Losing a part of me

Today is the day I tell my wife that I need her kicking my ass again. I am just under 275 lbs., which means that since my lowest point (May 27) I have gained nearly twenty-five pounds. That has to stop. I have to stop the slide, and I know what I have done wrong. I have been buying snacks and justifying the purchases by saying that they are on sale, that I can open the bag and just have a reasonable portion, that I am not the same addict that I used to be. In a moment of resolve, right after I typed the last sentence, I went into the kitchen and threw out half a bag of Goldfish and most of a bag of mini crisps. I actually made sure to ruin them – I filled the bags with water so I would not be tempted. I have wasted money and I have thrown away too much progress. Today is the day that I get back on track.

Today is going to be another hot day, with the temperatures hovering around 30 degrees until it starts to rain around 5:00pm. That should last through 9:00pm, which is perfect because that is exactly when I need to be teaching. In the meantime, it is nearly 11:00am, it is sunny and hot. I am not going to try to jog today… but I am going for a walk. I am going to pick a new audio book (I finished my last one a couple of days ago and have been catching up on podcasts since then). I will then go for a walk and will do at least 5km but will try for more. It is time for me to get my butt back on track.

When I started speaking with my wife a few minutes ago she asked me very difficult questions. Why am I off track? Stress, anxiety, and such. Why am I stressed? Why am I anxious? I hate thinking about these things… let along sharing them out loud. That does not mean that I do not need to do it. By admitting to them I can start to deal with them. I really appreciate how she is able to support me.

Alright, it is time to pick my book and then heads out. Have a great day folks!