Losing a part of me

Welcome to my extreme diet program. This is my third kick at the can with this particular diet, and I have twice lost nearly or just over 100lbs. That tells me that it works… it says nothing about the sustainability of the weight loss. That will be another struggle, and I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

Where to start? In October an online friend and I were chatting. She and I have both done the same weight loss program before, and we decided that we were going to do it again… together. First, we were going to wait for Canadian Thanksgiving to pass… and then I had a friend coming into town for a week… and then and then and then. We never started.

Earlier this week (the third week of January 2022) she reached out to me and said that she was starting, and did I want to join her. In fact, she beat me to the punch… I was at my heaviest weight ever, and completely disgusted with myself. She and I got onto the phone to discuss the plan. I did a quick calculation of the food I had in the house and said, ‘Let’s start Thursday.’

Over the course of the next few days, I ate most of the food that I had in the house. Unlike the previous times I had started this extreme program, I did not really have a ‘food funeral.’ I did not go out to eat much (I did have a fast-food lunch the last day before starting, but that was less out of desire and more out of expedience. With the exception of one chicken quarter and one package of extra-lean ground beef, I finished the poultry and meats from my freezer. Most of the snacks were eaten. Wednesday afternoon a friend was over, and as he sat in my kitchen I went through my fridge and my pantry, giving him a huge bag of all manner of foods that I did not want to have in the house (and things that would spoil). I had enough left over for dinner and snacks for that night… and that was about it.

Julie and I had been discussing this morning in terms of ‘getting onto the scale.’ For her, knowing that she is also at her highest weight, that was her biggest fear. She was worried that she would see the numbers, get depressed, and start eating. I told her to change how she looks at it. When she steps onto the scale, she should write the number down… and vow that she will never be that heavy again. Stick to the program and see how far below that number you can get in a week… in a month. I told her that unfortunately bathroom scales, when you are as close to the upper limit of what the scale maximum is, might not give a proper measurement, and whatever number I marked down might be an approximation.

Thursday morning, I woke up and did my regular routine… except that before I got into the shower I got onto the scale and registered my highest weight ever. I took out the measuring tape and measured around my belly, chest, and under my belly fat. All of the numbers were way too high. All of those numbers would start going down.

After I took Princess Sophie for her walk, I made a pot of coffee, and my first meal-replacement shake of the day. Whereas yesterday morning I had a large omelet with salami and onions with a few slices of toast (approximately 1,000 calories), this morning I had a protein shake – exactly 160 calories. If I am able to maintain the program, my daily caloric intake will be less than yesterday’s breakfast.

(Julie and I agreed that the one violation of the program that we were not going to sacrifice would be our coffee… although instead of her half-and-half cream, she would try skim milk (as I already use), and I would (for now) stick to the half-teaspoon of raw sugar I usually use, although in time I will likely switch that to sweetener. Two cups of coffee per day would add about 50 calories to our total.)

There are so many things that I want to say, but I am going to save them for a later entry. I will say this: This morning I registered the domain name losingapartof.me and added it to my blog. More accurately, I added it to my weight loss blog, a page that I started in October 2014, and which has laid dormant since March 2015. I am not clearing out the 22 posts that are still there from way back when, but I am going to start posting these entries there daily. My blog posts will be somewhat stripped, compared to what I write in my unabridged weight loss diary. I do not plan to share my weight or measurements with the public… although I will gladly share how much I lose week-over-week, and in total.

Today is January 22, and it is Day 1 of my new weight loss plan. I have to succeed… there is no way I can continue being morbidly obese and not eventually face terrible consequences to my health. Wish me luck!