Yes, I have a date this evening. I am looking forward to it. I am also very worried about it because I will have to fall off the program for one meal. I made the decision that the risk was worth it… but I know I have to be careful about what I eat… and how much.
Last night I came in at 11:45pm having had only four meal replacements. I thought briefly about going straight to bed, but in then end I decided to have my final one before sleeping. I was very hungry, and it was the right thing to do.
I finally got paid today, and am going to make my new order of meal replacements today so that they should arrive early next week.
A Jewish group that I am a member of is hosting an event in two weeks that they are calling Friendsgiving Dinner. I think that if tonight’s cheat meal works well, then I should be able to go through to that and enjoy a small turkey dinner. If I feel that I cannot do it then I am going to get out of there. I have to be strong and yes, I want to be part of my community and I want to make friends… but not at the cost of my success with this program.
Speaking of the program: After the hockey game last night (which my team won by the way) I went to the bar to meet my friend and her girlfriend. My friend knows all about my diet, but this was the first time I have seen her girlfriend in over a month, so it was the first time I even mentioned it to her. With the best of intentions, she stressed me out. She strongly corrected me that I was not dieting, but I was on a lifestyle change. Friend, I know all of these things. This is not my first kick at this can. I am so proud of you for having succeeded at losing a ton of weight, but unless I am in the mindset for it, I do not want to discuss anything about it – not my plans, my intake, and not the psychology behind it. I was not upset with her in the least – she is a wonderful woman who means only the best for me – but under even the most ideal conditions the subject causes my blood pressure to shoot up, and that was not what I wanted last night. She is great though… and when we are not in a bar surrounded by a bunch of strangers and near-strangers.
It only occurred to me just now, but as of this morning my weight is down thirty pounds from Day 1. In what world would I not be thrilled by that progress? I have a long way to go… and even if after this evening’s cheat meal I do gain back a pound, I will still be happy with it. By my two new goals I have to lose twenty pounds in November, and then another twenty-five pounds in December. If I am going to succeed with both of those goals then it is much more likely that I will lose the 25 in November and 20 in December… but either way I am happy. Even if I do not lose the seventy-five pounds I want to by New Years, unless I fall off the wagon completely then any conservative estimate still has me losing another 30, which means at least sixty pounds lost from October 13 through December 31. I expect that it will be closer to seventy pounds than sixty!
My next task, while staying on the program, is to start exercising. That will happen over the weekend… but it cannot interfere with my studying, which is extremely important. I have two major exams I need to sit in the next three days.
Have a great day folks!
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