Losing a part of me

Category: Work

  • Day 1169

    I am back on track with my partial program, and am while I am seeing results, two days is not enough to see anything really. I need to go for a few weeks to make it real.

    There is an old saying that if you do not like the weather in Canada… wait a minute. Yesterday the temperatures were hovering around 0°, with the wind chill making it feel like -5°. It snowed and when I looked out around 5:30pm there was probably 3″ of accumulation – not unheard of, but certainly not common for this part of the country on the second day of April. This morning when I took Her Floofness out there was only a hint of snow left, with temperatures hovering around 14°. It is rainy and windy (the wind chill right now has it feeling like 5°) but the actual high temperature is expecting to hit 17°by noon. The wind is not forecast to abate until the evening. Welcome to springtime in Canada.

    Since Princess Sophie did not feel like walking much in the rain, I am thinking about taking her out at lunch. I will, of course, also take her out before I head to Grimsby this evening… but we will see. I might have to answer a bunch of emails at lunch so that might not be feasible.

    I did something today that I have not done in decades: I popped the top button on my shirt from sneezing. It was not because my neck is bigger today than it was the last time I wore the shirt (it is not), but rather because I knew that I had secured it improperly… probably too high on my neck; it felt tight, and I was about to adjust the collar when AHCHOO!!!! pop goes the button. I decided to wear the shirt anyways – my tie was already tied, and I was running late because I slept through my alarm. Looking at myself in the mirror I still look dapper, so I will let it go. With that said, this shirt will go into a pile to go to the tailor.

    Speaking of sleeping in… I must have needed it, because I do not even remember my alarm going off this morning. While it is set for 5:45am, I rolled out of bed around 7am to the slight panic of ‘Crap, I’m late!’ I knew that I was not really late… especially since breakfast is no longer a sit-down meal, but a blended meal-replacement shake. I was still sitting at my computer at 8:05am with my shake and coffee. Had Princess Sophie wanted to go for her full walk that would have extended to 8:30am, which would have still had me logged in for my class thirty minutes early. No problem. My sleep score was 80 for the second night in a row. Owing to some difficult news I received on Tuesday, my sleep the previous night did not feel very good, but I guess the biometric measurements don’t lie. Last night felt better than the previous night, but that could be because I worked the 14-hour day, and was truly exhausted by the end of it.

    My class this week is going very well. I am really engaging with the students, and I feel that they are really enjoying it. What a relief after the class I delivered last week… I felt like a fish out of water and just could not get my footing. It is a relief to be back on terra firma. Next week I am teaching Wednesday through Friday, and I have to travel for it. It will be my first work-related hotel stay in over four years and I am traveling to… Toronto. Yes, Toronto is so big and the commute would be so long that they are putting me up in a hotel for three nights. Without traffic it would be an hour-long drive. In rush-hour that could easily be 2.5 hours each way, which would be fine for Thursday (when I am free in the evening), but Wednesday evening I have to teach and that would not work. I was not going to argue when they suggested I get a hotel.

    Okay, I guess I should get into the headspace for my class. Showtime is in ten minutes. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1162

    When I saw the numbers on the bathroom scale yesterday morning I wanted to vomit. Despite all of the stress and anxiety, and not to mention the travel, I could not believe that I had gained nine pounds in four days. I was not back to where I had started… I was a couple of paces behind that. So when I stepped onto that horrible device this morning I was hoping to see a significant drop… but would I? I was not exactly perfect with my program yesterday. The drop of more than five pounds was a relief. I was back below 310 lbs., and honestly I was about where I thought I would be after the Montreal trip.

    I am going to do my best to curb my eating today, but I was not able to make it through the day yesterday, so I picked up some pasta (I had to go to the supermarket to get milk, so I made a slight detour down that aisle).

    Today is a short work day… which is to say I am only working from 8:30am to 5:00pm, and will not have to teach in the evening as well. That is tomorrow. I was also booked last-minute for another class next week, which means that I’ll have the crazy Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule again. How fun.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1155

    I briefly considered reweighing myself after I had a second (and more productive) bowel movement after Princess Sophie and I came in from our walk. I decided not to simply because I had a large glass of water, and I am trying to stay focused on the downward trend and not the individual plots on the weight loss graph. As such, we weight this morning remained constant with what it was yesterday. Tomorrow morning it will be lower than it is today… as long as I stay true to my program.

    I have been feeling hunger in the afternoon and evening, and am trying to remind myself that there is a difference between actual hunger and my stomach reminding me that I am not giving it as much food as it is accustomed to. I am having a small plate of pasta with olive oil and some cheese at lunch, but in the morning, and then after my class I am only having shakes. I knew yesterday that if I did not prepare a meal replacement shake during my mid-evening break I would likely not have been able to make it through the class, and that would not be good for anyone.

    I know I am impatient and that the weight will continue to come off, but I am really hoping it happens sooner rather than later. I am sick of wearing the one vest that fits me and I am tired of having to select the shirts that are not too tight. I realize that if I am going to continue eating pasta in the afternoon I will not experience extreme drops every day, but I need to make it through this week and next… and the boxes of spaghetti that were in my pantry are not cheating on the no groceries plan. I remember every truism that I have told myself over the last three years and am going to continue to try… and I will get there. Eventually.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1153

    The long day yesterday was good for me, despite the fact that my weight was up this morning. There was a little more pasta and sauce left over than I thought so I ended up having some for lunch and for dinner. I will be more careful today.

    When I get off of work this afternoon, I will take Her Floofness for a walk, and then I will likely relax on the balcony with a cigar. I do have some prep work to do for my class next week, but I am confident that I will be able to get through it.

    The class I am teaching this week is among the largest I have ever taught online, and it requires a little more work and concentration. Well, I should say that as far as advanced classes it is one of the largest, because my evening class ‘Entry-Level Network Technician’ is actually larger. I will get through it without problems, but I am not lying when I say that I am relieved that I do not have to teach another class this evening as well.

    My meeting in Montreal is now less than a week away, and I am stressed and anxious about it… again. At least this time the likelihood of a debilitating snowstorm is less likely to paralyze my travel plans than was the case in early February.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1145

    My anxiety kept me up last night… and then woke me up early this morning. In two weeks I will have my appointment and hopefully things will go well and very hopefully that will make things a bit easier. We will see. In the meantime, this is going to be a very long week of working… and I am thrilled by that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1144

    I don’t know how well I did yesterday… but I am doing a bit better today. So far…

    I am teaching all week starting tomorrow… I have a class from 8:30-5:00, which is a very reasonable day. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I still have my evening courses from 6:15-10:15pm, which is also reasonable… until you take the two of them together, which makes for three very long days this weekI am hoping I will be able to use the busy days to lose some weight!

    Oh by the way…next week will be the same!

    Have a great day, folks.

  • Day 1120

    My weight was up again this morning, but I should mention that right before I ate I had a much better bowel movement than before I got dressed. I did not sleep very long, but I slept next to my wife which makes up for a whole lot. My cold is slightly better today than yesterday.

    I taught all day today, and I believe my students were happy with the class… despite my cold changing my voice somewhat.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1105

    My weight is not cooperating, but it seldom does when I am under the weather. At least I got a good night sleep at last. I woke up in the middle of the night once or twice and was afraid I would not be able to fall back asleep, but I did. Here’s hoping that I can stay reasonably true to my game plan today.

    Whatever I may be sick with is still with me, but it is neither better nor worse than it was the last couple of days. If it does not get worse then I’m not worried about getting through the day.

    The weather is not pretty. While the temperature is reasonable, the wind is wild so the windchill is not pleasant. Princess Sophie and I made it almost to the end of the block before turning back. She does not like the howling winds. She hates wet and precipitation as well, so combining the two meant it was going to be a short walk. At least she did all of her business before we turned back.

    Today is Day 3 of my class. I am pretty much on schedule, and I hope the students are enjoying it. I did get a bit of good news from a student I taught last year – he passed one of his exams yesterday and thanked me for the class. That always makes me feel good.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1102

    I am coming to terms with the degree of my emotional despair and current state of mental health. I discussed it a little with a buddy and more with my wife. While it is not about my weight, my inability to lose weight is both partly the result of my mental state, as well as a contributing factor to my mental state… albeit a minor one.

    I spent a couple of hours yesterday with a buddy who understands some of what I am going through, and while we spent maybe seven minutes talking about our combined mental health issues, it was good to sit and talk with a friend and NOT have to stress over anything. He did ask me for some help with his computer, but it was the sort of thing that I can do in my sleep.

    My weight was seriously down this morning. I have to assume it will rebound tomorrow; hopefully it will not be all the way back up.

    I am seriously happy that I am teaching this week. I really need the money, but I also need the distraction.

    Have a great day.

  • Day 1101

    I am still in my funk, but at least I have something to look forward to. I spent a couple of hours preparing for the class that I am teaching this week. I have been sitting on my hands for nearly two months. I want to come out of the gate swinging for the fences.

    My weight was just about where it was yesterday, but at least I slept a little better. Not a lot…