California below 245 lbs… and I will have officially lost one hundred and fifty pounds.

    Why impossible, you might ask? With my flight scheduled for 7:00am I will be leaving the house at 3:30am to drive to the airport. Even if I was not planning to pack the bathroom scale to take with me, a 3:00am weigh-in is meaningless. I will step onto the scale Wednesday morning in the hotel room when I know my weight will be up a pound or two because of the travel day, but I will still be in good stead compared to where I was a week ago. During the trip to California having the scale there will help me (as I have discussed), but I do not expect to return from the trip weighing less than I did this morning. My goal is to not weigh over 250 lbs.

    I went for my longest walk in months yesterday and I felt amazing for it. I will go for another outing this afternoon, although I will consciously not exert myself to the extent that I did yesterday. The 15km that I walked yesterday was amazing and it felt great, but I did not have to spend the following day on airplanes. I will plan for a 10-12 kilometre walk today, and no more.

    The timing of yesterday’s walk screwed with my meal replacements. I had intended to prepare a meal replacement before going out, but something distracted me. When I returned it was after 4:00pm. While this was not my plan at the time what I ended up doing was this: I had a meal replacement immediately after my shower, and then at 9:30pm (way too late, I know!) I made an omelette. The omelette was not only an aberration from the program, but it was also way too late, which is why I was fully expecting to not lose weight today. I should mention that while both of these facts are true, I was still allowed (according to my modified program) 450 calories on the day; the omelette I prepared accounts for about 350 calories, with 27g of protein and only 14g of carbohydrates. As far as cheating goes, this was not much of one!

    I have to pack my suitcase today! I am very excited about that. No, I do not enjoy packing. When packing means that I will be seeing my wife shortly then it is a happy chore indeed! Speaking of my wife, I am going to take a bit of time this morning to have a video cigar date with her. After today our next cigar date will be together. Yay!

    The next journal entry I write will be from the airport tomorrow morning. I know that I will be eating my breakfast in the airport, and I will be careful to not indulge. I must not allow myself those breakfast potatoes which I do not love but never seem able to resist. I will do so tomorrow. Wish me luck!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 600!

    Holy wow! If you told me on January 20, 2022, that I would still be working at this nearly twenty months later I do not know if I would have believed you. If you had told me that twenty months later I would be at my best weight ever – nearly 150 lbs. down – then I would have been thrilled. Had you told me that it would take me 20 months to drop that weight, and that I would still be on the program… well, I do not know what I would have said. This has been a very challenging journey replete with struggles, hardships, and myriad ups and downs… not only with my weight but also my emotions.

    With that said, I was disappointed to see a huge jump on the bathroom scale this morning. I was disappointed to be back to (but not above) 250.0 lbs. after two days below it. Maybe I do need to exercise every single day in order to stay below that. It is also possible that the one cheat that I have been allowing myself during my two weeks of no cheating (a couple of ounces of the shredded cheese that is always on hand to put into my omelette can find their way into my mouth if I am truly struggling later in the day) is something that I can only allow myself when I have exercised.

    One thing that I should mention is that I have once again not moved my bowels for a couple of days, and that is probably a factor as well. I am not saying that if I had been successful this morning that my weight would not have been slightly up from yesterday, but it is possible that instead of a .8 lb. jump it might have been half of that. I have been adding fibre to my meal replacements sparingly because I remember what happened a few months ago; I am going to bite the bullet on that and will add a couple of teaspoons of it every day to try to induce some semblance of regularity. Last night I was feeling that I might have been able to poop successfully, but I was in bed, and I felt that if I might be able to then, I would definitely be able to the next morning. Wrong. Lesson learned: Going forward, go when the urge strikes.

    I mentioned to Leslie a couple of nights ago that I might consider taking my bathroom scale with me to California. Initially the idea was to help her, but as I struggle around these two major milestones (one of which I am still hoping to achieve by the time I get onto the plane a week from today) I am thinking that it would be a good idea for me as well. I have been saying that while we are in SoCal I will be more lax on my program than I have been these last few weeks; if I see the numbers up from the previous day I could adjust my eating accordingly. I have never in my life taken a bathroom scale with me on vacation (although I did take one with me when I moved to Japan, for all the good it did me). I have always been of the mindset that ‘I’m on vacation’ means that you can let yourself go and get back on track when you get home. I know now that I have used my mulligans; sure, I could do that… and then take two weeks to recover from whatever weight I might gain during the week. It would be a smarter plan to try to stay on track. I am not saying that I will stick to the program religiously, but I will also not be using the trip as an excuse to dive into large plates of deep-fried anything. I also know that Leslie does not want to stop her program, and it would be unfair to go nuts in front of her… or for that matter, even behind her back. It is settled then… as long as it can fit into my luggage, I will pack the bathroom scale and take it with me to California.

    The weather this morning was wet but not entirely miserable. It was raining a little but not terribly… not enough that Her Floofness would not go out for a bit of a walk at least. She spent the afternoon yesterday with her friend Charlie at the neighbour’s house, so she likely went out for a couple of extra walks. I am afraid that the neighbour is not working from home today so that will not be an option. In addition to this morning’s abridged walk, I am reasonably sure that we will be stepping out during my lunch hour. That is not a bad thing… it will be good to get some steps in on this, my second of five straight days when exercising will be impossible to fit in.

    My plan for the day is to not cheat at all. There will be no cheese. There was my omelette this morning, and there will be three meal replacements… as well as a pot of coffee and a lot of water. I do not mind running to the bathroom twelve times throughout the day; what I do mind is the thought that I might not drop back to my best weight ever over the next couple of days. At least I will have a relaxed evening on the balcony where I can video chat with my wife.

    Have a great day folks!