Losing a part of me

I went to the gym as expected yesterday. I beat my distance record, although I know that my calibration is off, so I honestly do not know how far I jogged. I will try to try to calibrate it properly tomorrow… or whenever I am next on the treadmill. I am now putting a double asterisk next to my treadmill distances because I honestly do not know. When I jogged in the street the other day, at least I know that was an honest 10km. I did calibrate one kilometre of my jog to the treadmill (thinking that would fix everything – it did not) and I saw that my pace on the treadmill is no different from what I jog outside. That is a good thing.

Jogging (Treadmill)

• pb Distance: 13.45 km (7.25 km)
• Duration: 1:18:45 (57:03)
• Average Pace (Min/km): 6m00s (7m53s)**
• Steps: 11,350 (8,850)
• pb Calories burned: 1,626 (754)
• Average cadence (steps per minute): 155 (155)

Following the gym, I decided to take a giant plunge. I stopped at the Taekwondo school owned and operated by an old instructor of mine – the one where I took a few classes back in the summer – and had a great chat with him. I told him that I am ready to start training, and he welcomed me back. We discussed the issues that had made me uncomfortable in the summer, and he felt terrible about them. I told him not to worry, and he told me I can start coming in for the adult classes which are Tuesday and Thursday evenings… which works out perfectly, as I am teaching Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings!

I was surprised, after I came home, that I was hungry. I then looked at the clock and realized that it was 3:15pm, and I had only had one meal replacement so far. I prepared and drank my second shake, and then sat out on the balcony with a cigar. Okay, that is not entirely accurate. First, I went to get changed for my evening class… which gave me the opportunity to try on my Taekwondo kit. It fits perfectly… it might be a little big, but probably not big enough to need to order a new one. I will ask the Master if I can try on the smaller size, but I suspect that for the next few months I will stick with what I have. Anyhow, I did squeeze my three shakes in throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening, spacing them out appropriately.

My weight was up again this morning despite my being true to the program yesterday… and the excellent workout. I know that my cheat day on Thursday (and by cheat I am referring more to the pop chips and the late eating than to the steak and salad I had mid-afternoon) was going to have consequences, and I am not going to be upset by this. I know that as I continue to do the right thing, the weight will continue to come off. I am not going to let that stop me from living. Yes, it would have been nice to see a significant drop in my weight this morning, but it did not come, and I will see it tomorrow or Monday. We move on. I am in a place where I am not going to beat myself up over a series of conscious decisions that led to two days of slight gains… and even with them did not bring me back above the 260 lbs. mark (although it was close).

I know I kicked butt this week on my exercising, and I think I am going to take the weekend off… or at least, I am going to take today off. Tomorrow I am taking my son the younger for lunch, and I will follow my plan, but if I cannot then I will come home and lace up the running shoes. I think I can resist the temptations to be bad though; if he does want to go to Lone Star then I will have my salad but will not touch the chips. Frankly, whichever of his regular haunts he wants to go to I will follow that same plan. Eat… but not overeat and eat smart. I expect that had I been able to follow that throughout my 20s-40s then I would not be where I am today. That’s life, we learn, we move on. My diet buddy is coming over for coffee tomorrow afternoon and we will catch up after our trips. I hope she has made the same kind of progress that I have.

My plans for today… if I am not going to the gym (and it is rainy and cold outside) then I don’t know… I will reach out to some of the boys and see if they want to connect for a cigar. Maybe I will crack my Taekwondo book (which I did dig out) and spend a couple of hours reviewing the patterns that I will need to re-learn. I am also going to spend a little bit of time trying to track down my belt, which seems to have gone missing. I will see if I accidentally put it into my storage locker, or if it is just in my gym bag and I did not see it. It might also be in my car… but wherever it might be, I have to track it down. Aside from the expense of replacing it, there is also an emotional connection to it. I might also spend an hour or two doing some studying for my next exam. We will see. Looking out the window, it is one of those days where you want to just crawl back into bed and stay there… but I want to try to be productive in at least some way. Maybe I will go to the gym… after all, my schedule for tomorrow will not comfortably allow it, so I have a built-in day off right there. Hey! Maybe I’ll go to the gym and use one of the private rooms to work on my patterns. Hmm, there’s an idea! Maybe I’ll do that. I should download the videos for the first ten patterns to my iPad and head over there.

All in all, I have to stay mindful and remember that I am so much closer to my ultimate goal than I have been in… well… ever, really. I am five pounds from my best adult weight ever, and I see no reason to stop doing what I have been doing. I might start introducing small meals every couple of weeks, but I don’t think that is going to hurt me terribly.

Have a great day folks!