Losing a part of me

Tag: Diet

  • Day 14 – Achievement unlocked

    The achievement that I unlocked is not a weight loss milestone… although I probably hit a couple of those in the last days. I am proud of myself that I got through yesterday on five meal replacements – 800 calories on the day – and nothing more.

    I had a shake for breakfast, and then did a whole lot of organization in my bedroom, finally making real progress (I’ve only lived here three months!) to it being liveable and presentable. It was 2:30pm before I realized it, and I had a bowl of stew (which was better than I’d expected) and then a smores bar for a dessert.

    I went to the cigar lounge for a couple of hours and chatted with some of the guys there. I knew I was going to go to the bar in the evening, but I wanted to go home to see the new shelving unit that my son picked up and put together for me – it is an Ikea unit so there were no surprises, and of course he did a fine job of assembling it. I had a bowl of tortilla soup, and as I was getting ready to leave the house I decided to grab another meal replacement bar; I would not eat it right away, but I felt that it was smart to have in the car in case I got peckish before it was time to come home.

    My friend Al joined me at the bar after the cigar lounge closed, We smoked another cigar, and then as we left the bar I told him that I was looking forward to devouring the bar that was in my car, which is exactly what I did. It was delicious, or maybe just seemed so because I was so hungry.

    I got into bed at around midnight, I watched a little bit of television, and then I turned out the lights around 1am… without eating anything more.

    I was not sure how difficult the transition was going to be from 900 calories to 800 calories, and especially knowing that I had not been following the original program very well. Yesterday I proved to myself that I can do it… and I will continue to try to do the program without incorporating peanuts or almonds… and especially without plates of pasta from my favourite Italian restaurant.

    Today is the last day of my second week on the program. My weight is down about twenty pounds in that time which means that I am about thirty pounds from achieving my goal of fifty pounds by New Years Day. I know of course that the pace of weight loss will abate greatly now – otherwise I would be on track to lose more than sixty pounds in that time – but it should still be doable. If previous attempts at this program are an indication then I can still expect to lose 6-7 pounds per week for the next couple of months. That would get me to exactly my goal by December 31st.

    What angers me is that I regained all of the weight I lost the last time… and the time before that. I have to find a way to meet my weight loss goals, and then to stay there permanently. It will involve serious lifestyle changes that will have to incorporate both diet and exercise. It will be a challenge. I have never shied away from a challenge.

    Have a great Sunday folks.

  • Week 2 begins…

    I did not weigh myself the morning of Day 1, so I cannot be certain of my exact progress at the beginning of the second week. It is approximately fifteen pounds based on my weigh-in the previous day, and the night. I’ll take it.

    I ate weird yesterday. I had my first two meal replacements as expected, but then was out for the rest of the day and so could not easily have my third and fourth. The peanuts are finished, so in lieu of the third meal replacement I found a package of unsalted almonds (1.5oz) which was a good substitute. I then sat at my bar until nearly midnight, and while I was hungry when I got home… I decided to skip my fourth meal replacement of the day and go to bed slightly hungry. Because of the nutrients required to stay healthy I know to not make a habit of this… but once in a while, it will not hurt.

    As I dressed to teach this morning I am wearing the same pants I wore yesterday so there is no difference there; my shirt is one that I was able to wear comfortably ten days ago, so I do not think that is an indicator. The sports jacket that I am wearing… that feels a bit looser than it did ten days ago in Indiana. Not only am I able to sit down in it comfortably, but I was also worried about the fit over the holstered firearm in my belt. Do I need to be armed while teaching? Of course not! I am wearing it because I am trying to get used to wearing it. I suspect that as I lose the weight it will continue to feel more comfortable, and I will need to carry it less.

    On a subject partially related to the firearm: I was excited that my new eyeglasses were meant to arrive today for many reasons, not the least of which is that I am hoping it will help with my aim. I also find that as I sit looking at my computer screens, I am squinting more than I used to. Perhaps that will be helped a bit. Well, I woke up to an email that said they are now due to arrive tomorrow. Will one extra day make a huge difference? It will not.

    My initial self-challenge statement was that I would lose fifty pounds from last Monday to New Years… something like 49 days. I am not posting progress charts on my fridge, I am simply doing my best. I know that Week 1 will always produce the most extreme results, so I am guardedly optimistic that I am now about thirty-five pounds from that goal with 42 days to go. These last three days the progress has been one pound per day, and that will not continue. Might I reach my goal? Perhaps. Will I be successful if I do not meet that goal by New Years, but continue to lose all of the weight I want to lose? Yes… but only if I can keep it off.

    Have a great day folks.

  • 2026 Day 24

    One day I will be able to write about what stress and anxiety I have been going through, and how yesterday played a part. I will be able to explain why I had to make the 90 minute drive into Toronto, and after twelve minutes I turned around and drove home… having accomplished my goal. I will be able to explain why I lay in bed last night realizing that my stress was not over because of that, but it had shifted to the next phase of it. That will not be today.

    It was because of so much of what happened yesterday that I had a meal… but even knowing that I was going to cheat, I was good. I did not order Chinese food; I did not go to the pub and order Buffalo wings. I went to the supermarket, I picked up chicken and challah rolls, and I had an early afternoon Shabbat dinner. I added to the chicken and challah a side of rice which I had in the house.

    It is because of that meal – a cheat to be sure, but worse for the carbohydrate and starch-heavy side dishes – that my weight was up this morning. I gained two full pounds from yesterday.

    This morning is my Lodge monthly breakfast for men’s mental health, and I will go after I press Publish on this journal entry. I will not order my usual French toast, rather I will order an omelette. It is still not on my program, but it is healthier than so many things I might do.

    After breakfast, I am meeting with my old diet buddy. We have not seen each other in over a year, but as we are both getting back on track we decided to support each other. I am not dropping my new diet buddy, I have the cycles for two. I am looking forward to seeing my old friend.

    Have a great day folks.

  • 2026 Day 22

    After a full day of sticking to the program religiously, my weight this morning dropped ever so slightly below the previous best measurement of the year. It was only .4 lb. lower than yesterday’s reading, but if you read yesterday’s post you might recall that I was unsure of the veracity of that one. Today’s weigh-in, at 7:43am, was exactly within the sweet spot of when I usually aim for, and so I can trust it… at least, I can trust it as much as I would any reading on this scale and on this floor.

    As of this morning, I have lost 17 lbs. in the three weeks since I restarted started the program (with several days of falling). Possibly more important is that I have dropped 19.2 lbs. since the morning of November 28, or 8.7 kg. That date is relevant because the previous afternoon I saw my doctor and promised her that I would lose 10 kg by the time I saw her again… which is Monday next. While it would be nice to lose that last 1.3 kg by then, and if I stick to my program that should be realistic, I nonetheless expect that even if I do not, she will not be upset with an 8.7 kg drop. In truth, had it not been for a deadly combination of the holidays and some extremely stressful situations then I likely would be a lot further along. As it stands, I hope to be able to walk into her office at the weight I promised I would try to hit by then.

    Yes, those stressors can be deadly. Speaking with one of my diet buddies last night we discussed stress, and stress eating. As a school teacher she had to deal with a very unruly parent, and came home to stress eat.

    ** Writer’s Note: I obviously got distracted at this point. It was a very busy and stressful day, and I never got back to the article. Ooops!

  • 2026 Day 20

    When my bathroom scale is obviously wrong, or even slightly in doubt, I step off reset it, and then I reweigh myself. I then delete the incorrect reading and go about my day. This morning was an exception. I do not know what forces collided to show me a reading that I was fourteen pounds down from yesterday. There is hope, there is optimism, and there is the realm of complete impossibility. I reset the scale… but I kept that other reading. How sweet that would have been indeed… and I know I was strict on my diet program yesterday and I know that I had another decent bowel movement this morning… but no, I am not living in a fantasy land where two days of dieting can shed seventeen pounds. After resetting the bathroom scale I was indeed down… by 1.8 lbs., not by the weight of a small dog.

    After a few days of terrible slipping I am back to 15.2 lbs. down from the day I started. I know I have nothing to complain about with that kind of loss in less than three weeks, but at the same time I know that I could have been so much farther along with my progress had I not fallen off the wagon. I have to stay true to the program and keep losing… otherwise I will never be slim again. I simply have to redouble my efforts and not let myself fall off again.

    I slept very well last night. After my class was over I was in bed at a reasonable hour, and after watching one episode of a show I am binging I was turned out the lights around 11:30, and was asleep by 11:45. I slept until nearly 7:40am!

    • Sleep score: 93 (Excellent)
    • Duration: 7h48m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 14 avg (Good)
    • Deep: 1h51m (Excellent)
    • Light: 4h23m (Excellent)
    • REM: 1h34m (Fair)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 7m, 31 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    I am not going to complain about any of that. I would love to know how one could adjust these things… it seems to me that they are nothing that I can control. I suppose if they are good more often than bad then I’m satisfied.

    I must have forgotten to press PUBLISH twice after writing this. oops!

  • 2026 Day 17

    I woke up today a whole new man. What a difference a good night sleep makes! According to Garmin:

    • Sleep score: 91 (Excellent)
    • Duration: 8h57m (Excellent)
    • Stress: 15 avg (Good)
    • Deep: 1h21m (Fair)
    • Light: 5h41m (Good)
    • REM: 1h55m (Good)
    • Awake/Restlessness: 4m, 37 Restless Moments (Excellent)

    I suspect that I was probably asleep earlier than that, but I am not going to complain. I woke up at 7:00am to pee, and then rather than staying up (as I usually would at 7:00am) I got back into bed and slept another 95 minutes. Princess Sophie did not mind at all… and after the week I had, I really needed it!

    I did not eat well this week, which started with my Day 13 Chinese Food debacle. The following day I ordered Shawarma… a better choice than General Tao Chicken to be sure, but still a terrible aberration from what anyone who is trying to lose weight should be eating. I weighed myself that afternoon and was five pounds up from the previous day! I thought that with eating the rest of the week (including that shawarma dinner later that evening) my weight would be a little bit up from there this morning, but in fact it was down… albeit by just over one pound. Progress is progress, and what is important is that I get back on track. I have enough chicken left to make one more meal which will be this afternoon, and as of tomorrow I will be back on my meal replacements only for the foreseeable future. I have to continue to lose.

    The one upside to eating this week is that I have had a number of healthy bowel movements. As much of a relief as those may be, I would rather see my relief on the bathroom scale… and eventually in how my clothes fit me.

    Have a great weekend folks!

  • 2026 Day 3

    Irrelevant to my progress, I realized yesterday after I published my daily entry that I had already used the title Day 1, Day 2, etc… and so in order to make things clear, I am changing the titles. Today’s year-Day is not set in stone, but it’s what I came up with for now.

    I cheated yesterday. It took me less than 48 hours to fall off the wagon. Fortunately, it was not a terrible fall. After my third meal replacement I went out to visit with friends. On my way there I realized I was very hungry, and I did not want to arrive at their place and see temptations on the table. I stopped off and bought a handful of peanuts, which I ate in the car as I drove down there.

    When I arrived I realized that I had absolutely made the right decision. Before I even sat down, I was told that there were delicious fried chicken wings over here, and sour gummies over there. Less than an hour earlier I was speaking with my new diet buddy and she told me that a cup of celery per day was allowed on the program. With that knowledge, I took two spears of celery from the bowl of crudités before sitting down to light my cigar. Despite the temptations that were everywhere, I did not indulge.

    I had told my diet buddy that I was not going to start integrating celery into my program, but I am beginning to rethink that decision. I am going to reevaluate that decision. I have not made a decision yet, but I will think about it. I do have to go to the supermarket today to pick up a quart of milk for my coffee, and depending on how I feel (and how they look in the produce section) I might pick up a celery. We shall see.

    It is important to point out that while other vegetables might be healthy, celery is probably the lowest calorie vegetable per volume, with a medium stalk containing six (6) calories. There is a myth that we burn more calories than that when eating it which is untrue, but it is still a very healthy way to get full (and get more dietary fibre) without any of the negative contents (carbohydrates, starches, sugars) that I am trying to avoid.

    Aside from milk and celery, I also need to fill my propane tanks if I have any plans to smoke on the balcony this week. While the forecast high temperatures will be above zero through Thursday, there might be wind which would make that uncomfortable… but in case it is not, I would like to have the option. I am seldom tempted to snack when I am smoking a cigar.

    I remembered yesterday that one of the most important things to remember when dieting is to drink a lot of water. I was negligent on that on Thursday, but yesterday I refilled my 30oz bottle at least three times throughout the day. It might have been four. I do know that I spent a lot more time running to the latrine than I usually do. I will try to keep that up. The weekend might be more challenging because I do not think about it, but during the week while I am teaching it will be easier. I will make a point of trying to drink at least two litres every day, which is a little more than sixty-five ounces. During the week when I am teaching that will be easier, but I am already at least a third of my way there this Saturday afternoon. Not too bad!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1306

    I need to get back on track. This morning I was disgusted by the ground lost on the bathroom scale… or I supposed I should say last night. I was in bed by 5:30pm but never fell asleep. I might have gotten 20-30 minutes of sleep at some point, but I forced myself to stay in bed with my eyes closed until 11pm or so, at which point I got up and showered and shaved and got ready for the day. My very unpleasant encounter with the bathroom scale was therefore around 11:30pm.

    I do not know how long it will take for my new meal replacements to arrive, and I do not know what to expect when it does. My daily caloric intake on my usual ones is 900 calories spread across four 225 calorie shakes. These products are, as memory serves, 150 calories each, which means that to keep cadence I will be on six products per day until the other ones are available again. I can live with that. I am excited and reticent at the same time knowing that these are not all the same old shakes… which I do actually like and do not find boring. These are different types of chips and cookies and things like that. If they are really good then I will have to remember to maintain my self-control and not over-indulge.

    It is 8:45am and yes, I am exhausted, but the hardest part of my class is over. I have no more lecturing to do today – they are doing practice exams all afternoon. In just over two hours the class will be over for the day. I have to run to the post office, but other than that I can come home and relax. Hopefully with my current level of exhaustion I will get to sleep for real this afternoon.

    Have a great day folks.

  • Dat 1301

    Wow did I sleep! Yesterday after class I slept at least five hours. It was very nice. I got up and did whatever I needed to do, and then sat on the balcony with a cigar. When I realized how tired I was I decided to go in and try to sleep again. I slept another four and a half hours. In fact, I slept so deep that I overslept. When I opened my eyes and saw that it was 1:40am I jumped out of bed and scrambled to be online with three minutes to spare… not for the ‘I’ll be online thirty minutes early in case you have any questions’ but three minutes until class started. I will not make a habit of that.

    My weight was up significantly this morning. It is partly because in my rush I did not position the scale properly, but also because my system has been out of whack. I am not going to beat myself up over it.

    I have to wait one or two days more before I can reorder my meal replacements, but it is nearly that time. I am about to open my last box of 14 shakes… that is 3.5 day. If I cannot order them in time to get them by the weekend then I am going to be short. In anticipation of that I am going to cut down to three per day, plus one meal. That will start this afternoon, but will end when I receive my new shipment.

    With that said, I have a weight in mind at which I am going to make that transition to three plus one – three shakes and one meal. The meal will be much smaller than it was the last time I tried this, but I have to start eating responsibly. I expect that by mid-September I will be there.

    Because I was so late getting up, I did not have my meal replacement until my morning break – three hours later than normal. I was not feeling hunger pangs, but I do expect that had I waited much longer, I would not have been operating on all cylinders. That was not intentional, and will not be repeated.

    It is time for me to get back to class. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 1299

    As I lay in bed unable to sleep from 5:30pm until I did something about it around 8:00pm, I believe I learned an important lesson. While it is not good for my weight loss progress to overeat, it is also bad for me to undereat. Yesterday I was thinking about other things, and by the time I got into bed I had only eaten two meal replacements. For all of the people who have told me that my usual 900 calories per day is unhealthy (despite what the medical professionals have told me), I know that 450 calories is a bad idea. I tell my student all the time that good and bad are subjective. Objectively, without judgement, undereating prevents me from falling asleep. Last night was the second night in the last week that I consumed significantly fewer than my normal 900 calories, and it was the second time that I could not fall asleep. Eventually I got out of bed and had another meal replacement, bringing my daily total to 675 calories. I still had difficulties falling asleep, but I got back into bed and rested until I did. I might have gotten two hours of sleep… but I doubt it. I will take a nap this afternoon.

    I am back to teaching ridiculous hours, which means that my weigh-ins are going to be at crazy hours. Well, that is not fair… I will be working from 1:30am until noon, which means that I will be weighing myself around 1:00am every weekday for the next two weeks. That began this morning, and my weight was exactly what it was yesterday morning at my regular time. Considering the lack of sleep and no bowel movements, I am not displeased with that. For the next ten weekdays I will weigh myself at the same time, and will hopefully continue to see my weight drop.

    I have written about this before, but I was reminded of it today. I hate food commercials. When I am trying to lose weight and to maintain my discipline it is just evil to show me wonderful tasty and extremely unhealthy foods which I love, crave, and absolutely cannot eat. It is not only TV commercials, it is also billboards, TV shows and movies, TikTok and Facebook reels… you get the picture. I want it all! I am also aware just how guilty I felt yesterday morning when I realized that the ground I had lost was because of those stupid onion rings. However tempting it is, it is a temporary satisfaction followed by days of guilt and self-loathing. That does not mean that I like the temptation. Seeing those ads is not easier for knowing that I would hate myself if I succumbed to temptation. I am not saying that anyone is guilty – freedom of expression extends to ads – I am just saying that when I am trying to lose weight I hate it.

    So far I have stuck to the plan for the day… at 1:00am I had my first meal replacement, and while I am starting to feel hungry (itis currently 5:15am) I will be able to make it through to my lunchtime – after I walk Princess Sophie. By my calculations that should have me enjoying that second shake in 90 minutes. I am drooling with anticipation!

    Okay, it is time for me to get back to work. Have a great day folks!