Losing a part of me

I made it through the first week. If I go with my instinct and use my guesstimate as my starting weight, then I am down nearly 15lbs. Not quite as much as the last time I did the program, but respectable, nonetheless. It has not been easy… but it has not been that difficult either.

This will be my last mention of the guesstimated starting weight. Going forward, I am going to assume that it was right, and go from there.

Today’s journal entry from the previous attempt discusses a number of themes, but the most important of them is my addiction to food. There, I said it.

Hi. My name is Mitch, and I am an addict. It has been seven whole days since I last ate, and it has been difficult. There are temptations, but so far, I have been able to overcome them with willpower. I have to keep at it, fighting every day. I know it would be so easy to have an almond, or a handful of almonds. After all, even the doctors tell us that almonds are healthy. But what normal person wants just one almond… or even a handful? I have a bag of almonds in the house, and any healthy person would open the bag, and finish them. No, that is not what a healthy person would do. That is what an addict would do, and that is why I am leaving the bag of almonds high atop the shelf in the pantry.

I discussed that I was a bit scatter-brained when I did the program. I do not know if that is the case now… I feel like I am mostly on the ball. With that said, yesterday I took a certification exam, and as I prepared my laptop in the ‘kitchen exam centre’ I forgot to bring the power adapter, and my computer died partway through the exam. I cannot understand how I forgot something so basic as a power adapter, especially knowing the age of my computer. If I am not quite scatter-brained, then maybe I am also not completely on the ball.

I discussed the Jewish holidays, and how, at the time, I had forty days until the next one. I mentioned it because Jewish holidays often include a feast. The first time I went through the program, I started it eleven days before the Passover Seder, one of my favourite feasts. It was the only time in my life that I had to excuse myself from the meal, sequestering myself in a quiet room so as to not be tempted by… everything. Passover that year started on Day 11 of my diet, and I had not even come close to building up the resistance and strength that I needed to sit and watch everyone eat what I wanted so badly to eat, knowing that it was so simple to reach out and take a piece of this or that. This year, the first night of Passover is April 15, fully seventy-eight days from today (and Day 86 of my journey). If I am invited to a Passover Seder this year (and I am not entirely sure I will be), it will be easier to resist… or to temper my gluttonous urges.

I discussed the temptations around me. I was working in an office with a number of vending machines, in addition to the food trucks that were constantly parked downstairs. I compare that to now, knowing that I do not go out of the house much, except to walk my dog. If that in normal times would sound like a hermit’s lifestyle, we are not living in normal times. It was two years ago yesterday that the first confirmed case of COVID-19 was discovered in Canada; unless you are reading this article twenty-five years in the future, you know that we have been in and out of lockdown and have been encouraged to practice social distancing. While I did not do a good job of it until now, I am doing it very well now. I am working from home (both during the day, and in the evenings), so aside from taking Princess Sophie out and the occasional errand, I am home most of the time.it is easier to avoid temptation that way for sure.

Owing to other factors that distracted me, I neither tried on those pants yesterday, nor did I separate my clothes by size. I did put the pants on this morning though. They are a bit tight, but they fit, and I am wearing them comfortably. That tells me that I am making progress, and that I am at least back to the body size I was three months or so ago. I hope that I can keep going, and that in a month these pants will be too big to wear. Baby steps, right?