Losing a part of me

Category: Work

  • 2026 Day 17

    I woke up today a whole new man. What a difference a good night sleep makes! According to Garmin:

    • Sleep score: 91 (Excellent)
    • Duration: 8h57m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 15 avg (Good)
    • Deep: 1h21m (Fair)
    • Light: 5h41m (Good)
    • REM: 1h55m (Good)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 4m, 37 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    I suspect that I was probably asleep earlier than that, but I am not going to complain. I woke up at 7:00am to pee, and then rather than staying up (as I usually would at 7:00am) I got back into bed and slept another 95 minutes. Princess Sophie did not mind at all… and after the week I had, I really needed it!

    I did not eat well this week, which started with my Day 13 Chinese Food debacle. The following day I ordered Shawarma… a better choice than General Tao Chicken to be sure, but still a terrible aberration from what anyone who is trying to lose weight should be eating. I weighed myself that afternoon and was five pounds up from the previous day! I thought that with eating the rest of the week (including that shawarma dinner later that evening) my weight would be a little bit up from there this morning, but in fact it was down… albeit by just over one pound. Progress is progress, and what is important is that I get back on track. I have enough chicken left to make one more meal which will be this afternoon, and as of tomorrow I will be back on my meal replacements only for the foreseeable future. I have to continue to lose.

    The one upside to eating this week is that I have had a number of healthy bowel movements. As much of a relief as those may be, I would rather see my relief on the bathroom scale… and eventually in how my clothes fit me.

    Have a great weekend folks!

  • 2026 Day 15

    I lay in bed a few hours ago trying to take a nap before class, and I was thinking about how to open this journal entry. I spent several minutes bandying about the opening sentence of, “I followed some really bad advice yesterday, and because of that I find myself in a bad spot.”

    I was tossing and turning as I thought about that. I do not think I was able to relax and get some sleep until I realized how unfair that statement was. The advice was essentially that with my schedule this week I should not be restricting myself to 900 calories if my body was not reacting well to it, and that I should get some healthy protein to get through the week, and resume on the strict program over the weekend. What I did with that was turn it into ‘Well, I am teaching until after 9:00pm, and then I need to take Sophie for a walk, and the supermarket will already be closed anyways, so I will order food in…and as long as it is somewhat healthier than the Chinese food that I had ordered the night before then I could feel good about myself.’ I knew as I ordered the shawarma plate that it was not as bad for my diet as Chinese food… but there is a gaping chasm between not as bad… and good. That was on me, and not on anyone else.

    By saying that it was bad advice I was trying to pass the blame onto my diet buddy for my not sticking to my program. It was absolutely not her fault, it was mine. Had I followed her advice then I would have gone to the store, picked up a piece of fish or beef or chicken, and cooked it healthily at home. That would have been the smart thing to do, and I will probably do that today. Her advice was good; the way I (mis)interpreted was terrible, and is on me.

    I am definitely having trouble getting through this week, but honestly if I was only working then I would be fine. The fact that I had to take my car to the shop on Tuesday took 2-3 hours of possible sleep away from me (not to mention that Her Floofness got me out of bed early because she needed to go outside). Wednesday afternoon I could have slept right up until it was time for me to start teaching my evening class… except I had to set my alarm to go pick up my car before the shop closed, which deprived me of another 90 minutes of sleep. Between my evening class and my overnight class I should have been able to get three solid hours of sleep… but I had some work I needed to get done for another project before midnight, and I ordered food, and so I ended up getting 45 minutes of sleep. The lesson learned for the next time I have this kind of schedule is to go completely offline for the week except for my teaching.

    I know that I should not be weighing myself at unusual times and expecting good results. I stepped onto the scale at 4:20 (before I went to get my car) and was up by 5 lbs. – partly due to the time of day, but also because I ate extremely salty and fried Chinese food the previous evening. I have nobody to blame but myself.

    It has been a rough week, but I will take the necessary steps today to ease myself back into good habits. I will pick up some healthy proteins so that I do not order in. Saturday I will resume my program and I will get myself back on track.

  • 2026 Day 13

    These last four days my weight has been up or down by less than half a pound, but today’s weigh-in was the lowest since my massive weight gain a few days ago. Not by much. With that said, it – and all of my weigh-ins this week – will be mostly irrelevant. My schedule is just completely off.

    Sunday night I hardly slept, and I did not get any sleep in the afternoon before my Monday evening class. After class I set my alarm for midnight and I did get two hours of sleep. Everything in that sentence points to inaccurate weighings – not nearly enough sleep, waking up at midnight, all of it.

    Following my peanuts and dried mango attack yesterday morning I did not have a meal replacement until just before my class started. My next one was before my class started. All in all, on Monday I had one meal replacement, four slices of dried mango, and some peanuts. Had I slept at all and then weighed myself at a normal time, I suspect I would have lost at least some weight this morning. Oh well.

    I took Sophie for her walk at my lunchtime (6:00am). It was holy-fuck-it’s-cold-out degrees outside, with a windchill reading of you-will-probably-die. It was a blessedly short walk.

    It is time to go back to work. Have a great day.

  • 2026 Day 12

    I was obviously in a terrible frame of mind yesterday after I weighed myself. Nonetheless, I did not cheat. I had some celery, a pinch of grated cheese, and three meal replacements. This morning my weight was slightly up from where it was yesterday… although within the margin of error. That does not make me feel any better about it.

    I did something stupid this morning. I had to leave the house around 7:00am to get to an appointment across town. I took the toll road and was extremely early, but even then the traffic could have been bad, and I could not be late for this one. I took Her Floofness for her walk, and then I fed her, prepared a cup of coffee to go, and headed out. I was just pulling out of the parking lot when I realized I had not prepared a meal replacement. For a brief second I thought about turning back, but decided to venture forward. The appointment and my punctuality were too important. There were maybe fifteen peanuts in the car, and that is what I ate before the appointment. When I left there I decided to stop at Bulk Barn. I bought peanuts and four slices of dried mango. It got me home by 11:15am without needing to stop off and eat something else that would necessarily have been a worse choice. Yes, the mangoes were bad. In my current state of mental health (my weight loss is only one thing weighing on me) I accept that, and will continue to try to do better. In the meantime, I decided to forego my second meal replacement of the day (which would have been my first). I will have one before my class starts this evening… and another between my evening class and my overnight class. Yes, it is going to be one of those weeks!

    Despite my terrible state of mind yesterday, or possibly even because of it, I got a lot of work done on a project that I have been quite delinquent on. In fact, I would venture to say that it was the most productive weekend day I’ve had on a work project in years.

    Knowing that it was going to be a very early morning (my alarm was set for 5:15am) I was in bed at a very reasonable hour. I turned off the lights and all devices a few minutes after 10:00pm… and then proceeded to toss and turn until 1:30am. No wonder my sleep score was in the toilet.

    I am going to do a little bit of work on that project now, and then will try to sleep for a few hours. I am crossing my fingers that I can.

    Have a great day folks.

  • 2026 Day 9

    There have been many days that I have disagreed with my fitness watch over the quality of my sleep (based on the reported sleep score). This morning is the first time that I can remember that I disagree on the other side – that is, I thought I slept terribly, but my sleep score was high.

    • Sleep score: 90 (Excellent)
    • Duration: 7h18m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 13 avg (Excellent)
    • Deep: 1h34m (Excellent)
    • Light: 4h41m (Good)
    • REM: 1h4m (Fair)
    • Awake/Restlessness: –, 46 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    There were at least three and as many as five times that I remember waking up thinking that it was probably morning, only to look at the clock and see that it was 1:15am… 3:00am… 4:45am… and so on. Each time I felt like it took me a while to get back to sleep, and each time I remember thinking that there was no way that things would end well for a restful night. Was I dreaming each of those times? I wish I could ask Her Floofness… when I wake up in the night I almost always shift positions slightly, and because I know this disturbs her a bit, I try to reach over and pet her with a few strokes. Alas, she is much wiser than I am, living for the moment and not dwelling on the past. (Excepting for a couple of things that I have done for which she holds a grudge, including moving her from Southern California to the cold climes of Canada, and then later on giving away her couch).

    Depending on which measure we accept, I was anywhere from half a pound up to 2 lbs. down from yesterday. Had I cheated in any significant way, I would have picked a higher reading than I did; as the only ‘cheat’ was a pinch of shredded cheese when I was giving some to Her Floofness. The trade-off for that was that I only had three meal replacements (rather than the proscribed four). I was a bit peckish as I lay in bed at night, but it was not so severe that I needed to sate that hunger.

    On that topic, I am going to give my diet buddy credit for the recommendation about adding celery to my program (as needed). There have been a number of times throughout the past few days that I have felt the need for more, and rather than picking something else (which would be potentially detrimental to my progress), I munched on a couple of pieces of celery. I am at the point where I do not feel the slightest guilt for eating celery, and at the same time I do not feel that I need to gorge myself on it. I do not think I have had more than 2-3 stalks in any day, but if I had then what of it? Five entire stalks (which is double the maximum I have had) would be a whopping 30 calories… nothing to worry about, especially since it adds fibre and no negative nutrients to my intake.

    It is time for me to get to work, or else I would talk about my concerns about my sleep next week, and a few other things I have on my mind. They can wait until tomorrow, when I have no current obligations and will have time to write and relax. Right now I am about to start thirteen hours of teaching, so I’ll close.

    Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 8

    I did not expect to sleep nearly as well last night as I did the previous night. I never sleep as well when I teach into the late evening. The fact that my sleep score was a 66 (Fair) is a minor victory.

    I cheated far too badly yesterday to expect a decent reading on the bathroom scale this morning. My weight edged down ever so slightly (.2 lb.), which kept me just short of the fifteen-pound mark for the week. With that said, I lost 14.8 lbs. in my first week, and I know that I ate far too many peanuts to even expect that. I am satisfied with my weight loss, and will try to cut the peanuts out completely this week.

    Her Royal Floofness had her spa appointment yesterday and she looks absolutely stunning (and everyone agrees). She asked to go out after my class last night, and of course I indulged her. She was not at all pleased by the cold and blowing snow, and she decided it was going to be a very short walk. At one point, she initiated the PDS (Poop-Dance Sequence), but when the wind gusted and howled she looked at me and said ‘Nope… I’ll hold it until the morning.’ We went back inside, and she cozied up into her bed waiting for me to climb in. This morning the weather was equally unpleasant, except seeing as the blowing snow had not let up, there was now nearly a foot of accumulation. She was going to call it off… until she saw her friend Winston, and ran out to play with him (and to show off her new hairdo). She found a section of a neighbour’s lawn that was nearly bare because of the wind, and did her business there… and then said ‘TAKE ME TO SUE’S COUCH NOW!’ It might be a couple of days before she goes out for her complete long walk again.

    I had already told my Lodge that I would not be trekking out to Grimsby for this evening’s meeting; I am not sure if it has been decided officially, but I suspect that we might cancel tonight’s meeting for weather. Whether we do or not, I will not be digging my car out today. I will take Princess Sophie out for another walk this evening, but that is as far as I plan to go. The peanuts that are left in my car will sit there for another day… or two or three, because tomorrow is another very long day for me.

    I suddenly have two classes scheduled for Europe over the next few weeks. Next week, I will be teaching Tuesday through Friday ‘in Germany,’ and the second week of February I will be teaching a week-long class ‘in the United Kingdom.’ As nice as it would be to travel to those places, I will be doing it from home… which means teaching overnight and trying to sleep during the day. How fun. At least I am earning a decent living these days. I know that these contracts will be great, but they will severely affect my sleep schedule. My bigger concern is staying true to my weight loss program, which is harder to do when my schedule is off like that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 7

    I have been wearing a Garmin fitness watch since 2019, and it has been measuring my sleep the whole time. In nearly seven years I have never seen this!

    On the app it reinforces this as such:

    • Duration: 8h25m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 9 avg (Excellent)
    • Deep: 1h46m (Excellent)
    • Light: 4h36m (Excellent)
    • REM: 2h3m (Excellent)
    • Awake/Restlessness: –, 38 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    I turned off the lights at around 10:15pm, and must have been asleep within fifteen minutes. I did not wake up once, not even to pee! I hit the snooze button a couple of times, so rather than getting out of bed at 6:15am I was down until 6:52am (which led to a bit of a scramble, owing to the fact that I needed to walk Her Floofness and then drive her to her spa appointment). I do not know what else I could have done, but a sleep score of 100 is a completely new experience for me. I hope I can repeat it… although that will not be this evening, as I am teaching until 9:30pm.

    Once again, my weight fluctuated this morning with three pounds separating the lowest and highest registers. I settled on one that was neither the highest nor lowest, and with that I am 14.6 lbs. down from Day 1. Tomorrow morning will be the telling ‘first week’ total loss, but unless I go off the rails, I am doing pretty well.

    I have already cheated this morning. On my way home from driving Princess Sophie to her appointment, I ate some of the peanuts that are in the car. I considered opting to not have my meal replacement because of this, but rejected the idea. I am trying to get used to them as my only stable source of calories. There are more in the car, and my goal is to not eat them when I go to pick her up. Wish me luck.

    Despite the wind, I did enjoy a cigar on the balcony last night. I doubt I will be able to do so again this evening, as I am teaching so late. My next one might not be until the weekend.

    Next week my sleep is going to be a disaster. I am teaching a class in Central Europe Standard Time, which means that my class will be from 1am – 11am local time. I am not looking forward to that, but I am glad that I am earning a decent wage this month.

    Have a great day folks!

  • 2026 Day 6

    I did not sleep as well last night as I did the previous two nights, but that is par for the course. I am not used to sleeping well, so when I do I appreciate it. I also know that the evenings that I work until 9:00pm (and in fact last night it was until 9:45pm) I am not going to get to sleep much before midnight, so the fact that my sleep score was still 71 (with 6h31m of actual sleep) is actually pretty good. I will not enumerate all of the specific measures today as I have the last previous days.

    My weight continues to drop nicely. I am not surprised that, following the program almost completely since Day One, to be on track to lose as much as fifteen pounds in the first week. Were it only possible to maintain that rate, I would be at my goal by mid-March! Alas, that is not going to happen. Yes, the first week is always extreme… and I know that the rate of loss will taper severely by the middle of Week Two. With that said, it is satisfying to see nearly another pound drop off from yesterday.

    I only had my three meal replacements yesterday. From the time I sat down at my computer (around 8:30am) until the time I finished my evening class (a little over thirteen hours later) I was on camera and lecturing nearly the whole time with very little break. Today will be easier, as I do not have an evening class. I was going to say that I was happy that the weather forecast predicted temperatures above 0° through the evening, but only now realized that the wind has picked up since Princess Sophie and I came in from our walk. Depending on how that continues, I might or might not be able to enjoy a cigar on the balcony this evening. Otherwise, I will likely not smoke. Although my friends do have a cigar night this evening, until I have had my car checked out (which will be Thursday) I do not feel like driving too much if I do not have to. That means I am likely not going anywhere today, and tomorrow morning I will drive Her Floofness to her spa appointment (and then will pick her up a bit later). I cannot think of any other reason I would need to drive until Thursday morning.

    Day Six of the program, and I should be beyond the hardest mental roadblocks for now. As for physical roadblocks, I decided from the beginning to proactively add fibre to my morning shakes because I remember the painful stoppages I have experienced in previous attempts. As such, I am still having somewhat successful bowel movements every morning… although they are not quite so easy as they were before Day 1.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 3 Drama

    Yesterday I was strict on the program during the day, but not in the evening. If I am going to cheat, I know it should be during the day, and not at night. I didn’t have a lot of choice. I didn’t even cheat too bad… a friend brought Vietnamese pho for dinner. Yes, the noodles are bad for the diet, but that is the only ‘permanent’ bad of it. The reason my weight was up an astonishing 3.5 lbs. this morning was more for the ridiculously high sodium content, which is bad for the water retention issue, but will likely be reversed within a day or two.

    I was not feeling well yesterday evening. I felt a cold coming on starting mid-afternoon, and it continued to worsen throughout the day. I told my friend, who understood and went home after dinner so I could get into bed quickly. I may have been in bed by 8:15pm, but I did not fall asleep until 10:45. I still slept quite soundly, and am (so far) feeling better today.

    I am enjoying the class that I am teaching this week. It is way outside my usual comfort zone, but I spent the requisite time preparing, I sat (and passed) the exam over the weekend, and two days into it my students seem to think that I am doing well. Phew! Occasionally there is a class that I am forced to teach which I really have to ‘fake my way’ through. This week is not one of them. I have been using Microsoft Windows since 1985 and very deeply since Windows 2000 and am considered one of the top guys in it; with that said, I have used Linux quite a bit, especially for my cybersecurity work, and while I never considered myself an expert in it, the week I spent preparing for the exam (and this class) solidified a few concepts for me that were probably the difference between ‘user’ and ‘expert’ levels. I plan to keep working with Linux, and hope that I can continue to get more comfortable with it.

    In the opening paragraph of this journal entry I mentioned that if I am going to cheat, it should be earlier in the day; this is so that my body can process the bad before I go to sleep. I also said I often will not have a choice in the timing, especially when there is an evening meal involved. Today I do have the choice! There is leftover pho which I will enjoy for lunch. Not only can I eat it earlier, but because it was my friend’s leftover portion (they ordered the same as I did, but because of a weight loss surgery their stomach is much smaller, hence so is their appetite) so it is a much more reasonable portion than what I ate last night. I trust that since I will be eating smaller and earlier, I will still see a drop in my weight tomorrow morning. Even if I do not, I still feel that I am getting back on track.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1333

    Yesterday was not as relaxing a day as it might have been, but it was a good day. I spent it with a friend and we had a great time. I was in bed and asleep by midnight (if not slightly earlier), and my fitness watch registered 8h20m of sleep, which should be amazing, right? So why, I ask, did it decide that my sleep score was a ‘fair’ 66? The portal reads: “You slept long enough, but not well enough to bring your stress levels down overnight. You might feel higher stress or fatigue today.” I am not going to lie, I have felt exhausted all day so it might just know of what it speaks. While I went out for a couple of errands, I spent most of the day relaxing at home. I should also mention that I woke up sneezing and couldn’t stop for a couple of hours (likely until the cocktail of allergy and cold meds kicked in) so while I had planned to take my son the younger for lunch, my ex-wife and I agreed that would be a bad idea.

    I am going to have dinner and then a cigar before trying to get a good night sleep. Tomorrow I begin teaching again, and I want to be refreshed for it. Tomorrow I am also planning to begin cutting down my food intake and substituting meal-substitutes. I will play it by ear, but I am thinking for a few days I will have an omelette for breakfast followed by meal replacement snacks spread throughout the day as needed. I am trying these new ones and we will see how it goes.

    Have a great day folks.