Losing a part of me

Blog

  • Day 1140 (2)

    I have been fooling myself to think that I have not been in a funk. The stress over waiting for that piece of paper to come in, and then of having to reschedule the appointment (as I wrote about recently) have masked the fact that, now that I have the paper, and now that I have been able to reschedule the appointment, the same stresses and anxieties that crippled me leading up to the original appointment (a month ago) are now once again very real. They were, and are again, debilitating. I am going to figure a way to work through them, but the bottom line is that the next three weeks will not be that different from the month of January and the first week of February.

    Sigh. And through this I need to lose weight. I’ll be happy if I keep my weight steady where it is.

  • Day 1140

    Progress is soooo slow. A couple of ounces per day is not going to cut it when I look at my deadline in less than a week.

  • Day 1139

    My weight was down this morning, but not as much as it might have been had I been able to successfully move my bowels before breakfast. When I finally did, I was certain that my weight might have dropped a bit more significantly. As it stands, I have another 8 lbs. to lose to get below the terrible mark before March 10. Is it achievable? I do not know.

    The last few days I have been spending hours trying to get onto the page that will let me reschedule my appointment in Montreal. I have hit the Refresh button so many times that I am surprised my IP address was not flagged for a potential DDoS attack. Well ladies and gentlemen, this morning I was finally successful, and in just under three weeks I will have my second kick at that can. Yes, I have to head back to Montreal for a few more days… but maybe just maybe this time will be the one, and we will all live happily ever after.

  • Day 1138

    I am pissed off that my weight is now dropping in increments of .2 lb. rather than anything substantial. Now that I have a looming deadline – that sucks. I am not focusing on this today because I have a lot of work to catch up on. Have a great day!

  • Day 1137

    I did 1.5km on the treadmill yesterday, but despite that I did not hit my steps goal. Today is my day to get back on track.

    I woke up with a headache, but it was not bad enough to take a pill. I am reconsidering that decision a few hours later. I did sleep pretty well (Sleep Score of 81), and my weight did drop a tiny little bit… but not nearly enough for me to think that I will achieve my short-term goal of dropping below the terrible mark by March 10. Boo.

    I am going to try to do 5km on the treadmill today. I am also not buying bread products for the next couple of weeks. Let’s see if I can do it.

  • Day 1136

    Oops

  • Day 1135

    I felt like I was going down a bad path today, but I was going to pick myself up by the bootstraps and get working. I did not sleep well again last night so I took a nap after breakfast. When I got up, I realized I needed to take a shower. You know what? Instead of just hopping into the shower, maybe I will do what I promised my wife and myself I would do. I would start slow.

    I cleared everything off the treadmill and started to jog. It would be a short workout – one kilometre – but it was a beginning. Tomorrow I will go for two.

    Today is the first day of my next steps-goal streak!

  • Day 1134

    I am down three pounds in the last couple of days, and if I can find the energy to not be sick today, I will try to dust off the treadmill. I slept terribly last night though and am going to go back to bed for a little while.

    To be clear: Yes, my weight is down again this morning… that does not mean that I am happy with where it is. Two days ago I looked at the numbers on the bathroom scale and wanted to vomit… or worse.

  • Day 1133

    Oops

  • Day 1132

    The bathroom scale has been wonky these last couple of days, and that is not a good sign. I weigh less than I did yesterday, but still over 310 lbs. which absolutely disgusts me. I ate very poorly yesterday… until around 2pm. After that I did much better.

    Today is my first day of getting back on track… and I am getting back on track.