Losing a part of me

Category: Temperatures

  • Day 857

    While this will still be Sunday morning’s article, I am starting it Saturday afternoon. Why? Mostly because of how proud I am of myself for having taken my son the younger for lunch at Lone Star Texas Grill and I did not even take one chip. I did not cheat at all! This, despite the fact that I had forgotten that I would probably be hungry and should consider consuming my second meal replacement of the day before I left. This, despite having knocked on the door to the house (needing to pee) and being greeted by the man who had an affair with my ex-wife while we were married, and while I had socialized with him prior to (and possibly during) the affair, I have not seen him in ten years. It seems that my ex-wife got the days mixed up so nobody was expecting me to show up… otherwise I assume he would have hidden himself away (as he has always done previously). No, I did not cheat… and as I was driving home, I stopped at the supermarket because I needed to buy coffee, and I still did not cheat. Saturday morning was a series of huge non-scale victories for me!

    With that said, it is now 2:20pm, I have had my second meal replacement of the day, and I am still quite hungry. I have to take my mind off of it. I’m going to change into my workout clothes and get on the treadmill for an hour. That way, if I do falter and decide to buy a handful of almonds, I will at least have earned them.

    —

    Wow, Saturday is/was definitely not the day to exceed previous expectations. I wrote earlier that I hope that “…I am hoping that today or tomorrow I will be able to push that to a full hour of jogging…” well that really did not happen! I slowed from a jog to a brisk walk after 3km, and only did another half kilometre. I showered and realized that I needed energy. I broke down and drove to the store to pick up some almonds.

    I’ll write more Sunday.

    —

    I spent the rest of the day yesterday in a state of hunger or lethargy or whatever it might have been, and I was tempted to give up. I did not. I did eat my almonds, and I joked with Leslie that I was going to pick up Chinese food, but it was only in jest. I spent a few hours in bed watching television but did not nap. When it was finally time for my final shake, I got up and prepared it, then Leslie and I had a lovely video date on the patio.

    When we were chatting, I told her that one of the things that I am really looking forward to is ketosis kicking in. I did fine the first couple of days, but yesterday I hit a wall and my energy level dropped to nil. With my almonds (I am estimating that I had 250 calories worth yesterday) and my coffee with milk and sugar I estimate that my caloric intake was around 1200 calories, and that is not enough to sustain high energy levels until the body starts fueling itself by burning fat instead of the usual carbohydrates. Once I hit that then I should be good to go. It should be today or tomorrow… and I likely won’t know for sure until I get onto the treadmill later.

    I have not mentioned the weight loss chart that I printed and put on my fridge. Since pinning it there I have crossed off five marks in four days, which means that as of this morning my weight loss is over ten pounds, a tremendous feat for four days of dieting. I have a long way to go before I start celebrating though. While I know that I lost 17.5 lbs. in the first week when I first did the program in 2017 (I checked my records), looking at my spreadsheet from this time around (which starts on Day -11 – January 9, 2022) it took me ten days to lose fourteen pounds… but then again, that was also from the time when I know that my bathroom scale was not accurate. Whatever it might be, I will be thrilled if I drop 15 lbs. in the first week of the program… but even if I do not then I will still be happy with the ten-pound drop that I have already achieved.

    I wrote yesterday that I would be able to achieve a full hour of jogging this weekend. Obviously, it did not happen yesterday, but I am going to try again today. Even if I do not achieve that, I would still be happy if I could jog 5km and then finish the hour power walking. At the pace that I have been setting my treadmill at (4mph), I am tracking about 9m20s per kilometre, which means about 47 minutes for 5km… if I achieve that, then I will slow the pace to 3.5mph and will walk at least one more kilometre. This is all speculation of course and will depend on how much energy I have. If I cannot do better than I did yesterday, then at least I will make sure to do that much and will call it a day and try again tomorrow.

    While it is cooler than it was during the week, it looks to be turning into a lovely day, and I look forward to relaxing on the balcony with a cigar shortly. A Facebook friend (who is a member of my cigar group) has come into town, and he told me that he will be coming by for a visit this afternoon. I look forward to meeting him and enjoying a cigar and conversation with him. I will offer him a drink if he wants one, but I am going to stick to water and coffee. If I did not cheat on the program yesterday at Lone Star with my son, then I am certainly not going to do so at home with a friend who is still really a stranger. Who knows? Maybe he will just want coffee as well.

    I am not sure if it is because I have been adding fibre to one of my shakes every day, but so far, I have been able to move my bowels every day… although there was one day when it did not happen in the morning, but later in the afternoon. As for water, I have been drinking way more than is required, and as such I have been urinating in excess of ten times per day. I know that water is helpful not only for hydrating the body and flushing the system, but it is also supposed to help kerb one’s hunger. Thus far I do not think it has been working, but I will keep trying. It helps that the weather is nice… I usually want to drink less water when it is cold and rainy, and the mostly warm and sunny weather we have been experiencing this past week has helped.

    My weight loss buddy was out of town again this weekend, so we decided to push the meeting to Wednesday evening. I look forward to hearing how her life has been.

    Okay, I think it is time for me to wrap up. I will post again tomorrow… even if I end up starting the article this afternoon (as I did with this post).

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 257

    While I did not get any exercise yesterday, I still managed to walk 4,600 steps. That may be nothing compared to the previous day’s 23,000+ steps day, or even the ~13,000 steps that I take on a day when I do go for a fitness walk… but for a day when I am mostly sedentary and relaxing, it is not bad. Leslie received a package in her mailbox that was delivered to her by accident, and I jumped at the opportunity to go for a walk to search for the intended recipient. It was not a fitness walk, but I had gone to bed the previous evening having decided that I would not be fitness walking. All in all, 4,600 steps was just fine by me.

    The bathroom scale was forgiving this morning, despite my indulgences of French toast for brunch, and then chicken nuggets for dinner. It could have been much worse – I took Leslie and her son to Braum’s for ice cream, and I sat watching them indulge. I did not even take a taste, which might have brought down my defenses. Yes, I was happy to take them, and I was happy to sit and watch them enjoy. Had I taken just a taste, I might have broken down and monched my own cone. It did not hurt that they both picked flavours that are not among my favourites, but that just contributed to my will power!

    In about an hour, Leslie will drive me to the airport. Yes, today is a travel day, and I know I have to be much more aware of my intake than I was on my last travel day. Coming down to Dallas, I was terrible. Today, knowing that I do not have to pass through US Customs, I am much calmer, and do not have to worry about stress eating. I do have to be cognizant of opportunity eating, which in an airport terminal, where there is sweet little to do, is a real danger. To try to fight off the cravings, I will be taking a couple of meal replacement bars with me in my carry-on bag. There, I packed them. All done.

    I am going to miss my wife something terrible, but at least I will see her Saturday during the day. Yes, a day at Disneyland is once again another opportunity for hundreds of cheats, and I have to be careful there. Fortunately, I will be with my wife, and she is a very good influence on my weight management program.

    It is time to head for the airport. Leslie has a call that she cannot miss, so she is dropping me off early. That is fine… I will have a book, and I will just relax in the terminal.

    Have a great day folks! I’ll see you in California!

  • Day 196

    While the popcorn yesterday was not a great idea, I am happy that it did not seem to hinder my weight loss progress. I am down sixteen pounds from the day I flew from Dallas to Toronto, and ten pounds down since my birthday. On that measure, it is important to know that in the week following my birthday I actually gained five pounds, so the loss is even more meaningful.

    Her Royal Floofness is still not at 100%, but she seems to be getting better. Two other dog parents today said that if she is under the weather, she is hiding it very well. She is playful and active and happy… and has diarrhea. Even after we went out right before bed at 11:30pm, she asked to go out again two hours later, which interrupts my sleep but it also limits the amount of cleaning soft poop off the floor I have to. It also gives my girl the dignity of not having to have accidents in the house. If this persists for another day or two, we will go see the vet to make sure it is nothing serious.

    It is intriguing to me that I was able to walk nine kilometres yesterday without issue, but when I took her out (four times through the evening and night) my ankle was hurting. It is something I will have to pay attention to for the next little while. I do not want to stop walking, but at the same time I do not want to damage my ankle to the point where I have to stop walking.

    My class went well yesterday. I am really enjoying working with this group, and hope that the company is impressed enough to keep me on their roll of trainers to reuse. If I can continue to prove myself useful to these companies, I will be able to continue to earn a decent living doing something that I really enjoy.

    Have I mentioned how much I love my wife, and how badly I miss her? According to my countdown app, in twenty-one days, eleven and a half hours I will be disembarking the airplane in Dallas, and once I collect my luggage we will be together again. Really, the long-distance thing is not working for me. We have to find a way to be together permanently… and we will. In the meantime: in anticipation of my upcoming visit with her, I ordered a case of meal replacements to her place. Yes, I could shlep the shake packets from here to there when I visit, but that is counterproductive for a number of reasons. For one, I will eventually (as I did the last visit) forget to bring them, which will mean I have to break my routine. As well, buying them in Canada requires underground transactions on the grey market, whereas in the US I buy them off eBay… and I never have to worry about them being expired.

    Yes, it is true… despite the fact that I will be ‘on vacation’ while I am there, I plan to stay true to the program. Losing weight is hard, but establishing good habits is harder. What is easy is falling out of those good habits back into an old and unhealthy routine. Do you want to know how demoralizing it is knowing that because of just a couple of tiny mistakes that snowballed, I went from 260-pounds in September, 2020 to 395-pounds in January, 2022? How about knowing that I have fallen like that not once, but twice? Were it not for the love of a wonderful woman, I do not know if I ever would have been brave enough to try again.

    Yes, those are the numbers. That was my highest weight in January of this year… 196-days ago. Since then, I have not done everything I can and stayed true to the program, but I have lost a tremendous amount of weight. I am about seventy pounds down from my worst weight. At the same time, I am about sixty-five pounds up from my lowest (best) weight which was twenty-three months ago. I have a long way to go until I get there, but I am committed to getting back there… and then to losing even more. I want my wife to see what I look like slim, not from pictures of me in my early twenties, but in her arms. Two hundred and sixty pounds is not slim, it is slimmer… and I have to take one step at a time. It would be great to reach my goal of being actually slim by my fifty-first birthday, which gives me eleven months to lose another 115-pounds. I might need longer, but I have to keep trying to keep at it, lest I fall off again and end up where I was again. I cannot think about that… it is too depressing, and just the thought induces anxiety.

    Today will be a chicken day; I went shopping yesterday, so I have enough chicken and vegetables to last me a few days. Yesterday I decided to shake things up a little, using a fat-free salad dressing in place of the usual oil and balsamic vinegar that I usually dress my salads with. It was good, and I lost weight, so I might do that again today. We will see!

    Environment Canada has issued a special weather statement warning that the temperatures will be extremely high for the next couple of days, with daytime high temperatures reaching 33°C, and the humidex reaching 41°. For my American readers, that translates to 91°F with the humidex at 105°F. Yes, it is hot… but it is nowhere near as hot as Dallas, where 105° will be the straight-up high temperature, with humidity of 65% (as the humidex is a Canadian measurement, I could not easily find it for Dallas. Trust me, that is freaking hot!). Ankle permitting, I will go for my walk this afternoon… but I will be paying special attention to drinking every kilometre, and not just ‘when I think of it,’ which is usually the case.

    It is hot and sunny today, and Princess Sophie and I decided we will keep the patio door closed in favour of the air conditioner, which is set at a balmy 74°F. I am wearing a short sleeve shirt so it can get a bit chilly, but for the most part it is very comfortable.

    Speaking of short sleeve shirts, I have a non-scale victory to report! Last night while video-chatting with my wife, she asked me which shirt I was wearing. Of course, she had seen it a hundred times before, but she did not recognize it because it was so loose! Likewise, the pants that I am wearing, which three months ago did not fit at all, are also very loose, and for the first time I eyed the bin of clothes the next size down this morning. I am not quite ready for them… but I can start thinking about it.

    Have a great day folks!