Losing a part of me

Four hundred days. If you would have asked me on Day 1 if I would place bets that I would still be persevering and moving forward with my weight loss journey after four hundred days, I would not have put money down. It is not that it has been a straight and unobstructed path, nor an easy one. I have faltered, I have plateaued, I have so many times thought about giving up. I remember one day nearly a year ago when I was getting into my car with Princess Sophie, and I spilled my coffee all over the place. It was the last straw that morning. I was so pissed off that I drove to Wendy’s down the street, and I ordered a burger and French fries… I think I ordered fries. I then remember needing to collect myself before going back to the drive-thru window, wanting to kill everyone on spec, and politely telling the cashier that I did not order a cheeseburger, and had them replace it. I did it calmly and did not lash out… and that might have been my saving grace. I remember so many more days when I thought that just having this or that would have been fine. How many bags of Goldfish crackers did I open thinking they might last a week or two… knowing they might last a day. Through good times and bad I have not been perfect, but I have not given up. There have been so many times when I wanted to… but I know that I cannot. I have to lose all of the weight, and I need to find a way to keep it off when I do.

I was so happy yesterday morning to be 3.2 lbs. from my best weight from 2017. I also know that any day that I drop so much weight, I am likely to give back a couple of ounces the next day… or at least stay stagnant for a day. Today was predictable in that. Despite my sticking to the program religiously yesterday (save for two coffee candies that gave me the boost of energy I needed to get through my class), and despite a very productive bowel movement this morning, the bathroom scale took back .4 lbs., causing my comparative weight to 2020 to drop from 4 lbs. better yesterday to 1.4 lbs. today. I knew that was likely to happen because of the tremendous day-over-day drop from that year. Back then I was on a roller coaster, mostly because of my modified program. I also know that I started a new job that week, which caused a lot of fluctuation. I know I will be back on track on that tomorrow, and that my slow and steady progress, and my dedication to the full fast program, will eventually win the race. Looking ahead at that chart, I suspect I will beat myself in the race to my best weight from 2017 by nearly a week. After that I will think about my race to best weight yet!

The weather sucks today. There is no nice way to put it. We had what people in much of the world would call a blizzard, and what in Canada we call Wednesday in February. Yes, it was bad, and yes, there is 15cm of snow on the ground this morning that was not there yesterday. HRF Princess Sophie was not having any of it, and she would not venture out more than fifteen feet from the front door. It is still nearly -10° outside, with the windchill making it feel much colder. While it will warm up slightly, there are still calls for freezing rain today. Today will be a good day to stay inside and dressed warm. I cannot think of anything that I would need to go out for, so with the exception of taking the puppy to pee a couple of times, I will not be venturing out at all. Yes, the drivers here know how to drive in this weather, and yes, I drive a Subaru with winter tyres. None of that means that going out in this weather is a good idea. I will stick to the full fast program, and I know that tomorrow morning the bathroom scale will be a little nicer to me than it was today.

After the rise on the scale, I decided that this morning called for a non-scale victory. Last week, I tried on a few pair of Size-36 pants, and only one of them fit (and it was tight). I decided that today was the day. I ripped the tags off of it and I put them on. I do not know if it is all in my mind, or if they really do fit better than they did just six days ago. Either way, I am wearing the first pair of Size-36 pants that I have worn in eighteen years! Yes, I bought them three years ago… but I bought them in anticipation of losing more weight and them fitting soon, which never happened. I guess my weight distribution today is slightly different from it was then, and just different enough that the pair of pants that did not fit yet (I am 15.6 lbs. heavier today than I was at my best) can fit today. A week from today, knowing that I will continue to lose weight, I will revisit the other Size 36 pants that were not even close to closing around my waist last week. For now, I’ll take this victory and smile.

Have a great day folks!