Losing a part of me

Category: Work

  • Day 1155

    I briefly considered reweighing myself after I had a second (and more productive) bowel movement after Princess Sophie and I came in from our walk. I decided not to simply because I had a large glass of water, and I am trying to stay focused on the downward trend and not the individual plots on the weight loss graph. As such, we weight this morning remained constant with what it was yesterday. Tomorrow morning it will be lower than it is today… as long as I stay true to my program.

    I have been feeling hunger in the afternoon and evening, and am trying to remind myself that there is a difference between actual hunger and my stomach reminding me that I am not giving it as much food as it is accustomed to. I am having a small plate of pasta with olive oil and some cheese at lunch, but in the morning, and then after my class I am only having shakes. I knew yesterday that if I did not prepare a meal replacement shake during my mid-evening break I would likely not have been able to make it through the class, and that would not be good for anyone.

    I know I am impatient and that the weight will continue to come off, but I am really hoping it happens sooner rather than later. I am sick of wearing the one vest that fits me and I am tired of having to select the shirts that are not too tight. I realize that if I am going to continue eating pasta in the afternoon I will not experience extreme drops every day, but I need to make it through this week and next… and the boxes of spaghetti that were in my pantry are not cheating on the no groceries plan. I remember every truism that I have told myself over the last three years and am going to continue to try… and I will get there. Eventually.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 1153

    The long day yesterday was good for me, despite the fact that my weight was up this morning. There was a little more pasta and sauce left over than I thought so I ended up having some for lunch and for dinner. I will be more careful today.

    When I get off of work this afternoon, I will take Her Floofness for a walk, and then I will likely relax on the balcony with a cigar. I do have some prep work to do for my class next week, but I am confident that I will be able to get through it.

    The class I am teaching this week is among the largest I have ever taught online, and it requires a little more work and concentration. Well, I should say that as far as advanced classes it is one of the largest, because my evening class ‘Entry-Level Network Technician’ is actually larger. I will get through it without problems, but I am not lying when I say that I am relieved that I do not have to teach another class this evening as well.

    My meeting in Montreal is now less than a week away, and I am stressed and anxious about it… again. At least this time the likelihood of a debilitating snowstorm is less likely to paralyze my travel plans than was the case in early February.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1145

    My anxiety kept me up last night… and then woke me up early this morning. In two weeks I will have my appointment and hopefully things will go well and very hopefully that will make things a bit easier. We will see. In the meantime, this is going to be a very long week of working… and I am thrilled by that.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1144

    I don’t know how well I did yesterday… but I am doing a bit better today. So far…

    I am teaching all week starting tomorrow… I have a class from 8:30-5:00, which is a very reasonable day. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I still have my evening courses from 6:15-10:15pm, which is also reasonable… until you take the two of them together, which makes for three very long days this weekI am hoping I will be able to use the busy days to lose some weight!

    Oh by the way…next week will be the same!

    Have a great day, folks.

  • Day 1120

    My weight was up again this morning, but I should mention that right before I ate I had a much better bowel movement than before I got dressed. I did not sleep very long, but I slept next to my wife which makes up for a whole lot. My cold is slightly better today than yesterday.

    I taught all day today, and I believe my students were happy with the class… despite my cold changing my voice somewhat.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1105

    My weight is not cooperating, but it seldom does when I am under the weather. At least I got a good night sleep at last. I woke up in the middle of the night once or twice and was afraid I would not be able to fall back asleep, but I did. Here’s hoping that I can stay reasonably true to my game plan today.

    Whatever I may be sick with is still with me, but it is neither better nor worse than it was the last couple of days. If it does not get worse then I’m not worried about getting through the day.

    The weather is not pretty. While the temperature is reasonable, the wind is wild so the windchill is not pleasant. Princess Sophie and I made it almost to the end of the block before turning back. She does not like the howling winds. She hates wet and precipitation as well, so combining the two meant it was going to be a short walk. At least she did all of her business before we turned back.

    Today is Day 3 of my class. I am pretty much on schedule, and I hope the students are enjoying it. I did get a bit of good news from a student I taught last year – he passed one of his exams yesterday and thanked me for the class. That always makes me feel good.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1102

    I am coming to terms with the degree of my emotional despair and current state of mental health. I discussed it a little with a buddy and more with my wife. While it is not about my weight, my inability to lose weight is both partly the result of my mental state, as well as a contributing factor to my mental state… albeit a minor one.

    I spent a couple of hours yesterday with a buddy who understands some of what I am going through, and while we spent maybe seven minutes talking about our combined mental health issues, it was good to sit and talk with a friend and NOT have to stress over anything. He did ask me for some help with his computer, but it was the sort of thing that I can do in my sleep.

    My weight was seriously down this morning. I have to assume it will rebound tomorrow; hopefully it will not be all the way back up.

    I am seriously happy that I am teaching this week. I really need the money, but I also need the distraction.

    Have a great day.

  • Day 1101

    I am still in my funk, but at least I have something to look forward to. I spent a couple of hours preparing for the class that I am teaching this week. I have been sitting on my hands for nearly two months. I want to come out of the gate swinging for the fences.

    My weight was just about where it was yesterday, but at least I slept a little better. Not a lot…

  • Day 1088

    Yesterday got away from me… but not in the usual way. I sat at my computer all day, mostly studying. I got up for an hour to prepare and eat a meal in the middle of the afternoon, but that was it. I looked at my watch and it was 11:00pm. At least I know that I did not overeat and was hardly tempted to eat at all. My weight is down a bit more today, but that is not a surprise. I just wish I was sleeping better. My knee is not completely there but is mostly better. I am not trying to be a hero… I am taking my meds properly.

  • Day 1054

    By all rights my weight should have been up this morning, and not down .6 lb. From yesterday morning. But for a very late delivery guy I would have gained two pounds. I was weak, and when Ryan ordered the pizza, I was really looking forward to having a slice… or two. Fortunately, ninety minutes after he ordered them, they had not yet arrived, and I decided to take my leave. I enjoyed a protein bar in the car, and an omelette when I got home. Yes, I ate some peanuts and even a little popcorn throughout the day, and that was bad. Pizza would have been a disaster. 

    Following my dinner, I got onto the treadmill and jogged 5km. It was the third day in a row that I jogged, and the second that I completed 5km. I am quite happy with that and will try to continue to do that. My next goal is to start increasing the speed and distance… although not necessarily at the same time. I did kick up the pace for the last .2km, but that is not the same. I want to increase my maintained speed, rather than just ‘sprinting’ the last few metres. It will not be a quick increase, but if I do it gradually over time then I will be happy with my results. At my current pace of 4mph I would need over 6.5 hours to run a marathon. By increasing my pace to 5mph that would drop to 5.24 hours. I would still not qualify for the Boston Marathon, but I would be thrilled with myself if I could do that. 

    I am teaching today until 4:30pm, and then I have to go to the supermarket to pick up eggs, milk, and one or two other provisions. I will try to be good and not buy any cheats. At 7:00pm I am visiting a lodge in Burlington with a friend. I have never been to this lodge, but it is much closer to me than my own. By all rights that is where I probably should have joined, but I had my friends at my lodge and here we are. It should be a fun evening. I just have to remember to not eat! 

    My current steps-goal streak is nine days. I am not sure when I will be able to get onto the treadmill, but I will do my best to do so either before or after my lodge visit. I would love to extend the streak to ten days. Actually, according to my fitness watch my longest streak is sixteen days, and I would love to be able to beat that… but I am going to do it one day at a time, which means for today extending my current streak to ten days… and then tomorrow will be tomorrow’s problem. 

    I spoke with a buddy yesterday and we decided that later this week (probably Friday) we are going to drive down to Niagara Falls, NY for the day. We both have a few parcels to ship, and as Canada Post is on strike, there is no inexpensive way to ship anything to the USA. Maybe we will make a day of it (and not just run across and back like our last trip), but if we do then I had better plan ahead. To that end, I now have three protein bars in the armrest of my car so that if I do get hungry, I do not have to settle for foods that are incompatible with my weight loss goals. 

    I started this entry at 8:15am. It is now 12:30pm and we broke for lunch. It has been a pretty easy morning – I am teaching a very high-level overview of a technology that I know, and we will not be getting deep into anything. I just finished my afternoon meal replacement shake and so far, I am feeling satisfied. I hope that continues for the next few hours. If I could get through to the end of class before needing another meal replacement, and then when I get home from the Burlington lodge, I can hit the treadmill for 5km and then have my final mean replacement, then I will have succeeded 100% in my goals for the day… which is to say that I will not have cheated, and I will have had the necessary nutrition, and I will meet my steps/exercise goal. That is the plan. 

    We know, of course, that the best laid plans of mice and men do not always work out… but I am going to try. 

    Have a great day folks!