Losing a part of me

Category: Wedding

  • Day 468

    What an amazing weekend this was! I was completely off my diet, and did not care. I told Leslie that I expected to go back to Canada on Sunday around 270 lbs., a little over 16 lbs. heavier than my best weight ever. I truly expected that with all of the eating and drinking that I did, coupled with the fact that I did not do any exercising whatsoever, I would step onto the bathroom scale this morning (we returned to Dallas last night) ten pounds heavier than when I left Canada. In fact, I was in for the shock of the day when I saw that I had actually lost 4 lbs. since the day we flew to California, which is absolutely a small wonder… if not really a victory. I should mention that in the week leading up to that day last Friday I was on edge, eating much more than I should have. I would even go so far as to say that I fell off the wagon completely, binging on the airplane ride from Canada to Texas. As such, my weight from that Friday was somewhat artificially inflated. With that said, I am extremely happy with this morning’s weight.

    When I showed Leslie my weight this morning she was shocked. The only meal that we did not enjoy together in California was breakfast Monday, and other than that she saw what (and how much) I ate. She is and has been my biggest supporter on my weight loss journey and has been very aware of my mental ups and downs caused by some of my transgressions, plateaus, and roller coasters. I had told her before we even left for California that I fully expected to gain ten pounds this weekend. For me to have lost four pounds blew her mind as much as it did my own. All of my friends commented on how amazing I looked with my weight loss (I have lost sixty pounds since I was there in October). One of them joked that brides and grooms do not actually gain weight during their wedding weekend, and I told him that I so wish that were true. Who knew that it actually is!?

    We sat on the airplane yesterday and I could not help but notice that the man sitting in the row in front of us had his fat hanging over the armrest. I thought back to not too long ago when that was how I was, and how much happier I am now. Eighteen months ago I would never have been comfortable in a seat that did not have armrests that could be raised… not to mention how embarrassing it was to have to ask for a seatbelt extender. We took our seats in the exit row (which afforded us much more leg room, but rigid armrests), and I was perfectly comfortable in my seat. I only wish I had taken the middle seat to let Leslie sit in the window… and what an amazing victory that is, knowing how miserable I would have been in the middle seat at my heaviest weight. Yay!

    So let’s talk about the weekend. Firstly, we woke up Friday to find out that our flight was delayed by four hours, and when we finally got onto the plane, we waited nearly two more hours while they dealt with a mechanical issue. Arriving in Southern California at 3:30pm instead of 9:15am completely wrecked our plans to meet a friend for cigars in Beverly Hills, but that’s part of life. We checked into our magnificent hotel room and went for dinner. We both had pasta which was out of this world, and which is of course completely forbidden on my diet program. Following dinner we attended the Sabbath evening services at the shul which was lovely. Not only was it great to see so many of the people I have not seen in two years and to experience my first such service in that time, but it was also Leslie’s first ever Sabbath service. Despite being a bit overwhelmed (by both the experience and some of the people), she really enjoyed it. Following services, we adjourned to the hotel where we enjoyed a cigar on the patio before turning in.

    The plan for Saturday was to run the last couple of errands that were outstanding – and there were not many of them – and to then meet with the rabbi and his family in the afternoon to discuss the wedding. We ate both breakfast and lunch at The Stonehaus (where I have spent countless hours, and where she and I would spend a lot of time during this trip). We then had dinner at a posh waterfront terrace where the sushi was some of the best we have ever eaten, and despite the lousy service (and the cold which came on fast when the sun went down) we had a lovely time. As is our norm, we then returned to the hotel for a cigar and then bed.

    Sunday was the big day! I was stressed because I was still waiting for confirmation that some of the final details (some of which were quite significant) had not been confirmed. I find it much easier to rely on other people when they communicate better with me, so not having heard anything from the bakery in a week I was stressed that the challah and wedding cake might not be delivered. It was not until 1:15pm (the wedding was starting at 3:00pm) that I received confirmation that they had been delivered. That was the last of it… we were ready to go! My bride was absolutely ravishing in her dress, and my new shirt and tie fit perfectly under my suit. I had a very minor scare that my belt might not fit, but I realized the problem and then there was no problem. We arrived at the temple exactly when we were meant to, and just before our first guests began to arrive.

    A Jewish wedding consists of three pillars: the ketubah, the chupah, and the yichud.

    The first pillar, the ketubah, is literally a contract. Before the actual ceremony the rabbi must read the contract aloud to us and have it confirmed by two witnesses that he read it correctly. While he reads it, we had to hold onto two ends of a handkerchief. Had one of us dropped our end, the wedding would not have happened. Fortunately that did not happen. It was a bit amusing that it turned out the two witnesses that I selected did not even know how to write their names in Hebrew, but this was not the rabbi’s first day on the job, and he knew to help them beforehand. Still and all, their signatures in English look much smarter than their Hebrew ones!

    The second pillar is the chupah, which is a wedding canopy that symbolizes the home. It is traditionally the groom’s tallit (prayer shawl) attached to posts held up by four men, and the ceremony takes place under that. Our rabbi did such a marvelous job of explaining all of the traditions and symbols to both us and to the attendees. I am glad that one of my friends recorded it, as so much of it was a blur to me. The important thing is that Leslie and I were married, and after we kissed I stepped on the glass to break it… an old Jewish tradition.

    The third pillar is the yichud, where the bride and groom spend time alone. While historically this was when the bride and groom would… consummate the marriage, this tradition is mostly an anachronism today… which is good, because the room to which we were led was separated from the hall by a curtain. Today the tradition is for them to spend a few moments together alone, feeding each other, and enjoying our first minutes as a married couple alone before greeting the guests. Leslie and I went into the library and shared a plate of food for ten minutes before we ventured out to the bridal table, on which was placed the largest challah bread I have ever seen. It was not only huge, but it was also delicious! We said the blessing over the bread, and I was asked to rip off pieces to throw at the attendees. It was a lot of fun, and this was a tradition that was new to me!

    When the wedding cake came out we shared a piece, and Leslie did manage to smoosh a piece into my face. The pictures of that are amazing! The cake, one of the last pieces I was worried about, was indeed perfect… as was the rest of the wedding.

    We finally drove to The Stonehaus, where most of the guests joined us for cigars. I think one of the guests bought a bottle of champagne as well, but at this point I remember very little The cigars were amazing, but the best part of the after-party was that I had nothing left to worry about. I had actually planned a wedding that went off perfectly, and at The Stonehaus it was all about chatting with friends. I did give a speech in which I hope I did not forget to thank everyone who needed to be thanked.

    Between all of the meals (aside from pasta, we shared several pizzas and French fries, breakfasts, a shabu shabu (Japanese hot pot) meal with desserts, plus so much more), snacks (don’t even get me started!) and drinks (I drank more wine this weekend than I have in the past year), it is a wonder that I did not gain fifteen pounds! I was certain that I had lost a lot of ground with my progress. I knew that I would need to return to my disciplined program; on our return to Dallas I would start with a modified program, and then when I return to Canada next Sunday, I will be back on the full-fast program. Despite the fact that I did not lose any ground this weekend, I plan to stick to that plan. I do not know for how much longer I will stay on the full-fast program, but I am going to try for at least six weeks more. We will see how well I do in the next month… and how well I feel doing it. One way or another though I am going to be transitioned to at least semi-normal (rather, my new normal, as my old normal was how I kept gaining weight in the first place) by the beginning of July and my birthday.

    Cigars… wow, did we smoke a lot of good cigars this weekend! Of course I brought a couple of very good boxes of Cuban cigars to share with our guests, and many of them gave us cigars and booze as presents. I also brought three special Davidoff Royal cigars – one for Leslie, one for me, and one for the rabbi. Any cigar smoker who has looked will know that while the Royal is not the most expensive of their offerings, it is in the top two. When Leslie first got into Davidoff cigars last year she saw them and bought two – one for me to smoke on the night of our civil wedding, and one for me to smoke on the night of our religious wedding. That was before she realized how much she really enjoyed cigars, and so I made sure that there were enough for the three of us. We took more than fifty cigars to California with us, and we came home with about the same number… having received many as gifts, and we also found a couple of unexpected treasures in my favourite Westlake Village cigar shop!

    Friends… everyone wanted to spend time with us, and while I love all of my friends, they had to understand that this trip was a short one with one purpose, and that we did not have a lot of bandwidth for extra socializing. One concession to that was Monday evening when we went to my old cigar lounge to meet some of the boys. It was a lot of fun, but Leslie and I were both already drained before we went there. It might be the only time I have been there when I only smoked a single cigar. One bonus that came from that evening was that one of the boys told me that one of our old members is now working at a cigar shop in Dallas! I plan to surprise him today by just popping in. I can hardly wait to see the look on his face!

    I have not been sleeping very well these last few nights, and last night was no exception. It is no wonder with the time change – we were in bed by 11:30, but where we woke up it was only 9:30pm. I hope tonight I will be able to get some rest. If I can, I will try to take a nap before I teach. Fortunately, I know that my class (the second to last one after three months with the same group) will be entirely review, so I really do not have a lot of preparation to do. That does not mean that I do not have to stay awake during class, so if I do not nap then I will have a coffee before class starts.

    Tomorrow I will try to get out for my first jog in over a week, but I need at least one more day to recover. While my fitness watch is showing my Body Battery at 69/100, I have no faith in that this morning, just based on the fatigue (both mental and physical) that I feel. It was a most wonderful weekend, but it was a stressful and exhausting one. My body may be in much better shape than it was in several months ago, but it is still nearly fifty-one years old and cannot get by on four hours of sleep like I did in the Army. No, I did not only sleep four hours last night… according to my watch it was 6.5 hours. It could have been ten hours, I still feel drained and I doubt there is anyone who watched me go these last two weeks who would question why that is. Tomorrow I shall jog. Today is one last day of decompression.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 466

    Yesterday was amazing! More to come (with pictures) when I am back down to earth. For now my bride and I are coming back down to reality on our own timeline 🙂

  • Day 465 – The Wedding!

    Too anxious to write much… tomorrow I’ll fill you all in, with pictures!

  • Day 463

    As the Airbus 319 hurls me toward Dallas I feel bad about how bad I have cheated these last two days. I have not been out of control, but I have been stressed and anxious and I fell off the path. It was not terrible, but it was not good. I do know that I was heavier this morning than I wanted to be for this trip. It will be easier to manage my anxiety and temptations when I am with Leslie. Her support is always wonderful. When we are together I feel stronger. These last two days I have felt a lot of things, but strong is not one of them.

    In just a couple of hours we will be together and things will be right again. Tomorrow morning we are flying to California for a few days. I continue to work to make sure that our wedding is the perfect memory for her. She deserves it!

    —

    It is now 1:30pm and after a wonderful reunion and a lunch of our favourite salad place, Leslie had to work the rest of the afternoon and so I drove out to my cigar lounge where I am enjoying a nice cigar and relaxing. I have time for one stick, and then I’ll drive back home to spend a wonderful evening with my wife. It is a grey and dreary day so I do not feel bad that I am not smoking on the balcony, but I am sure that after dinner we will enjoy a drink and another cigar together out there. The next few days will be a whirlwind for us, but this evening we get to relax together.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 461

    I did not enjoy high school drama when I was in high school. I certainly do not enjoy it as an adult. I honestly thought that with no family coming to our wedding there would be none of the bull poop that often comes with it. Yesterday afternoon I was reminded that I was optimistic in that thinking. I am not going to lie and say that it did not cause me to eat something I should not have eaten, but it is done, and I am looking ahead to a better day today.

    I had a good jog on the treadmill yesterday. I was not wrong, the audiobook I had been listening to had not been holding my interest, and likely contributed to my getting bored and stopping when I did. The new book that I am listening to now is much more gripping (I have been on a Leon Uris and Herman Wouk kick of late, especially the novels about the Holocaust (Mila 18) and the formation of the State of Israel (Mitla Pass, The Haj, Exodus, The Hope). I had never heard of The Hope (and the sequel The Glory), but so far it is very gripping. Whether that was the reason I did so well on the treadmill yesterday, or if it was just because I was energized (which my Body Battery would speak against), I don’t know… but for the first time I set the treadmill’s pace to a 12-minute mile in the first few minutes of my jogging, and I kept it there for the entire workout.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 8.12km (5.05km)
    • Duration: 54:17 (35:41)
    • pb Average Pace (Min/km): 6m41s (7m15s)
    • Steps: 8,400 (5,712)
    • Calories burned: 1,034 (600)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 154 (160)

    There are a number of issues that I should address about my jogging which might cause a bit of confusion for many if not most of my readers:

    1. I spend a lot of time going back and forth between the imperial system (miles) and the metric system (kilometres). I great up in Canada during the era where we were transitioning from the former system to the latter, so I learned both. I also spent as a child (as I still do today) a lot of time in the United States, a country that never made that transition, which included a lot of road trips during which I had very little to entertain me other than the world around me. I learned at an early age to do the conversion from one to the other in my head (100km=62.5mi, which means that 1km=.625mi, thus 5km=3.125mi). While all of my devices are set to the metric system, the treadmills that I use (both at my gym in Canada, and at the gym at Leslie’s apartment complex in Texas) are set to the imperial system. I have a system in my head for how far I am going to try to push myself which would be difficult to explain, but basically revolves around round numbers… either miles or kilometres.
    2. With regard to temperatures, I also vacillate between Fahrenheit and Celsius. I almost always do this based on which country I am in, so when I am in Canada and I type that it is 10° outside that denotes degrees Celsius; when I am in the USA and I type 60° that denotes degrees Fahrenheit.
    3. I use two devices to measure my running: my iPhone (using an app called MapMyFitness) and my Garmin smartwatch (using the Garmin Connect app). The two apps communicate with each other, and if I look at the MapMyFitness dashboard after logging an activity, it will show up twice. I delete one of them, lest it look like I have run 20km in a day when I only ran 10km. With that said, the two show very different results sometimes, especially on the treadmill. Yesterday’s outing, for example, registered 7km on the fitness watch, but 8.12km on the phone. When running on the street, I almost always trust the watch because Garmin’s origins are GPS. On the treadmill, despite my trying to calibrate the watch, I think I trust the phone more.
    4. Whether stationary or mobile, running or walking, the discrepancy between the two devices for the number of calories burned during a workout is always huge. There are times when I will record the steps and distance from one device, but the calories burned from the other.

    With regard to activity, I am currently on a steps goal streak of fifteen days, and I plan to extend that today. I noticed that Garmin has started increasing my step goal, which had been steady at 8,560 for the longest time. On Sunday my goal adjusted to 8,930, yesterday it jumped to 10,730, and today it is now at 11,490. I suppose this is how it was supposed to be all along, adjusting my goal based on the last few days (or weeks) to make me strive to keep doing better. I will smash through that 11,490 goal for today, but I will also keep an eye on it going forward… we will get to a time when that goal will not be so easy to beat every day. That time is not today though. I am on the fence whether I am going to jog outside or go to the gym today, but I will probably put on my long pants and shirt and run outside. It is sunny but a cool 7° outside, which is comfortable as long as I am dressed properly, and it is not too windy. I think I will chance it! In the evening I will go to Taekwondo, which will be my last class until after I am back from Dallas. I am taking a dobok with me and will try to practice. The good thing about being at my level is that I do not really need to go to the gym to practice my patterns!

    My plan for today is to try to stay on track. While my meal was not cheating yesterday, the snacking was. Yes, it was emotional stress eating, and no, I cannot let that continue. By being mindful of it I can make sure it does not happen again.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 459

    My clothes are in Canada. For the last few days (since I got the initial notification from the tailor on Wednesday) I have been tracking the progress of my custom clothes which I am really excited for. From the first notification from the shipping company, the predicted arrival date was to be Monday (tomorrow), and that has not changed. Since the day Leslie and I decided to get married next weekend, I have been hoping that they would arrive in time for me to take them with me. While the only piece that I will wear to the wedding is one of the shirts (I am wearing a suit), there are numerous other events and occasions, both in California and then in Dallas, for which I will want to dress up. I would have done fine with my older stuff, but I am happy that the new wardrobe will be available. Tomorrow they shall arrive!

    I was reminded yesterday of when, as a teenager, I finally got rechargeable batteries for my Walkman. It was exciting that after a minor investment I would no longer need to spend a fortune on batteries. I was surprised then to discover that, unlike alkaline batteries (which would start to lose power gradually, resulting in your music playing slower), the lithium batteries worked great… until they did not, and the music would go from full speed to nothing. I thought of it because in the morning my Body Battery measurement on my fitness watch was at 82, but by the time I got to the gym it had plummeted to 47. My treadmill running was cut off at 3km, although I did then walk another 2.65km to make sure I would reach my steps goal (thus extending my streak to 13 days). I came home and made myself a meal replacement, but then a couple of hours later (by which point the measurement was down even further to 19) I decided I needed food, and I made myself the last pieces of salmon I had in the freezer and a plate of rice. While my jogging is great for almost every aspect of my health and fitness, I see a direct correlation between the quality of sleep I get to the Body Battery, which as I have stated over the last few days is quite real.

    Before any of that, I took my son the younger for lunch at his standard Lone Star Texas Grill. I had the same fajita bowl as I usually do but opted instead of the chicken to try the steak on it. It costs a couple of dollars more, but the nutritional difference is negligible. Why not, right? It was quite tasty! I did have as many as ten tortilla chips, but I did not lose control on them which is a huge victory. My son was not at all in a talkative mood, so we essentially ate quietly. I was not offended – aside from him being on the spectrum, he also did not sleep well the previous night, and was visibly exhausted. I don’t mind being able to spend time with him though, whether or not he is chatty. I appreciate every moment we have, especially knowing that when I eventually move back down the USA it will be harder for us to spend time together.

    While I slept marginally better last night than the previous, it took me a long time to fall asleep, and what I got was not enough to really energize me for today. My Body Battery when I woke up was a mere 66 and has already dropped to a 61/100. I am hoping that I will be able to get a good jog in before I lose any motivation and energy. As I have done on the two days when I could not complete a 5km (or better) jog, if I find myself unable to continue then I will slow to a walk; whether I am running or walking, I will extend my steps goal streak to fourteen days today. Her Floofness wanted to go for her full tour of the park today, so I am already a quarter of the way there. While it is cloudy, the temperature is currently 8° and there is no rain in the forecast, so I am going to jog outdoors. I am not sure if running outdoors gives me more motivation to continue than I have at the gym, where I often find myself bored (especially if the audiobook I am listening to is not grabbing me). I suspect that has been the case of late, so when I am able to, I will stick to the streets. The forecast for the next few days is pretty stable, with rain predicted for Wednesday. I will still likely go to the gym tomorrow, if only to give the invoice for my new lock to the general manager. I don’t think I wrote about that, but the staff cut my (very expensive) lock off when another member mistook it for his own; thinking that the battery was dead (because his fingerprint was not accepted) he asked the staff to cut it open. The other member was at fault, which was compounded by his not telling anyone when he realized that it was not his locker. No matter, I bought a new lock, and the gym had better pay me for it.

    A buddy is coming over in the afternoon for a cigar, and it will be good to see him. He was supposed to come on Friday, but he was not feeling well. He is feeling better today, so that is our plans for the afternoon. I am only hoping that between now and then I am able to get my jog in and not collapse when I get home!

    My plan for today is to try to stay mindful. I have not done a great job of staying on the program the last week, and while I was doing fine yesterday, I do not think I would have made it through the evening without having the meal. A am glad despite all to be only .4 lb. up from yesterday, and 2.4 lbs. up from my best weight ever from last Friday. It should take only 2-3 days of faithfully sticking to the program for me to get back there, and hopefully by my next doctor’s appointment (Wednesday) I will be there. This morning’s weight on the bathroom scale is lower than it was the morning of my last appointment… but only marginally (about half a pound). If I can lose three pounds from now until Wednesday, then at least I can be nearly two kilograms down; if I can then maintain that until the next day then I will be able to fly to Dallas at my best weight ever. With all of that said, if I do not have the energy to make it through the day then I will not be a hero, and I will make myself a piece of chicken… or something.

    Okay, enough of this procrastinating. I am going to try to reach the bakery to pay for the wedding cake, and then I am going to suit up for my jog. It is hard to believe that the wedding is a week away!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 457

    I got back on track yesterday… mostly. I did have some peanuts after my workout. However, I ate them instead of my meal replacement. While I am still making excuses for myself, I did better yesterday than I did in five of the previous six days, and the results paid off. I stepped onto the bathroom scale to see a three-pound drop from yesterday. It was a relief to see my weight drop below 260 lbs. once again.

    As I mentioned, the weather yesterday was not conducive to running outside. I headed to the gym, where I had a frustrating experience. Another member mistook my biometric padlock for his own, and when his fingerprint would not open it, he assumed the battery had died, so he asked the staff to cut it open. When I got out of the shower to discover my lock was open (with my cell phone right there) I was appalled that I had neglected to lock it… but then, that is as unlike me as praying to Jesus would be. I got dressed, made sure that nothing was missing, and then went to the front desk to ask if anyone had turned in the lock. The staff told me what happened and were very apologetic. I want to smack the other member for not manning up and saying ‘Oops, this was not my lock… boy do I feel silly.’ But he did not, and so my locker was unsecured for however long I was gone. The world is filled with irresponsible pricks… here’s one more.

    I did take the opportunity to recalibrate my fitness walk on the treadmill. I would have thought the first time would have been enough, but over my last couple of runs I realized the discrepancy between the treadmill and the tracker over a 5km jog was almost 10%, so I made sure to jog exactly 3.11 miles (5km) so that I could calibrate it properly. I felt great and might have kept going, but I knew I had a lot of things to take care of in the afternoon, so I stopped there.

    Jogging (Treadmill)

    • Distance: 5.00km (10.08km)
    • Duration: 38:30 (1:18:17)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m41 (7m46s)
    • Steps: 5,900 (12,150)
    • Calories burned: 525 (1,200)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 153 (155)

    Wedding planning update: I spent the afternoon on the phone (or playing phone tag with) the bakery for the cake, the synagogue director for the logistics and catering, and the hotel VP of sales for the suite. If this sounds like it is just three simple phone calls then you have never planned and organized a wedding, and you have definitely never done it for a wedding that is being held 4,000 kilometres away. By the time all of that was taken care of, my mind was more than a little frazzled, and I was glad the weather was nice enough to sit outside with a cigar. We were not yet done of course… Leslie and I still had our meeting with the rabbi yesterday evening, which was delayed for unavoidable reasons, and which prevented me from getting to Taekwondo class as I had hoped. Following that call (which some might consider exciting, while others will see it as a trigger for extreme anxiety and panic) I realized I had a few more calls that I needed to make, including calling a buddy to act as photographer. I also had to make decisions about who to give certain honorifics to, and then call them to make sure they were willing. Yes, this is an exciting event… but never tell me that there is not a lot of work that goes into it!

    My plan for today is to stay the course. I am going to jog outside today as the temperatures are going up (it is currently 8° and cloudy and going up to 20° by mid-afternoon). My Body Battery is currently reporting at 90/100 which is down from the incredible 98 when I woke up but is still higher than I have ever seen it. I mentioned in the last few days that while I had not thought anything of this measurement at first, when I had zero energy to continue running last week, I realized that it was real. I confirmed that this morning when I was out with Her Royal Floofness; she wanted to stop and smell the roses (really the grass), and I wanted to run! She won out of course… her walk, her rules. When I am finished with this article I will suit up and go out, at which point it will be my jog, my rules! I feel like I might get a 10km run in, but I am just happy to be able to get out and go… for the twelfth day in a row, which extends my record steps-goal streak which I set yesterday. Woohoo!

    I am teaching this afternoon so when I get home I will remember to shave after I shower. I know I need it when my wife notices that I haven’t shaved in a couple of days. At 2:00pm I have a couple of friends coming over for a cigar, and it will be nice to see them both. Of course, I have seen both of them in the last week, but I always appreciate being able to spend time with my friends. How exciting is it that a week from today Leslie and I will be sitting with some of my California friends in the afternoon?

    While I am thrilled that I dropped slightly more than three pounds from yesterday, my weight this morning is still just under five pounds up from my best weight ever which I recorded a week ago. I would love to be able to stay on track for the next week and lose that weight so that I can land in Dallas at my new best weight, but as long as I do my best then I will be satisfied with that. Leslie and I had a long chat last night about my cheating, and how she can help me… and when she should be worried. It gave me a lot to think about. I think the most important thing is for me to meet my daily goals – when I say in the morning that this is what I want to do today then I should do my best to do that. Almost every day for the last week I have said I am going to stay on my full-fast program, and then promptly fell off it… even if just a little. My goal for today is to not do that. Stay true to the program and see another weight loss tomorrow morning. I do not know at this point if it is even possible for me to achieve my previously stated short-term goal of dropping below 250 lbs. before our wedding, but I am going to do my absolute best to get as close to that as possible. How? Mindfulness and focus.

    Have a great day folks, and Shabbat Shalom!

  • Day 456

    Falling off the wagon can hurt a lot worse than it has these last few days. It is time to admit though that if I did not quite fall off, then I have not exactly been steadily on the wagon either. I cheated (some wrong foods, but all wrong portions) Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. The only bright light is that I have still remained active. I jogged all of those days except yesterday, and even yesterday I got in my steps. I slipped for sure, and it sucks that I am more than five pounds heavier than I was Friday morning. Had I not jogged (or walked) it would have been much worse.

    You know something, that is not entirely true. Another reason I did not fall of worse is because I have stayed mostly mindful, even in my cheating. Yes, my portion sizes of chicken and salmon were too damned big… but they were still healthy proteins, no sauces. Yes, I bought a couple of bags of mini crisps which are bad for my weight loss… but I did not buy the Ruffles potato chips that would have been much worse (not to mention also come in much larger bags, which would have been just as empty when I was done with them). Over these few days I have bought both peanuts and almonds from Bulk Barn… but they have been very reasonable quantities each time. My second worst cheat was yesterday when I found a bag of almonds in my pantry yesterday (which should not have been there) which I opened and finished… again, it was a terrible cheat, but they were finished by 5:30pm, and I skipped two meal replacements in the evening to counterbalance that. Frankly, my worst cheat (and the one that bit me hardest) was the smoked turkey drumstick that I bought and devoured Tuesday. Had it been roasted turkey then the only problem would have been the portion size (which could easily have been three meals). According to sources, the 27g of fat also has 2,800mg of sodium.

    My goal for today is to get back onto the wagon. I plan to head for the gym around 11:45 for a good run on the treadmill. My gym is only a few blocks from the train station, where I have to pick up my cleaning lady at 2pm, and if I time things right then I don’t have to make the round trip twice. On my way there I will drop some shirts off at the dry cleaners, which I should have done yesterday had I thought of it. Yes, my new shirts are due to arrive on Monday, but that does not mean my old shirts are going in the garbage. As long as I do not make any pit stops to buy snacks along the way, I will be fine. Unfortunately, the gym is two blocks from Bulk Barn, my dry cleaner is attached to Fortino’s, and the cleaning lady and I need to hop into Wal-Mart to pick up some supplies. I suppose it will be a good test of my willpower.

    This evening, Leslie and I are sitting down (virtually) with the Rabbi to go over the details of our wedding. While it is exciting, it is also stressful. I also have to make a number of calls today and tomorrow about the logistics; If it were not for the time zone differential it would be slightly less stressful for me, but there it is. I am extremely excited about the wedding, and this morning I went downstairs to my storage locker to bring up my garment bag suitcase; While my regular suitcase has a compartment for hanging shirts and a suit, I have long suspected that for this trip I would be better suited (no pun intended) with the luggage designed for that purpose.

    Leslie made a great point this morning… I need special fun socks for the wedding! We went through some options online and picked out the perfect pair. One more job that I had almost neglected is now done!

    My plan for today is to get through it without any cheats. I will hit the treadmill at the gym, followed by a hydro massage and then shower, sauna, shower. My cleaning lady will be here in the afternoon, and while she is here, I will make some of my calls about the logistics. If the weather cooperates, I might also have a cigar on the balcony while she is here. Following the call with the rabbi, I will head to Taekwondo, where I will likely take it easy because of my elbow, which is still in a lot of pain (although much less so for the Aspirin). If I can get all of this done, plus my errands, then I know that when I step onto the bathroom scale tomorrow morning, I will weigh less than I did today.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 445

    When I press publish on this journal entry for my blog, I will get a notice that I am on a 219-day streak. In just a few more days, my current streak will exceed the original streak of 225 days, which lasted through September 1. I will match that on Saturday, surpassing it Sunday. This is one of those irrelevant statistics that I like to keep track of. For example, while I post absolutely every single day, there are fully 101 more blog entries than days on my diet (this entry will be blog post #546). I know that in the first few months I would write a couple of times per day, especially when I was writing about my fitness walking. No matter. My blog now has 182 subscribers, although I wonder how many of those are bots who are just collecting data to try to market to me. In 2023, the blog has 1,941 views, which will eventually dwarf the 4,995 views that it had in 2022 (today is April 9 so we are just over a quarter of the way through the year). There are much fewer comments this year (15 so far, compared to the 81 from 2022). The journal is slightly more than 432,000 words… still not approaching the 587,000 words in Tolstoy’s War and Peace, verbose nonetheless.

    I made it through the movie yesterday without any issues, but when we got home, I was hungry. I enjoyed some matzah before dinner, which was Leslie’s scrumptious chicken salad. As it is still Passover, my sandwich options were limited, so I decided to simply eat it with a fork. She does something with Tony Sachere seasoning that is simply delicious!

    I woke up this morning after another good night of sleep. I was only very slightly productive in the bathroom. I am not surprised, with three days backed up (which is not unusual for one with a high matzah diet), to be up slightly. I am happy I am still under my 2020 best weight yet, but when I get back to Canada, I am going to kick the matzah diet, and do my best to lose a couple of pounds this week. I have not yet decided if I am going to go back to the full program, or to the partial program… but I do know that I am going to be back in the gym (and running in the street) again. This week has been lazy in that regard for a couple of reasons; starting tomorrow, any day that I do not exercise will be an excuse.

    My plan for today is to stay mindful. I will have lunch with Leslie and her son, and then around 4:00pm we will head to the airport for another tearful goodbye. Fortunately, this time we know that it will not be a long separation, as I will be back in Dallas in under 18 days… and we will then be flying to California to get married.

    Speaking of which, everything that I ordered for the wedding arrived yesterday. The ketubah, which seems to be correct, arrived in the largest flat package we had ever seen. It was definitely protected! The kippahs (yarmulkes) arrived as well, in a much smaller package (probably because they are not as delicate). As Leslie’s wedding band arrived earlier in the week, that ends the non-consumable items. The rest – food and such – will be delivered to the synagogue the day of. It is amazing to think that the big day is three weeks from today! Leslie is anxious, and so am I… but when it is all over, it will have been worth it. And yes, I will be eating cake that day.

    Have a great day folks!