Losing a part of me

Category: Support

  • Day 1282

    I was not at all impressed this morning to see that my weight was up more than a pound from yesterday. I have to assume that was mostly related to the extremely salted peanuts I had eaten the previous day, but also the (unsalted) peanuts I ate yesterday. Other factors would include not moving my bowels (which I did quite successfully some time after weighing myself)… and the fact that weight loss is about the downward trend and not individual plots on a graph. Yes, I ate a handful of peanuts yesterday… a conservative estimate of my total intake yesterday would be 1050 calories which is by no measure excessive, and there was no significant sodium or carbohydrates or starch added to my usual four-per-day meal replacements. There is only one measure by which yesterday was a dietary failure, which is only the strict interpretation of the strict rules of the medically supervised program that I am on. I am not going to feel guilty about that.

    By the by… a clear indicator that my weight issues are likely related to the previous day’s salted peanuts is that my ring, of which I wrote just three days ago, is much tighter than it was. Fingers swell from water retention which is caused by sodium. I expect it to once again fit much better tomorrow or the next day than it does this morning.

    What I do feel guilty about is that I gave serious thought yesterday to switching to a partial program – two or three meal replacements plus an actual meal. I did not do anything about it, but I gave it thought. Why should I feel guilty? Maybe guilt is the wrong word, but I know it is, for the moment, a bad idea. I set out on this renewed journey only two weeks ago (today is essentially Day 16) and I have done very well so far… I have lost 22.4 lbs. so far, which is great… until we factor in that from my best weight ever (October, 2023) until my worst day ever (Day 1 of this new effort) I had regained 106 lbs., at which point we have to recognize that I have only scratched the surface of what I want to – what I need to do. I am still 83.6 lbs. heavier than I was when I was at my best, and that will not just melt away in a heartbeat. It will take much longer if I start compromising now on what is working. Yes, I see images of food and I am tempted. I should by no means give in to that temptation, and there is currently no justification for my doing so. All of the times since the beginning of the year that I have tried to start on a modified program were failures. Why? Because I negotiated with myself. ‘This works… but if I just put in some of the effort instead of all of the effort, then it should still work.’ No. I am not saying never, but for the time being I have no intention of compromising.

    My sleep score this morning was the best that it has been since January 2 of this year. I suspect that it has been over 90 only a handful of times in all of the years that my fitness watch has been tracking it. When I saw the tremendous score of 93 this morning I was relieved, knowing that a good night sleep is crucial for health in general, but it also helps weight loss in particular. My body battery was an unprecedented 97. Hoorah!

    I just did something that I should have done on Day 1. I went onto Facebook looking for the support group that I was a member of previously. In fact, I am still a member, but because I had not participated in quite some time it was not prioritized in my feed. I posted my first message there in a very long time. The group does not seem to be very active – beyond being a buy and sell group – but hopefully I will get some response, and some support.

    Today is a rainy Friday, and in a sense that is a good thing. I have been delinquent on a project that I need to work on, and I will put in a lot of work on it today. I am also going to try to get help with that other issue that I have been dealing with, which will involve a support session with Microsoft. I am not looking forward to that, but I am hoping that it can get resolved satisfactorily.

    I just got off the phone with my son the elder who is off to university next weekend. He wants to see me this weekend (which is great). He also respects the fact that I am back on my diet, and that because of that I would rather he come over for a drink than go out for a meal. I look forward to seeing him and having a nice chat.

    With that, I am going to try to get some work done. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 900

    Can you all believe that today is the 900th day of my weight loss journey? With all of its ups and downs, I am happy that I am many clothes sizes and over a hundred pounds. I have lost some ground since my best weight ever, but I will be working to get back there. My weight will be a lifelong struggle, and to forget that would be disastrous.

    Despite enjoying a delicious dinner at The Keg (after which we shared the Billy Miner Pie… look it up if you don’t know), my weight was down significantly this morning from yesterday. While I did not drop all of the 2.6 lbs. that I added from the backyard birthday party, a significant portion did melt away. It was a relief that my weight did not go up!

    I love having my wife here with me for so many reasons. One of those reasons is that she helps me to make better food choices. That is not to say that she tells me ‘Oh don’t eat that!’ but rather knowing that she is here, I have fewer emotional and psychological reasons to overeat. Yes, I had chips at the birthday party… but I only had a few bites of the cake. It could easily have gone much worse than it did. Birthdays are birthdays, and we have to make some exceptions sometimes.

    My plan for the next couple of days is to enjoy as much time with her as I can. We both hate that she has to return to Texas Wednesday. Our visits are too short, but until I get my Green Card processed, that’s how we have to make our relationship work. We are almost always happy when we are together, but the parting is always extremely sad.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 570

    Wow did I fail miserably last night. I also paid the price this morning on the bathroom scale. I do not know what it is that makes me think that I can just have one chip…

    It was not just a chip. I arrived at the get together as I had planned, having just finished my second meal replacement shake of the day. The popcorn and chips that were sitting out were hardly a temptation to me, and I knew I was going to be fine. I guess I let my guard down.

    ‘Hey Mitch, I’m preparing half of this steak for Larry… do you want the other half?’ Sure, why not? After all, it’s just protein, right? Well, if I could have the steak, I might as well have the fresh in-season corn on the cob, right? There was pareve margarine on the table, so I could put that on the corn. Oh, then there are blueberries with ice cream and cake with liqueurs for dessert, but if I only have the blueberries that will be fine. I rationalized that by foregoing the potato, and the really bad desserts then would a couple of potato chips really hurt? And a handful of popcorn? I’d be fine. Twenty chips over the next little while, five handfuls of popcorn… I was feeling horrible about what I had done to myself. I texted Leslie and told her, and she reminded me that I can pick myself up and get back on track.

    I made matters worse when I stopped for gas as I left, and realizing I was 45 minutes from home (I had neglected to bring a second meal replacement), I decided to buy a bag of chips.

    Fall down seven times. Stand up eight. As I said to Leslie, I just wish that it was not factors of seven and eight. I am back on track today and am going to redouble my efforts again. I paid the price for yesterday’s failures when I stepped onto the bathroom scale to discover I had gained back a pound. This cannot happen again.

    I hope that I am back on track today. I prepared the exact same omelette for myself today as I have every day for the last week (or two). At 12:30pm, 4:30pm, and 8:30pm I will prepare my meal replacements. I will consume nothing else… save for water, my coffee, and possibly a glass of the lovely iced tea that Leslie gave me… it is sugar free, and I can sweeten it with artificial sweetener if I like. We will see how I am feeling, and what the weather is like.

    It is a beautiful day and I plan to spend most of it on the balcony. There will be several cigars, and I will divide the day between reading, watching TV, and doing some studying. What I will not be doing is cheating on my modified program. I am going to do everything I can to make sure that yesterday was a blip on the screen, and not the end of one trend and beginning of another. That slippery slope is one I am all too familiar with, and I hate knowing that I live every day knowing that the edge of that precipice is right there… behind every ‘it’s just one chip’ and so on.

    I do have one positive to write now… which I did not have when I sat down to write this entry. This morning started as Day Five on the no bowel-movements trend. Partway through the writing I finally felt the urge, and hard as it was, I was able to ‘go’ successfully. It was not painful, just strenuous. I am not sure if there is any science to this, but I feel like there was just one very solid obstruction in the way, and over the next few days or even hours I will have to go a few more times. We will see. The funny part is that as I took Her Royal Floofness on her walk this morning she had two extremely large poops; I told her that I was jealous and wished I could do the same. I do not think she is a genie who grants me wishes… but three hours later that wish did come true.

    I mentioned that Leslie is on the program now, and she has been doing extremely well with it. She did tell me yesterday that she now has a much better appreciation of how hard I have tried, and apologized to me for any time she might have inadvertently made it harder for me. I told her that I was proud of her and appreciated her apology. I told her that it is impossible to understand all of the challenges of the program without having gone through it. She then told later that I did not have to go through the program with her. When I told her how terrible I felt for having cheated she told me that I did not have to do the program just to support her through it. I told her that I want to do the program for me and having her doing it at the same time made it easier for us to support each other.

    I did not think of this yesterday, but I remember over the course of my journey there have been a few times when she essentially told me that I seemed to obsess about it and wouldn’t shut up about it. I think she now understands better why I did so. I am so happy that she is talking about it with me openly and frankly. There are so many emotional obstacles in our way, and being able to talk makes it a little easier to get through. I love her and am really happy she is succeeding. Of course, as I have been reminded all too often, the one obstacle that can ruin everything is hiding everywhere so she has to get through one day at a time. I will hold her hand (figuratively while we are separated by distance, literally when we are together) through it all, and will try to help her to succeed.

    We also discussed that it will be easier for us to support each other when we are living together full-time. It is easier to make the right choices when you are not alone… and when your partner understands your hardships and weaknesses.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 537

    Today is the day I tell my wife that I need her kicking my ass again. I am just under 275 lbs., which means that since my lowest point (May 27) I have gained nearly twenty-five pounds. That has to stop. I have to stop the slide, and I know what I have done wrong. I have been buying snacks and justifying the purchases by saying that they are on sale, that I can open the bag and just have a reasonable portion, that I am not the same addict that I used to be. In a moment of resolve, right after I typed the last sentence, I went into the kitchen and threw out half a bag of Goldfish and most of a bag of mini crisps. I actually made sure to ruin them – I filled the bags with water so I would not be tempted. I have wasted money and I have thrown away too much progress. Today is the day that I get back on track.

    Today is going to be another hot day, with the temperatures hovering around 30 degrees until it starts to rain around 5:00pm. That should last through 9:00pm, which is perfect because that is exactly when I need to be teaching. In the meantime, it is nearly 11:00am, it is sunny and hot. I am not going to try to jog today… but I am going for a walk. I am going to pick a new audio book (I finished my last one a couple of days ago and have been catching up on podcasts since then). I will then go for a walk and will do at least 5km but will try for more. It is time for me to get my butt back on track.

    When I started speaking with my wife a few minutes ago she asked me very difficult questions. Why am I off track? Stress, anxiety, and such. Why am I stressed? Why am I anxious? I hate thinking about these things… let along sharing them out loud. That does not mean that I do not need to do it. By admitting to them I can start to deal with them. I really appreciate how she is able to support me.

    Alright, it is time to pick my book and then heads out. Have a great day folks!

  • Day 529

    I got a call from a guy yesterday who had asked me for support and advice on his weight loss journey using the same program I have been loosely using. He has completed his first week and discussed with me some of the challenges he faced through the first seven days, including the Canada Day weekend temptations. I told him about some of my experiences with temptations like that and he was shocked to see how closely aligned our issues are. I am looking forward to helping him however much I can – the overwhelming majority of people on this program – both in the online Facebook groups and in the in-person groups that I have participated in or heard of – are women. While it is certainly possible to support and to be supported by women there are certain things that you do not necessarily want to hear about as a man… as there are things that we would not want to share with women. It has to be nice to have someone you can speak with about private and personal gender-specific issues.

    While I was not perfect on my plan yesterday, I was certainly better than I have been many days. I was concerned when I stepped onto the bathroom scale last night and I saw the number because a late-night number is usually between 1.5-3.5 lbs. higher than my weight will be the next morning. Based on that I should have weighed over 270 lbs. this morning. Fortunately not only was that not the case, but I was actually down another 1.6 lbs, which has me three pounds down in the last two days. I can live with that. My plan for today is to eat reasonably – lunch will be chicken with salad, dinner will be salmon with rice. If the forecast can be trusted, then the rain might stop shortly after noon. Unfortunately the accuracy of the hourly forecast has not been very good these last couple of weeks, so I am not sure I trust it. If that does happen, then I might try to get out for a bit of exercise. I would really like to fly to Dallas in twelve days with some sort of exercise routine. I know it will be much hotter there than it is here, and the likelihood of my being able to jog more than a few minutes is low. If I can get into the groove though then I know I can at least get out for a walk every day, which will be a good start.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 485

    On Friday, March 31 (Day 436) I was thrilled to drop below 255 lbs. because that had been my best weight in the year 2005. With a trip to Dallas, falling off my exercise due to an injured foot and whatever else was going on in my head, it would take me two more weeks to drop another 1.4 lbs. to my best weight ever. With the excitement and stress of planning the wedding and then the difficulties I had getting back on track, one month to the day after that wonderful achievement, I stepped onto the scale last Sunday and realized I had gained 13.8 lbs. in a month.

    Three things happened that day.

    The first was that I met with my diet buddy for coffee; for the first time in months, I was not upbeat and optimistic. I was not a beacon of hope, I was not an example of success. I was exuding sadness. My confidence was gone, At the end of the meeting I told her that I needed to get back on track, and I was going to start by going for a jog almost as soon as she left. I told her that on our next check-in I would have positive progress to share and I would have my positive attitude back.

    The second thing that happened is I sent a text to my wife in Texas. We had a bit of a fight that morning, which was probably caused a bit by my down attitude of late, and a bit by the inability to easily convey tone in a text message, thus leading to misunderstandings. A few weeks earlier, she asked me at what point would I want her to ‘crack down’ on my slide. I told her at that time that I was fine, and that as soon as the wedding was behind us, I would fall right back into my weight loss and exercise program. The text that I sent last Sunday read: “Babe, I don’t remember the exact words, but a few weeks ago you asked me when you should start giving me grief about my diet. We are there.’ Later in the afternoon (it was Mother’s Day, and so she was spending the day with my stepson) we talked and agreed that I would wean myself off the bad habits by Wednesday or Thursday at the latest, and she would hold me to it. Like an amazing supporter, she did not set the deadline for me; rather, she asked me to set it. That way, I could not turn around and make excuses like, ‘you set unreasonable expectations for me.’ No, that was all on me.

    The third thing that happened was I did indeed go for a jog. I did not know how much I would have in me, but I was going to do my best… and then I would walk the rest of the way. It did not matter how far or how fast I ran, I just needed to kickstart my exercise routine again.

    These three things from last Sunday (a mere six days ago) worked together to get me back on track… and my body started responding even before Thursday. By the morning I was resuming my full-fast program I had already dropped an incredible 6.4 lbs., which was honestly unexpected considering some of what I ate those days. The real shock would be spread between yesterday and today, which saw a two-day combined loss of a whopping 7.4 lbs., from just two days on my full-fast… and two days of jogging and walking, despite what my Body Battery said.

    Six straight days of weight drops (most of them very significant drops!) totaled an almost unimaginable 13.8 lbs. … and if you read back to the first paragraph of this journal entry, that is the exact amount I had gained during the month of sliding. Yes, this morning I stepped onto the scale and was greeted by the same number as my best weight ever. That means that the next ounce that I lose will be my new record.

    Speaking of jogging, Here are my stats from yesterday. It was not very impressive, but at least I got out there.

    Jogging

    • Distance: 4.03km (6.1km)
    • Duration: 28:26 (42:32)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 7m02s (6m58s)
    • Steps: 4,530 (6,720)
    • Calories burned: 450 (750)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 159 (158)

    Like I said… I did not break any records.

    There are days when I swear that my fitness watch knows me better than I know myself. Then there are days like today, when I cannot understand some of the readings. I woke up this morning, energized that I got six uninterrupted hours of sleep (and then two more hours after a quick visit to the bathroom). I was going to should for joy about the amazing sleep that I got! When I looked at my wrist I could not understand the sleep score of 49/100. Reading deeper, the portal says that ‘You slept long enough, but your body did not recharge very well. As a result, you may tire more easily today. You got a lot of intense exercise yesterday, and it impacted your sleep quality. Try to eat well, get plenty of rest and perform very strenuous activities sparingly.’ Really? Then how come I felt so good this morning? How come I still feel great three hours later? The other one is Body Battery. I really thought I recharged last night, and yet my BB this morning peaked at a mere 43/100. Garmin might know something that I do not, but I am still planning to go out for a jog this afternoon after the rain stop, which is predicted for around 1:00pm. Of course, it is always possible that I will crap out after 2km (which has happened before), but I am going to give it my best either way.

    Since I do not feel like going out in the rain, I will spend the next couple of hours looking at wedding pictures which Leslie and I just received. I am really excited that they are in and will be renaming files to match the content of each. So far, we have 165 pictures. I do not know if there will be more, but that is a good number to look at and rename… not to mention decide which ones to print and which ones to share with others! I decided to order an electronic picture frame so that I can rotate my favourites and have it on the wall. That should arrive tomorrow.

    My original plan for today was to smoke cigars with a couple of buddies, but one of them told me that he is not available this weekend, and the other has not yet responded. I will likely try to call him soon because he is not the type who is tied to his phone but will hear it if it rings. If he is not available then I will simply relax at home this evening. Whatever I end up doing, Two things are certain: I am going to go out to jog, whatever my BB may tell me. I am going to stay on my program, which means no cheats whatsoever. I joked with Leslie yesterday evening that when I got into my car I cheated because there was a single kernel of popcorn on the passenger seat (I ate popcorn at the mall after my trip to the Apple Store). I think we can all agree that a single kernel of popcorn is not really a cheat, but today I have to stay on the program. That means I will have to be mindful, and I will have to plan the timing of my meal replacements properly.

    This morning I prepared the first shake later than I usually would, owing to my failed attempt to get my bloodwork done before eating or drinking anything. Yes, the lab is usually open on Saturday, but they are closed today for the Victoria Day long weekend. That means that I will have to go one morning this week before class. I cannot put it off to next Saturday because my next appointment with my doctor is the following Monday morning, and the results will absolutely not be ready in time. All this to say that I had my first shake this morning was at 9:00am, so I can plan for my next one at 12:30pm (before my jog), then at 5:00pm (after my jog), and the last one before 9:00pm. This plan allows for an even distribution of them.

    I should mention that I am sitting here at my desk at 11:15am, and I am feeling a bit hungry. I am not going to give in to my urges, knowing that if I wait until 12:30 then I will have my meal replacement and I will stay on plan. Before that, I am going to bide my time by going out to hunt for a new water bottle and shoulder strap. I still cannot believe that I left mine on the airplane… or at one of the airports… or in the Uber. Grrr. It does not happen to me often, but once in a while I am careless and I forget something behind, especially when I am not focused.

    My plan for today is to do everything in my power to hit a new record low weight tomorrow morning. I know that the scale giveth, and the scale taketh away. Even if it does not happen tomorrow, if I stay on track and do not cheat then there is no reason that I will not be there in the next couple of days. I love that feeling… and I want to start feeling it every day or two for the next few weeks!

    Have a great day folks!

  • Day 480

    I am not yet back on track… but I will be. I had a good chat with my diet buddy in the morning, after which I sent Leslie a message that I never imagined I would send. She asked me several weeks ago at what point should she step in to bug me about my weight loss program if she noticed I was slipping. I told her yesterday that we were there. In the evening we had a frank chat about my plans to get back on track, and we agreed that by Thursday this week if I am not back on the program 100% then she is going to beat me. Of course, that is a figurative statement – there will be no physical violence. She is going to stay on my case and not relent. I am not looking forward to that, but I had been doing so well and I need for this last month and current crisis to be a hiccough on my way to ultimate success, and not the beginning of a slippery slope.

    When Julie (my diet buddy) asked me what I was going to do to get back on track, I told her that my first order of business was to get back to jogging. Almost as soon as she left yesterday I put my running kit on and went for a run. The fact that my Body Battery did not exceed 34/100 yesterday was no matter, and if I was only able to jog 1km and then had to walk the rest of the way then that was what I would do. I honestly believe that my jogging is a huge contributing factor to my weight loss success, not only because of the exercise but also because it motivates me to not cheat on my program. I did not slow down at 1km… in fact, my 5km jog was my fastest yet!

    Jogging

    • Distance: 5.13km (5.10km)
    • Duration: 35:01 (36:01)
    • Average Pace (Min/km): 6m49s (7m03s)
    • Steps: 5,600 (5,800)
    • Calories burned: 650 (600)
    • Average cadence (steps per minute): 160 (159)

    I believe yesterday’s was my first 5km jog where every kilometre was under 7m, and I loved it. Of course, with my Body Battery where it was (I did not look at my fitness watch, but I knew I felt drained) I could not keep it up, and so I decided to pull up at 5km and walk the rest of the circuit. My pace for the walk was also quite good (9m34s per kilometre, 6.5km). By the time I got home, I was truly knackered. I showered and then went to Eduardo’s for a cigar. I ate dinner when I came home, and finally got a pretty good night of sleep (I was in bed by 8:30pm and turned off the lights at 10:00pm). It took me a while to fall asleep, but I finally got just under 8 hours of sleep. I woke up refreshed and ready to hit the day… which will be a busy one indeed.

    This evening is the first class of my cigar sommelier class. I am really excited to be invited and to be taking part in it. The only issue is that I have to track down all of the cigars and bottles of booze that I will need for the twelve-week program. I created a spreadsheet and have some of the cigars I will need (about half of them), and a few of the bottles. Rather than buying all of the bottles, when I can I am borrowing a bottle from a friend. For example, Eduardo has a bottle of the rum that I need for this evening’s class. Rather than spending the $75 to buy it, I borrowed his bottle and will return it a couple of ounces lighter. Of course, that is not going to be possible for all of them, but where I can, I will buy the smallest (or even airplane-size) bottles. For the rest? I always knew that cigar smoking was not an inexpensive hobby, and I will do what I have to. I only wish the timing were a little better – I spent a small fortune on the wedding last month.

    Before the class I have a certification exam that I will sit, followed by lunch. If, following those, I have time for a jog before class then I will do that, but I suspect that will wait until tomorrow, at which point I hope my body will have recovered a little more from the jog.

    Have a great day folks!

  • Short Term Goals

    The day I decided to start losing weight a friend of mine asked me how much weight I planned to lose. I told him that I was hoping to lose between 180-200 pounds. The look on his face might have been amazement or incredulity, but he was encouraging and positive.

    A couple of weeks later he invited me out for dinner to the sort of restaurant that does not have diet friendly options. ‘It’s just one meal… you are doing so well, you deserve it!’ He was right… I was doing really well. He was absolutely wrong… I did not deserve it.

    It is great to have a long-term goal. This is where I plan to arrive. The farther out you go, the easier it is to take those breaks… it is easy to justify that one cheat meal or cheat day, or cheat week will not make a difference in the long run, as long as you get back on track the next day or week or when you are back from vacation.

    Long-term goals are important because you need to know when to actually declare victory. However, as I have proven to myself so many times, absent short-term interim goals, they can be detrimental to progress, and even to your ultimate success.

    During my weight loss journey, I have had periods with no clearly defined short-term goals. If I was serious about losing weight, then there is no good reason why on October 2 I weighed 311 lbs. … and on November 30 I weighed 311 lbs.

    And yet, from January 11th through March 17th I lost 35 lbs.

    What was the difference between then and now? The simple answer is that I set short-term goals.

    Ever since the beginning of my journey I have been looking forward to getting slim, losing all the weight, being trim and in shape. They say that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

    I started setting those single steps again, and it has been working wonders. When I was tempted two weeks ago by a restaurant, I saw I remembered the goal that I wanted to achieve by March 2nd, my appointment with my tailor. Driving home from that appointment I was tempted again, but I realized that I had a short-term goal for March 9th, when I flew to Dallas to see my wife. The short-term goals keep me honest and on track. I will have been in Dallas for ten days and I know that I have been off my regimented program for that time, but I have set goals for that too.

    One of my diet buddies said to me recently where they want to get, and how she looked at it as an impossible goal. ‘How can I ever lose seventy-five pounds?’ I told her to take off the seven. With a confused look on her face, she asked me what I was talking about.

    ‘Repeat your original sentence but remove the word seventy. Do you think you can lose five pounds?’ She replied that of course she can.

    Okay, good… that is going to be your first goal. Now let’s consider, for the sake of weight loss, that the short-term is a forty-five-day period. What else do you think you can do in the next forty-five days? I sent her home with that homework, but also with the ideas that each five- or ten-pounds lost is a goal, that every piece of clothing that is too tight or does not yet fit is a goal. I gave her two days to write up a list of between five and ten goals that she might be able to achieve in that 45-day period.

    This friend called me this morning upset that she had gained weight; she told me that she had only had some crackers and cheese, and a handful of chips. It is so easy to look at these mini cheats and not realize the consequences to them. The difference between gaining weight staying the same would be the cheese; the difference between staying the same and losing weight would be the handful of crackers. Of course, she had no short-term goals that she was aiming for, so did it really make a difference in the long run?

    Of course, it did… her distraught call that she was not losing weight. During that same call, she told me what her first short-term goals were, and she told me that she wanted to be accountable to me… she wants to make me proud. I am happy to be her support because she wants it… and is willing to do what it takes. It is not easy… but now that she has set out her short-term goals, she will more than likely start succeeding. I will be proud of her for trying.

    Will she achieve every goal on that list in the time frame? I do not know… but if she does not try, then she will not succeed. I have been disappointed that I did not meet quite a few of my time-based goals. For example, until the beginning of my trip I was hoping to lose twenty-five pounds from the last time I flew to Dallas to this time. That is, from January 24 to March 9, I wanted to lose that much. There have been several other goals in the meantime that I have achieved, but I fell short on that one. I missed the mark by 2 lbs. On the one hand, that is a missed goal. On the other hand, that means I lost 23 lbs. in forty-two days. A missed goal, maybe… but definitely not a failure by any means.

    There is an old saying that has many versions to it, all of which are horribly inaccurate, but still make my point. “Shoot for the stars, and if you miss, you’ll land on the moon.” The lesson of this astronomical fallacy is that we aim as high as we can so that if we do not reach the goal, we still did pretty well. This is so true with weight loss! I tried to lose twenty-five pounds, but I only lost twenty-three. That is not a failure! Had I tried to lose five pounds, but gained three pounds, that would have been a failure. It is so important for us to remember not to be discouraged when we miss our goals by a little bit… that does not make our short-term goals less important.

    When I set out short-term goals, I am less likely to try to justify whatever cheat I might be faced with. ‘You know what, I could eat that… but then I might not achieve my goal of losing two pounds this week.’ It is easier to justify taking a day off when the day of reckoning is months off. To put it in a way that every Christian parent will be able to relate to: You might tell your kids to behave, lest Santa put them on the naughty list. If you tell them that in November or December, it will have a much greater impact on them than it would in February or March. The consequences are much more imminent. Telling your kids that early in the year gives them the easy justification that they can misbehave now because they have plenty of time to make it up later in the year.

    The thing is, do they? Are kids better behaved in the Autumn if they are allowed to misbehave in the Spring? Maybe, but more often than not the answer is no. The same is going to be true for weight loss. If you only look down the road to the end, it is easy to justify those little (and not-so-little) cheats because you can make up for it later. Do you? Maybe, maybe not… but too often it is not.

    Try this with your kids: Tell them that if they misbehave, they will not be allowed to do something fun over the weekend… and if they do behave, then they can. Short-term goals involve short-term consequences, and they are more likely to be good. It is no different for adults trying to lose weight… if you promise yourself you are trying to lose five pounds this month, you know that every cheat makes it less likely you will achieve that goal. You know there are no excuses, either you are strict with yourself, or you are not.

    We tell ourselves lies like ‘just a little piece won’t matter.’ Let me tell you in no uncertain terms: YES IT WILL. It might not be the one little piece that matters, but the cumulative pieces for which you use that same excuse will add up and when you look back and wonder why you didn’t lose weight, you might realize why, but if you were lying to yourself that ‘this won’t hurt’ then it is not unusual to look back and wonder.

    Short-term goals have been instrumental throughout my weight loss journey. When I have succeeded it has been largely due to these incremental milestones that I was able to stay on course. When I have failed it has usually been because I did not have those short-term goals encouraging me to stay on track. I have set many of these throughout my journey and I am proud to look back and see how far I have come.

    Try it… it just might work for you too!

  • Day 416

    Yesterday’s jog was definitely solid, with several personal bests including fastest kilometre. I thought I had to have best pace overall, but it seems like last Monday’s 3km jog was faster. Oh well, no big deal. I am still happy to have done the 5km. There is a caveat to that: I stopped at the 3km mark, but not because I was tired or winded. I received an important phone call that I needed to stop and take. It was an 8-minute call, and I paused my devices, rather than stopping them. I truly felt that had I not stopped I would have been able to continue on. I will try again today or Sunday.

    Jogging

    · Distance: 5 km (3 km)

    · Duration: 39:40 (23:08)

    · Average Pace (Min/km): 7m55s (7m42s)

    · Steps: 6,200 (3,600)

    · Calories burned: 596

    · Elevation gain: 13.99m

    · pb Average cadence (steps per minute): 157 (156)

    Walking

    · Distance: 3 km

    · Duration: 31:43

    · Average Pace (Min/km): 10m34s

    · Steps: 3,700

    · Calories burned: 351

    · Elevation gain: 40m

    · Average cadence (steps per minute): 117

    I feel silly… there is a Garmin Challenge (on my fitness watch app) that awards a badge for a 5km run this weekend. Yesterday’s run would have earned it, except for some reason I did not restart the run on my watch when I resumed. By the time I realized it I had lost nearly 7/10ths of a kilometre. Of course, the badge is meaningless… except it is another badge that reminds me of the amazing progress I have been making. I have a few friends that I am in challenges with, but this one is a self-challenge. I need never win a race against anyone else… I just need to beat myself… specifically, my old self. I want to be better today than I was yesterday; I want the me of next week to make the me of today look fat and slow. The collection of badges in an app are meaningless but they encourage me to get out and push myself just a little bit farther and harder than I might have otherwise. Knowing that it is available, I will get out tomorrow (or Sunday) and I will push myself to the 5km mark… or who knows, maybe past it!

    My modified program yesterday, combined with a lot of exercise, resulted in the expected slight drop in my weight this morning. I am down nearly half a pound from yesterday, which is exactly where I was hoping to be. This week I am not going to worry about the little things… minor improvements will be welcomed, and I am not going to get upset about not losing more.

    As we lay in bed this morning, Leslie once again showed herself to be a huge support for my weight loss. I offered to take her out for breakfast. She was softly pushing back, reminding me that it might not be a good idea. When I told her that I have proven before that I can eat a healthy breakfast out, she pushed back a little firmer, reminding me that we will be eating dinner out for sure, and possibly lunch. She was not forcing me, but she did everything to encourage me to make the right decision, which I finally did. In the end, I enjoyed my meal replacement shake for breakfast. In an hour or so I am going to go to Starbucks to pick up café lattés for us. This alone will be an indulgence for me, but it will not be anywhere near the indulgence that any restaurant breakfast might have been. I already had my airport breakfast this week, and I will be having plenty of other meals out while I am in Dallas. I set my goals for this trip over a week ago, or rather, my plans for how to achieve those goals. Restaurant breakfasts were never part of that plan. I have done so well sticking to my plans so far; this morning I have my wife to thank for keeping me on track.

    Last night we shared a challah roll to welcome in the Sabbath. It was delicious! For dinner I prepared a chopped salad with a little sesame oil and balsamic vinegar to accompany the main dish of chicken breasts breaded with Corn Flakes breadcrumbs. It was all quite delicious, and very healthy. This, after a lunch from Salad and Go. Overall, while I did not stick as religiously to my plan as I could have, I will put the day in the ‘success’ column.

    Speaking of columns, I am losing ground on my comparative chart to 2020. I am still half a pound ahead of the pace, but that is down from just a few days ago. Looking ahead, for the next seven days I fluctuated in a three-pound range just above 270 lbs. and would not finally drop below that number for another two weeks. If my weight stays where it is for the rest of my trip, I will still be well on my way to beating the pace from that year. This is not going to be my primary focus, but I do like to keep track of this.

    Have a great day folks… it is time for me to spend the day with my beautiful wife!

  • Day 402

    I knew my weight was going to be up this morning before I even stepped onto the bathroom scale. I said to myself that as long as my weight remained below 275 lbs., then I would be happy. Okay, that is not entirely accurate… I said, ‘Please, at least be under 274.5 lbs.’ it was 274.6, which is exactly the same (my bathroom scale does 2/10ths and so that was as close as it would get. It is not that I was expecting to gain weight based on bad behaviour; it was a simple matter of the inaccuracies of yesterday’s weights, and that the fluctuations made me leery about the accuracy. Couple that with another day of terrible weather keeping me sequestered in the house, and an unproductive bowel movement, I end up .4 lb. heavier this morning than I was yesterday. Tomorrow will be lower – it is simply not possible to consume under 950 calories in a day and not lose weight. I just have to be patient about it.

    I noticed in the night that my hips are aching a little. These are the hips that until recently were completely insulated by layers of fat, which I can now feel. The aches are not significant, and they are not keeping me awake. I suspect they are just making me aware of some of the changes that my body has gone through… and continues to go through. There have been other aches over the last few months. Most of these I have written about in these pages but are now behind me. I am sure that if there were pains that were significant and lasting enough, I would have discussed them with my doctor. I do see him at least once every month, and I think I have been doing a good job of keeping him in the loop. When I started on this journey, I knew that medical supervision would be important, and that would not simply be about watching the numbers on the scale drop. There are side-effects of dramatic weight loss that need to be watched, and not all of them are predictable. Add to that the fact that even while I was still morbidly obese, I was doing a lot more exercise than might be prescribed, and you have a body dropping a huge amount of weight that needs to be watched closely by medical professionals. Don’t get me wrong… it is great to get the encouragement and pats on the back from the nurse whenever I dropped a significant amount of weight. That was never why I asked to see them on a regular basis. It is for these aches and pains that arise from tremendous changes. If my hips are still bothering me at my next appointment, then I will discuss it with him.

    I mentioned a couple of times that Leslie and I discussed the end game… what I will look like, how she can support me, and so on. Another big component that we discussed that is less pleasant is that I will likely need surgery to remove excess skin. Yes, as unpleasant a thought as it is, my skin has been stretched over the last twenty-five years to support between a huge amount of excess body mass. While it might once have, it is unlikely that at my age it will have the elasticity to bounce back to what it should be. When I first went through the orientation for the program in 2017, this was something that they discussed. I looked around the room and thought to myself that the people there were older, larger, and much more out of shape than I am… it would apply to them, but not to me. In 2020 I was with a woman who pointed out that what I thought was still fat was also partly loose skin. Whether it would have applied to me at the time or not, it almost certainly will now. I am not excited about that. I do not like surgery for anything, but to have excess skin removed so that my body doesn’t look like a deflated balloon… yeah, that’s certainly unsettling.

    In a couple of hours, I am going to spend time with a couple of friends smoking cigars. The original plan was for me to spend the afternoon in Cambridge with a buddy (doing precisely that), but he texted me last night to cancel. Fortunately, Sam and Eduardo are available, and I will only have to drive to Milton instead of Cambridge. The only difference is that Princess Sophie won’t come to Milton… we smoke at Sam’s business, and it is not really appropriate to bring her. She will get to relax at home, and maybe the neighbour will grab her for a playdate with Charlie. In the meantime, I am going to stick to the program. Gaining .4 lb. this morning is not going to put me off the program. The one thing I will remember is that the last time I drove up there, I picked up a coffee at Starbucks… and it was horrible. I suspect they mixed two different blends, and I did not enjoy it at all. I will decide if I am going to make coffee here or pick up a cup on the way… but make sure they give me the right blend. We’ll see… it is nice to have the change, but they have to make it right!

    Stay on track, stay focused. I only wish I had not planned better – while I can mix my shake in the blender bottle, I much prefer the consistency of it when I make it in the blender. I won’t have a choice for my second meal replacement of the day, so I will bring the proper implements to mix it at Sam’s place. It will not be the biggest compromise I have to make in this program, and I will do it gladly. I only hope that Sam has ice cubes in the freezer… they do taste better ice cold! Speaking of which, I finished the case of water that I always keep in the car. I will make a point to pick a new case up today. I also think I will need to pick up some more coffee… I am not quite out, but I am low enough that if I have to be at the supermarket anyways to pick up water, I might as well pick up coffee at the same time.

    Okay folks, I am going to get to it. I have about thirty minutes of paperwork that I want to get done before I head out, so I should stop procrastinating. Also, now that I think of it, I am not sure if I am able to pick up my shoes from the cobbler today, or if it is next Saturday that they will be ready. I only remember that I was relieved that I will have them back in time to bring them to Dallas. I’ll try to call and confirm.

    Have a great day folks!