Losing a part of me

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  • Day 912

    My weight dropped to exactly 290 lbs. this morning, which is a decent drop, but not as much as it would have been had I not had the challah last night to say the blessing. Not sorry at all.

    Frankly, I am sure my weight would have dropped a bit more had I voided my bowels before weighing myself. Let me rephrase, because I actually did… but after I finished walking Her Floofness, I started making breakfast and felt the urge; too many things were on the go already (on the stove, etc.) so I decided not to. After breakfast, I had another significant bowel movement, and suspect it would have been an even more substantial loss. Oh well!

    My plans for today are a bit up in the air, but I am hoping that they firm up quickly. Whatever happens, I am going to try to be disciplined with food.

    ***

    I posted the following on my Facebook wall last night:

    There is hope!

    I was sitting in the barber’s chair discussing some of the anti-Israel Nazi protesters. She and I have known each other over a year, and she knows my position. I said something about the ‘Israel’s genocide of the poor innocent Hamas supporters in Gaza (sarcastically). The gentleman sitting waiting for the other barber loudly said ‘Excuse me? Do you really believe that garbage? All of the protesters are really just antisemites who hate Jews.’

    In nine months this was not nearly the first time that someone has agreed with me on the issue… but it was the first time anyone who did not know me stood up and said ‘HEY! The Jews have a right to exist and defend themselves and to get their hostages back by any means necessary.’ I asked the barber to give me a minute… I pulled off the cape to reveal my Israeli flag pin and my yellow ribbon pin. I told him my REAL position. I then thanked him for helping to restore my faith in humanity… if only for a minute, and if only a little bit.

    The Holocaust did not happen because EVERY German was a Nazi and agreed with the Nazis. It happened because good people stayed silent because they did not think it was their business to get involved.

    SPEAK UP! What we are seeing today is not different from Germany in the 1930s. The only difference today is that WE – Israel and the IDF – are stronger and smarter and know what’s at stake. Most of us don’t believe that ‘It can’t happen again’ because our parents said that and IT HAPPENED. With all of the lies and vitriol being spread it sometimes feels like we are alone… and if that’s what is going to be then we’ll face it alone… and we’ll win. But man, does it feel good to know that we still have some righteous gentiles who are willing to speak up for the side of right.

    If you think it won’t make a difference, then let me tell you something… this guy made my week. I’ve not been having a good time of it lately, but this guy really fed my soul and showed me that we may feel isolated… but we are not.

    I wish I got his name… I wish I had told him what his standing up for my country and my people meant to me. I wish I could have given him a hug. Thank you, Sir.

    If you think it doesn’t matter to anyone, trust me… this man meant everything to me.

    ***

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 911

    I completely spaced on my plans yesterday, and that cost me. My weight was up to slightly over 290 lbs., but I know what I did wrong… and promise to not do it again.

    With a minor exception (I had a roll in the afternoon) I have stuck to the plan today, although the day is not over yet. My class starts in five minutes. At the evening break I will have a meal replacement shake, and if I can stick to just that, then my weight should be back down tomorrow morning.

    One thing that I should mention is that I had not been able to move my bowels the last couple of days. This afternoon I felt like I was able to completely make up for the three days of backup. It was, to say the least, a relief.

    In a different context, Leslie and I discussed fibre this afternoon. At the time I had still not been to the toilet, and I told her that when I made my shake this evening. I would be adding a spoon of fibre to it. Despite my success this afternoon, I still feel that is a good idea.

    Have a great evening folks!

  • Day 910

    I did yesterday what I should be doing every day. I had breakfast and lunch, and then for my dinner I had a meal replacement shake. It may have taken me four hours to fall asleep after getting into bed exhausted, but at no point did I feel hungry. That is a huge victory! It is a much smaller victory that the bathroom scale reflected a drop of 3.2 lbs. from yesterday morning, dropping me below 290 once more. I will not consider any numeric losses to be huge victories until they are in the 250s or lower… and until they stay there.

    As I wrote yesterday, I was off kilter with my meds. I did not take them on Tuesday, and I was not able to pick up my refilled prescription from the pharmacy until later in the day yesterday; rather than wait, I took one of the remaining lower-dose pills that I still had. I think it did me okay, but I was still a bit out of sorts after 9:30pm. This morning, I took my full dosage and am hoping for great things. We’ll see.

    If I can follow the same food intake today as yesterday, then I think I will do okay. That is the plan folks.

    Have a great day!

  • Day 909

    I spent the entire yesterday walking around like a zombie. I could not for the life of me figure out why I was so exhausted! I took three naps during the day – unheard of for me… unless I was sick. Post hoc ergo propter hoc, I must have been sick, right?! 

    No, I was not sick… I was stupid… and if it was not for Microsoft and WordPress telling me that it was bad grammar, I would capitalize the first letter of that word. 

    I had run out of one of my medications. Okay, I called the pharmacy and asked them to refill it, which would not be a problem. In the meantime, I did not take the meds in the morning. I was not only exhausted throughout the day, but as the witching hour approached, and as I waited for my laundry (read: my bedding) to dry, the fatigue hit me hard. Had I realized that I had not taken my medications, I would not have been so worried… but there were a few minutes when I wondered if I was truly sick. It was only once I got into bed and checked the messages on my phone that I realized that yes, the pharmacy had messaged me that my prescription refill was ready to be picked up… but the message had been lost in the shuffle. That made the lightbulb go off, and I realized why I was feeling so bad. 

    For the second day in a row, my weight is back above 290 lbs., and I am not pleased about that. With that said, I did not eat anything bad today, and I am hoping to see some weight loss tomorrow morning. 

    Lesson learned: Do not mess with the meds! 

  • Day 908

    Another day… feeling exhausted!

  • Day 907

    I was disgusted to see my weight jump nearly three pounds yesterday morning, bringing it above 290 lbs. I spent the day with my godchildren and their parents, and that included some food… but not as much as it might have been. Fortunately, this morning my weight dropped a full two pounds, so not back to what I weighed Saturday, but much better than yesterday. My goal for today is to make it another good day and lose more weight tomorrow.

  • Day 906

    Not Good.

  • Day 905

    I was relieved (and somewhat surprised) to see my weight again from yesterday morning. I am not doing great on my diet, but I suppose I am not doing as terribly as I might. It is hard to stay true to it when I am so down, but I will keep trying.

    Don’t worry… I am not down in the sense that I am going to do anything drastic. I am just sad that Leslie is gone, and distraught over the Jew-hatred rampant throughout the world… especially these last nine months. I am not going to hurt myself, except insofar as I am eating things that I should not.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Day 904

    I did marginally better yesterday than I did the day before, and my weight did drop on the bathroom scale… a little. I hope that I did better today. With that said, I have been extremely down. 

    Two friends came to see me at different points during the day. It was good to see them both. One of them I have not seen since March, the other is a Lodge brother who I see on a regular basis. It is good to have friends. 

    Have a great evening folks! 

  • Day 903

    I have been very down since I dropped Leslie at the airport yesterday. My eating reflected that, and I was shocked by the number on my bathroom scale this morning. I tried to do better today, and maybe I did… but only a little.