Losing a part of me

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  • Day 883

    It was late in the morning yesterday that I first realized that I not only had frequent diarrhea, but I was also experiencing bouts of stomach pains that were more than just a bit uncomfortable. These would increase and decrease throughout the day, but at no point yesterday was I just feeling fine. In fact, I did something yesterday that I have never done before. I have been using the meal replacement shakes on and off since the end of March 2017. In those seven years I have never discarded half a shake because I just could not stomach it. I was in bed by 6:30, and while I did not really sleep until 2:00am, I did my best to stay put.

    I felt bad that I had not taken Princess Sophie out for a second walk yesterday, so when she asked me to at 1:00am I got dressed and took her outside. This was not going to be a long walk because I did not have the energy, but it is not fair to make her pay for my illness. As we walked out of the building, we saw about thirty feet to our left a skunk, so we paid special attention to give her a lot of space. If I hardly had the energy to walk her, I doubt I would have had the strength to de-skunk her. From a distance, skunks are actually very cute animals. I will always make a point to observe them only from a good distance.

    I wrote yesterday that these digestive tract issues were related to my taking too much fibre the previous days. I no longer believe that, and I have Leslie to thank for helping me to realize it. She suggested that it might be due to illness (such as norovirus), or withdrawal. Last week I stopped taking my antidepressants. Among the possible symptoms of withdrawal from Escitalopram are chills (had those), Digestive issues (incl. nausea, cramps, diarrhea, and appetite loss – yep), and sleep problems (definitely). Before you say, ‘but you stopped taking the pills over a week ago!’ I would also point to one article which reads: ‘…withdrawal symptoms typically begin one to three days after the last dose. Although, rarely they can start sooner (within hours) or later (more than a week).’

    Knowing that these issues are not because of something I ate, and that despite not eating any solid food in two days I am still having terrible diarrhea, there were several times during the day yesterday (and into the night) that I thought to myself that by not eating solid food, I was making things harder on my bowels. It would have been easy to say ‘I need to eat for a day or two or three to have something in my system so that my system can expel something’ but so far, I have not. I did replace my evening meal replacement shake with a protein bar (which I ate much later than I should have), so I guess there is at least something solid in my system to expel.

    I also suspected yesterday that despite all of the water I was drinking, I might be getting dehydrated (which is not uncommon with diarrhea). As such, I ran to the supermarket and picked up a couple of six-packs of Gatorade Zero. I was happy that they had my favourite flavour (grape). I had three of them before the night was over, and I had another one this morning. I may have been imagining it, but I might have seen a slight purple coloration in the toilet before I flushed… or that could have been my mind playing tricks on me (in turn, a common symptom of severe dehydration).

    I admit that we the extreme pooping I did yesterday, I was slightly disappointed to see a drop in my weight of only 1.4 lbs. from yesterday. Given what I endured, I thought it might have been more extreme, but alas it was not. I still was able to, for the third time in as many days, cross off another number on the chart on my fridge. I restarted the program on May 22, when I was 53.2 lbs. higher than my best weight ever. There have been several stops in the last month but despite all of them I have lost 20.2 lbs. in that time, and I am extremely happy with that. I am now 33 lbs. from my best weight ever, and I will get back there by the fall.

    According to my fitness watch, my sleep score was an abysmal 33. Despite being in bed from 6:30pm until 7:30am, it measured less than five hours of actual sleep (and even that I feel is optimistic). My body battery recharged to a laughable 13. Needless to say I am going to take today very easy, although I will absolutely be taking her Floofness out for another walk so that I do not have to do so in the middle of the night.

    I woke up this morning thinking that I was feeling much better than yesterday… despite another very loose experience on the toilet, my head seemed clearer, and I was not chilled. By the time Princess Sophie and I were on the last leg of our morning walk, all of those symptoms were back… albeit not (yet) as severe as they were yesterday. I am hoping that I am getting better, and that these issues will be behind me by the time I have to teach this evening.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 882

    Wow. I wrote to Leslie late last night (after we were usually both in bed and asleep) that I would not be adding fibre into my shakes today. The way things have gone since then, I am going to hold off a couple of days before resuming with a single teaspoon of the powder. I honestly lost track of how many times I had to run to the toilet between yesterday morning and this morning, but it is certainly over ten. I am relieved that I did not need to do so either while I was out walking or during my class. With that said, just between the time I climbed into bed and the time I finally fell asleep I made four or five trips… plus one at 5:15am; yes, I have also had two movements this morning. While in moderation fibre will indeed help keep your bowels regular, in excess it can cause days where you are better off just camping out in the loo.

    I joked with Leslie this morning (prior to my weighing myself) that with all of those trips to the bathroom, combined with my actually staying true to the program yesterday (with no additions or substitutions) it was likely I would have dropped between 7-10 pounds. In fact, my weight dropped another 2.2 lbs., bringing my weight drop since Saturday morning to 8.8 lbs.! I gleefully crossed off another number on the fridge chart for the second day in a row. The last time I weighed less than I did this morning was March 5. I am only 6.4 lbs. from my weight on January 1, and thirteen pounds from my best weight of 2024 (January 22).

    Excuse me while I run back to the toilet…

    Okay I am back… and this is getting a wee bit ridiculous. It is a good thing that I am drinking as much water as I am, because otherwise I would have to start worrying about dehydration. As it is, I might head to the supermarket to pick up some Gatorade Zero to ensure my electrolytes don’t drop below acceptable levels.

    When I was a kid, I had a friend named Mark Nadler who I remember had to drink a glass of Metamucil every day (in addition to taking Flintstones Vitamins… it’s amazing the things I remember from before I turned ten). I never understood why, nor why I did not need to. I assume it was because whatever else I might say about her (and I can say plenty), my mother made sure we ate well balanced meals… or else!

    As I spoke with Leslie last night, I was reminded of my last visit to my Hong Kong tailor who commented that I had gained quite a bit of weight since my last fitting. It was only a seven-pound difference, but it was noticeable… and I can certainly notice it, as some of the clothes that I ordered in September do not currently fit… or I should say that they did not fit a week ago, but they seem to all (except for one vest) fit now. Yay! I suppose there is something to be said for the fibre cleaning out my colon! Nevertheless, I am this morning 7.2 lbs. heavier than I was when I visited the tailor at the end of February, and about 15 lbs. heavier than I was on the previous trip in September. My goal is now to make sure I lose at least those 20 lbs. more before they return in September, and that not only will all of my current wardrobe fit, but I will also be able to order new clothes with a smaller cut than I ever have. That will take some work, but it is certainly a short-term goal to strive for… assuming the end of September counts as short-term?

    I kept my promise to myself yesterday and walked but did not jog. It was hot! For the first time in recent memory, not only did I finish the water bottle that I brought with me from home, but toward the end of the walk I also stopped off and bought another bottle of water and a bottle of Gatorade Zero. I walked 7.35km with an average pace of 9m44s/km. Not bad, considering the mercury was pushing 33° Celsius, and there was almost no cloud cover to speak of.

    We have another heat warning in effect for today, but the high temperature is forecast to hit 30°C and no higher. With that said, I might take another break from exercising because of my current bowel issues… I do not think it wise to stray too far from the toilet, and my Lodge brethren who are coming over will understand completely.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 881

    Yesterday was mostly a day of rest. My body needed it after the previous day’s activity. I also confess that I had both a handful of almonds (in lieu of my third meal replacement) and a handful of peanuts (in addition to everything). I confess, as I was leaving my buddy’s house in Grimsby, I was feeling very weak, and I stopped at a Bulk Barn and picked up the nuts. I was feeling weak again toward the end of the evening and thought about eating a protein bar. I was leaning heavily toward it but then decided to brush my teeth and be done for the night. I think I did the right thing.

    In the previous days I had been adding a lot more fibre to my meal replacements. While I know the fibre helps to keep your bowels unclogged, I suspect I might have overdone it. Yesterday I had four bowel movements, the last two of which were quite on the urgent side. This morning’s movement was also somewhat loose. While I am thrilled to be regular, I think this might be a little too regular, and I will dial the fibre back down to one teaspoon per day.

    I was so excited this morning when I stepped onto the bathroom scale to discover that my weight had dropped another two pounds! This was amazing for several of reasons. Firstly, I have now officially lost all of the weight (and more!) that I had put back on during my two breaks from the program. Next, I was able to (for the first time since May 29th) cross off another milestone on my fridge chart. My weight is now below what it was when I Flew to Cuba on my last trip (March 23). In fact, the last time I weighed this was March 12, and I am very happy to be making the progress that I have been making. My best weight of this calendar year was on January 22, and I am still about 16 lbs. heavier than I was on that day. I also now weigh 36.6 lbs. more than I did at my best weight ever (October 18, 2023), which means I have a long way to go until I get there… but I am going to do it.

    With regard to the chart on my fridge, I my weight is now 35.2 lbs. from the day that I will shave my beard so that my wife can see what she calls my ‘baby face’ just once… although she also wants me to grow it back again immediately. It will be interesting to see what I look like without a beard and the weight. As I have written earlier, I hope to be able to achieve that by the fall.

    It is now 1:20pm and I have been nursing my midday meal replacement for the past thirty minutes. I am going to finish it and then change into my workout clothes and go for a walk. As I told Leslie, I will not be trying to jog today. Not only does my body still feel a bit drained, but it is also nearing 33° Celsius (91.5° Fahrenheit for my American readers). I may love the heat and even running in it… but I need to teach this evening, and it just would not do for me to be completely drained of life before my class. I will also make sure to pee… at least once but probably twice because I have been drinking a lot of water today (as I should be, both for weight loss and to stay hydrated in this heat!).

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 880

    I told Leslie that I would not overdo it yesterday on my jog/walk, but I am not sure if I followed through on that or not. While the thermometer read 31°, it hardly felt to be over 22° (probably because of the wind), and it even rained for about fifteen minutes. All this to say that I ended up jogging the first 2km (average pace 7m20s) and then walked another 9.65km (average pace 9m48s) … with a few stops. I stopped under the railway bridge to escape the worst of the rain, then I stopped into three different stores (Bulk Bark, once again to escape the rain, and to collect some almonds to nourish my body!), and I stopped into both Shopper’s Drug Mart and Longo’s to do a bit of necessary shopping – including replenishing both my fibre and my coffee. It was a successful walk indeed, although I confess, I probably overdid it just a little bit. My total steps for the day (which included two walks with Princess Floof) came to 22,742… by far my highest step count since my first full day in Havana in February (and only the fifth day this calendar year that I have exceeded 20,000 steps). I am definitely feeling the effects in both my legs and my back today. In fact, I think I will go and take a Tylenol…

    Okay, I did that, and also a few other tasks that needed to be performed today. Now I can continue to write, and then try to get some work done.

    I ate two things off the program yesterday: I already mentioned that I bought a handful of almonds at Bulk Barn during my walk. In the evening, I was still quite hungry, and I decided to indulge with a protein bar. I regretted it at the time, but knowing how much exercising I did throughout the day I do not think it was the worst thing I could have done.

    There are probably two other things (aside from my exercise and my meal replacements) that account for my weight loss these last couple of days. I have been drinking a lot of water, and I have been adding at least three teaspoons of fibre powder to my meal replacements each day. I suppose that may also account for the fact that for the second day in a row, I had a decent bowel movement in the morning, and then after my morning shake, I had a second one. I will probably lower that to two teaspoons per day, as I do not think I will really have enough solids in my body to warrant it. We’ll see how I continue to do.

    Speaking of weight loss, my weight dropped another 1.6 lbs. this morning, bringing me below my weight from the day that I decided to go off the program for a week (which became two weeks). It is still .6 lb. higher than the previous day, which would be my lowest weight since I rededicated myself to the program, and my lowest weight since March 12. My lowest weight of this calendar year was 259.4 lbs. on January 22; I am currently 17.8 lbs. from that day, and I am hoping to get back there pretty quickly. Of course, I know that in sixteen days Leslie will be arriving, and no matter how well I do between now and then I will be taking a week off the program while she is here. I doubt that I can lose nearly eighteen pounds in sixteen days, but it would be great to be under that by the end of July.

    (It can also be noted that I weigh 38.6 lbs. more than my best weight ever, which was on October 18 of last year… 244 days ago. If I can get back to that weight by October 18 then I will have lost a year but regained my footing and all of my progress.)

    I think I will take a day to rest from exercising today, if only to give my sore leg muscles time to recover. With that said, I ate two things off the program yesterday, and I will try to not do that today… although if I can keep it to one of the two, then I will be satisfied with that success.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 879

    As I said I would, I took my sons to Lone Star Texas Grill for lunch yesterday. Now I remember clearly that the low-calorie meal that I usually order is the Fajita Bowl with grilled chicken, minus the cheese and the poblano crema. While the nutritional value lists this item as 810 calories with 1210mg of sodium, 18g of fat (5g saturated), 35g of carbohydrates, and 32g of protein, from what I can tell by removing the cheese and the poblano crema that would drop to 690 calories with 900mg of sodium, 6g of fat (0g saturated), 32g of carbohydrates, and 25g of protein. Overall, I think I did a decent job on that meal. Nevertheless, I decided to cut out two meal replacements yesterday, just in case…

    As I was chatting with Leslie last night, we discussed how difficult the first day back on the program can be. We were both hungry, and possibly even a little hangry… although not with each other. I told her that it was likely more difficult for her yesterday, if only for the fact that I had an actual lunch. I hope we will both make it through the next few days without too much difficulty.

    I told Leslie that I decided that when I weighed myself this morning, I would have lost a pound from yesterday. When I stepped onto the scale today (after a pretty decent bowel movement) I realized that I was not one pound down. In fact, I had dropped 3.8 lbs., my best weight since the day I put the program aside for the sake of being able to get through my classes. That was fifteen days ago. I am now only 1.4 lbs. from matching my best weight from this diet go-around… and two pounds from being able to cross off another mini milestone on my fridge chart! I am truly stoked about the progress. In fact, as I was writing this journal entry, I felt the urge and had another very productive bowel movement. I might have lost even more!

    I have a lot of work to do today but am still planning on going out for a jog after my midday meal replacement. This morning, I had a lovely video date with my wife on the balcony, and we again discussed our weight loss progress. She did well this morning as well, so we were both happy with our progress. As I have said in the past, she and I joke that on the first days of the program I only need to look at a shake to begin losing weight again, so even with the meal that I had, we had both expected I would do much better. Yay!

    I have been hungry these last couple of hours. I told Leslie that I did not want to enjoy my midday meal replacement until 12:30, and now that is only ten minutes away. I have also had a lot to drink… in addition to my three cups of coffee, I also finished two large bottles (750ml each) of water, which is very good to help my weight loss. It also means that I have spent a lot of time running to the loo, but that is to be expected.

    Okay, I am going to publish this article, drink my shake, and go for my jog/walk. I am going to try to do ten kilometres total (I will jog at least 3km, but possibly more), and I will walk the rest. My last outdoor jog/walk was 90 minutes, and I should be able to do that easily despite the heat (it is now 30°C and sunny), but I will listen to my body. I think the Army trained me to keep going despite any level of fatigue I may be feeling, but I know that I am no longer 22 years old and have to think of the aftereffects as well as what I may be feeling at the time. I will take my large bottle with me but will not hesitate to stop into a convenience store to replenish should I finish it.

    Speaking of the Army, I chatted with an uncle in Israel this morning. I need to get a copy of my service record to submit with my US Immigration papers, and the consulate informed me that I have to get that directly from the Army… and the Army finally responded to my email and told me that I need to call them for it. What a royal pain… without a contact in Israel it would be an expensive series of overseas calls to get it, so he will make the call and try to get it for me. I am crossing my fingers that they do not rebuff him… I suspect his rank should get through at least some of that bureaucracy though.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 878

    I don’t know how I wrote this but did not press publish. Sorry about that… Here is yesterday’s article! -MDG

    It is funny how certain things can bring back memories from however long ago; when I was a child my father’s phone number at the office was 878-3371. Typing in the title of today’s article that came flooding to the fore. When I write ‘when I was a child,’ I truly mean it… he left that firm when I was not yet eight years old… nearly 44 years ago. Because of that, I second-guessed myself, so I typed the number (with the area code) into Google and sure enough, the website of the firm that he was with when I was a child came up. I miss him so much.

    I gained another .6 lb. this morning, bringing me up 2.4 lbs. in the last two days. Fortunately, I think that my brain is back to normal, so I should not have to worry about eating for that. I will, however, need to worry about eating when I go for lunch with my son (or sons – that is not yet clear). My son the younger wants Lone Star Texas Grill, and I am more than happy to accommodate him… even if today was not Father’s Day, which it is. I am thrilled to be seeing him (or hopefully them).

    A couple of notes on this morning’s weight gain:

    1. Yesterday I ate more than I had planned to; I had bought a carton of eggs for breakfast, and had quite a few left. I ended up making a large omelette for dinner with the remainder of the onion, and sliced up the remainder of the cucumber which I had on the side. There is now no food left in the house to tempt me this morning;
    2. It was only after I returned from taking Princess Sophie for her walk and then drinking my morning shake that I was able to successfully move my bowels, and there might not really have been so much weight gain had it come prior to my weighing myself.

    With all of that said, I am still pleased that I did not gain more weight than I did. As I prepared to step onto the scale, I said to myself that if my weight was 283 lbs. or less then I would be satisfied. It came in at 282.4 lbs. … I was relieved that I did not gain more than I did over the two days.

    And so, today I restart the program… with a possible necessary exception of lunch with my sons, but I will order very intelligently, and will eschew the proffered chips and salsa. I enjoyed my first meal replacement shake of the day at 10:30am, which means that I should not be too hungry when I get to the restaurant. I will order the same dish that I did the last time I was there… although I confess, I do not recall what that was. If I do not recognize it on the menu then I will look up the nutritional values on their website. The afternoon and evening will be meal replacements only.

    It is possible that a friend may be coming over to join me on the balcony for a cigar this afternoon, but that is still a very tentative thing that we discussed in passing. We will see, and if he does not then I will still enjoy the afternoon. I plan to retrieve the dresser from my locker so that I can use it as the chest of drawers in my office area… replacing the plastic monstrosity that I have been using for nearly three years (and which sat in my storage locker for four years prior to that… and which was probably in my office in my previous apartment in Burlington, although I confess I do not remember that far back.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 877

    I realized early in the afternoon yesterday that I was extremely edgy. I was sitting with a close friend and within the first three minutes I wanted to lash out. I did not, instead explaining to him that I thought I was feeling the withdrawal symptoms from cutting off my antidepressants. I made the decision later in the afternoon that it was probably a bad idea to be at the beginning of my food-free program and going through that. I will resume the program tomorrow, but I need to get my head right. I am going to stay close to home today, only going out to walk Her Floofness.

    My weight was up significantly this morning, but keeping my head straight is the immediate priority.

  • Day 876

    I did not exercise yesterday. I also made a critical planning error when I headed out to my Lodge meeting without even having my third meal replacement of the day, let alone bringing my fourth with me. I ended up eating at the Lodge dinner – brisket sandwiches, but I threw most of the bun away. After the Lodge was ice cream and strawberries, but by the time I got there (I had stopped to talk) there were no berries left. I decided to ignore the ice cream, opting instead to take some of the beef that was still available. I did not even take the bread this time.

    My weight was not up this morning as I expected it would be. In fact, it dropped .2 lb. to 280 even. If I can stay true today then… yeah, tomorrow I’ll be down.

    I slept 9.5 hours last night! When have I said that in the last few years? It felt luxuriant.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 875

    I did not fall asleep until very late last night, although that was my fault. I lost track of time as I was listening to the last chapters of the book on tape that I have been listening to. Yes, I realize that audiobooks have not been on tapes in years, but that is still what I call them. By the time I was sawing lumber it was probably 2:00am. Were it not for Her Royal Floofness, I might have been able to sleep in… but responsible pet parents know that is not an option. My fitness watch reads just under 4.5 hours of sleep, although that is not usually accurate. I would estimate that I got closer to five hours of sleep before the gorgeous girl told me that it was time for me to get out of bed.

    It is a lovely day out, even though the forecast is for high winds later in the day. We walked a little farther than usual because she wanted to go another route, but when she started walking into the street (carefully after looking both ways) without my permission, I decided it was time for her to walk me on the leash. I do not mind her cheekiness when I am not in a rush (as I was not this morning), but when it comes to safety, all bets are off.

    I did not exercise yesterday. I also did not waste my day away. I rearranged the furniture in my apartment, and after nearly three years living here, I am absolutely thrilled by what I accomplished. I spent five hours on the task, which considering the size of the apartment (and the fac that I was really just rearranging a single room) sounds ridiculous… even to me. With that said, I truly feel that the end result is worth it. Long-time readers of my blog may remember that when I started out, I had sorted all of my clothes that did not fit into large plastic containers (by size). While a couple of the containers are still in use (for other things mostly), I found two of them and filled them with books that are now in my storage locker downstairs. While I did keep some of them upstairs (mostly my cigar library and books on Israel), the vast majority of the clutter has been put away. I love having them, but I also love having a cleaner and less cluttered space. While I do not consider that exercise, I did get 8500 steps in yesterday… not bad for an off day!

    While I was not 100% true to my program (I went and bought some almonds), I still lost nearly 1.5 lbs. this morning. I am now 3.6 lbs. away from where I was at my best weight of this go-around… and 4.2 lbs. from crossing off another number on the chart on my fridge. You remember that chart? The one that is counting down my weight loss until I shave my beard! No, I have not forgotten about that.

    Part way through writing this article I felt the urge, and for the second time today I moved my bowels. I suspect had this come out earlier then my weight might have been down a few more ounces. I suspect that adding more fiber into my shakes these last few days was a good idea… especially since I was a little backed up the previous week. I will continue to add a couple of teaspoons per day, although I will not be adding them to every shake going forward.

    On the subject of regulating my body: You may recall that Monday I met with my doctor to discuss (among other things) my medications. I started taking an antidepressant at the beginning of the year because I had been having trouble sleeping, and she believed it might have been because I was depressed. A couple of months ago, she recommended that I up the dosage, but I never did. Now that things are going better (read: Leslie and I are reconciled) I do not feel that I need them, so I spoke to her about cutting them out. She recommended I wean myself off over a period of two weeks, but being the stubborn hard head that I am, I just stopped. Today is my third morning without them and I am not feeling any ill effects, but I am not flushing them down the pishadoo just yet. If by the end of the month I am doing well then they are gone. She also increased my dosage of another med, and after discussing it with Leslie I decided that I will start the increased dosage on Saturday, so that I have a couple of days to adjust before I have to teach again. She’s a sage woman, my wife!

    I am going for a haircut shortly but will spend the afternoon working on a project that I have been neglecting for work. I am excited to dig into it, and more excited that I have finally made my workspace much more comfortable and organized so that I should be able to focus.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 874

    The combination of (mostly) sticking to the program and the addition of fibre to three meal replacements yesterday paid off this morning. I had a very productive (and comfortable) bowel movement, and the bathroom scale showed me down three pounds from yesterday morning. Woohoo! Of course, I should not discount the fact that I also exercised yesterday – forty-five minutes on the treadmill would have contributed to that. It also justified (read: gave me an excuse) to eat a protein bar (before) and some almonds (after). Hopefully in a few days I will be able to get through the day with the exercise, and without eating. I should also mention that I had the rest of my chicken for lunch… but of course, that was planned.

    On June 1 I was down to 276.6 lbs., and then (after a day of gaining weight for no reason) I had that scary day of lethargy which prompted me to step back from the program for the week that I was working… followed by a few other excuses to extend that ‘step back.’ Gaining eight pounds in nine days felt horrible, but I was never going to let it continue. Today I am five pounds up from that weight, and by this time next week I will be under that weight. I know I can do it, as long as I stay true to the program.

    My diet buddy texted me this morning. We are going to have a call in a few minutes.

    Have a great day folks!