I arrived in Montreal… I brought my stress and anxiety with me. Thursday can’t come soon enough. I am eating like crap. I am going to gain ten pounds before I get home Friday evening.
Blog
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Day 1110
My sleep score was a 71 last night, which is better than the last few nights, but still not very good. I took something for my anxiety before sleeping and maybe it helped a little. It is also possible that my headache this morning is because of that. I’m not sure, but it has been throbbing since I got back in from walking Her Floofness.
My weight is out of control… it is higher this morning than it has been since November of 2022. I hate myself for it. On the other hand, it is not the most pressing issue in my life right now. If I can stay under 310 by the time I get back from Montreal, then I will consider it a minor success.
Yes, I am driving to Montreal tomorrow. Yes, I will try to eat properly, but again… not the most pressing issue weighing on me right now. I can only do my best and then we will see. There are too many external factors weighing on me. I am hoping that after Thursday things will get a little better. In an ideal world, after my appointment on Thursday there will be a great huge relief, and I will know that the rest of my life will go according to plan. In the event that they do not let me know that day, then it will be at least a few more weeks of stress and anxiety… but at least Leslie is coming to visit next week, and I will have a few days with my best gal.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1108
Stress and anxiety are real. I will get through this… but in the meantime I am not having a good time of it. My weight was up again this morning.
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Day 1106
My weight dropped a bit from yesterday, but I am still a bit more than five pounds over the terrible mark. I really need to get below that. The stress and anxiety that is my life for the next few weeks may not kill me, but it is certainly not doing my weight management any favours.
My sleep score from last night was a respectable 80, but I know that I woke up too many times for it to have been great. I finally gave up trying to get back to sleep again a little before 5:00am. It is not often that I can actually dawdle a little in the morning before working.
There was a news article a couple of days ago that really shook me about people in Colombia who showed up at the U.S. Embassy in Bogota for their immigration interviews only to find their appointments had been cancelled. My appointment is in a week, and while I do not let on about it very often, I know that the rest of my life hinges on the results of that meeting. Leslie and I have been married nearly three years, and the process has been a very long and trying one… not only is it miserable to live in a different country from my wife, but it has nearly bankrupted me from all of the travel and other expenses. I really need for this to be over so that I can live with her at long last.
I will try to eat well today. As I had so much time to spare this morning, I prepared my lunch. I am marinating a piece of salmon with some vegetables, and I will serve it over a bed of rice. For dinner I will likely have the same chicken I would normally have prepared for both lunch and dinner.
While I really cannot afford it, I decided to book a haircut appointment for tomorrow. My hair really is too long to keep under control, so I bit the bullet. A couple of days after I booked the appointment, my barber told me that the shop she was working at closed its doors, and so she is coming to cut my hair at my apartment. That will definitely be a first for me. At least I will be able to look at myself without wretching.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1105
My weight is not cooperating, but it seldom does when I am under the weather. At least I got a good night sleep at last. I woke up in the middle of the night once or twice and was afraid I would not be able to fall back asleep, but I did. Here’s hoping that I can stay reasonably true to my game plan today.
Whatever I may be sick with is still with me, but it is neither better nor worse than it was the last couple of days. If it does not get worse then I’m not worried about getting through the day.
The weather is not pretty. While the temperature is reasonable, the wind is wild so the windchill is not pleasant. Princess Sophie and I made it almost to the end of the block before turning back. She does not like the howling winds. She hates wet and precipitation as well, so combining the two meant it was going to be a short walk. At least she did all of her business before we turned back.
Today is Day 3 of my class. I am pretty much on schedule, and I hope the students are enjoying it. I did get a bit of good news from a student I taught last year – he passed one of his exams yesterday and thanked me for the class. That always makes me feel good.
Have a great day folks!
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Day 1104
I was relieved to get to sleep before 10pm last night. I slept right through… until 1:15am, at which point I was awake until 3:30am when finally got back to sleep. I suppose I have too much on my mind to expect more. My throat is no better this morning than it was yesterday, but at least it is no worse. Let’s hope it stays that way.
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Day 1103
Had I written this entry earlier in the day I am sure I would have been down on myself about my weight rebounding back to where it was Saturday. After a long day of lecturing with a sore throat I am just glad I made it through the day. I really hope I am not coming down with anything. See you all tomorrow.
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Day 1102
I am coming to terms with the degree of my emotional despair and current state of mental health. I discussed it a little with a buddy and more with my wife. While it is not about my weight, my inability to lose weight is both partly the result of my mental state, as well as a contributing factor to my mental state… albeit a minor one.
I spent a couple of hours yesterday with a buddy who understands some of what I am going through, and while we spent maybe seven minutes talking about our combined mental health issues, it was good to sit and talk with a friend and NOT have to stress over anything. He did ask me for some help with his computer, but it was the sort of thing that I can do in my sleep.
My weight was seriously down this morning. I have to assume it will rebound tomorrow; hopefully it will not be all the way back up.
I am seriously happy that I am teaching this week. I really need the money, but I also need the distraction.
Have a great day.
