Losing a part of me

Category: Weather

  • Day 1016

    My weight was up this morning, but only a couple of ounces. I do not think it is because of my food intake versus energy expended yesterday, rather because my system is backed up again this morning. I hope that sometime today that will clear out.

    A longer than expected walk helped me to reach the goal of 24km earlier than expected. Yesterday I walked 9.25km, bringing my total since Monday to 24.42km. I was quite pleased with myself… if somewhat tired. There are two ways to look at things… I could say that I have done it, and relax today… but I know that tomorrow I will not be able to exercise, and Sunday is a travel day, so I likely will not be able to get out again for a few days. Instead I think I will look at it as a way to smash that previous goal and not just edge past it. I am now setting a new goal: Since Sunday I have power-walked 32.83km. Today I will try to hit 7.2km, bringing my total for the week to 40km.

    Yesterday I was not particularly good or bad with regard to food. For lunch I picked up Falafel plates with salad for Leslie and I. For dinner we ordered curry udon which I had never tried before but really enjoyed. We took her son trick-or-treating and were out for about an hour. He offered me a few bits along the way which I graciously accepted and enjoyed… a piece of licorice and two miniature chocolates. I do not think any of that would have killed my progress. A few of the houses offered the adults more, but we politely declined.

    The weather yesterday was not as hot as it had been, but the entirety of my walk was done in the bright sun. Today will be another cooler day (all things are relative) and the forecast looks cloudy all day. That might make walking a little easier. We’ll see!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1004

    You know you spend a lot of time traveling when the officer at US Customs and Border Protection’s secondary screening office greets you by name… before he is handed your passport. Because I am in the middle of the Green Card application process, every time I cross into the United States I am scrutinized to make sure I am not planning on staying. This trip was no different, and the nice officer put me at the front of the line and had me out of there in minutes. I was able to relax at the Admiral’s Club Lounge and enjoyed a reasonably (not entirely) healthy breakfast. The days of my worrying that I must have forgotten something are long behind me, and in a few minutes I will head down to the terminal to board my flight.

    By the way… I did forget something. I meant to bring a few meal replacement shakes with me, and I forgot to pack them. I am not worried because I brought plenty of protein bars for Leslie, so I might eat a few of them.

    It is so exciting that we are lets than five hours we will be together again. I am so looking forward to seeing her, my stepson, and of course the gorgeous Duchess of Mischief! Of course, when I dropped her off at Susan’s apartment last night it seemed that Princess Sophie knew that I was leaving again… I had forgotten to bring her bowl so I ran home to grab it, and when I returned she refused to come to me and looked at me with a glare that told me that she was not pleased with me. Sigh.

    The last couple of days have been unseasonably beautiful and warm in the Greater Toronto Area, and that is predicted to continue through Tuesday before the Canadian seasons return. That will have no affect on me until I return though, with the Texas autumn set to keep me warm during the days and cool but comfortable in the evenings.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 997

    I am still not sleeping nearly as well as I would like, but sometimes I wonder how accurate the scores on my fitness watch are. I trust it completely for my walking and heart rate, but whether my sleep score is correct? I’m not sure. Yes, I think I could have slept a little better last night, but a sleep score of 69? Hmph. I did have trouble falling asleep last night… I was in bed by 9:00pm, but could not fall asleep until I decided, at midnight, to get up and take a shower. I know I saw 12:30am on my clock, but I do not think I saw 1:00am. According to my fitness watch app: ‘You slept long enough, but not well enough to bring your stress levels down overnight. You might feel higher stress or fatigue today.’ I do not know that I feel stress or fatigue, but I will try to get a good night’s sleep tonight.

    After a disastrous week of gaining weight (about 8 lbs.) I am glad that my weight dropped significantly once again this morning. I am down over 5.5 lbs. in two days… after gaining nearly 7 lbs. in under a week. I should attribute the last two days of my weight dropping to Yom Kippur; let’s see how it looks tomorrow.

    Speaking of tomorrow, it is Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. To honour that, when I went shopping yesterday, I bought a smoked turkey leg. This is always a dangerous buy because of the extremely high sodium content in smoked turkey, but I decided to take the chance. Hopefully it will not hurt me too badly, and if it does then it will be from water retention and should be gone within a couple of days.

    No, I do not have any Thanksgiving plans this year. My friends who traditionally invite me every year decided to spend the weekend camping, and most of my other friends are either away, or else serving ham. I am neither upset nor lonely for this… growing up in my family, Thanksgiving was never a big deal for my family so while I am always happy to spend it with friends, tomorrow will really just be another day for me. I think back to where I was a year ago – Thanksgiving fell on October 9th, which means that it was just two days after the October 7 attacks in Israel. I put on the happy face to spend that Sunday with my godson and goddaughter (and their parents and grandparents), but there was nothing happy in my world. I was waiting in earnest for a call that would never come recalling me to active duty. It is had to believe it has been a year already, and what a horrible year it has been on so many fronts. My weight is 60 lbs. heavier than it was a year ago; the roller coaster of my personal relationships (owing chiefly to the massacre) felt like a free-fall abyss for much too long, and while I am relieved that they survived… the last year has been fraught with far too much pain. I have wept for every one of our hostages in Gaza as well as for those Israeli soldiers who have fallen in the war. I have spent the year in a red-hot rage over the worldwide hatred and vitriol spread against my people, proving once again that the only socially acceptable form of racism is against Jews. With every false accusation spread and every protester shouting for Israel to accept an unconditional cease fire (at best) to the death and destruction of our nation and all Jews (at worst) I want to scream and lash out… but I cannot because if I do the useful idiots (Hamas’ term, not mine) will accuse me of aggression and violence. How is it that people who have never set foot in my country can hate us so much? How is it that they do not understand that they would be welcomed in Israel, but they would be executed in the streets of Gaza just for being who they are… and yet they call us genocidal oppressors.

    The weather has turned. These last couple of days I have been wearing my jacket out, whether to take Her Floofness for her walks or to sit on the balcony with my cigar. Autumn has arrived in Canada and while Leslie is jealous, she is so from the heat of Texas; I know that Canadian autumn leads all too quickly to Canadian winters! With that said, I am flying down to see her a week from today, and I will spend two weeks in her warmth of her embrace, and in the warmth of the Texas October. If you cannot tell from the previous paragraph, I think I need Leslie’s warm embrace now more than ever. Going through this alone very often leads me to despair… and I cannot let it influence my eating this week.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 957

    While I was not pleased to see that my weight was slightly up this morning, I am comforted to know that I did everything right yesterday, and that the slight rise was likely just a blip. How often have I said that it is not about the points on the graph, but rather the downward trend that matters? I had a very good jog/walk yesterday and did the same today. I ate the same thing both days, which is also the same as what I have been eating these last few days. I am not too upset about it and know that tomorrow my weight will be better.

    Yesterday’s workout started with a 1km jog, and then I walked another 7km. I am not sure why my walking time was so slow – over ten minutes per kilometre, except for the first and last two walking kilometres. I am not sure that my choice of footwear is not a factor, and I am not terribly upset by it. This afternoon’s walk (also just over 8km) was walking only, and the slowest kilometre (the first) was the only one slower than 9m30s per kilometre. I was quite pleased with that, and came home, showered, and then made my lunch. It has been cooler these last couple of days than it had been, but I do not think that was a factor because the weather both days was similar.

    I have finally had a successful bowel movement! Ah, the weird things that we share when we are writing about weight loss. It had been several days since I had really succeeded, with minor attempts yesterday morning and today. It was not until nearly 4pm today that I sat down on the potty and really felt good when I got up again. I am hoping that will contribute to a decent number on the bathroom scale tomorrow morning. Here’s hoping!

    I have still not been sleeping wonderfully, but at least I am sleeping. I hope as I continue to exercise and to lose weight that my sleep might improve. We will see. As it stands, at least from Sunday when Leslie arrives, I should be sleeping better for a few nights. I always sleep better when she is next to me.

    My buddy Eduardo came over for a cigar after lunch. We had not seen each other since June, and it was great to catch up with him. I have been remiss in seeing a few of my friends of late. It is not that I do not think about them, but sometimes it is hard, and life just gets in the way. Later this evening another friend is coming over for another cigar. I am glad that I got my exercise in early!

    We are now in the month of September, and you can feel it in the air. While the days are mostly still warm, I have had to don long pants in the morning and the evening. Pretty soon the high temperatures will be in the teens, and autumn will truly be upon us. I will continue to remember that complaining about the weather is not the most effective use of my time… for all the good it will do.

    This Saturday I have to go for a procedure that I am a bit nervous about. As a fifty-two-year-old man, I need to have parts of me checked that I am not looking forward to having checked. I am less excited for all of the preparation that needs to happen, including no solid foods starting Friday morning, plus a regimen of what seems to be to be laxatives… I assume to ensure no unpleasant surprises to the doctor performing the procedure. None of this sounds fun, and I have just made a list of what I need to purchase from the pharmacy this afternoon… including the meds and broth mix (which may take me to a supermarket). Rest assured I will have a proper meal the moment I get home. To make matters worse, I will not be allowed to drive for the rest of the day following the procedure, so I have had to ask a friend to drive me home. I have also been told that I cannot take any more fibre starting today (well, Saturday really… but I only read the instructions this afternoon. I am going to try to reach the clinic to find out if this is a deal breaker requiring me to reschedule, or if we are okay). On the plus side of all of this, I should expect pretty decent weight loss results after not being able to eat solid foods (including my meal replacements) for thirty-six hours.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 944

    Welcome to another day of constipation, and another day of my weight being slightly up. Those two seem to go hand-in-hand most of the time. Hopefully, as was the case yesterday, sometime later this morning I will finally be able to move my bowels… but it has not happened yet. Grr. To make matters worse, I have also been quite bloated, which means that even the sports jacket that usually fit me is tight. I am not a happy camper, but I know this will get better tomorrow. 

    My knee is being a bit tricky. I don’t feel a thing, but then there are moments when I feel it. I tried the last couple of days to take lower doses of the medicines (both the anti-inflammatory and the regular gout meds) and I suspect the occasional aches are a result of that. This morning I did not skimp, and I will continue to take the proper doses. I learned my lesson. I am glad there are only two days worth of anti-inflammatory pills left, so after tomorrow I will be able to drop one of the pills from my morning routine. Phew. I take them because I have to, but I do not enjoy it one bit. 

    The weather has been cooler than it had been these last couple of days, and that will continue today. That is not to say that it has been frigid, but the daytime high temps have been around 21°C… and in the evenings I have needed to wear long sleeves. The forecast for tomorrow is slightly warmer, and by the weekend it will be back up to 28° during the day. A relief for people like me who prefer the heat, and who feel that the summers in Canada are far too short… and the winters are way too long. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 939

    When I set out on my last challenge to myself in May, I weighed 291.8 lbs. and would lose just over twenty pounds before my downward slide began. This morning, having dropped 8.6 lbs. Since Sunday, I am one pound over that number. I am going to stay on track this time… I am going to keep losing weight no matter what comes my way. 

    I cheated again last night… in much the same manner as I had the previous few nights. I will try to do better today. 

    One thing that is better this morning is that I was able to walk up the stairs when coming in from my walk with Princess Sophie. I have been walking (or limping) down the stairs, but I believe today is the first time in several weeks that I was able to walk/jog up them. It felt good! Hopefully this weekend I will be able to do some exercise; we will see how I am feeling. 

    After a completely gorgeous week (during which I was stuck inside during the days), the weekend forecast is for rain beginning this evening and going right through Monday… when I will once again be stuck inside working the whole week. I cannot complain though; I have had the freedom to spend a lot of time outside in the sun this summer. Now it is time for me to earn some money. 

    I might have a couple of errands to run over the weekend, but overall I am going to be preparing for next week’s class. Additionally, I am hoping that I will be able to do some exercise… whether that is outside or on my treadmill. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 937

    I was weak last evening. I felt weak, and I gave in to a little temptation. I did not go overboard, but I did break from the program; I made myself a small (2-egg) omelette, and then I ate a protein bar (which is equivalent to drinking an extra meal replacement). I told my wife about the omelette but I think that by the time we spoke, I had forgotten about the protein bar. It was not meant to be dishonest. In any event, I was worried that I would gain weight from these. Fortunately, I did not. Indeed, my weight dropped again this morning. According to the bathroom scale, I dropped another 1.2 lbs., which brings me below the 295 mark for the first time since July 30. I have to keep going though… two days of progress does not a success make. 

    I told Leslie last night that my next goal is to drop to 280 lbs. By the time she visits. That means I have to stay true to the program for the next 3.5 weeks. It means that I am going to have to decline a number of social invitations over the weekend which will be sad, but necessary. I want to get back on track, and the last few weeks have proven to me that I cannot do that if I am going to make an exception for every occasion. 

    We also discussed my failure to maintain a reasonable weight. I have not even been able to type into this journal that horrible number that my weight exceeded four times over the past few weeks. I must be strong and get back on track, which means getting my weight as far below that number as I can. I know that she will love me whatever my weight, but it is not so easy to love myself when I am that morbidly obese. Without going into detail, there was a marked improvement to certain parts of our relationship as I dropped the weight… and if for no other reason than that, then being back above that number is somewhere I never want to be again! Of course, there are also all of the nice clothes that I have that I want to be able to continue to wear more comfortably, and those that I have that do not currently fit at all. Two of my suits fit and two of my sports jackets fit (but tightly), and the rest do not. As for shirts… I know that some of them are tight, and others are not wearable. I will get back into all of them… and soon. 

    It is a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, but I will be teaching until nearly 5:00pm. No problem… once I am off I will shed my jacket and tie, and I will put on a pair of shorts and a golf shirt. After I have my second meal replacement of the day I will go shopping for coffee and eggs and the vegetables I need for my omelettes, and then I will take Princess Sophie for a nice walk. I will follow that up with a cigar on the balcony. Leslie’s son is coming home to her this afternoon, so I do not know if we will be able to have a video date. If we can, then yay! If not, then I will read. 

    Yesterday after class I took Her Floofness for her walk, and then I took a nap. That allowed me to have a cigar date with my wife in the evening. Monday evening, I was so tired that I could not, and I thought I might be sick until Leslie reminded me that my body was rebelling against the severely reduced caloric intake. I am hoping that either today or tomorrow my body will be in ketosis and that will be behind me. If not, then I will take more naps. I will not sabotage my progress by eating (as I did yesterday). At least when I ate yesterday, was not carbs or starches, so I did mostly stay with the program. Hopefully today I can do better. 

    Can I get down under 290 lbs. By the weekend? That would be great. I will not veer from my program which would sabotage myself. Let’s see if I can do it. 

    Have a great day folks! 

  • Day 881

    Yesterday was mostly a day of rest. My body needed it after the previous day’s activity. I also confess that I had both a handful of almonds (in lieu of my third meal replacement) and a handful of peanuts (in addition to everything). I confess, as I was leaving my buddy’s house in Grimsby, I was feeling very weak, and I stopped at a Bulk Barn and picked up the nuts. I was feeling weak again toward the end of the evening and thought about eating a protein bar. I was leaning heavily toward it but then decided to brush my teeth and be done for the night. I think I did the right thing.

    In the previous days I had been adding a lot more fibre to my meal replacements. While I know the fibre helps to keep your bowels unclogged, I suspect I might have overdone it. Yesterday I had four bowel movements, the last two of which were quite on the urgent side. This morning’s movement was also somewhat loose. While I am thrilled to be regular, I think this might be a little too regular, and I will dial the fibre back down to one teaspoon per day.

    I was so excited this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale to discover that my weight had dropped another two pounds! This was amazing for several of reasons. Firstly, I have now officially lost all of the weight (and more!) that I had put back on during my two breaks from the program. Next, I was able to (for the first time since May 29th) cross off another milestone on my fridge chart. My weight is now below what it was when I Flew to Cuba on my last trip (March 23). In fact, the last time I weighed this was March 12, and I am very happy to be making the progress that I have been making. My best weight of this calendar year was on January 22, and I am still about 16 lbs. heavier than I was on that day. I also now weigh 36.6 lbs. more than I did at my best weight ever (October 18, 2023), which means I have a long way to go until I get there… but I am going to do it.

    With regard to the chart on my fridge, I my weight is now 35.2 lbs. from the day that I will shave my beard so that my wife can see what she calls my ‘baby face’ just once… although she also wants me to grow it back again immediately. It will be interesting to see what I look like without a beard and the weight. As I have written earlier, I hope to be able to achieve that by the fall.

    It is now 1:20pm and I have been nursing my midday meal replacement for the past thirty minutes. I am going to finish it and then change into my workout clothes and go for a walk. As I told Leslie, I will not be trying to jog today. Not only does my body still feel a bit drained, but it is also nearing 33° Celsius (91.5° Fahrenheit for my American readers). I may love the heat and even running in it… but I need to teach this evening, and it just would not do for me to be completely drained of life before my class. I will also make sure to pee… at least once but probably twice because I have been drinking a lot of water today (as I should be, both for weight loss and to stay hydrated in this heat!).

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 880

    I told Leslie that I would not overdo it yesterday on my jog/walk, but I am not sure if I followed through on that or not. While the thermometer read 31°, it hardly felt to be over 22° (probably because of the wind), and it even rained for about fifteen minutes. All this to say that I ended up jogging the first 2km (average pace 7m20s) and then walked another 9.65km (average pace 9m48s) … with a few stops. I stopped under the railway bridge to escape the worst of the rain, then I stopped into three different stores (Bulk Bark, once again to escape the rain, and to collect some almonds to nourish my body!), and I stopped into both Shopper’s Drug Mart and Longo’s to do a bit of necessary shopping – including replenishing both my fibre and my coffee. It was a successful walk indeed, although I confess, I probably overdid it just a little bit. My total steps for the day (which included two walks with Princess Floof) came to 22,742… by far my highest step count since my first full day in Havana in February (and only the fifth day this calendar year that I have exceeded 20,000 steps). I am definitely feeling the effects in both my legs and my back today. In fact, I think I will go and take a Tylenol…

    Okay, I did that, and also a few other tasks that needed to be performed today. Now I can continue to write, and then try to get some work done.

    I ate two things off the program yesterday: I already mentioned that I bought a handful of almonds at Bulk Barn during my walk. In the evening, I was still quite hungry, and I decided to indulge with a protein bar. I regretted it at the time, but knowing how much exercising I did throughout the day I do not think it was the worst thing I could have done.

    There are probably two other things (aside from my exercise and my meal replacements) that account for my weight loss these last couple of days. I have been drinking a lot of water, and I have been adding at least three teaspoons of fibre powder to my meal replacements each day. I suppose that may also account for the fact that for the second day in a row, I had a decent bowel movement in the morning, and then after my morning shake, I had a second one. I will probably lower that to two teaspoons per day, as I do not think I will really have enough solids in my body to warrant it. We’ll see how I continue to do.

    Speaking of weight loss, my weight dropped another 1.6 lbs. this morning, bringing me below my weight from the day that I decided to go off the program for a week (which became two weeks). It is still .6 lb. higher than the previous day, which would be my lowest weight since I rededicated myself to the program, and my lowest weight since March 12. My lowest weight of this calendar year was 259.4 lbs. on January 22; I am currently 17.8 lbs. from that day, and I am hoping to get back there pretty quickly. Of course, I know that in sixteen days Leslie will be arriving, and no matter how well I do between now and then I will be taking a week off the program while she is here. I doubt that I can lose nearly eighteen pounds in sixteen days, but it would be great to be under that by the end of July.

    (It can also be noted that I weigh 38.6 lbs. more than my best weight ever, which was on October 18 of last year… 244 days ago. If I can get back to that weight by October 18 then I will have lost a year but regained my footing and all of my progress.)

    I think I will take a day to rest from exercising today, if only to give my sore leg muscles time to recover. With that said, I ate two things off the program yesterday, and I will try to not do that today… although if I can keep it to one of the two, then I will be satisfied with that success.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 875

    I did not fall asleep until very late last night, although that was my fault. I lost track of time as I was listening to the last chapters of the book on tape that I have been listening to. Yes, I realize that audiobooks have not been on tapes in years, but that is still what I call them. By the time I was sawing lumber it was probably 2:00am. Were it not for Her Royal Floofness, I might have been able to sleep in… but responsible pet parents know that is not an option. My fitness watch reads just under 4.5 hours of sleep, although that is not usually accurate. I would estimate that I got closer to five hours of sleep before the gorgeous girl told me that it was time for me to get out of bed.

    It is a lovely day out, even though the forecast is for high winds later in the day. We walked a little farther than usual because she wanted to go another route, but when she started walking into the street (carefully after looking both ways) without my permission, I decided it was time for her to walk me on the leash. I do not mind her cheekiness when I am not in a rush (as I was not this morning), but when it comes to safety, all bets are off.

    I did not exercise yesterday. I also did not waste my day away. I rearranged the furniture in my apartment, and after nearly three years living here, I am absolutely thrilled by what I accomplished. I spent five hours on the task, which considering the size of the apartment (and the fac that I was really just rearranging a single room) sounds ridiculous… even to me. With that said, I truly feel that the end result is worth it. Long-time readers of my blog may remember that when I started out, I had sorted all of my clothes that did not fit into large plastic containers (by size). While a couple of the containers are still in use (for other things mostly), I found two of them and filled them with books that are now in my storage locker downstairs. While I did keep some of them upstairs (mostly my cigar library and books on Israel), the vast majority of the clutter has been put away. I love having them, but I also love having a cleaner and less cluttered space. While I do not consider that exercise, I did get 8500 steps in yesterday… not bad for an off day!

    While I was not 100% true to my program (I went and bought some almonds), I still lost nearly 1.5 lbs. this morning. I am now 3.6 lbs. away from where I was at my best weight of this go-around… and 4.2 lbs. from crossing off another number on the chart on my fridge. You remember that chart? The one that is counting down my weight loss until I shave my beard! No, I have not forgotten about that.

    Part way through writing this article I felt the urge, and for the second time today I moved my bowels. I suspect had this come out earlier then my weight might have been down a few more ounces. I suspect that adding more fiber into my shakes these last few days was a good idea… especially since I was a little backed up the previous week. I will continue to add a couple of teaspoons per day, although I will not be adding them to every shake going forward.

    On the subject of regulating my body: You may recall that Monday I met with my doctor to discuss (among other things) my medications. I started taking an antidepressant at the beginning of the year because I had been having trouble sleeping, and she believed it might have been because I was depressed. A couple of months ago, she recommended that I up the dosage, but I never did. Now that things are going better (read: Leslie and I are reconciled) I do not feel that I need them, so I spoke to her about cutting them out. She recommended I wean myself off over a period of two weeks, but being the stubborn hard head that I am, I just stopped. Today is my third morning without them and I am not feeling any ill effects, but I am not flushing them down the pishadoo just yet. If by the end of the month I am doing well then they are gone. She also increased my dosage of another med, and after discussing it with Leslie I decided that I will start the increased dosage on Saturday, so that I have a couple of days to adjust before I have to teach again. She’s a sage woman, my wife!

    I am going for a haircut shortly but will spend the afternoon working on a project that I have been neglecting for work. I am excited to dig into it, and more excited that I have finally made my workspace much more comfortable and organized so that I should be able to focus.

    Have a great day folks!